Forgotten Sequels: King Kong Lives (1986)

 After 10 years, is there any reason to go back to the Ape?  This is King Kong Lives, a 1986 Sequel to the infamous Dino De Laurentis Remake.  Why did it take so long?  I don't know.  The idea of doing a second King Kong Film has always been a tricky one.  We got one with Son of Kong in the same year as the classic original Film and it's...odd.  The poor little guy shows up way too late, acts goofy and then dies.  The next time we got one, it was King Kong Escapes, the follow-up to King Kong vs. Godzilla by Toho.  It features a Doctor Who- a mad Scientist- and a robot Kong!  What do we get this time?  Kong has survived the bullet wounds and massive fall.  10 years later, he's back when a lady Kong- not called Queen Kong due to that already being taken.  If you want returning Leads, well, screw you!  Instead, we get Linda Hamilton between Terminator Films and recurring TV Actor Brian Kerwin.  We get the Director of such Classics as Shaft in Africa, Sheena (Queen of the Jungle) and...the last King Kong Film.  This time, they didn't heavily-promote a giant, 'life-sized' Kong robot that didn't work.  Nope- it's just a bloke in a suit.  To find out why you may not care to remember this, read on...

So I lied a bit earlier.

The original Film's Cast does appear...in reused footage from the 1976 Film to recap it.
I bet they didn't pay them for this...

10 years later, Kong is alive...somehow.  It's important to note what won't kill him at this point for later.

For some reason, they were keeping him alive for all of this time.  I guess Science.

In Borneo, a man finds another Kong, only it is a Lady Kong.  He captures it with relative ease.

As for why it is not Skull Island, there's a throwaway line about them being 'adjacent' or something.

In America, the Scientists pay him for the Lady Kong, since they need a blood transfusion to do the operation.

Fun Fact: the Actor in the middle got a residual check of, no joke, 13 cents for this Film.  He stuck it to his copy of the Poster on the wall.

They do the transplant with minimal drama and now have to decide how to handle 2 Kongs.

They keep one in a Facility a mile away until a full habitat is built.  So, I guess Wyoming?

Naturally, King Kong escapes after some vague amount of time, attacks the Facility and rescues his Lady (Kong).

'It sure was easier carrying the last girl,' Kong must think!

Linda Hamilton and the Hunter team up to try and keep the Kongs safe from the Military.

While there, they hook up.

Unfortunately, the Military finds them all, gasses Lady Kong and takes her.  Said gas is strong enough to knock out a 50-foot Ape but, as people point out, it seems to not affect the Soldiers!

Kong escapes via a river and regains his strength- stopping to kill some rednecks along the way.

He somehow surprise-attacks the Base and rescues Lady Kong, but at what cost?

Lady Kong gives birth in a Barn during the final battle and a baby is born.

Kong dies, but his family lives on...to thankfully not make another Sequel.  The End.

A pretty silly and faux-serious Film.  The Film seems to have high ambitions.  It wants you to feel for the Kongs.  It wants you to hope for them to succeed.  Oddly, it wants you to hate the Military, at least in this Story's context.  I guess I'm just too used to Michael Bay's Recruitment/Transformer Films.  One can make some parallels between this Film's bad guy General and the one played by Samuel L. Jackson in Skull Island.  Jackson is better and feels more 'unwound' in that one, but it is still a comparison all the same.  The big problem here is the Effects.  While the Kong suits look fine, they never make you believe that you're watching anything other than 2 people in Suits.  Hell, the top-billed Actors in the Credits are the people in said Suits!  It should be noted that Lady Kong's facial work is a bit...iffy at times (see above).  Carlo Rambaldi is back doing the Suit Work here and it's not bad...but also not great.  All of the shots that are supposed to imply scale rarely work.  I'm never 'drawn in' by the Effects.  There are also some silly ones, like the bit I'm highlighting below.  In it, Kong is shown eating Alligators, but the one time we see one properly in his hand, it is clearly a baby Alligator.  Oy vey!  If the Effects work, this could be a decent Film.  As it is, it is a Film that is treated 100% seriously and tries...but fails.  It was nominated for Worst Effects in the Razzies, but only in that Category.  That kind of says it all- bad Effects sink this one.

Next time, another '80s Film with a weird combination of Genres in play.  Will an older Space Mummy Film be more fulfilling?  Stay tuned...

