2025 Update: Jurassic World Rebirth (2025)

 I pay for Peacock to keep watching old Wrestling Shows.
Seeing Blockbusters first run on Streaming is just a bonus.

This is...

In the Cold Open, we see that a Lab was running in 2008 that was making mutant Dinosaurs...because reasons.

It ends poorly...and will eventually matter in Act 3.

A bunch of folks go to an Island near Central America to get some Dinosaur DNA.

As it turns out, the Dinos are dying off in the Years since Dominion, but their blood can be used to cure Heart Disease.
Sure- why not?!?

Leading the expedition is Scarlet Johansen as a Mercenary in it for the money.

The trip to the Island- as you can see above- goes bad and now they are stranded.

She has to work with an old Colleague, the rich guy funding it and People's Sexiest Man Alive 2025.

He's the Dino Expert who is more than happy to finally see and interact with the real thing.

Of course, this Film can't agree that Dinosaurs are majestic creatures or things to be feared.

As they work together, do they form a connection?
Will they actually give this research to the public?

Will they live to do so?
To find out, stream it now.

A fun, if uneven Film experience.

Rebirth is a Film of two parts- in many, many ways.

For one thing, the Plot is split to follow two different groups- our Heroes and a family (that I didn't even mention!).
Both end up on the Island, turning the Film almost into a series of Vignettes in Act 2.

The Film is also split on what exactly the Dinosaurs really are.
Sometimes they are beautiful creatures that we should feel pity for when they can't survive in our World.
Other times they are dangerous killing machines that must be stopped at all cost!

Nope did this balance far better.  Sorry.

Complaints aside, the Film looks great.  The Film is vibrant and the VFX are amazing.
On top of that, the Set Pieces usually deliver in a big way.

At its worst, Dominion nailed this well.  This one just has more of them.

Ultimately, the Film can be a bit disconnected, but you'll likely love all of the big moments.  When they work, they work.

A Film that is a bit disjointed and can't quite nail a tone.  That said, it is a popcorn flick with great effects and enough hear to be more than it seems.

Tubi Thursday: Sisu (2022)

 Is this the glorious Grindhouse Action Thriller that I was promised?

Let's find out (just in time for a Sequel I'm just now learning about) ...

Sisu is apparently a Finnish word for 'deep, uncontrollable rage.'

So how does it relate to this poor Gold Miner just waiting for WWII to end in 1944?

Well, after striking it rich, he goes back home.

Along the way, he's hassled by a bunch of Nazis who plan to rob him.

It ends...poorly for them.

The other group he passed on the way double back and now he's got lots of enemies, including ones with a tank!

In spite of their best efforts, they can't seem to kill him.

Just like, in spite of everyone's best efforts, it's hard not to get a little bit of Fury Road into your Action Films in the last Decade.

Can they take him down?
Is one man enough to survive a small Platoon of history's greatest henchmen?

To find out, stream it now.

A Film that just plain works.

It's a simple tale.  Man meets Nazis.  Man kills Nazis.

What more do you need?

Our Hero is built up nicely, with you seeing that there is clearly more going on with him before the action starts.
He turns out to be as creative as he is unwilling to die.  He doesn't overpower his foes with ease.

The Film is full of visceral gore and violence.  If you heard anything about how violent this can be, they didn't warn you enough.

If you're willing to embrace the whole experience- the mud, the vengeance and the gore-, the Film works very well.

I had legit forgot about this one after its original release and my desire to see it was renewed when I saw it on here.
I'm glad that I did.

Take us out, Japan and, as always, a kick ass cover.

A bloody good time, provided you give it time to build.  It's a mix of John Wick and Rambo in Finland which hits just right.

Compendium: EVERY Children of the Corn Film!

 I spent a brief time long ago going through most of these Films.  I eventually found out that I had to do more to complete the Set.

They. Just. Kept. Making. Them!

With this last Review, I'm 99.999998% sure that I've done them all.
If they do more, I guess I'll just have to harvest an Update for this.

Let's start at the VERY beginning...

1) Disciples of the Crow- This is the from King's Dollar Baby Series.  He'd charge you a dollar and you could adapt a Story.

This one was collected in The Night Shift Collection- Volume 2.

2) Children of the Corn (1984)- This Title is sadly shared at least 2x in the Series.  This is the OG version- aka the one Kind didn't like.

3) Children of the Corn II- The Final Sacrifice- Yep, we've hit the word 'Final' in just Part 2.  Yikes.

This one is often found bundled in DVDs with the Original and retcons random parts of the story.

4) Children of the Corn III- Urban Harvest- A rare instance of where the word 'Urban' in a Horror Film Title doesn't just mean Black.

In this tale, 2 Brothers from Gatlin are adopted and move to Chicago.  A random Oscar Winner Cameo occurs too.

5. Children of the Corn- The Gathering- A new Dimension (Films) takes over here.  This is one of those 'Yes, Famous Person X was in this before they got big' Films.

Is there more to it though?

6. Children of the Corn V- Fields of Terror- The fun and silly one.

It is famous for featuring Genre Legends like David Carradine and newcomers like Eva Mendez...but that's about it.

