What The?!?!? Cover Art: Trancers (1985)

So I don't know the origin of this.  I want to think that it is just a coincidence.

Regardless of who made this, however, the whole thing is just plain weird.

1985's Trancers is a Sci-Fi Film from Full Moon about Jack Deth time-traveling to the Past to save mankind. 

I tell you all that to put this thing into whatever context is available...

 Seriously, what is this?!?

Please tell me that there is a Book or a Band or something that is just also called this.

If this is really 'based' on the Movie, I want to know how and why!

Blah blah blah...original art...

I like to think of myself as a restorer of fine art.  One day, I'll actually find some to work on.

Stock Footage Hell: Trancers 6

I know you've guys have been waiting for this one for a quite a while, so I won't leave you waiting any longer.  Check this crap out...

The film begins in the future with some guy talking to Jack Deth on a video screen.  Apparently, he saw a future vision of Jack's daughter/future descendant (I hate you, time travel!) being killed, so he sends Jack 'down the line.'  Of course, this is all a guy talking to stock footage.  Think I'm joking?  Check this out...

Anyone with working eyes can see how badly-chopped up this crap is?  How hard would it have been to get Tim Thomerson again?  He's still acting, so it's not like when they replaced the actress in the sequel to Island of the Fishmen (yes, it is real).  Hell, the guy's last movie was War Wolves, a shitty film that is a future review on the site.  I think he had no better options, but whatever.

Then again, Trancers 6 has shots like this in it...

You made a good call, Tim.

Next up, in the wake of all the hype about the new Doctor Who Matt Smith, I thought it was worth looking into a mistake they made in the past.  Welcome to Hell, kiddies.  Stay tuned...

Year in Review: Trancers Quintology

As we approach the 20th, we near the 1 year anniversary of Mondo Bizarro.  A big change is coming down the pipe, but, until then, enjoy this look back at what my little hands and eyes have accomplished.

Back in July, I did the first Quintology review.  For those not 'in the know,' this is a review of a 5-Part movie series.  I started off with a little Full Moon film called Trancers.

Trancers: This sets up the tale of Jack Deth being sent to the past to stop the murders of the ancestors of the future's ruling council.  The whole thing is built around time travel via body possession of one's ancestors.  He meets up with a cute blonde (Helen Hunt), who would play a big role in his life in the future.  This movie is fun fluff that apes crime noir and sci-fi at the same time.  It's no Blade Runner, but it has its charm.

Trancers 2: This sequel hits a lot of the right notes, but definitely has some issues.  It is one of the rare sequels that actually addresses the gap of time between the films being made (this time, 6 years).  The plot gets screwy and has a couple of holes that you could drive a Prius through.  That said- it features genre actors Jeffrey Combs and Richard Lynch, which is always a plus.  It also started a bad trend in the series...

Trancers 3: Another good movie, but more bottom-heavy than the others.  There is one giant action scene that runs about ten minutes or so at the end, which is a lot for a movie that's about 65 minutes long.  The problem: the series was hemmoraging actors.  They lost Helen Hunt with this one, as well as a couple other supporting players.  The film has a good actor playing the villain, which helps the film out a lot.  Still a weak entry in a series that was not getting better.

Trancers 4: The series went a new direction with this film, but not really a good one.  Basically, the film dumps more characters (including Jack's new sidekick who was supposed to be a recurring character) and changes the setting early on to that of a fantasy world called Orpheus.  As I said at the time, your like or dislike of the film will be based a lot on how many sword-and-sorcery films you have seen vs. how many bad sci-fi films you have seen.  By the way, this movie is written by longtime comic scribe and novelist Peter David...not that you can tell.

Trancers 5: This is the big finish now, so let's enjoy it.  Basically, Full Moon made two films back-to-back: Part 4 and 5.  The movie picks up where the last one ended- with Jack stranded in the dimension.  He goes off seeking some magical McGuffin and runs into the villain from before, who is back to life via a painting.  Don't expect this to make much sense.  They try to force a message of acceptance in here, which is out of place since every Trancer save for one has been evil.  Maybe he should distrust them, guys!  The film is padded to the brim too, stuffing about fifteen minutes of re-used footage in via flashbacks and recaps.