Pilot Wings: Ed Wood's Portraits of Terror- The Final Curtain

 Admittedly it is too late for me promoting this Pilot to do much good.  It's Director and Stars have all been dead for at least 3-4 Decades by now.

Even so, it is interesting to talk about this once-lost piece of TV and Film History.

Ed Wood tried to make a TV Show.  That's just a fun and silly sentence, no?

Life got in the way of him quite a bit and this is no different.  His only real Star- Bela Lugosi- died while allegedly reading this Script.

Obviously, the combination of age and drug use killed him, not the bad writing.  With a new Lead, Ed soldiered on to make...

You immediately know that this is an Ed Wood project.

First, he credits himself like 6 times on one page and THEN on another.

Second, who else writes such scintillating words like this?

***

After all of that build-up, what do we get?  It's...

Duke Moore (someone with only Ed Wood Credits) looking concerned, confused and sometimes scared in an empty Theater.  This one was shot without sound (since that was expensive).

All we hear is the late-great Dudley Manlove delivering Wood's hilariously-faux-classical dialog like a madman.

That's basically it- save for Stock Music and Sound Effects- for a good fifteen minutes until he goes upstairs, fondles an obviously-alive mannequin (played by an Actress who also only has Ed Wood Credits).

She smiles at him.
He leaves.
He finds a coffin and crawls inside.

That's it.  The End.

So that was...something.  The good part first- Dudley Manlove reading Ed Wood Dialog.  The Writing is silly and pretentious.  The delivery by Manlove makes it work in a weird, sort of twisted way for me.  He's not doing this like normal, serious narration.  He's clearly having a blast doing this.  Ed Wood- despite being a perfectionist in many regards- let alot of quality control clearly slip by him.  There's a reason that Plan 9 From Outer Space is studied by Film Students- it is chock full of mistakes and slip-ups.  So when it came to Manlove going full 'Doctor Orpheus' on his faux Poe prose, he either didn't see the humor or didn't care.  He gives you the ONLY bit of joy to be found in here.  Without him, all you have is Duke looking confused or frightened for long stretches of time.  This Pilot has a whole lot of *nothing* to be seen.  He wanders around.  A light goes out.  He wanders around.  He wanders around some more.  This is clearly supposed to be like The Raven or some sort of Lovecraft Tale.  The problem- there's no reason he can't leave.  Not getting into what the Ending is supposed to mean, it just feels like a guy who is standing around in a tuxedo being scared when he could just leave.  Speaking of that Tux. some of this footage is in Night of the Ghouls (from 1959) and he just writes in that the Police Captain was 'going to the Opera, so he was wearing a Tux' to cover this.  Is it good?  No.  Can it be funny with the right audience?  Maybe.  Like Ed Wood's sad, later days where he literally made Porn Films, it is still an interesting part of Film History to see this make the light of day.  Thanks, fellas.

If you're a die-hard Ed Wood fan, there's some fun to be had.  If you're looking for something truly funny, however, skip this and go for stuff like Plan 9.

Italian '80s Trash: Shocking Dark (aka Terminator 2) (1989)

 I'm not entirely sure what is shocking about this.  This is Shocking Dark, an infamous 1989 Film from Bruno Mattei.  If America made a Hit Film, he could make a knock-off.  He made Great White when Jaws was a hit.  He made Robowar when Predator was a hit.  He made Strike Commando when Rambo: First Blood, Part 2 was a hit (with the same Lead!).  In this case, he made a double-knock off- a rare treat.  For historical purposes, his Terminator II was the first one to come out.  So are the numbers in the famous Film Franchise wrong?  Of course not!  Besides, what kind of number is Genisys anyhow?  So if you like Deja Vu and James Cameron too, this one is a silly treat.  The Cast is mostly Italian B-Movie Players, although the Lead Actress only has THIS on her Resume.  Ouch.  Of course, the Writer is far more famous- Claudio Fragrasso.  Yes, the man behind the famous Troll 2 is here for Terminator II- naturally.  The Plot involves pollution in Venice, a dark future, dark tunnels and lots of terrible people.  To find out if anything proves to be shocking in the dark, read on...

In the future, Venice is dealing with pollution in its water and a rising Sea Level.  I'm waiting for the Sci-Fi part.

Oh right- some strange creature killing people in the Tunnels.

When there is trouble, they send in the best, the brightest...and the most Racist.

Seriously, they engage in random ethnic slurs to...build conflict?  Our Not Private Vasquez here is the worst culprit of that.

On the plus side, her Actress- Geretta Geretta- was in Demons.

