Bail Bond: The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

 How was this nearly the end of the Franchise?!?

Today's Film is The Man with the Golden Gun, the 1974 Sequel to Moore's first Bond entry.

This is based on the last of Ian Fleming's Novels and there's even some dispute about whether he finished it or not.  Was this his Silmarillion?  

Regardless, Bond is back and a new threat is after him.  He's got the most OP Weapon in Goldeneye too.  Good thing Oddjob is already dead or he'd be unstoppable!

There's also a Plot involving a scientific MacGuffin too.

The Film was made at a weird impasse as recent Series Writer Tom Manciewicz is only the Co-Writer and Producers were pushing for some changes to Bond.
Throw in them trying to cash in on the latest cinematic trend and you have an interesting Film.

To see how interesting, read on...

In a Cold Open, a man pays some money to try and kill Scaramanga (Christopher Lee), as he's the World's Top Assassin.

He fails, of course, but only after we see the man's obstacle course/Disney Attraction that will show up in Act 3.

A bullet with Bond's name on it is sent to MI6 and he's now aware of the threat.

There's also the matter of how unique the bullet is- one made for just a single, special gun.

Thankfully, it is so special that you can just track down the maker.

Bond follows the trail- as the maker is sending more bullets to Scaramanga- and it leads to this lady.

Moore's Bond actually threatens her for information, which was a change that Producers wanted.
Moore didn't like it and...yeah, this doesn't feel earned.

Nobody knows what Scaramanga actually looks like.  
At the same time, they know that he has a third nipple.

How?  Shut up- that's how!

Bond uses this to try and trick the man who hired him and...yeah, you can see the hole in this plan already, can't you?

Bond is caught, but they won't kill him at the house of the man- a billionaire- for some good reasons.

Instead, they transport Bond to a Karate School and make him watch some fighters before making him also fight.

He makes an escape, but then needs back up.  It soon comes in the Nieces of his fellow Agent (who is Korean, but has a Thai and Chinese Niece?) who kick major butt.

And yes, before you Google it, that is the Landlady from 'Kung Fu Hustle' on the right.

Due to the Director liking the Character, Sheriff Pepper just happens to be on vacation where Bond is on the mission and gets roped into helping Bond.

Sure- why not?

They do an amazing car spin stunt- which they failed to recreate on Top Gear- but Scaramanga escapes by strapping wings and an engine to his car to fly away.

The MacGuffin really comes into play here as the good guys and bad guys fight over it.

Bond gets it from the bad guys and it ends up in not-so-good Agent Goodnight's hands...and she's taken by the bad guys.

Bond goes to Scaramanga's Island- now legit called James Bond Island- and is forced to duel him.

On his home turf and with his henchman Nick Nack, Scaramanga can't lose.

He does, of course, as Bond switches outfits with the Bond Statue- introduced in Act 1- and kills the surprised villain.

In the aftermath, they must escape from his base and recover the MacGuffin before- and say it with me- the place explodes.

Naturally, Nick Nack snuck onto the boat and a final fight ensues!

Bond manages to lock him in a suitcase- he's small, you see- and...well, he just takes him off-screen.
Did he throw him overboard?  Maybe.

Oh well, the End.

A Film that I enjoyed...but I can definitely see the issues.

The Film has some odd issues with its Tone, to say the least.

It is funny at times, with the Sheriff reappearing, the slide whistle used during the car stunt and just how dumb they made Britt Ekland's Goodnight.

In contrast, Bond is somewhat abusive to Maud Adams' Character and her sad arc feels reminiscent of the one we'd see with Severine in Skyfall a few Decades later.
We also get some rough and tumble fighting early on, with Bond even bleeding.

The Film can be fun, but is never quite sure what it wants to be.

So much of it is silly- like having Nick Nack so prevalent- and it eventually goes full cliche. 
Why does Scaramanga need an Island Base and a big-ass laser gun?

I definitely had fun with this one, but I can see why Critics- and Audiences- had some issues with it.  I really like everyone involved here, but...yeah, it's a bit silly and confusing.