In fairness, there is a Trancers 6, but it was made about seven years after the last one and is an in-name-only sequel.  Basically, they re-used old footage of Tim Thomerson in 'the future' and have him jump into a female body.  For those who are really curious, I will cover it in the next installment of 'Great Moments in Stock Footage.'

I hope that this proves helpful for all of those who have not been following this page since the beginning.

Next on the agenda, a look back at a British/Canadian alien series that has almost nothing in common.  Want to know the 'how' and the 'why?'  Stay tuned...

Quintology: Trancers V

Oh my god, I have made it to the end. But at what cost? Have my standards been lowered by the sheer force of these mostly-average-but-never-great movies? Will I suddenly think that Lucio Fulci is a director with no blemish? Will I look forward to 'Tiny' Lister appearances in films? Only time- and future reviews- will tell. In the meantime, let's get past Full Moon Pictures for a while and finish up with...

Trancers V: Sudden Deth

Yeah, I don't need to even say anything, do I? I thought not.

*

The film begins with a montage of the last movie. This goes on for roughly ten minutes a.k.a. an eternity. Your first sign of worry has to come when your lead-in is this long for a movie that is just over seventy minutes. Combine this with the re-use of footage from the beginning of Trancers IV (which is also shown in the montage, in case you are completely dumb and forget by the end) and nearly a quarter of the film is old footage. You lazy bastards.

*

The real movie begins with a long scene of Tunnel Rats running around and killing the nobles. Of course, Jack is not there. Thanks for helping, buddy. We cut to Jack and his lady pal hanging out. I neglected to mention a couple plot points in my last review, so let me correct that. The weapon's designer lady has a 'double' in this alternate dimension. You would think that they would be setting up a Peter Pan sort of thing (where the dad is also Captain Hook), but you would be wrong. It's just her. Anyhow, in the interim between the two films (big shock), he has grown tired of the subservient nature she possesses from years as a slave. Her character arc gets a little weird as she basically turns into the seer (replacing the one who died in the fourth film). His story was a bit odd too. He dies after standing up to a noble and doing...well, nothing. He falls over and uncovers a sketch of his death. All things considered, that qualifies as suicide in my book.

*

So, basically, this is what happens: the villain comes back to life and all hell breaks loose. He does this by having a painting of him be unraveled and, voila, he's alive. It's nice how easy that is, isn't it? His evil plan involves getting some mysterious gem that will allow him to access untold power. It is stored, naturally, in the Castle of Imminent Death. This movie is all about subtlety. As luck would have it, this same artifact also would give Jack the power to return to his home world. Jack and the villain's reformed-son Prospero head off and learn to respect each other along the way. Jack's very anti-trancer attitude is tested by the young man in a series of very forced dialogue interactions. Where did your subtle writing go, Peter David?

*

For such a long build-up (about 45 minutes), the final battle aspect goes pretty quickly. The villain beats up Prospero and Jack, but they escape. They manage to get back in time before the villain accomplishes his goal, but after the stunt coordinator/actor gets killed. Alas poor...somebody. Nobody important dies though. In a surprisingly quick fashion, the villain is killed...again and Jack returns home. But he is not alone though. Prospero goes with him, fearing that he will lose control around his love-interest lady. We get the same 'Jack is lost' footage, but with a little more. Jack and Prospero show up, the latter of whom is apparently cured by the trip. Con-ven-ient! Jack makes out with his version of the bitchy lady and we all live happily ever after...well, until the crappy 6th film. I will not review that, as it is made up of entirely stock footage of Tim Thomerson. Trancers without Thomerson- forget it.

*

Well, we all survived. Let's return to form with the end- and oddly enough- the fifth part of a different, crappier series. Stay tuned...

Quintology: Trancers IV

It must be nice to live life by Full Moon standards. If your work does not cost too much, it can be average in most ways and make a little profit. Imagine if Wall Street worked like that. Oh wait, their system is even more screwed up. Well, that's enough political commentary for today. Let's jump right into the pile of low-budget film-making that is...

Trancers IV: Jack of Swords

Yeah, they somehow made a stupider subtitle. Stupidity is its own reward.

