Sleep Tight: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4- The Dream Master

I hope you weren't getting too comfortable when you slept.  Today's Film is A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, the 1988 follow-up to arguably the most popular Film in the Franchise.  Well, it is either that or the 2010 Reboot.  This time, Freddy is inexplicably-back and kind of gets side-tracked.  3 and a half Films in, they released that there was only a finite number of kids that could be possible victims.  Unless they kept adding new Adults to the original kill list, this would just get silly.  Their solution: have Freddy just decided to kill people for no purpose.  I would ask what his motivation is though, since, while he was a killer in life, he didn't exactly target the same victims.  It is kind of like that Film I saw where the Ghost of John Wayne Gacy molests a Woman- only slightly-less stupid.  From this point, he's just some crazy killer with no goals other than to kill- how interesting is that?  To the Film's credit, they do acknowledge the continuity; well, most of the time.  They somehow mix up Freddy's House (which presumably burned down) with Nancy's House!  On top of that, the transition between Films is vague and in need of some real explanation.  This one is notable for being the second highest-grossing in the Franchise, so that must make it good, right?  It is from the Director of 12 Rounds, Cutthroat Island and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, so that must help.  To find out just how good this Nightmare is, you'll have to read on...

Kristen is back and she's...not the lady from Medium.

Yes, our future Oscar Winner is not back.  The reason?  Well, there are about six stories and none of them actually make sense/cover it.

She knows that Freddy is dead (not until Part Six!) and is scolded by her fellow Dream Warriors to get over it.  She can't.

She's joined by a slew of new people, including Asthmatic Girl, Karate Boyfriend, Exercise Girl and Not Sam J. Jones.

Apparently Kristen made friends fast in the, I guess, a year since she's been out of the Institution.

Freddy returns when one of the Warriors' dog appears in a dream, digs up Freddy and pisses fire on him.  Freddy is apparently eternal now...although we still don't know why.

Is this sillier than Jason reviving via lightning 2 years prior?

So Freddy is back and he wipes out the two other Warriors in one night, since Kristen is keeping herself awake.

My questions...

1) Why does the 'mute' guy talk now?
2) Why does he fall for the same trick again?!?

Kristen is killed next, but only after she brings her friend Alice into her dream and gives her the powers.  Why they work differently here is anyone's guess.

Also, isn't Alice awake here?  That means that Freddy made something happen in the waking world?

This leads to Freddy now killing a bunch of new people because...reasons.  He at least keeps his creativity up, even if the foreshadowing for their deaths is so on the nose this time.

Alice has a new version of the Dream Warriors powers- the ability to use the strengths/traits of her dead friend's.  Dial H for Movie Heroine, I guess.

After trying to beat Freddy with some kicks and a Chekhov's Tool from her friend, she uses a Dream Master trick (hurray for the Title) to trap Freddy and free all of the souls he stole.

He's dead for real now...until the next Film (or 3).  The End.

Pretty good, but getting a bit formulaic at this point.  The Elm Street Franchise is a tricky one.  On one hand, it works well by using Dream Logic to allow for creativity.  On the other hand, the stuff outside the kills is kind of lazy.  Characters are introduced, their fears are set up and Freddy later exploits them.  They always seem to tease that they are going to do something new, but never quite commit to it.  In Part 3, the whole Dream Warriors thing is a bit of a letdown for me.  They set them up as having unique abilities, but none of them help them actually beat Freddy.  In this Film, the Dream Master stuff doesn't help or add all that much.  Kristen tries the trick early on, but Freddy still gets her.  It really only factors into the end, with Alice constantly being stopped from interceding.  It is the awkward mix that happens with all of these Slasher Franchises- you want a Hero, but you also want a set number of kills.  Some are better at this than others.  Alice definitely tries to be a Heroine, but really only saves one guy in the end.  The way they handled the transition in Story, as noted, is still odd.  If Freddy was manipulating Kristen there, did he have to?  If she didn't see him in the dream, would he not be able to target her?  On top of that, he intentionally targets everyone around her first!  The first 3 Films have pretty unique feels, while this one feels like too much of a rehash much of the time.  It is still good as far as these go- it just isn't unique.  Speaking of unique, they use footage of Reefer Madness II: The True Story (a Comedy Re-Dub from 1985) in one dream, but turned down the dialog from said Film on all Video releases.  They didn't *remove* it though, so enjoy these useless Subtitles...

Next up, a fairly-recent Film that has flown under the radar for most.  It has 'Superman' fighting Nazis- what else do you need?  Stay tuned...