7. Children of the Corn 666- Isaac's Return- When in doubt, bring a Legacy Character back.  This was a thing even back in 1999.

Does bringing him back make a good Movie?

8. Children of the Corn- Revelations- A Film that I was clearly just about over with from the getgo.

Regardless, I did watch and explain it all.

9. Children of the Corn (2009)- The Remake made to please Stephen King.  Well, another one made for that reason.

He's allowed to have his opinions, but did we need this?

10. Children of the Corn- Genesis- The Dimension EXTREME(!!!) line gave us many Sequels to keep the rights.

This is another one- now with even less corn!

11. Children of the Corn- Runaway- I legit forgot that this existed until I saw it listed on Tubi.

As such, the Director of Feast got a shot in 2018 and it sure...is a thing.

12. Children of the Corn (2020)- Barely a Decade after the last Remake, we have another?!?

This one is a completely new thing- for better or worse.

Me after doing the first 7 in about a week.

According to Wikipedia, that does it.

Watch someone do another Remake next week now!

Bonus Doc: Terror in the Aisles- The TV Cut

 What happens when a Film that once existed solely as a Special Feature gets its own?

Well, for some backstory, the 1984 Documentary I covered recently was first rediscovered and put on the Blu-Ray release of Halloween II.

It's also the version that cut Mustapha Akkad's credit, so nothing is perfect.

In 2020, Terror got its own release and that came with Special Features of its own.

Besides the usual- Interviews with people involved- they also included the TV Cut of the Film.

How different is it?
Let's find out...

For starters, they didn't go through this version of the Film and restore it.

So, I put this shot from the previous Review in for comparison.
Do you miss the crisp HD look at Pleasence talking directly at you through the screen?

The main difference here is that they use a whole bunch of DIFFERENT Films for Clips and references.

It is not a full replace, but you get to see stuff that features less (or no) blood and no Nudity.

As such, let's put a Film in that was super recent at the time- Firestarter.

Remember in that last bit I talked about how they used different Films due to content.

Well, I should also point out that they include THE ENTIRE Dream Sequence from An American Werewolf in London.

The shooting, the stabbing and all of the nightmare fuel of it!

Credit to the Editors in some regards though.

The part where they talk about Nudity is obviously different for the TV Cut.

That involves selective cutting, like going right to the lady diving into the Ocean in Jaws, rather than letting you see the back of her for a few seconds.

This Version also features A TON of Universal content here too.

We get the Metalluna Mutant, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, the giant Mantis and the Film that inspired the fear of all cat owners.

The Incredible Shrinking Man.

The TV Cut also features footage from a Film I somehow haven't seen (or completely forgot that I have)- The Funhouse.

Remember, this was put in there to make it safe to run on TV in the '80s.

What even were the standards.

Lastly, I should mention that stuff you wouldn't even think of for a Film called Terror in the Aisles is in this Cut.

For example, the Book Collecting/Burning Scene from Fahrenheit 451.

At least they accidentally included something that has inspired real fright in the last couple of years.

All in all, the TV Cut is fine...but maybe bother restoring that one too, folks?
Just a suggestion.

Shudder Day: Children of the Corn (2020)

 Why let a Global Pandemic stop you from making yet another Remake?

This is the 2nd Remake of Children of the Corn, which was shot in 2020.
It was technically released in 2023, which makes that even more pointless.

A strange kid walks out of a Cornfield and talks to his Sister.

After that, he kills the Adults in the House.

A bit later, a hostage situation involving the armed kid ends with the adults pumping in a gas used to knock out cattle.

All of the kids die.

The girl outside (Eden) is a bit radicalized goes a bit crazy.

The corn in the Town is dying.
The Adults plan to take a Government subsidy to make up for the loss.

The kids in Town- especially Eden- are upset about not being heard and/or being ignored.

Eden leads a revolt- a bloody one!

Off-screen, she managed to capture all of the Adults and kills a few as well.

Our good Lead- Boleyn- tries to make peace, but the kids keep up the killing.

Can Eden be stopped before all of the Adults are killed?
Is she full-on crazy?

Or is she too far gone?

Once you spill blood, it's hard to stop...or so I hear, if any Police might be reading this.

To find out what happens, stream it now.

The Film has moments.  There is some good Drama here.

I wanted to like it.

My complaint about later Corn Films is that they don't feel like they belong.  Whether they didn't have corn or didn't have killer kids, something was off.

This has both.

I just wish that this was better.

Our new villain Eden is good.  I don't necessarily know how deadly she would be, but I liked her in the role.

Boleyn here isn't bad, but I just didn't buy into how she stood there so long and let things happen.

The biggest thing is that they just gloss over key details- like how they captured all of the Adults- and then kind of disappointed with the reveal involving He Who Walks (Not Behind the Rows in this one).

This feels closer to the Book in a good way, but still isn't as good as it could be.
This German Title, however, is fun.

A Film that is both true to the premise...and also not.  I want to give points for effort, but the results are only so-so.

