Friday, October 20, 2017

Pilot Wings: American Horror Story- Murder House

Anyone and everyone can Review the newest Episodes of FX's AHS.  It takes a weirdo like me to go back to the very beginning...
In a Cold Open, two Twins- Horror Cliché #527- smash up a House, but are then seemingly-killed by someone or something.
In the Present, the same House is now bought by this Family.  They look so happy.
Looks can be deceiving.

He cheated on her, she has control issues and the Daughter is acting out for attention.  America!
In addition, he has a Patient with some dark, Columbine-esque fantasies.  On the plus side, he's already set to front a metal band!
With a weird lady- Jessica Lange-, a weird girl, weird visions and overall just plain weird shit going on, what will become this family?

Well, watch it on Netflix like I did to see.
An interesting start to something that became pretty damn huge.  Who would have thought that a Horror TV Show by the guy behind Glee would become so big?  The Show has some interesting, if random beginnings here.  This Episode is a real mish-mash of Themes and Motifs.  You get creepy twins, a strange girl, a man seeing visions of an age-changing Maid, a burned up man (see below) and a hint that some ghost stuff is going on.  At this point, it doesn't seem to have quite nailed down what it wants to be.  Is it about Ghosts?  Is it about crazy people?  Is it something more?  To be fair, this is the Pilot/1st Episode, so they have/had time to work it all out.  It could get more clear and focused as it goes on.  Just going by the Pilot, however, it is more of a 'throw everything at the wall and see what sticks' kind of thing.  That's not bad, mind you, just uninspired.  Clearly it is too late to make people not watch the Show- not that I am.  I was just hoping something mind-blowing here.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll check out the later Pilots/First Episodes to see how things turned out.  In the meantime, I just need to remind you again- don't wash your clothes with gasoline.  He did and didn't end well.
A good, but awfully-random start to a TV Phenomenon.  I'm sure that it narrows a bit in focus as it goes on...but man is this one just kind of odd.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

New Flix: It Comes at Night (2017)

At last, the Indy Film that seemed to polarize everyone that saw it.  Which side will I be on?
In a dark semi-future (time is never given), some sort of vague, viral threat has wiped out most of humanity.

The Film follows a four- quickly three- person family trying to survive in an admittedly-nice Cabin in the Woods.
There is only one Entrance or Exit- this red door.

When someone comes knock knock knocking at their red door, will trouble ensue.
The family incapacitates the intruder and fortifies even more.  What will he have to say?
It turns out that he has his own family- a wife and son- and they agree to let them stay.
As vague, unseen forces cause trouble outside, tensions rise.  Are the new people up to something?
What will happen in this confined space?  Who will live?  Who will die?

To find out, watch the Film.
Good, but dark as hell!  This one is really, really bleak.  It is really depressing.  To be fair, they begin with the assisted suicide of an infected family member.  The premise is that these people are hiding out in the Woods alone, paranoid as hell.  It is not like this sounded like a Comedy!  Even so, it is darker and bleaker than you might expect.  Another problem is that the Film was really sold as a Horror Film, when it is much more of a Thriller/Drama.  There are no Vampires, Zombies or anything like that.  This is just people facing dark times and adjusting to them.  The Title and Marketing sure were misleading!  Putting that aside, the Film is well-shot, well-acted and feels gritty.  In the end, it is a dark, well-meaning Film that is just not the Film it was marketed as.  While it won't kill you, it sure will wreck you emotionally if you aren't careful!
Not a bad Film, but a slow-burn of one that is a bit too dark.  Can't you give us *a little* hope in your hopeless World?

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Creepy Rigatoni: Channel Zero, Candle Cove- The Finale

At long last, the Series ends.  Before you go back to the No-End House, how will this conclude?
Mike is confronted by his evil ghost brother.  He's given an ultimatum.
Will he pay the ultimate price to save his Daughter?  Would you ever walk up to this thing?!?
While that is going on, the new Sheriff, the old one and Mike's Mother all try to stop things in the real world.
Can he save his Daughter from a magical world full of freaky monsters?
Will evil win the day?  It is a Creepypasta Story, so all bets are off.

To find out what happens, watch the Show already.
Dark, creepy stuff.  The final Episode doesn't hold back.  You get creepy kids, weird mutant people, a dark world and some dark stuff that is entirely-human.  This one continues the trend well, building up to some big things.  It also is nice to see that they haven't run out of tricks, as they don't resort to the 'kids kill people' thing like a crutch in this Episode.  Creepypasta is still a silly 'Medium,' but they make the most out of it here.  They put a solid, coherent Story behind what is essentially an updated form of that game Telephone (where kids pass information from one person to the next, changing it a little each time).   As a Show, they just made it more solid, while keeping the sort of random nature of it all.  Make sense?  In any event, the Finale pays off big time and wraps things up nicely.  Go check it out.  It also reminds me that I need to do more Black Mirror in November...
Next time, I move on to the new Show that is currently running.  Haunted Houses can be scary?  See you then...

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Legitimately-Cool Cover Art: Demons (1985)

It is no secret that I like Demons.