The ragtag group- which also includes a representative of the Tubular Corporation (no joke) and Not Ripley- try to find survivors, but only find this guy who screams so loud it hurts.

If you want an explanation for how he does this, you're watching the wrong Movie.

The creatures turn out to be these...terrifying (?) things.  

I'm sure H.R. Giger is rolling his eyes.

Hell, the guy behind the Humanoids from the Deep costumes is probably doing it too!

The guy from *heh* the Tubular Corporation is holding a big secret as they work through the base.

I mean, it's an Alien (rip-off) Film, so he's probably going to be revealed as a Robot/Android.
Seriously, it's a thing.

If there was still any doubt that this Film about Marines in tight corridors battling alien-looking creatures alongside Not Ripley wasn't based on Aliens, here's the little girl.

80% of her lines- especially by the end- just involve shouting 'Sara!' (aka Not Ripley).  She in-turn shouts 'Samantha!'

They eventually discover that one of the Scientists was making creatures that could copy, adapt to and take over other life forms.

Naturally, it just turns them all into the same silly-looking bastards.  Science!

The Not Aliens prove to be too much for most of the Marines, including the Racist one.  No...stop...don't.

As it turns out, the obvious Robot guy is a Robot.  Oh no!  What a shock.

Now here's were things get really, really odd...

Sara! and Samantha! escape the Facility via...Time Capsules.  Way to set that up, Film!

Of course, the Robot escapes in another and they have to kill him in modern-day Venice.  Now it's Terminator.  The End.

A silly, but fun time.  Is this Film good?  I mean, no.  It is a Bruno Mattei Film that rips off Aliens and The Terminator.  It is about water impurities in Venice that leads to Mutants.  It randomly throws in Time Travel in the 3rd Act.  Its Effects are pretty basic and silly.  So yeah, it's not good.  That said, it is pure fun.  The Acting is pretty bad.  You can probably blame alot of it on the Dubbing.  Even without that caveat, it is pretty bad.  The Special Effects are capable, but cheesy.  The Film- minus the early Character Racism and bickering- is fun.  They keep things moving and getting sillier.  The sudden turn to 'Now this is about a killer Robot' is great too for all of the wrong reasons.  It isn't shocking, other than how this got past the Lawyers.  It is dark though- to hide the cheap effects- so I guess it is what they advertised...

Next time, I look at the oft-forgotten Sequel to a '70s Classic (blunder).  With 10 years to improve, did they even try?  Stay tuned...

Rare Forgotten Sequels: The Stepford Children (1987)

 It brings a whole new meaning to the 'Think of the children!' line, doesn't it?  This is The Stepford Children, a 1987 TV Movie Sequel (maybe) in the Series.  TV Movies were the name of the game here as the previous one- Revenge- was made for TV and the next one- The Stepford Husbands- was as well.  If I can find a decent copy of the latter, I'll talk about it.  For now, let's focus on this Film.  The Plot involves a new family in Stepford- naturally- that sees how odd things are.  However, one of them is a life-long resident and is working against them.  What freaky goal do the Men in Town have?  They've already replaced their wives with Fembots, so what is next?  Of note, the Film proudly features Barbara Eden, which wasn't so much a big get by this point.  It also has another odd Star, but I'll cover that later.  For now, let's see what you don't remember/never saw of this mostly-forgotten 3rd entry in the Series...

A woman- Barbara Eden- is trying to be a Lawyer and also moving to Stepford with her Husband and 2 kids.  I guess she needs to set up her figurative Third Act in the Film's First Act.

Stepford- I guess we're ignoring the last Film where the men were overthrown- is up to some new shenanigans- turning their kids into robots now too!

This guy tricks his Son and terrible hair (see Stinger) out on the Lake to capture him.  I think he's trying to look conflicted here.

The Men are still in charge here and we get some curious continuity with this.  In the meantime, let's retread the original Film.

...in particular, our Wife- Eden- finds a new friend with another recent Town Member that doesn't fit in.

Guess what happens to her.

The Stepford High School is all about achieving- both your goals and conformity.

While our Leads stand out as cliche '80s kids, the rest are more like '50s kids.

On the plus side, they have Dick Butkus as their Football Coach!

As more kids start to change and our Leads question things, Eden begins to learn some secrets about her Husband.  

For instance, his last wife 'died' in 1968 (7 years before Wives), but nobody has the story straight.