Holiday Flix: Hack-O-Lantern (1998)

 Today make sure to carve a pumpkin, not a person!

This is Hack-O-Lantern, a 1988 Film that keeps my streak of not watching Trick 'r Treat going.
Sorry, Film- maybe one day.

It comes to us from Jag Mundra, the Director of, well, nothing else I've ever seen.  Given the quality of this Film, that may not change anytime soon.

The Plot involves a family, a creepy grandpa and a dark ritual.  It's set on two different Halloweens, so it still works today.

Will evil win this day?
Will our Hero resist temptation?
Will the Plot stop for five minutes to let a random Stand-Up Comic try out his 'tight five?'

To find out, read on...

In, um, 1975...maybe, a blond kid is given a pumpkin and a strange gift from his Grandpa.

He cuts his hand during the carving later and the Mom smashes it.

The Dad is upset about Grandpa still visiting.

He goes out to his House on Halloween Night (not that one) and it turns out that he was having a ceremony with his Satanic Cult.

Whoops.

He's killed and we see that the Grandson was given a satanic amulet.

One transition later and now he's an Adult who poses like Jeff Goldblum.

We get to see the now grown up family- two sons and a daughter- and their random, dead meat friends.

Grandpa wants the Grandson to do a big ritual that night to fully join the Cult.

In the meantime, a masked guy is killing the dead meat.

The other Son is a friendly Cop.

He meets with the Mom- who has aged well!- and tries to get his big Brother to change.

Silver Spoons here fails.

Skipping ahead past the random Rock Video and Halloween Party filler, the Grandpa gets the chosen one for the Ceremony, but it is interrupted by the Sister.

Her Boyfriend was killed by- she assumes- the Brother and calls him out.

Grandpa tries to sacrifice her, but the Brother frees her...and that's his Arc over.

She calls the Cops to the Barn from the ritual, but it is empty now.

The Cult- or at least one of them- is now at the Party and kills a few people, including her best friend.

At this point, we get to the big twist when the killer in the mask arrives and Grandpa confronts them!

The masked Cultist kills Grandpa, who sets up the Sequel Bait.

Said killer was wounded and wanders to the tombstone of the Dad and it's...Mom?!?

'What a Twist!'

In the aftermath, we see that the Sheriff's Deputy Son was corrupted by Grandpa's touch on the forehead and now he's the new Leader.

Dun dun dun!

Oh right- no Sequel (and the Director died 14 years ago).

A pretty underwhelming Film, especially for a Halloween Film.

To be fair, it does feature a Party, many people in costume and pumpkins.
It's not a cheat to call this a Halloween Film, but does it fit the spirit?

The Plot is both too rushed and too slow.
They clearly didn't have enough Plot for the full 80 minutes, so it just stops for the Party Scenes, the Rock Video and that random Comic.

What you actually get is really melodramatic, not too well acted and also with a hint of incest.  
First Elves did it for Christmas and now YOU did it for Halloween!

There is some fun to be had here- intentional and unintentionally- but I'd recommend most other Halloween Films over this.

That said, what the hell is going on with this background picture?!?

Have a Happy Halloween.  Try to avoid any Cults if you can- unless they offer seasonal cocktails, of course!

Tubi Thursday: Lady in White (1988)

 A small-town mystery by way of The Wonder Years.

This is a Film I've been putting off until it was seasonal, so let's float on in...

Frankie is a small-town boy in a small town.

He is happily celebrating the last day at School before Halloween when...

Bleh.

He's locked in the Coat Room by 2 bullies.

While there, a masked man wanders in the room looking for someone.

When spotted, he puts his mask on, but is nearly choked to death.

As he slips in and out of life, he sees a little girl ghost and other strange visions.

What is going on?

Well, he was nearly the next victim in a devastating trend of children killed mysteriously.

This is 1961, so you know who they blame for the killing.

No, it's not the white guy and some mockingbirds were harmed in the making of this metaphor.

Is this related to the mysterious Lady in White? 
Given the Title, I would hope so!

Frank finds some evidence in the Cloak Room and now he needs to save the day.

Here's hoping that Not Karen Allen here isn't out to get him.

To find out what happens, stream it now.

If you mixed a Ghost Story with A Christmas Story, this is basically it.

There must have been lots of people really yearning to tell tales of their youth in the 80s, what with this, A Christmas Story and The Wonder Years (to name a few).

This one is all about making things feel real, authentic and lived in.  You get to know Frank's family and their quirks.  It's not about them, but you can easily define them in a description.

The Film lives and dies by its Special Effects.

The early stuff with the Ghosts looks really good, especially when the invisible man (as Frank doesn't know who it is) carries her.

Sadly, the final Special Effects tend to really lean on the digitally added backgrounds and the seams are pretty obvious.  
They aren't terrible, but they are very noticeable.

If you're willing to just get into the Story and Characters, the Film will really hook you.
It's not the best Halloween Film though- don't let me get carried away...

A solid, if underappreciated Ghost Story from the '80s.  Just know that the big moments are spaced out and the Film is lengthy.