Lost in Translation?: Hammer's The Mummy

This Mummy comes to you from France by way of England...by way of Egypt.

The original Hammer Films are Classics- no question.

How then do all of the Posters hold up?

Let's see what le French artistes can do with this?

The Egyptian version of the Kool-Aid Man sure was darker!

To be fair, this does represent a Scene in the Film.

Even so, what a curious bit to pick, no?
Why an Action Shot at all?

Oh and here's the *quite different* original I found online...

So, as you can see, the original is more *well, alot more* blue.  I think the lady not being a Smurf adds to the terror, no?

Poor Bastards of Cinema: The Quatermass Experiment

I haven't celebrated the random, mostly-pointless death of ancillary characters in a while!

In The Quatermass Experiment, the lone survivor of, well, it goes to find some drugs to help himself out.

Naturally, he goes to see a Chemist(s).

The *Pharmacist* sees the obviously messed-up man and tries to help him.

Of course, he doesn't know that he's the host for a freaky alien.

Okay, NOW he knows.

So he's dead.

Oh well, the guy got some drugs, so it was all worth it.
Wait...

The moral: don't deal drugs.  No exceptions for Pharmacists or Doctors!

Next up, I might as well do the other induction from this Film that I missed.  It's going to be a fun night out at the...ooh, nasty!

Hammer and Sicko: The Quatermass Xperiment

A Hammer Film that isn't about Dracula or any other kind of Monster like that?!?  Is that allowed?  Yes, yes it is.  This is The Quatermass Xperiment (or Experiment), a 1955 Film made as the Studio's first official one.  Side-note: this is a Remake a TV Mini-Series from 1953, so stuff that in your 'people are only now obsessed with Remakes in Year XXXX' argument.  The Film is about the titular Scientist and the aftermath of, well, his experiment.  Movie Titles can sometimes be pretty straight-forward, no?  It seems simple enough at first, but then boils down to scientific silliness.  This is one of those 'crazy thing X has created crazy monster Y' Films.  It's also one of the ones that explains it- I'll get to that-, but also doesn't really explain the Science behind the thing all that much.  It's like that Film I watched about killer mud (also British and Hammer, I think) that explains (in a crazy way) how the creature exists.  That one also didn't actually *verify* the man's theory of what the creature was, which still bugs me to this day (clearly).  This time, it involves a crashed rocket ship, a lone survivor and...not Superman?  Oh well.  Instead, a guy slowly transforms into something freaky.  To find out how this long-regarded Cult Classic feels to me, read on...

A Ship crashes in a British Field.  They can't afford to show the effect, but they do give us this shot, so...alright.

A man- Quatermass- is called to the Scene.

You see, he set up a trip in the Rocket with three men, not getting full permission.  He's somehow not thrown in Jail, because reasons.

After a bit of stalling, the Rocker is opened and only one man is alive.  The other two are missing, although their still-sealed suits are there!

Is the secret to what happened going to be gained from this man?  He can only say two words- 'Help me.'

While he recovers in a Hospital, we get more padding about them getting the Film from the ship developed.

Yes, we can fly Rockets deep into Space in this semi-past/future, but no digital!

The footage reveals little, but raises many questions.

The man is freed from the Hospital by his somewhat-dense wife, but gets mutated more and kills the man she hired for the job.  He's kind of an evil monster-in-the-making now.

Skipping to the 3rd Act, he's now fully a monster and hiding in Westminster Abbey.  He's an evil, world-killing Alien, but he knows fancy!

Our Lead kills it again as his plan involves...shocking the metal frame to kill the beast.  I mean...I could have done that.

In the aftermath, he vows to do his experiment again and we see another rocket leave.  Again- he's not arrested for this and, not only that, he gets more funding?!?

Sure- why not?  The End.

A somewhat dry, but enjoyable Film.  1950s Sci-Fi can be that way.  Throw in the fact that this is British and you're going to get dryness overload!  It's still a good, solid Film though.  The premise is simple enough and they don't muck things up too much.  He accidentally brings back a monster, it kills some people (more Poor Bastards of Cinema in the future) and it gets defeated.  It's pretty cut-and-dry, really.  The devil, as always, is in the details.  We see a man transforming into a monster and see you how much he hates it.  Nothing will ever top the possessed man crying while killing himself to stop the beast in Prince of Darkness for me (R.I.P. Jessie Lawrence Ferguson), but this guy does his best.  He makes you feel bad for him.  His story does not end happily.  On the plus side, he doesn't kill Paul McCartney's future fiancee (Jane Asher as a littler girl), so it worked out well for someone else.  The worst thing you can say about Films like this is that they spend more time talking about the idea and science of their monster/creature than they do showing it.  This is definitely a good example of that.  It's still better than damn mud though!  There was apparently some issue with the Casting of an American Actor as the Lead, but I was cool with it.  On a related Casting Note, how often do you see the strange caveat under Jack Warner's name?