*

The film begins with Jack returning from one of his time-travel adventures. When asked, he reveals that Shark (the lizard-robot thing from Trancers III) was killed in battle. Nice knowing you, random character with no back-story. Other than a sight gag where Jack has the thing's head plugged in as a lamp (no, really), he is gone. But wait, there is more. You recall how Jack's dead-wife-in-another-body-from-the-past is in the present (our future) with him and that our hero is now single (after being dumped in Trancers III)? Well, forget that too. Some random council member (he has a name, but I don't care) is now with her and says that Jack 'should have known that this was coming.' Well, of course he did. It was the gap between movies, which automatically kills any love-life he may have.

*

Jack goes out drinking and randomly hits on some lady. When she turns him down, he gets all 'I know women like you' and she leaves. Lo and behold, he runs into her the next day- as his new weapon's designer. That black lady from the Council from Trancers 1-3 is gone with no explanation too, by the way. Should have seen that coming, huh? While in his tube to jump to another incident, a random monster that Jack killed re-spawns...somehow and a struggle breaks out. This sends his 'ship' (which is basically one of those pods that astronauts land in) off-course and he vanishes. Jack arrives in a new world and finds his way home smashed. His train of thought is interrupted by a lady being attacked by a man in a bad Renaissance Faire outfit. By the way, we changed genres just now. His new plasma gun does nothing and our hero nearly dies. Through sheer luck, he kills the guy and moves on.

*

This is basically what you need to know: Jack is in a dimension called Orpheus (subtle, movie) where trancers are rich nobles that suck life energy from commoners. Yes, they are in fact energy vampires. The lack of a naked lady version is a big oversight by the film. Their leader is a pompous noble who does all of his acting in his face and nowhere else. His son is rejecting the ways of the trancer and the lady chosen for him by daddy.

*

Meanwhile, Jack meets The Tunnel Rats aka the most generic group of freedom fighters in movie history. Our hero still gets captured and, in the process, learns that his favorite gadget- the long-second watch- does not work right anymore. Actually, they don't explain what is wrong with it until Trancers V. In this movie, he just moves in slow-motion, giving us no idea why. The resistance rescues Jack, leading up to the big fight. Son betrays father and father dies...at least until the sequel/second-half. The End.

*

This movie is...odd. The future plays a super-tiny part and the majority of it was shot in the woods of Romania. Jack- and by proxy Tim- looks very out-of-place in the setting, which works both for and against the movie. On top of that, the idea that trancers are now vampiric nobles is an odd choice. Our hero catches on to this idea in a rather quick and convenient manner, almost as if he is trying to tell us that everything will be alright. Incidentally, this movie- as well as Trancers V- was written by Peter David, a comic book writer most famous for a 10-year run on 'The Incredible Hulk.' None of his talent ended up here. The movie is an interesting diversion, but far more forgettable than any other Trancers film.

*

Big finish! Big finish! Even if this movie is mostly a re-tread, I say BIG FINISH. Stay tuned...

Quintology: Trancers III

Who would have thought the movie could go this long? No, really. People had to wonder where the demand for these films was coming from. The budgets did not get any better and the scripts did not exactly get any better. Is Tim Thomerson just that good at playing an Alpha Male jerk? Regardless, they made more and I am going to review them...dammit. Let us jump right into the muck that is...

Trancers 3: Deth Lives

You know how much I love pun titles/subtitles by now. This one is just...well, silly.

*

In the present of 1992, the action has died down and Jack Deth has become a private eye. Unfortunately, during the break between movies, his marriage to Helen Hunt (I'm not going to say her character's name EVER) is on the rocks. As we will learn later, Jack has bad luck in the gap between films. Why must his love life be the biggest victim of lazy screenwriting? After stopping a liquor store robbery a la Cobra/Black Cobra/Best of the Best 4, he is knocked out and taken to the future by a big, ugly robot. In this future, the Trancers have risen back to power...somehow. With both former leaders dead (Whistler and his brother in 1 and 2) and no new leader shown, how did this happen again? Oh yeah, McNulty died at some point before Jack showed up too. At least his dead-now-living-wife-in-another-body is there still.

*

The Council has big plans for Jack: send him back to 2005 (but forward from where he was and, aw screw it!) to stop the new uprising. How did this uprising happen before and they not know it? Good question. Anyhow, they send him there and he has to find out what the source of the new trancers are. His question is answered pretty quickly in a scene set in, you guessed it, a strip club. A bunch of military men are in on an experiment that enhances strength and power. One of them goes a bit overboard and an American Ninja II-style bar fight breaks out. To put an end to the fight, the man has to be killed, but not before he 'trances.' This scares off the newest recruit, who runs to the nearest press she can find. Guess who that is.