Instead of moving forward, we're directly lifting stuff from Diamonds are Forever...

A Dumb Helper in a Bikini for Act 3?  Where'd they come up with this idea?

Next up, a quick Bond break to check out a Film Trilogy.  I finally got my hands on all 3 of the Dragon Tattoo Films, so let's check them out...

Tubi Thursday: Creature of the Mist (2022)

 A Chinese Monster Film that was cut down and dubbed.

As a bonus, it is a pretty shameless rip-off of an American Film!

With no build-up whatsoever, a strange Mist flows into a Chinese City.

With it comes a bunch of killer tentacles!

They belong to a strange, unexplained creature.

What is it?
Why is it there?

We are never told.
Ever.

A bunch of random people- including the Prince, his Guard, a ruffian, a Boatman, etc- run into a nearby Building to stay safe.

How do you say 'Rip Off' in Mandarin?

撕掉

A group leaves and... seems to mostly do fine.
I guess they just skimmed the Wiki Page.

Back inside, some creatures start to get in and... this feels like something I've seen before.

Can our ragtag group of stranger survive the Mist?

Can they survive each other?

And would this look better in Black and White?

I didn't want to be too subtle now.  One of you in the back still didn't get it.

A Film that could have been interesting.

The idea is not a bad one.  Obviously, it worked pretty well in Print and in Theaters before.

This one is just too short, barely hitting the one-hour mark.  This is achieved by having NO build up for the Characters before the Mist arrives.

Was it supposed to be more interesting that we learned about them AFTER the attack?

It wasn't.

The draw here is either the silly CGI or the Wuxia.  They are both fine, but in far shorter supply than you would expect.
This one really looks and feels pretty cheap, which is a shame.

This is a rip-off and not all that exciting of one.  I was hoping for more silly fun, but it was just melodrama and spurts of fun action.

In spite of how it may sound, watching the Film still didn't feel like, well, this...

A Film with promise, even if it is a rip-off.  Sadly, it is pretty forgettable and vague.

Tubi Thursday: Killer Shark (2021)

 After watching the Documentary on Sharksploitation, I thought 'Why not watch one?'

I remember how I watched a ton of those cheap, Chinese CGI Monster Films.
They made a Shark one (or 12).

Here's one...

After a Syfy Channel Opening, we get a bunch of random people meeting up.

Do you care if one used to date?
Do you care if one is dating now?
What if one was a gold digger?

No?

This one is pretty low-budget, so bear the following in mind...

The happy Couple are playing while she steers.  
She takes a 10 cm right turn, hits a reef and the boat flips over...off-camera.

Sigh.

One of the ladies somehow cut her leg- which draws the titular Shark later- and refuses to swim to an island in the distance.

A guy- whose sole character trait is being kind of fat- also doesn't go.

This doesn't end well for them.

The other group swim/float towards the Island.

After some stalling- since the Shark has to eat the other two- they finally get confronted by the Shark.

They get picked off one by one and they're all sad.

If you're hoping for a fun, dumb Shark Film, look elsewhere.

This is 70 minutes of melodrama with a single Shark that has like 2 moves.

The End.

I was hoping for more.  Tubi- and all Streaming Services- are full of lots of big, dumb Shark Films.

Doll Shark.
House Shark

Ghost Shark
Ouija Shark 1 & 2

Noah's Shark

Ozark Sharks

I'm sure that they aren't good- especially since a couple are Mark Polonia Films- but they are probably some dumb fun.

This is closer to an attempt by China to make a Film like Open Water.
Fine goal, I suppose, but it doesn't make for a fun Film.

The Shark looks fine, but not amazing.
It loves to bump boats to knock people into the air...and then not eat any of them in mid-air.

Even the Shark is boring.

Oh well, maybe the inverse version of this Film is more fun.

A pretty underwhelming Film with a decent Shark- I guess.  It's not the worst Film I've seen, but...it's not all that interesting or exciting.