Next time, a jump back the 1970s.  I've got plenty of strange options, so who knows what's next?  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Random Cover Art: Dracula Has Risen From The Grave

The Hammer Dracula Films are all good.  Some are obviously better than others, especially the ones with Christopher Lee in them.

That said, look at this oddly-structured Poster for one of them...

Odd.

It's like a strange collage of moments from the Film (presumably).

Also one seems to be a bit of a SPOILER.

Here's the original...

Yeah, so I added all of the Color.  You can decide whether or not that improves the thing, I suppose.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Horror Hotel

This one is a Film I'm actually familiar with- even though it was called something else.  As such, I can say for sure that this one is a bit of a lie.

This one is also known as City of the Dead (a cooler Title) and doesn't really feature what this Poster promises...

Damn!  This is a great Cover!

It's actually a Film about some Wiccans though, so...lie.

It also features the hilarious Plot Point of them being killed by a Cross...and doing their Ceremonies right next to a Cemetery with a big one in it!

Here's the original piece...

You have to admit- the red eyes was a nice touch, right?  Of course it was.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Nothing But the Night

After Svengoolie ran a Hammer Film last Weekend, I decided that it would be a good time to post this Poster for a Peter Cushing Film.

I've had worse excuses.

Sell me, Poster from 1973!

Sold!

I don't know what I'm buying, but I want it!

Here's the original...

Still good, but mine is better.  Right?  Right.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Countess Dracula

I haven't done one of these in a while, so why not celebrate more random death?

In Countess Dracula, the titular Character is old and wants to be young again.  The solution: bathe in virgin blood.

This is before Concealer was created, I guess.

One of the potential victims is this Romani Woman who is in Town to perform.

Oh well.  Time to die!

Ouch.

To sum up: women comes to Town, does nothing wrong and is killed for her blood.

The lesson: don't trust old Royals, I guess.  It makes you wonder what the *real* reason behind the Queen of England still being around is.

Please don't sue me.

Hammer Time: Countess Dracula (1971)

A sister is doing it for herself.  Unfortunately, that thing is killing people to make herself look pretty.  Today's Film is Countess Dracula, the 1971 Hammer Film based on Elisabeth Bathory.  She's pretty infamous from History- even if it pretty certain now that she was innocent.  The working theory is that because a woman suddenly inherited all of this power and land that people got a bit jealous.  This wasn't the most free time for women, after all.  It is suggested that all sorts of baseless, crazy claims were made in order for her to be a criminal and thus lose all of her possessions.  Ouch.  Ignore all of that, however, as the Film goes on 'the historical record.'  She's just plain evil.  Ingrid Pitt was a staple of this Studio and her presence here is great, even if she got dubbed in post-production.  Emma Peele supposedly turned down the job, so there go all of the fantasies of you Avengers fans in the UK.  This Film exists in that famous, but not as famous as most other Hammer Films Category.  Is it truly the most under-appreciated Film in their library?  To find out, read on...

The death of a Lord leaves his aged wife in charge- at least until his Daughter returns.

Speaking of which, around the time suitors show up to inevitably marry said Daughter, she returns.  She falls for one foppish-looking guy and a Harlequin Romance Novel breaks out.

However, there's a big secret- this isn't the Daughter.  This is Mama.

How did she get so young?  By bathing in virgin blood, of course.

As for her Daughter, she had her kidnapped by a Turk.  The Film occasionally cuts back to see her try to escape.

We also get a power dynamic as Pitt's older suitor still wants her, but she only wants the young man.

There's also a catch- only virgin blood works. Why the Book separates that fact to a different page is anyone's guess but the Screenwriter's.

After helping her cover up her crimes for a while, he gets annoyed and just reveals her secret to her young lover.  Awkward.

She manages to convince him to marry her against his will, but he also knows about the real daughter now.

The blood wears off too soon and the guy is somehow killed in the process.

While all of this intrigue has been going on, there's been a search for all of the bodies.  They are found in the Castle.

And so our Villains are sentenced to die, now known as evil for all time.  There's a nice Roll Credits moment that...actually does lead them to Roll the Credits.  The End.