Renny Harlin Week: Exorcist- The Beginning

It's not the Beginning- it's the end.  

Today's film is Exorcist: The Beginning- the third attempt to get this film made.  

First, John Frankenheimer dropped out...and then died.  It's un-related to the film, but also a bit creepy.  It's kind of like how the guy who played the Doctor in Ed Wood's Jail Bait died the day after shooting- weird.  

After that, they hired Paul Schrader, who Produced 'a psychological thriller' and not the 'bloody' film that the studio wanted.  They let him film the movie...and then decided that they didn't like it.  

Well, if you're already $30 million in the hole with no film (that you like), why not just hire Renny Harlin and give him another $50 million?  Seemed like a fool-proof plan- apparently.  

Well, the film they finally released was a Critical failure, but made back its budget.  Oh wait- it made back the budget of Harlin's film, not the total budget.  

In hindsight, maybe you should have just made one movie and stuck with it.  This film supposedly tells the origin of Pazuzu and how it first battled the famous Priest from the 1973 Classic.  

The result- a movie that's kind of hard to explain.  

Here to explain it is...well, me.  To see if I'm up to the task, read on...

Sometime a long time ago, a Priest- who looks like Director Renny Harlin, but isn't- walks through a field full of dead bodies.  This is supposed to set something up...but there's not a whole lot of pay-off in the end.

In the present (of the 1940s), our Priest is hired from Stock Arabian Town #4 to find an artifact.  Since he has no faith, he might as well have money to buy booze, I guess!

Say hello to Ben Cross in one of his two scenes.  Hi and Bye, Ben!

They dig up a Church that appears to be Catholic, but there's no record of it.  Throw in the upset natives and you have a sticky situation.

What seems wrong in this situation to you?

Here's a fun game: take a shot every time that random noises or expressions make the Father flash back to when he worked in Germany.  

This framing device is not silly or anything!

Maybe the Father can go to an expert for advice on the matter.  

What can you tell him, former Priest?

...um, I'll get back to you.  These lovely Kenyans are going to do an Exorcism (the only real one in the movie).  

It will work well, provided that an evil spirit doesn't start breaking their limbs.

The Demon in the Church- which was apparently built to sanctify unholy ground- starts doing shit, including killing one guy with STD face and making the British Commander commit suicide.  

How can we make this all tie together?

Oh naturally, the film's only white woman gets possessed by Pazuzu and attacks the Priest.  

So does the demon have his own DNA, thus making the two look similar or is this just lazy writing?

Regardless, the Priest exercises the spirit- for the time being- and ends by returning to the Vatican.  

Now it all makes sense.  The End.

I hope it was worth the extra $50 million.  Never mind the fact that the Studio spent nearly the same amount of money as George W. Bush gave to AIDS Research during his Presidency on making this hokey film.  

I'm not going to say that it's terrible- I'd have to get in line.  

My biggest problem was just the way that it flowed- awkwardly.  It kind of meanders a bit towards the finish line, suddenly trying to sprint in the final minutes like a really bad Track Star.  

It doesn't help that much of the film is centered around the Father investigating the background of the dig site, as opposed to, you know, the dig site.  Focus on what's in front of you.  

On top of that, this slow pacing is dragged even further down with a pseudo-romance sub-plot with the Father and his random WWII flashbacks.  His memories are rough too, almost worse than anything that actually happens in the film's current plot.  

As far as that current plot goes, it's nothing special.  After an hour, he confronts the Priest sent with him and says, 'I know the truth.'  The Priest rebukes him at first, but then immediately buckles and says that everything he stated was accurate.  

You'd make a terrible witness- I'm just saying.  

In summary, the movie has its moments, but takes too long to get there.  Even so, I have to give them credit for this 'nod' to Return of the Living Dead and the re-animated butterflies...

Next up, a week of Forgotten Sequels available without discs.  First up, the vampire sequel that nobody requested...ever.  Stay tuned...

Renny Harlin Week: Cutthroat Island

This is the story of Captain...Morgan.  No, not that one. Today's film is Cutthroat Island aka How to Lose Millions of Dollars by Misreading the Market.  Nine times out of ten, people don't care about Pirate movies. Isn't that right, most Pirate movies from the last 30 years?  Granted- those four made a ton of money...but those also hadn't been made yet.  This was made by CarolCo Pictures, a company that Harlin claimed was already going under when they green-lit the production.  Yeah, that covers your ass for killing the studio, Renny!  In all seriousness, the film cost about $100 million according to Wikipedia, which may or may not include the Marketing Budget.  Fun Fact: there's also a video game tie-in.  It's a shame that they don't have a Character Creation System or I could try to make Bob review it.  So what is Cutthroat Island about?  Pirates looking for treasure/revenge.  In short- nothing special.  What's interesting/bad is that there are about 7 plots going on here, most of which careen into each other as the film reaches its climax.  It's actually interesting foreshadowing for the big old mess that was the third PotC film, actually.  To find out how you lose $80 million in one go, read on...