The Son's girlfriend is scared of her Dad and flees with him, but nearly dies in a crash.  We jump to the original Ending early as her black-eyed Robot wakes up with him in the Room.

Nobody believes his story about her having 'wires in her,' but does believe that she miraculously was fine the next day?!? 

She's now a vacant Robot and he's really worried.

This is finally enough push for him to investigate things and Eden gets her push when her Daughter comes back as a Stepford kid after 'going shopping with Dad.'

The Film oddly excises a key scene- the son escaping from Dad- and seems to have one out of order- they mention Eden going to a Cemetery before she actually does.

Regardless, she finds out that they are all Robots, but her Daughter's wasn't done and she escapes with the Son and Mom when the Building blows up.

No, not Dick Butkus!!!   The End.

A weird, barely-creative Film.  The idea- expanding the Mythos to include them snotty Teenagers- is solid.  The problem is that so much of this is just so familiar.  We get retreads of all of the major beats.  New Family, opinionated Mom, Friend who doesn't fit in and gets converted, reveal of the Robots- all here.  They have anything new?  Well, yes.  There's a strange bit where they 'make' the Stepford Children try to dance to rock-and-roll and it causes a riot.  There's a recurring thing where they harass the Daughter to get all of the angles/info they need to copy her as a robot.  Hell, there's a brief Motorcycle Chase Scene.  The problem is that we've seen so much of the surrounding stuff that there's very little in the way of the surprises.  The building dread of knowing what is happening only accounts for so much.  Like the original, it seems to run short on time.  In that Film's case, that's just a '70s Film thing.  In this case, it was them trying to get the big pay-off solely in the last Segment- gotta milk those commercial breaks!  The Acting is alright, but so much of this is just meh.  It's a decent Sequel that could have been so much more.  The Culture Clash concept is barely-utilized here and that's a shame.  Speaking of shame, this hair cut that just reminds me of Lanny Luthor...

Next up, I cover a strange Italian oddity courtesy of Amazon Prime.  If you can rip off one Film, why not two?  Stay tuned...

New Streaming: Creepshow- 'By the Silver Water of Lake Champlain'

 As another week is here, I cover the last Segment (until October)

A tale of family, loss and something strange in the water...

A family is dealing with some big changes in 1984...

- The Dad is dead.

- He spent most of their money trying to find a local Sea Monster

- They now live with a new 'Dad' who is abusive

- There's also that giant skeleton hanging around (see above).

The Daughter continues to defend her late Father and has a boyfriend- nicknamed Rambo- who likes her alot.

She goes out for a walk to clear her head and finds something...odd.

'New Dad' finds it too and goes to take the discovery- no SPOILERS- for himself.  

This can't end well.

To find out how it ends, stream the Episode or watch the DVD like me.

More personal and intense than most of these- a neat change of pace.  So many Creepshow Segments rely on some sort of creature/monster to drive the story.  That's *kind* of true here, but with some big differences.  While a creature does anchor the whole thing, it is much more of a tale of family drama, personal loss and trying to exonerate the dead.  Can they prove that Dad was right about the Monster?  Can they get out of this tense family situation?  This one felt more personally-intense for the Characters, which was a nice change.  Taking nothing away from the other 'Creature Feature' Segments, this one feels fresh enough to close out the Season.  Savini does a good job getting solid to great performances out of everyone involved.  The Special Effects look just good enough to be convincing, while not being so slick that they feel artificial.  Make-up and effects are always top notch on this Show though, to be fair.  'Lake Champlain' is different enough that some may not like it as much.  For me, it worked.  It is good to see the Season end on the right foot...

Well, that's it for Creepshow- at least for now.  Time to find some more Horror Anthology goodness (or badness) to check out.  

I have something pretty obscure in mind...

Lost in Translation: Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors (aka Gallery of Horrors)

 A-ha- you thought I was done with you, Movie!

Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors still has some more exhibits for me to go over.

First up, this very misleading Cover courtesy of a German VHS Box...

...wait a minute.

Segments included tales of hidden crypts, revived scientists, Dracula, an evil (?) clock and reviving the dead.

There's nothing about a Painting!

Is it too early to be inspired by Night Gallery?  Probably.

Regardless, it's good...but not representative of the Film- at all.

Here's the original...

No need to tweak it much.  Whichever version you prefer, its still a lie.