Remake This!: The Eye (2008)

 Here's a rare case for you- I'm watching A SECOND Remake of the Film without seeing the original Film.

This is The Eye, the 2008 Remake of the Chinese Film of the same name (just in Chinese).  Many years ago, I stumbled across the Bollywood Remake and it sure...exists.

The Plot involves a young woman who gets a corneal transplant to restore her sight.  Yes, she gets new eyes (essentially), but it is still called The Eye.  I guess it is less relatable if she's a Pirate with an eye patch.

This leads to her seeing strange stuff and driving her a little bit crazy.  Is there more going on though?

To find out, read on...

A blind woman- Jessica Alba- is doing pretty well for herself.
She has a good relationship with her Sister (Parker Posey) and is a Concert Violinist.

She's also about to get a corneal transplant, restoring her eyesight that was lost when she was 5.

After surgery, she's greeted by a young girl deep in Chemotherapy.  Is that....Chloe-Grace Moretz?!?

Yes, it is and, according to reports, she actually shaved her head for this role.
A pretty bold thing to do for an 11-year-old Actress, no?

She gets her eyesight back, although it will take time for her body to adjust to the new sensations.

While in the Hospital, she sees dark shadows (not the vampire kind) walking with the old woman sharing her room.

The next morning, she learns that said woman died that night!

She goes home, but the strange sights don't stop there.

She sees a kid in a poncho who will only repeat the same phrase over and over again!

She's troubled the visions and has to leave her place.

She calls the Doctor who's been helping her adjust and he meets her at the Chinese Restaurant...only to find that it is a burned-out wreck.

The whole place burned up last week and... she just kind of walked in.
Alright then!

This is disrupting her life completely, from the visions she can't stop to the distractions this al is causing her.

She's a real mess.

She injures herself on some glass (been there!) and ends up back at the Hospital.  

She meets Moretz again...and then sees her spirit leave with the same black shadows!

Back home, she sees more strange things and realizes that the kid from earlier is the ghost of a neighbor woman.
Enjoy the only Asian Character of note in this Remake of a Chinese Film.

Oh and she finally realizes that the eyes' original owner is trying to make contact.

The Doctor finally relents and tells her who the donor was.

We find out that she could see death before it came for people (aka the Shadows) and tried to save people at a Factory from a fire.

When they died, she was labeled a Witch and driven to suicide.

She sees the shadows near the donor's Mother, but is too late to save her.

The duo are stopped at the Border Crossing and Alba realizes that what she saw wasn't a vision of the past- it was a warning of the future.

She scares enough people away in time before a big explosion would have killed them all.

In spite of the Final Destination reference they include here, Death doesn't come for her.

Instead, she gets re-blinded by flying glass and is happy.  The End.

A better Film than I was expecting.  That said, this is much less of a Horror Film than I think that people may be expecting.

For all of the flack she gets (earned or not), Alba put lots of work into this one behind-the-scenes.  She learned to play the violin (at least well enough to look legit) and spent time with people to train herself how to act blind.

Again- you may still not like her Acting, but you should at least respect the hustle.

The Film walks this odd line between being a Character Drama, a Horror Film and a Psychological Thriller.  Before the facts come out, she might just be crazy.  This could work, to be fair, if you're not familiar with the source material.

The freaky visuals do work nicely, and I do appreciate the effort made to flesh out all of the Characters- at least all of the ones who appear more than once.  Everyone feels real.

As far as Remakes go, it is fine.  Like I said, I appreciate the work put into it.  Ultimately, the 'Ooh, scary thing' kind of Films aren't really my thing (hence my feelings towards J and K-Horror in general).

Speaking of which, I can't decide on which Stinger to use.  Is it the overly long credit given to the original Film...

...or this bit they blatantly cribbed from Daredevil, where she stops a guy (not Stan Lee though) from walking in front of a bus.

Next up, I take a Facebook suggestion and look at a famous TV Mini-Series.  With it celebrating a 30th Anniversary this year, the time to take a stand is now.  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: Snake 2 (2019)

 I'm powering through the pain and slow typing for a good cause.