The film kind of skips the opening you'd expect.  It's kind of an odd omission right off of the bat too.

We meet our heroine going to her father's ship, but she arrives too late to save him from his evil brother.  Oh no, I...totally know and care who these characters are.

 If you want a simple summary for the first half of the movie, it would be this: long set-piece action scenes and...

...lots of explosions.  You can just see the rent checks for CarolCo burn away in this shot too.

Yea!  More explosions!  Can't get enough of those- right, Michael Bay?

Here's the 'basic' rundown: Morgan (Davis) has one piece of the map and wants the treasure.  Dog (Frank Langella) has one piece of the map and wants the treasure.  Some dude in the British Navy wants the treasure and turns one of Morgan's men.  Shaw (Matthew Modine) is playing for one side: his own.

Get it?  Got it?  Good.

Eventually, all of the parties make it to the titular Island.  Shaw and Morgan work together again, but things go against them (naturally).

The British Navy and the bad Pirates (who team up with a rebel contingent of Morgan's crew as well) team up to share the loot.  How will our heroes win the day?

Oh gee- it's nice of you to have a ship battle.  It's only been 90 minutes, movie!  Wanna guess how it ends?

 Big explosion- naturally!  Our heroes win the day, get the treasure and go off to new adventures...that will never see the light of day.  The End.

Explosions!  The movie is not bad- let me get that out of the way.  The problem is that it doesn't really have much of an identity.  The only real 'gimmick' is having a lady Pirate.  I go back to this one a lot, but Roger Corman's Gunslinger did a lady in a Western lead.  It's still not a good film.  In the same vein, this movie isn't really better b/c Geena Davis is the star.  They get points for doing it- don't get me wrong- but I'm not going to like/dislike the movie any more/less for doing this.  The film is just too complex for its own good.  At least half of the characters have their own side motivations constantly in play.  If you want to make a 'popcorn flick,' you can't do that.  You can excuse some of that in the later Pirates movies, if only b/c they were sequels building off of the previous films.  With tighter Writing, better Pacing and maybe a bit less over-done action, this could have been a hit.  I still can't imagine that it would have grossed $100 million though.  Isn't that right, First Officer Jamie Hyneman...

Next up, a film that was shot without Harlin, but then shot...again by him.  Can a third choice Director do any wrong?  Stay tuned..

Renny Harlin Week: The Covenant

Before the Werewolf pack from Twilight, there was The Covenant!  Yeah, I went there.  Today's film- obviously- is The Covenant.  It's the tale of a bunch of buff guys that hang out together, use magic and definitely do nothing else.  I only joke about the innuendo, since the two leads- read: important characters- have love interests in the film.  Fun fact: one of them was in two famously-bad, big-budget movies this year.  The film features macho posturing, silly effects and a shit ton of color correction.  Color correction: because blue isn't blue enough!  To see this film that you probably missed in Theaters, read on...

The opening narration lays the whole thing out: there were families of witches.  Most of them are dead now.  Here are four guys that have magic powers.  Everything clear?

Our heroes are the four eldest (read: only...apparently) sons of the remaining four clans of Warlocks/Witches.  They use their powers for fun, but is there a price?

Hi, Taylor Kitsch!  On the plus side, this is the smallest blemish on your resume.  Kudos!

While the plot drags its feet, enjoy this shot of our heroes making this lady's ass flash the camera.  That's how you really use magic!

Basically, the plot is that someone is out there doing something evil as our hero approaches his 'Ascension' (read: Quickening).

I especially love this scene where they smash each other into crates and boxes...but nobody 10 feet away hears it.  Naturally.

As it turns out, the only guy that it could be is the villain.  Gee, is he from the fifth family that was supposedly dead?  Nah!

The truth is that over-using one's magic powers causes them to age prematurely.  It's basically the same idea as Satan's power usage in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance- just with more old-age make-up.  Nice cameo, Guy Pearce!

Despite this being about, you know, the Covenant, our hero goes off to fight the villain alone.  You guys really are as useful as Werewolf Pack Members 2-4, aren't you?

Ahhhh...that Quickening!!!!