It is a Classic '80s Horror Film that can't be matched.

While this segment normally features Posters/Box Art too cool for the Film, this just cool and the Movie is too.  Enjoy...
While not to be taken literally (as there is no giant Demon hand), it is quite great.

How can you not want to see the Film now?

Monday, October 16, 2017

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Demonwarp (1987)

Demonwarp is a weird and dumb Film.

Even so, it got me some laughs and another one of these...

In the Film, a Bigfoot is killing people in the Woods (for silly reasons).  This guy is just hiking.
He sees the creature attack two women- more Poor Bastards?- and runs for his life.
The creature catches him and tortures him with a bear trap before slowly killing him with a spike through the abdomen!
So here's the thing: this Creature's goal is to create Slaves for his Alien Overlord and/or sacrifice them for body parts.

He just kills this guy.  For no reason.  At all.

The lesson: don't go Hiking.  You'll either be killed by a Bigfoot or lose an arm.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Halloween Horror Movie Madness Summary- Week 2

Week 2
1) Halloween Wars- Zombie Wedding (1 point)
2) Channel Zero- Candle Cove: Part 5 (3 points).  Child Antagonists.  2016 Release.
3) The Haunted Palace (3 Points).  Dark Dungeon.
4) Friday the 13th: The Series- The Doorway to Hell (1 point).
5) Ghosted- Bee-Mo. (3 Points).  Kid Antagonist.  Transformation via bite.  New Episode.
6) Raw (6 Points).  2017 Film- ATB.
7) The Flash- Cause and Effect (3 Points).  2017 Episode- ATB.
8) The Cleveland Show- Nightmare on Grace Street.  (.5 Points).
9) Humanoids from the Deep (1980) (3 Points).  Underwater Cave Scene.
10) It Comes At Night (6 Points).  2017 release- ATB.
11) Psychotronic Man (2 Points).
12) Demons (1985) (5 Points).  Mutation via scratch + Eye Gouge + Dark Tunnel Scene.
13) Rick & Morty- The Rickshank Redemption (3 points).  2017 Episode- ATB
14) The Orville-  (3 Points).  2017 Episode- ATB.
15) Robot Chicken- Two Weeks Without Food/Squaw Bury Shortcake (.5 points)
16) Blade Runner 2049 (6 Points).  2017 Film in Theaters- ATB.
17) The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (2 points).

Total: 51 Points

***Temporary Post for Scoring Purposes***

Saturday, October 14, 2017

New Flix: Raw (2017)

Are you a Vegetarian?  If not, then you might be one after watching this French Thriller...
A young woman has enrolled in Veterinarian School, which is apparently into hazing.  That or they just love Carrie.
As part of the initiation, she must eat a piece of rabbit kidney.  The problem: she's been born and raised as a Vegetarian.
She comes down with a rash and starts to feel strange.  At least there aren't any side-effects...
When a chance to eat something more than animal meat comes to her, will our Heroine do it?
Why is her Sister not exactly a lot of help with the problem?
Will she succumb to her desire to eat others?  Will she lose her humanity?

To find out, watch the Film.
A slow-cooked tray of meat.  Raw is not a conventional Horror Film.  It spends a long time building up the Character and her environment.  You don't get the big pay-off for a while.  Fortunately, the Acting and Writing make it all feel pretty natural.  Having never been a young woman in a Fraternity at a French Veterinarian School, I can't attest to how accurate things are per se.  They feel real, so that is what counts.  The Film is never that showy or flashy, choosing to just let thing simmer.  When things start to happen, they are done quite well.  What could be cheap and gory for gore's sake is actually- again- quite real and gross for story's sake.  It all works.  That said, the Film is quite slow and won't please people looking for stuff like Jump Scares or the like.  It is almost a modern Carrie.  Raw is not a perfect Film, but it can absolutely wreck you if you are in the right mood...
A slow-burn of a Film.  If you're willing to put in the time, it is mostly worth the wait.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Top 13 Weirdest 'Friday the 13th' Moments

In lieu of another Review of a Film in the Series, why not talk more broadly about it?  I agree, me.

These are my picks for the Top 13 Weirdest Moments in the Film Series?

Why Top 13?  That seems pretty obvious, right?

13. That Dance: This one is pretty obvious, right?

That Crispin Glover Dance.  It's...just so weird.
12. He's Dead...or is, he is: While it features that great, random moment, Part 5 also does a weird bit of story gymnastics.

Jason is dead...but maybe he's no.  Oh right- he's this Paramedic...or Tommy Jarvis.  This bait-and-switch (done to expand the Film beyond Jason) still stings with many.

11. I'm Melting, I'm Melting: Part 9 introduces a weird idea that people can be possessed by Jason.  More on that later.

While that is weird enough, his Hosts seem to melt after he moves on.  Weird...
10. Jason Hates Your Mustache:  While I'm on Part 9, let's highlight another odd bit.

After possessing one guy, 'Jason' captures a cop and ties him down.  For some reason, he shaves the man's mustache before taking over his body.

To note, the body he was in currently had one.  I guess he...didn't like them any more.