A dark Period tale of murder and intrigue.  Putting aside the History (true or untrue), the actual Film is actually quite interesting.  You get a whole lot of stuff involving the Countess, her Suitor, the new Suitor for 'the Princess,' the Royal Scribe and other people on the Staff.  They committed to making this as accurate as they could.  Getting back to the so-called-History, they handle it pretty well.  Accepting the idea that this all just happened, it feels pretty natural.  There is a bit of a disconnect between how she jumps right to blood as a source of youth and we never see the process work directly.  Obviously a modern version of this Film would show you the Actress de-age digitally- for better or for worse.  They also treat the idea that the mysterious new Princess isn't the Countess as a mystery for longer than I would have thought.  Was it less obvious to Audiences back then?  For a Film with Dracula in it, you should know by know that the Count doesn't show up.  It's just what they call her.  To be fair, it is less of a cheat than Brides of Dracula, which doesn't seem to feature him either!  The Film does feature plenty of blood, so you'll get your wish there.  This really is an underappreciated Hammer Film.  It's not a Dracula or Frankenstein Film, so it is already in a weird place.  If you like this stuff and haven't seen it, do so now.  Speaking of seeing, my big inspiration for watching this was to see Inspector Trout's descendant working a case that also involved a blood sacrifice and a madman obsessed with eternal youth...

Next time, I finally get to that Italian Horror Film.  Will the cheesy name be enough?  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Specific Cover Art: Rasputin the Mad Monk

Hammer is most famous for its Vampire Films.  They also made many, many others.

In this case, here is a less famous one with Christopher Lee that promises something special...

This one isn't bad at all.  I just got a laugh out of the Theater Promotion.

If there has never been a DVD/Blu-Ray Release with the Beard, there has been a REAL missed opportunity.

Naturally, here is the untouched one.  I just made it a nicer blue and just cleaned it up a bit.

I do have to ask- why Blue for a Rasputin Film?

New Crap: The Woman in Black 2- Angel of Death

****Before you go any further, check out my Review of the original Hammer Film here.****

When in doubt, make a Sequel to your Remake of an Adaptation of a Play that is an Adaptation of a Book.  Today's Film is The Woman In Black 2: Angel of Death, the much-delayed Hammer Sequel.  According to my sources (IMDB and Wikipedia), the Film was Shot in 2013, planned for a 2014 release and then dumped out in 2015.  It must be great!  To be fair, Cabin in the Woods sat on a shelf for 4 years and it was really good.  Mind you, Red Dawn (the one with Chris Hemsworth) also sat on that same shelf (or a different one) for 4 years and wasn't all that good.  In this Sequel (Hammer's first in forty years!), we jump ahead to 1941 and see how bad life in England was.  It was rainy, full of political strife and not getting alot with its sister countries in the UK.  Oh wait- that's today.  In 1941, they were being bombed the Nazis too!  With things desperate, why not hide your kids in a haunted house?  To find out why that is a bad idea, read on...

In war-torn London, a group of children is taken out to the Country to escape the bombing campaign and the blackouts.

They end up in the House of The Woman in Black...which is slightly-safer, I guess.

One of the two Teachers is haunted by an event from her past via these Dream Sequences.  If you don't realize that this will connect to the evil Woman, then...

Congratulations- you are watching your first movie!  Not the best Film choice, but whatever.

One little boy- traumatized by loss- is targeted by the Woman and given the Junior Blair Witch treatment.

After some bad stuff (which I won't SPOIL happens) happens, our heroine suspects that someone else is around and to blame.  She acts a little crazy.

She starts a brief romance with this Pilot, but there is more to the situation than either one of them realizes at first.

Can they escape The Woman in Black?  Will the curse be broken?  To find out, watch the Film.

A disappointing follow-up- authorized or not.  This one could be great.  According to what I've read, the original Pitch had a bunch of wounded Soldiers holed up in the House under the care of a Nurse (the Lead).  A bunch of shell-shocked, wounded men in a ghost house- sounds good.  By the time they Filmed this, we got a half-dozen kids getting Schooling there during WWII instead- less good.  The whole thing just isn't as effective.  Without giving SPOILERS, I can say that there is less on-screen activity of interest and the Title character doesn't do a whole lot.  It is kind of like how 'Dracula' is barely in Doctor Dracula...although that one is explainable for different reasons.  You know that a Film isn't that good when I bring up Al Adamson!  In this case, it is just a mediocre retread that doesn't give you much to see, give you much to care about and just generally looks 'blah.'  On the plus side, they brought back the Original Lead from the 1989 Film...even if his role is minor.

Next up, I finally stop putting off a Japanese Sequel that has been waiting for me.  Will this part-real/part-fictional Hero save the day again?  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Shatter

As a bonus for yesterday's Review, here is another Poor Bastard...

In Shatter, the titular Spy is stuck in Hong Kong after a bad mission and laying low.  He's staying in a Hotel that is slightly more than just a Hotel.  Wink wink.

It seems that Shatter wasn't laying low enough...

Boom goes the dynamite- or in this case an RPG.

Naturally, they don't get Shatter, but they do get someone else...

So yeah him and the lady inside are killed.  Shatter lives just fine.

The lesson: apparently avoid proximity to Main Characters at all costs.  Guns don't kill people- Main Characters being near others kill people!