Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mama's Dei: Baby Blood

Another holiday comes our way and I have to pay it the proper amount of attention.  As such, I bring you a French film that re-defines the idea of motherhood in a way that nobody ever before considered.  Is it loving your children?  Is it doing what's best for your brood?  Is it the selfless-sacrifice of your body and soul for the ones you love?  Nah.  It's how much you can please an alien parasite that has wandered into your uterus and settled in.  Curious now?  Good.  This is...
Before the actual story begins, we are treated to a bit of pretentious narration from an unseen creature.  Apparently, the thing has lived for a millennium, but has never been born.  Please, don't ask me to explain that.  We get some shots of volcanoes and other Ator stock footage before following our creature to Africa.  Through more P.O.V. footage- including a bit where they had to stick a cameraman in a cage- we learn that the creature is in a French zoo via a leopard's body.  Rather than focusing on that, let's focus on this busty woman's chest.  You see, the delivery guy for the animal eyeballs her through a window before her cruel husband shows up.  He makes her do a stunt with some lions, but that ends badly.  Desperate and horny, she runs across the peeping tom and makes out with him...but the mood is killed by the husband coming around.  Wow, that character came and went for no reason- thanks.  Incidentally, I have to take a moment to talk about our leading lady.  She's really hot...until she opens her mouth.  She has a dental gap that makes David Letterman's look miniscule by comparison.  Oh yeah, the alien parasite escapes the leopard's body by exploding it (off-camera, sadly), crawling around and entering the woman's lady smith black mambazo.
Our heroine takes all this in stride and tries to live with this new change.  Nah, I'm just kidding.  She leaves the circus, but is followed by her man.  The parasite in her belly can talk to her and forces her to kill the man and drink his blood.  The creature controls her by causing vague physical pain to her from inside her body.  We cut to two months later and find our heroine working in a diner.  A perverted-looking guy- who bears a striking resemblance to Heath Ledger- gets eyes for her, all the while stringing along a woman who works there.  Eventually, she goes to dinner with him and has sex with him.  Ew.  The woman goes to track him down at his apartment, while the parasite berates our heroine for smoking and drinking.  The man shows up and talks about future plans with the woman, including having children.  Naturally, she freaks out and stabs him to death.  When the woman shows up, our heroine breaks the light, locks her in the room with the corpse and books it out of there.  That night, she seems to give birth at a train yard, but the creature seems to be fully-formed and its arms pop out of her chest.  Oh wait- that was just a dream.  Thanks for the f/x shot though, movie.
Cutting to the woman at six months pregnant...of sorts with the thing.  She has become a cab driver...somehow.  I'm sure someone in her physical and metal state is highly-reliable.  This is all just a set-up to her picking up one guy, running down another and killing him.  That guy tries to run, but gets hit by a bus...after standing there and yelling for thirty seconds- douche.  Another time jump takes us forward another two months and finds her in pretty dire straits.  She really, really wants the baby out, but is not having much luck.  She ends up being picked up by a truck driver and ends up at a diner.  She gives birth to the thing in the back of a car and it's...a normal-looking kid.  You all as disappointed as I am?  She goes inside for a bit, since her matronly instinct is very fleeting.  Never mind that giving birth to the thing killed you and the creature actually restarted your heart for you!  While there, the creature escapes from it's human skin layer and gets on a bus full of soccer players.  Following the slime trail, she gets on there as well and searches for the creature.  The men wake up and try to have sex with her, which the driver has no problems with.  His deviance is thrown off by the parasite latching onto his face and...doing something.  She tries to stop it, but the bus ends up crashing & exploding.  One P.O.V. shot of the monster crawling towards the beach later and the film ends.
This movie is really not good, but what should you expect?  It's a low-budget, French horror film about a parasite living in a woman's womb.  Did you think that it would be?  The movie is just plain odd, featuring some random, bloody murder for no good reason.  The acting is...well, bad.  The story is just ridiculous and figures that it can substitute time jumps for story development.  Is it a lazy way to just get to the stuff they want?  Yes.  One is feasible, but three?!?  The whole thing is a build-up to the arrival of the alien monster in our world.  What do we get?  It comes out as a normal baby, but later turns into one of those face-hugger things from Aliens.  When you're dealing with a story like this, let's be honest: nothing they could show you would live up to what you thought would come out of it.  Hell, the reveal almost never works in good films!  This film would have been smarter to just end with the thing coming out and the film not showing us.  Instead, it just sort of meanders to an awkward finish to an already awkward film.  Unless you're very weird (guilty), you can skip this one safely.
Up next, I celebrate 700 posts with an Asylum knock-off of a shit movie to begin with.  What have I done to deserve this?!?  Stay tuned...


  1. I must decent.. Dissent? I have a dissenting opinion? Anyways, I think this flick is awesome and the production is much better than the subject matter deserves, but this is one of my fav guilty pleasure gore movies!

  2. My judgment was based on it's quality as an actually-good movie. As a guilty pleasure, it definitely has to rank up there.

    The same things that make it suck as legitimate theater play right into guilty pleasure territory. I apologize if I did not get that point across.

  3. Buh? This movie is a gore classic. But then, I'm very weird.