Forgotten TV: Bionic Ever After? (1994)

 Are you ready to get Bionic?!?

This is Bionic Ever After, the 1994 TV Movie that serves as the final (so far) entry in the Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman Series.

If you don't know what that is, you're probably taking a break from TikTok.

In short, a man and a woman were given bionic upgrades (legs, an arm and eyes) to help the Government stop bad guys (and sometimes Bigfoot).

They returned in a 1987 TV Movie which was a Backdoor Pilot for a new Show.
They next returned in a 1989 TV Movie which was also a Backdoor Pilot.  It famously features Sandra Bullock.

Five years later, the Cast (minus the new additions) returned for this final TV Movie to wrap things up!

In the Plot, the Bionic Woman is having mechanical issues while a bad guy plans to 'do a Die Hard' in Nassau.  When both of them have issues, can they save the day?

This one did NOT introduce a new Bionic Character, so you'll have to make do with a stupid Wedding.

To find out how this weird finale turned out, read on...

5 years after the last one, Jamie Summers and Steve Austin are finally getting married.

How sweet.
(It's also the only reason that she came back as Jamie).

However, someone is out to get them.

Based on this shot, it's Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget!

I mean, they are agents with bionic parts and he was too.

However, Jamie is having problems with her bionic parts.

She loses a game of racquetball, which is Steve's first clue.

Why is this happening?

Sabotage!

This mysterious stranger is messing with the chips that run her bionic parts and making her break down!

While this is going on, bad guys take a whole party full of people in Nassau hostage.  The goal- get this Tennis Player who is possibly going to defect.

In the Intro, we see Jamie counseling a sad Agent.
Later, she's sent out into the field with Steve when Jamie goes down from her issues.

Shock twist- she's a bad guy!  
She sabotages Steve's arm bionics (but not his legs or eyes, because reasons).

Luckily, they are able to fix Jamie.

They figured out that the lady was the traitor, since she blamed the OSI for taking all of the credit for her Dad's co-creation (the bionics).

An upgraded Jamie saves the day as Steve got caught.

The bad guys brought A NUKE with them, but it's just a distraction.  What?!?

They are kidnapping the Player, since he's worth $20 million to somebody.

Their elaborate plan involves dressing up like the good guys and leaving in a hurry, being authoritative to a random guy.
It's how they got in too!

His bionics not all of the way working, Steve can't stop them.

Thankfully, Jamie shows up and chucks a sewer lid at them like a discus!
This kills nobody.

Steve gets his moment, shooting the detonator and saving the day.

The duo finally get married.

It ends with a stinger of Steve jokingly asking about having kids...forgetting that he has a bionic one already from the first TV Movie!

The End.

A decent TV Movie, even if it drops the pretense of the original Films.

The first Film introduces a new Bionic and some bad guys.
The second Film introduces a new Bionic Heroine, as well a surprise villain who is also Bionic.

The third Film has a random bad guy and then a pair of normal bad guys.

That's...odd.

The Plot is fine, giving us the big payoff to the 2 Leads finally getting married. 
We don't get the most amount of bionic action here and some of it is a bit silly.  Do we need Lee Majors running in slow motion and doing nothing?  Nah.

The whole thing is alright, but if you're not already a fan, it's just a so-so TV Movie.

That said, I do suddenly grave a Frosty for some reason.

Not AI.  That's really Dave from Wendy's.

Next time, let's finally pay off my purchase of Daywatch.  I spent $1 a year (or so) ago and I'm going to get my money's worth!  Stay tuned...

Forgotten Sequels: Piranha 2- The Spawning

 Everyone has to start somewhere in any Industry.
In this case, it is James Cameron getting his first gig as a Director on today's Film- Piranha 2: The Spawning, the 1981 Sequel to the Cult Classic.

There are many caveats here, but I'll get to that.

This is a Sequel made in Italy by a man named Ovidio G. Assonitis.  And yes, that is his real last name.
He Produced many Films that only true connoisseurs of foreign nonsense have seen and sometimes love like Beyond the Door, Tentacles and The Iron Warrior.

In this case, he needed an American name on his Sequel (to a Film that he didn't make) and ultimately settled on James Cameron, fresh off working on Roger Corman's Productions.

The Plot involves those damn Piranhas back for more in a Plot that actually mirrors some future Jurassic Park Films.  