9. Jason Kills His Present and Future Selves: A non-Story-based one, but I find it amusing.

Also in Part 9, Kane Hodder has a Cameo as a Cop.  He proves to be the first victim of new Jason.  But wait...

In Part 8, he kills a large Cook in a Diner.  That man is played by Ken Kirzinger, the same person who would play Jason in Freddy vs. Jason.  Coincidence (as the Films happened a Decade apart)- yes.

8. Jason Blows Up: I don't mean to continue to pick on Part 9 (as it has a weird charm), but...

Jason is tricked into a trap by the FBI at the beginning and shot a bunch.  This triggers lightning...and then Jason explodes, leaving just his giant heart.  Alright...
7. Kid Jason- three times!: This is a long one, but stick with me...

Kid Jason first appears in a dream/fake-out Ending in the first Film- despite said person dreaming not ever seeing Jason.  Sure.

In Part 8, he appears in a vision to our Heroine...for no apparent reason.

Lastly, he appears again in Part 8 climbing out of the toxic waste (but still wearing the mask) in the end.  Even Kane Hodder can't explain it!
6. Jason = Frankenstein's Monster: After dying for real in Part IV, Jason is back in Part 6 (set years later) when Tommy Jarvis (previously-crazy) stabs his body with a metal pole.  Lightning strikes him, restoring him to life!

On the plus side, it is still better than a Dream Dog pissing fire on Freddy Kreuger's corpse to bring him back!
5. Dad Corpse Ex Machina: In Part 7, Jason faces off with a girl with psychic powers a la Carrie.

In the climax, she throws everything she can at him with her telekinesis.  When that fails, she...summons the body of her dead dad (killed at her hands) who drags Jason down to the bottom of the Lake.  More on that Lake later.

4. Cyborg Jason: Jason Voorhees is maimed and falls in a machine in Jason X.  Said machine regrows his missing body parts and makes him Uber Jason.

That's also a driving service in Crystal Lake.  Thank you, I'll be here all week!
3. Jason is Afraid of Water?: In Freddy vs. Jason, the titular fight takes forever to occur.  When it does, things tend to go Jason's way.

Desperate and crafty, Freddy goes inside Jason's head and discovers...that he's afraid of water.

Apparent non-lethal-drowning aside, he spent a freaking year at the bottom of a lake between Part 7 and Part 8!

2. Jason Goes to Space: Fun (if silly) Film aside, do I even need to justify this one?


1. That Jason Voorhees Retcon: It may seem like I'm picking on Part 9, but...I might be, a little.

So follow this logic: Jason goes from being a drowned kid to an un-killable adult to a zombie.  After a few Films as that, he is blown up and only his heart survives.  A magic force compels a Coroner to eat said heart, thus possessing him.

This leads to him possessing numerous people and eventually becomes a worm-like hell beast.  Whatever you say!
I do like this Series, but it is also weird as hell!

Did I miss your favorite moment?  Let me know. 

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Creepy Rigatoni: Channel Zero, Candle Cove- Episode 5

Another week and another crazy trip to America's 2nd favorite crazy Town...
Mike is experiencing some strange side effects the longer he stays in Town.  Why is he growing that tooth in his...oh crap, his dead Twin had one.
After the death of another person in Town, the search is on for a Teacher.  They find that she is deeply-connected to the Candle Cove Show...but not quite in the way that you might think.
More kids go missing as things seem to be building to something big.  Always watch your back in this Town!
Oh man- this guy again!  He is back and you know that he is up to no good.

How will this all end?  No SPOILERS (for you or me).
Another dose of weird and creepy.  Yet again, the formula works.  People do a mix of big and small Acting that makes both stand out.  The whole thing has a soft, simple look that doesn't lead you to expect all the murder and mayhem.  It manages to be both creepy, slow and interesting.  Since we're near the end, things have obviously picked up.  Even so, this will never be confused with a more standard Horror TV Show that has to deliver regular moments of shock and craziness.  This is more about filling you with unease.  Learning more about Candle Cove and seeing the effect it can have is quite creepy.  The big moments are still played with a certain amount of creepy silence.  No big upswing in the Score or loud Music Cues like other Shows.  Candle Cove continues to be a surprise success for Syfy.  I'll be sorry to see it end (this Arc, that is).  Hey, how did my collection make it into the Show?
Next time, the Season/Series Finale.  Who will survive and how many teeth will be left?  See you then...

Lost in Translation?: Halloween (1978)

I might as well start the Holiday early.

Since I have a few of these, I might as well get right to Carpenter's Classic circa Denmark... that supposed to be Jamie Lee Curtis?

Option #1: They can't draw her well.
Option #2: They put someone else on the Cover for some reason.

You decide!

Here's the original...
I avoided the obvious Blue Man Group joke by re-coloring the mask.  Ain't I classy?

Monday, October 9, 2017

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Ratman

I don't know what this is.

I want to know what it is.

I want to see it.

Let's see why I feel this way...

How can you not want to see this?

Here's the original...
Basically the same, just some brighter colors and contrast.  I don't have to do much here.