'70s Class: The Stepford Wives (1975)

 It has only been 4 years since I did the first Sequel, so I might as well get to this.  This is The Stepford Wives, the 1975 Classic.  The reason for me doing this Film is a weird one.  At a Thrift Store, I found a clearly-handmade DVD.  It was in a blank, white sleeve with a Title written in red marker: The Stepfard Wives.  No, really.  It was written on the spine AND the front- just for perpetuity.  I kind of regret not buying it, though I'm 99.9% sure that it is still where I left it.  As it happens, this was in Queue on Tubi anyhow, so it was the kick I needed to finally cover it. 

 If you aren't familiar with the original, you may remember the 2004 Remake.  If you don't, well, enjoy the mystery!  The Plot involves a family moving to a new Town- Stepford- and things getting a little weird.  The Wife notices that the women all act like Donna Reid and that's just not natural.  

Will she solve the mystery?  

Will anyone that reads the Tags be slightly-SPOILed (for a Film that is 45 years old)?  

To find out the answers and more, read on...

A woman- Joanna- moves to Stepford from NYC with her Husband and two kids.

It all seems nice and perfect.  Too perfect?

Bored with the banality of the area, she finds a friend who is another recent Homeowner and the pair become kindred spirits.

They can see how weird things are...and they are only beginning.

The pair try to organize a Women's Liberation Group in the Town, but find that most of the Women aren't naturally-expressive and talk like they are in The Truman Show.

Say what you will about them, but look how organized those Towels are!!!

Trouble comes as her Husband joins the Men's Club that seems to run the Town and it's just another example of him deciding things without asking her.

On the plus side, that one member sketched a very detailed drawing of her face and eyes...

At a Party, Ms. Van Sant starts to act strange, repeating two lines to anyone she walks up to.

This comes after a light rear end accident in her car gave her 'strange headaches' and she was driven to a Hospital...in the opposite direction of the Stepford one.

After a few failed attempts to decipher what is going on, Joanna watches her friend's kids while she goes on a mini-Vacation with her Husband.

When she comes back, she is dumber, does Chores, dressed like the 1950s and has bigger breasts.  I'm sure that there's someone who sees this Film not as a Horror one and this is probably why.

She's given a chance to flee, but chooses to go back for her kids.  Bad call.

She finds out that her friend has been replaced by a Robot and flees to find her kids.

She is eventually chased to a replica of her Bedroom and confronted by her double, only with bigger breasts and eyes freakier than Meg Foster's.

In the aftermath, she is shown shopping with the other Stepford Wives, complete with dress you'd wear to the Kentucky Derby and vacant (but now matching) eyes.  The End.

A classic of the 70's for all of the right and wrong reasons.  First, all of the good stuff.  The look of the Film is great.  It was made to be 'A Thriller in broad daylight' and it definitely works as such.  You see what looks like a nice, quiet community,  but there are clearly people working behind the scenes.  The men in Town are in on a secret that you don't find out until later.  Looking at it now, the twist is pretty famous, so I can only imagine what real surprise was like for 70's Viewers.  Were you one?  Let me know.  The effects for the Robots are very subtle and, well, mostly non-existent.  There's no interesting reveal, like pulling the face-plate off in Westworld.  The most you get is a very well-hidden shot of Bobbie (sorry, Bob) being stabbed and nothing coming out.  Shouldn't there be like oil or some sort of fluid?  No?  Alright, I'm no Robot Doctor.  

To be fair, this is supposed to be a big secret, so no obvious signs of 'hey, she's a robot' should be appearing if they do a good job.  I do also like the not-at-all subtle subtext of the Robots having bigger breasts.  Is this commentary?  Nah!  The only bad stuff here really comes down to the Pacing.  It's a 70's Film- they were never in any rush.  Parts in the middle seem to drag a bit as she looks into what is happening with the women.  There's also stuff with just no follow-up, like the Hydrologist who apparently dated our Lead before she got married and had kids.  I was waiting for him to show up and maybe get killed by a Fembot (to be an Almost Hero) to save our Lead.  Nope.  

I should also mention my biggest issue with the whole concept- the kids.  The kids don't recognize that their Moms are now Robots?  One of our Leads' kids was a young Mary Stuart Masterson- no joke- so she would pick things up.  It's got to be a Plot Hole, no? 

 Regardless, the Film is a true Classic and worthy of all the praise.  I guess it is yet another Fiction vs. Fiction that I need to cover now, isn't it?

Next up, we complete the Trilogy with the final Film made...7 years after the last one.  I guess the Town wasn't going anywhere.  Stay tuned...