Is this Euro Trash with an American Title?  To find out, read on...

My version has a different Subtitle.

A Cold Open (literally) has a Couple diving down to have sex in a shipwreck.  Take note, Kash Patel!
They die.

The nearby Island is full of Tourists and overseen by a single Sheriff/Law Figure- Lance Henriksen.

There's a Jaws-like Mayor figure in the form of the Resort Owner.

He does all of the usual stuff you'd expect.

Our Heroine- who would reunite with Cameron for Titanic- is the Diving Instructor/Tour Guide.

She's this Film's Hooper, but she's also the ex-Wife of Henriksen (this Film's Brody).
As a bonus, their Son is in peril for the climax, giving us a taste of Jaws 2.

While this is officially directed by Cameron, he only claims credit for 2 Scenes.  

In the first one, the guy who kept hitting on 'Hooper' goes with her to check out the body of a victim.

They used a real Morgue btw!

They are chased off by a Local Worker, who sticks around with the corpse uncovered long enough for one of the Piranha to fly out of an open wound!

We later learn from the guy above that they were crossbred with a bunch of other species as some sort of military weapon (or something), but escaped.

Yes, this is oddly similar to Jurassic World in that regard.

One of the Fishermen- Gabby- finds his son killed by one of the Piranhas.

He plans revenge, using the dynamite that he and the son were fishing with when Lance first met them.

That night, all of the warnings are ignored and the beach is opened...but at night.

The Tourists act out a ritual where they march to the Sea...and the Piranhas fly at them, killing many!

Gabby shows up after the survivors are behind a door and plans his revenge...only to be killed instantly.

My...arc...was pointless.

The Son and a girl he likes snuck away earlier, setting up the Jaws 2 bit I mentioned.

In the other bit that Cameron Directed, Lance finds them in his Helicopter and, instead of landing, jumps out and it explodes.

Helicopters famously explode upon contact with water.

They take a boat to get away as 'Hooper' and the guy try to set up bombs made by Gabby to blow up the eggs in the wreck.

The guy is killed by the fish- as Story Law demands- and they save the day via a giant explosion.

The End (until the 1995 Remake).

A pretty forgettable 'Sequel,' save for a few minutes throughout.

This one was supposedly going to try and get Kevin McCarthy to make a Cameo as his Piranha character and die off.  That never happened.

What we're left with is a Film that very, very much feels like an Italian Monster Movie.
It has all of the benchmarks, including much superfluous nudity and sleazy people.

There is also LOTS of stuff ripped off of/inspired by Jaws, which is pretty damn common in Italian Cinema between 1976 and 1996.

The FX work also led to what made the Face Huggers in Cameron's Aliens, so some good came of this.

I'd love to say more about this being a 'hidden gem' or something, but...nah.
It has some moments, at least.

Speaking of moments, now is the right one to bring this back...

Next time, Roger Moore is back in his (arguably) most maligned Bond Film.  Is this Sci-Fi premise too much for the Series?  Stay tuned...

Forgotten Sequels?: 'The Sixth Sense' Has a Sequel...in Book Form!

 I see dead Sequels!

The Sixth Sense was a massive hit and made M. Night Shyamalan into a big time Director.
Within a year, it got a Sequel.

So why does nobody talk about it?

Well, because it was a Book released by Scholastic and marketed to kids.

It was...

As noted, this follows the Film.

For a quick recap, a kid named Cole learned that he could see Ghosts.
He worked with a Therapist to deal with issues.

That guy turned out to be a Ghost as well and vanished.

Now the actual Plot...

Cole has adjusted (somewhat) to his powers and regained a bit of his social life.

All is well until he's on a Field Trip to a Museum and a plane crashes right nearby!

This is a Book and this is from 'Know1ng'

Cole and his friend Jason make the mistake of saying that they saw it.

This gets them questioned by a Cop and then all sorts of attention at School.

Cole soon starts to see many Ghosts from the crash, including a 'broken' Nurse, a Russian man and a friendly girl.

'Ghost Ship'

Cole befriends the girl ghost- Marissa- while working with the Cop to figure out what happened and wake up a comatose girl (aka Marissa's Sister).

Along the way, the Cop reveals that his long-missing Brother could also see Ghosts.
Sure- why not?

In a series of twists, Cole learns that the girl's Mom has been dead this whole time, that the Russian guy didn't do it and that the comatose girl could ALSO see Ghosts.

