Buy The DVD!: Deathstalker II

This is a new feature that I'm starting that is going to focus on DVD-centric features for movies that have stood out to me.  Given the prevalence of companies releasing 'bare-bones' DVDs these days,- not like it's a new thing- it seemed like a good idea.  We start off with an '80s classic...

Deathstalker II

The movie is pure ridiculousness, as it is a semi-parody of the barbarian/sword-and-sandal film.  The hero is over the top ('80s actor-turned-director John Terlesky) and the plot is silly as all get out.  That's what makes it work, especially in comparison to Deathstalker III and IV, which are quite dry.  They're not terrible- although III comes damn close- but not nearly as much fun as these.  This is aided by...

A full-length audio commentary track by the director (Jim Wynorski), the star (John Terlesky) and the actress who played the lead villainess (Toni Naples).  Unlike most commentary tracks, the people do not boast or brag about the complexity of film-making.  Instead, they joke about the low production values and point out funny things.  Examples being...

* Wynorski explains that their 'magic orb' was actually a door knob.
* Wynorski points out a car that appears at the top of a one shot, as well as some tire tracks in another.
* Terlesky talks about how all of their goons were played by the same three Mexican wrestlers.
* Naples and Wynorski explain her character's sudden exit: she had to go shoot another movie and they couldn't think of anything better.
* Wynorski explains that the stock footage from the first film- mostly the bar scene that appears in some form throughout the series- was added in post-production by Corman's company.  It's funny to hear his ironic indignation about his movie being 'dragged down.'

The actual movie is fun, but the DVD is worth the purchase for a second and third viewing warranted by the commentary.  It's unlike most you will ever hear.

Next in this series, a really terrible Jesus Franco film bears one piece of fruit.  Is it enough?  Stay tuned...

Great Moments in Stock Footage: Barbarian

Stock footage is the crutch of many bad directors. It allows you to show something without even shooting something. On top of that, the stuff is usually cheap- bonus! This has gone back to nearly the beginning of film-making, most notably in the wake of 1 Million B.C. The same dinosaurs would show up to battle in several other films- including Robot Monster and King Dinosaur. This sub-medium's impact on cinema is often understated and ignored. Time to change that! Let's begin with a pretty obscure example from....

Barbarian

This is what you need to know. Roger Corman produced four Deathstalker films, basically his low-rent versions of Conan the Barbarian or Ator. Years later, a Russian production company wanted to make their own Deathstalker movie and paid an unknown sum to use the footage from the previous film. They just crafted their film around this footage. This created the problem that I am going to point out today.

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Whether this film is a remake or a sequel is sort of unknown. Some parts imply that it is latter, while most of it implies the former. At the end of Deathstalker, the titular hero destroyed two of the three objects of power using the third (this works somehow). The evil wizard was killed at the end.

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Barbarian begins by having the evil wizard come back to life using one of the three objects. In a later scene, they show the hero (not Deathstalker) in a bar. A fight breaks out. This scene is one shot in the original Deathstalker and used in part for all four of them. No, really. In one of the shots you see the evil wizard...just not this movie's. That's right- they did not cut a scene showing the other actor as the same character. Think people!

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Up next, a 60's classic is cut up...again and again. Stay tuned...

Magical Moments: Dragonslayer/Deathstalker III

No P.O.S. computer issues can keep me from posting. Dammit.

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Two different movies share one common trait amongst their varying plots, film quality and overall differences. Let's start off simple with a cult classic that has one dangling plot thread that strikes me...

Dragonslayer

To start off with, this is a good movie. As I said, there is just one thing that is a bit 'off'' about it. Shall I explain? I guess I should, yeah.

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Early on in the movie, the great wizard and mentor to our hero dies in a freak accident. This forces the newcomer to have to battle the powerful dragon on his own. Good luck, kid. Now, here's the thing: he comes back.

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Right when the big battle finally comes up, the wizard allows himself to come back to life. He explains that he could have done it at any point. So, why did you not help your student? Did you just not want to make the long trip to the cave? Really now!

Deathstalker III

See, now this movie I can make fun of freely. It sucks long, hard and often. Out of the four films in the series, only one is not on official DVD. Even Barbarian Queen II is on DVD. I'm just saying.

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Early on in the movie, the forces of the evil wizard villain attack the camp where Deathstalker and the good wizard are. The good one, using his Wonder Woman-esque powers teleports away with a spin. Where does he go? Just wait.

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Most of the movie goes by before we find out. Our hero goes to battle the villain and stumbles across the same stock footage bar scene that is in every Deathstalker movie. Seriously- check it out. Out of freaking nowhere, the wizard suddenly appears in the bad guy's castle. About four days have gone by in the story and he just shows up with no explanation. On top of that, he is immediately grabbed by guards and captured. What was the point?

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This movie is just plain bad. It is funny to laugh at, but not nearly as much as Deathstalker and it is not nearly as humorous on its own as Deathstalker II. The new actor playing the role is not as good as any of the other ones, which is a really bad insult if you think about it. The worst part is the wizard who has no plans, logic or follow-through. He must have been the director too!

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Let's talk a moment away from magic for a moment. Japan- I'm looking at you. Stay tuned...