Yep, another Chinese Monster Film...

The Plot has a boat full of people attacked by, guess what, a giant snake.

Why it swims around and attacks it?  Nobody knows.

As to why they put Chinese Lara Croft on this (when she's not in the Film, everybody knows,

The narrative splits on the island when the boat is sunk.

Some are swallowed and dumped in a cave by the snake.
Some travel inland to find them.

The latter allow the Film to go full Skull Island here, as they are attacked by a slew of creatures to pad out the runtime.

Flying fish- sure.
Killer trees- sure.
Giant frog/lizard thing- yep.

Oh and the snake...eventually.

For a Film that is 80% just monster attacks, it kind of drags.

Is it...because it is 80% just monster attacks?

Who will survive?  To find out, stream the Film. 
Hey look- Miss Not in This Movie is back.

A Film that can't quite be what it wants to be.

Snake 2 wants to be a monster mash.
Snaked 2 wants to be an emotional drama.

It can't be both- at least not this time.  This can work if done right.  It is obviously not here.

The idea is that the survivors want to get to the others and must fight their way there.  That means cutting back to the cave to see how bad things are there.

The big issue is that there's not nearly enough content in the cave.  It is just 'A thing is hatching' and 'We're sad.'  The drama with the survivors is pretty muddled as well, having something about stolen money...or something.  I couldn't be bothered, clearly.

A little, but also big thing.  They set up obvious pay-off on the boat and when it happens, they *sigh* show you the Scene again.  Yes, I remember what happened an hour ago!!!!

Snake 2 is an odd mess, with fun monster attacks, tedious drama and weird mixing of the two throughout.  At least my future is set for next week....

An odd mix of a Film that wants to be emotional but can't be bothered.  The silly monster fights are fun though, for a time.

Tubi Thursday: Underground Monster (2022)

 Another trip to China and their seemingly endless supply of Syfy Channel-style Films.

This time, it is less of a rip off and more of a...

In the Cold Open, a company accidentally blow a hole into a cave full of trash.

Also inside is the titular monster, who seems to go on a rampage as the hole is sealed...for now.

We meet a junk-collecting Dad as the Title appears...as 'Underground Monstrer.'  
Oops.

He ends up with the creature's egg- Monster Movie Cliche #273- and it attacks the house- after plenty of melodrama to pad out the runtime.

Oddly, they stay in the House...and it attacks again, this time taking the son.

The parents- who are divorced- must team up with the Grandfather- aka Old Drunkard- and two Monster Hunters, one of whom has a past with the Grandpa.

Have I mention that this Film is chock full of melodrama yet?

Meanwhile, the kid learns that the titular monster may not be so evil after all.

Mind you, it still makes Marvel's Mojo look like a Supermodel...but still.

Can the family get their kid back?

Can other people get to the creature for revenge?

Will the fact that they keep showing CGI Spiders and Butterflies ever pay off?

To find out, stream the Film now.

It's alright, but it is certainly all over the place!

As noted, the Film is FULL of melodrama, be it about family, health, danger or even a sudden turn to Environmentalism at the end.  It's not a SPOILER, so relax.

The big draw here is the Monster, right?  It's honestly pretty creative.

The CGI can get a bit spotty at times- mostly the tentacles that never match the lighting- but I can't fault the design as a whole.

The Plot is pretty sparse, even stalling the main Heroes so long that they have a character complain about 'taking too long to act.'  I'm going to pretend that is META, at least.

Speaking of META (I think), they actually reference the Snow Monster, so that's random and neat...I think.

This one is clearly more creative than last week's copy-pasted Film and has more of a pay-off than the one about 'killer bees.'  It's the longest one as well, actually *almost* hitting 90 minutes.  

It's better than 70, so take what you can get.

It's not the most fun of them, but it definitely is one where the put in the wrong, even if it was in odd places.

As noted, tons of melodrama slow this one.  When it actually is about the Monster, however, it's actually kind of alright (high praise for these Films).