She was following a Ghost into the cockpit- specifically the Ghost of the Russian Guy's Brother!

Yep, a Ghost did it.

'13 Ghosts' (Remake)

A decent Book, but I should make things clear.

I was probably *about* the right demographic for this Book when it came out...in 2000.
It is fairly short (140 pages or so) and done on VERY big Font.

Now if you're asking why a Drama not made for kids/teens has a Book written explicitly for them, you are asking the right questions.

I will also point you to Cartoons from my youth based on Robocop, Mortal Kombat, Rambo and Savage Dragon.

High points- they nail Cole as a Character and give him a decent Arc here.  They do more with the Ghosts appearing on a consistent basis than the Film did.  A few references to Willis' Character does tie things together.

Low points- too many twists in the final section.  If you get hit by a water balloon, you remember it.  If you get hit by a dozen more in a few minutes, you won't remember that first one quite so much.

They also brought in TOO many people that could see Ghosts.  It's like they couldn't think of new things to bring to this Story, so they just did 'Person sees Ghosts' and 'Someone was a Ghost all along' again.

I suppose I should also mention that there are TWO more Books, meaning that there are *technically* more parts to The Sixth Sense than M. Night's actual Trilogy (Unbreakable, Split, Glass)....

It's a fun, forgotten piece of history regardless of how good or bad the Book may be.  When even I somehow didn't know that these existed, what does that tell you?

Forgotten Sequels: The Fly II

 A Film I covered in the very early days of the Site.  It was lost talked about in the FIRST Obama Administration, so it is due for a revisit.

This is the least forgotten, but most maligned of the Sequels to The Fly- The Fly II.

Made in 1989 and without Cronenberg's involvement, the Film is considered by many to be a cheap cash grab.  Is it though?

The Plot is in fact a direct Sequel and it involves the birth of Seth Brundle's spawn.  It grows up and is special...but is it also a monster.

There are some overlaps between this and Return of the Fly, but it's not a one-to-one situation.

To find out if this is as bad as everyone says or not, read on...

In a rehash from the last Film (since Geena Davis turned down a Cameo), we see the woman give birth to a strange insect baby.

She dies Padme-style, but the creature is soon revealed to be an infant (in a cocoon of some sort).

A few years later, the kid grows up really fast- like impossibly-so.

Martin's a Science Genius Boy and basically Young Sheldon, if he lived in a lab.
He can already outsmart most of the folks around him.

His 'childhood' is only marred by constant monitoring and seeing his pet dog turned into a monster in a failed Teleporter Test.

At Age 5, he's now Eric Stoltz.
Well, he was the original Marty McFly, so that tracks.

He doesn't sleep- due to his constant growth- and grows lonely.

He falls for Daphne Zuniga (cast by uncredited Producer Mel Brooks after she was in Spaceballs) and they work on the device some more.

He has a freakout when he learns that the dog was actually kept alive (in a matter of speaking) and he mercy-kills it.

Martin also hooks up with Zuniga...only for her to be moved away from him.
It is soon revealed- by Garry Chalk's Goresby- that they filmed it.

Eric does not take this well!

He's also beginning to mutate and soon learns that this was the plan all along.

The tests- a show.
The medicine- placebo.

Stoltz goes through a series of masks (fitting!) as his condition worsens.

We get a brief Cameo from John Getz, who was a co-worker of Goldblum's in the last Film who got maimed.

Him and his clearly fake beard help the duo keep away from the bad guys for a little bit.

Martin transforms so much that he can't escape and he cocoons up at the bad guys' lair.

He emerges as a monstrous Brundle Fly and starts killing people in his way.

This guy gets a face full of acid in an effect that only the '80s could give us.

Who wants cherry syrup?

He kills all of the bad guys, save for the guy who raised him to be an experiment.

Earlier, Martin learned that he can go in the Pod with someone and give them all of his bad genes (just go with it).

He does it to the boss, leaving him as a monster and Martin normal.
To be continued...in a 2015 Comic.

The End.

A better Film than it gets credit for.  That said, it is definitely a Film of two halves.

The first half is an interesting tale of innocence, deceit and corporate corruption.  Martin is led around and used for all that he can be.

The second half is when he becomes a full-on Monster and starts killing folks- bad ones, at least!  There's a bit of a disconnect- to say the least.