Unfortunately, this fight just boils down to the two guys throwing the water orb effects from The Abyss, flying around on wires and explosions randomly going off.  Hell, the blasts sometimes set off explosions...but not other times.

In The End, our hero wins the day, but the villain may be alive.  See you in...nothing ever again.  The End.

This is just kind of slow and silly.  Don't get me wrong- it's not terrible.  No, this film suffers from one of the bigger problems out there: it's pointless.  Is there a message?  No.  Is there a real story to tell?  No.  This movie is just a flimsy and silly pretense to show a bunch of effects.  You want silly and flimsy- hire Renny Harlin!  I kid, I kid.  If you can accept that this is a goofy film that really has no purpose, you can enjoy it quite a bit.  The characters are written broadly, the action is silly and the whole plot just meanders at its own pace.  The effects are not all that bad, but I can't exactly say that they are great.  They don't look fake- they just look silly.  I love how random the powers are and just how they are used.  You can fall without taking damage, cause a car to fly and make a lady's skirt flip up.  Do any of those things seem related to you at all? Magic is just a deus ex machina, isn't it?  For pure silly escapism, The Covenant will suffice.  For actual, quality cinema, look elsewhere.  Take us away, outfit that women only wear in movies...

Next up, a big money-loser for Harlin.  Will explosions alone save his Pirate Epic?  Stay tuned...

Renny Harlin Week: The Long Kiss Goodnight

A better metaphor is not available.  After a bit of success in America with films like Cliffhanger, Harlin was given a little leeway to create something of his own.  It didn't hurt that they had a Screenplay by Shane Black, the Writer of Lethal Weapon and The Monster Squad.  As a bonus, Harlin was able to cast his then-wife Geena Davis in the lead.  The film is...well, it's The Bourne Identity.  Granted, this film is probably a closer match to Point of No Return, but the framing is more like Bourne.  The plot is pretty easy to decipher if you know either of those films, so I won't waste too much time with it.  I will mention that the film was a Critical success, but lost money for the studio.  Naturally, they gave him even more money to make Cutthroat Island...but more on that later.  To see the start of Harlin's downfall, read on...

Our heroine has amnesia and has no idea why she's covered in scars.  She's been living a quiet life with a kid (who she was pregnant with when she first work up) and there's no way that it could possibly go awry.

Through a series of events, she ends up in a car wreck and a chip falls out of her head.  This sets her up on a path to find out who she truly is.

Unbeknownst to her, a high-up conspiracy is discussed in the White House.  How does it relate to our amnesiac heroine?

The film's cast is full of notable names, even if they weren't as famous then.  Hi, Brian Cox!

Our heroine goes through some changes as she tries to get to the source of her past.

You'll notice that my Screen Caps change to Widescreen.  Long story short- Netflix's DVD of TLKG is kind of crappy.

Craig Bierko is here playing the villainous henchman and the father of Davis' baby.  He does a good job here...but it's distracting since I mostly know him from Scary Movie 4 and Boston Legal.

Here's the reason that I delayed this review: the Third Act Plot Reveal features a Government Official saying that they will fake a terror attack to get military funding.

Yeah, I didn't plan for this at all.  Don't bother trying to find good TLKG clips on YouTube either- you'll just find this scene.

Davis and Bierko battle against rear-projection backgrounds before our heroine finally wins the day.  So much for the Custody Hearing!

Our heroes win the day and survive to live happily ever after.  Jackson in particular can thank test audiences for that fact- he died in the original cut.  The End.

Dear God, it's...not that bad.  Don't get me wrong- the movie isn't great.  I would say that the movie is good in a lot of ways, but doesn't do a whole lot that's unique.  They basically hired Shane Black to turn 'The Bourne Identity' into a Feminist Action film.  Beyond that, the movie doesn't do a whole lot.  The biggest thing you can say about it is that it tries to represent Davis' character struggling to be herself.  As she learns more about her killer past, she tries to distance herself from her normal woman self.  That doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, however, since the former doesn't represent a big bit of escapism that one might desire.  Instead, she just kind of comes off as callous for a bit, especially when she initially appears to abandon Samuel L. Jackson's character.  It all comes around, of course, but I don't see what the point of it really is.  Aside from that, the action is mostly-good, the writing is good (naturally) and it's generally-decent.  If I had a halfway-decent Disc, I might have actually been able to watch it more smoothly.  This does set my sights slightly-higher for Cutthroat Island, which is probably going to be bad.  Take us away, bad-ass ice skating...

Next up, Renny Harlin makes a film about shirtless men that use magic.  Somewhere, David DeCoteau is perking up his ears.  Stay tuned...