That said, they hired a guy (Chris Walas) who did Special Effects for Return of the Jedi, Piranha and Humanoids from the Deep.  Oh, and the original...Remake.
He'd only go on to Direct one other Film, an Episode of Tales from the Crypt and a Documentary...about himself.

Having said all that, I did enjoy the two disparate halves of the Film.  It scratches that gooey and gross Practical F/X itch for me.

Also, is that a young John Fitzgerald Byers from The X-Files?!?

Next up, my detour is over and my return to Bond is nigh.  I hope this one holds up as well as the last one did!  Stay tuned...

Forgotten Prequels: Underworld- Rise of the Lycans (2009)

 A Film that basically exists to bring 2 Actors back into the Series.

This is Underworld- Rise of the Lycans, the 2009 Prequel to the first 2 Films.  This is...necessary?

In the first Film, we are told about what happened to create the Lycan Revolt and see Michael Sheen.
Now we got an entire Film about the thing we already know happened and one that causes mild retcons.

They had to go back and recolor Sonja's hair from the first Film. 
Kind of like how Lucas went back and replaced the ugly looking Palpatine in the first Film.

This is a full-on Flashback Film- with Selene narrating at the beginning and end- and elaborates on the whole Lycan situation.

It is also worth noting the Kate Beckinsale was married to Michael Sheen before she met Len Wiseman during the first Film's production...and went on to marry him instead.  
So maybe a Film that has Sheen back and not Beckinsale was also easier.

Regardless of whether it should, this Prequel exists, so let's blue...I mean, read on...

Long, long ago, we get the return of Viktor (Bill Nighy).

He has to deal with the threat of wild Werewolves- that never become human again- and decides to raise Lucian, the first Lycan.

He can and does become human.

This Film is about 30% just him making faces.

He uses Lucian to make a whole bunch of Lycans and then enslaves them with silver collars.

What a nice guy.

He's also not getting along well with his daughter Sonja (who is now brunette as intended).

She is impulsive, strong-minded and, well, him, but nicer.

As it turns out, she's also having an affair with Lucian, shown in a Scene that feels like a rehash of the chopped up one with Selene and Michael.

Well, except for this silly shot.

Lucian takes his collar off to save Sonja from some Werewolves, which does not make Viktor happy.

He gets his first of two on-screen whippings- a non-Roots record, right?- and is imprisoned.

While there, he forms an alliance with the Human Slaves- kept there for food and to make more Lycans- and the other Lycan prisoners.

Amongst the group is Kevin Grevioux, since he was one of the Writers of the first Film (and the general lore).

He escapes, but then comes back when Viktor arrests Sonja.

During this, we also see the conniving of Tannis, the only person from Evolution to be in this one. 
He gets put in place for his appearance there.

The rescue itself...goes poorly.

Viktor sentences his daughter to death and makes Lucian watch.

His first attempt to escape fails, but he soon summons the Werewolves (the 2nd time we see them charge the Castle here) and a battle ensues.

He thinks he's killed- but obviously didn't- Viktor, who flees with the other Vampires into the 1st Film.

We also get wrap-up via new Selene narration and a repeat of an Underworld Scene.

She is told that Viktor spared her for resemblance to his Daughter, because, sure, why not? 
The End.

A decent, if somewhat unnecessary Film.
Have I made that point yet?

In all seriousness, there are many good things here.

Nighy as Viktor is pretty one-note, but enjoyable.  He's just the evilest erudite until they brought in Charles Dance for the 4th Film.

Rhona Mitra as Sonja is pretty good too, really pulling off the look and having a presence.

As you may or may not know, she lost the Selene role to Beckinsale, so this is a good 'Silver Medal.'

The Werewolf VFX, as always, are nice.  They apparently used some of the leftover Suits from Dog Soldiers for this one, since they needed more on-screen at once than ever before.

The biggest issue here is visibility.
Since this is mostly about Vampires, it is almost always nighttime.  Throw in the continued abuse of the Blue Chroma Key feature and this Film is hard to make out for many, MANY Scenes.

While a bit redundant, I had some fun with this.  It's not great, but I won't lose my head over it.

Yes, this is a re-used prop from Evolution.

Next up, I wrap up my look at Underworld by going back to the original.  I also have the Unrated + Extended Cut, so there's hopefully more to love.  Stay tuned...