*

Jack meets up with Helen Hunt again, only to find that she is re-married and has a kid. All of this because he never came back. Of course, given how time-travel works, he could easily jump back and undo all of this. Anyhow, she is hiding the young woman, who agrees to lead Jack to the compound. Incidentally, said compound is located in the same building as the strip club. Way to be inconspicuous. The leader of the experiment is a strange general who is also a Southerner and a scientist. Man, that guy is a triple-threat. He is played by Andrew Robinson, who you will either know as a guy from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine or the Scorpio Killer from Dirty Harry. He was also the lieutenant in Cobra, so this film is clearly the high-point for him. He tries to be both quirky and menacing, but tends to only pull off one of them. Feel free to guess which one I mean.

*

Jack and the lady break into the base, only to be captured. The villains dare to try and convert Jack into a trancer, which is a big no-no. He escapes and the pair proceed to walk down the hallway shooting...and shooting some more. This goes on for about five minutes before the young woman begins to transform. Jack kills her without question, although the movie tries to spin this positively. Just in time, the lizard robot shows up again and helps out Jack. Unfortunately, his batteries die...for some reason before the final fight. Don't worry, they come back on the second the fight ends. In the interim, our hero manages to get cornered by the villain and saved by another soldier. Um...my hero? He goes back to the future/present and begins a new leg of his journey: a time-jumping defender. Of course, that barely mattered by the time Trancers IV comes out. The End.

*

Well, we're halfway there. Are we living on a prayer? Only time- and David Nutter- will tell. Stay tuned...

Quintology: Trancers II

This one stands out a bit as the odd child of the series, which is saying a lot. Why? Well, this one came six years after the original. What are you- the Rush Hour series? The following films were all released in the following three years, showing that, if nothing else, the series was reliable. Of course, pushing movies out that quickly has a price. Just ask Jesus Franco, or whatever one of his 500 pseudonyms you prefer. So how does the one movie with a long release delay turn out? Find out in my review of...

Trancers II: The Return of Jack Death

The film starts out by wisely acknowledging the time gap. We don't get the 3 year plane ride from Rush Hour II or the five year flight from Rocky V. Jack and his lady have been living the good life as the former-bum's bodyguards. Through some random bit of luck, he became rich and bought a mansion for the three of them. In addition, the pair is married and happy. In the future (which is actually the present of Trancers), the remaining council wants Jack back. The only problem is that his body has calcified (don't ask) and only his descendant's body can be sent to the present. Fuck you, causality! They send Jack's friend McNulty back in his descendant's body again- only this time the girl is actually legal. Also, say good-bye to Art Fleur, since he is written out in Trancers 3.

*

The plot gets a bit more complicated before it gets silly. The Council also sends back an agent with a time machine (try not to laugh at it) to take Jack's body back to the present/future. The only problem: she got lost and the machine got mixed up in the transport. Only the door ends up on the lawn, while the rest of the machine is with our amnesiac agent. Don't ask how the door got separated in travel, BTW- it just did! Our heroine is dumped in an asylum because of the mental problems caused by her trip. Of course, the same asylum proves to be a bigger part of the plot. Basically, it is run by Whistler's brother and is another way to make trancers. As an aside, this film series wasted the opportunity to have the villain in Trancers 3 be Whistler's mother. For shame!

*

The plot gets screwy when Jack rescues the patient and realizes that it is his dead wife in a new body. The Council, you see, rescued her right before her death in battle and sent her back via the time-travel toxin (I still can't get past that). Are his feelings for her stronger than his ones for his wife? Will she get mad when she finds them making out? Will it seem creepy when Tim Thomerson makes out with a 19-year old? Fortunately, any creepiness here is outweighed by Richard Lynch as the villain (looking about 100), Jeffrey Combs as his assistant (complete with 'Mirror Mirror'-style goatee) and Barbara Crampton as the asylum's head mistress. Oh and a bunch of trancers attack Jack, giving him another excuse to use the long-second watch and kill them.

*

Now that we have all the plot out of the way, let's start shooting! Most of the latter quarter of the movie is a series of shoot-outs, fist fights and the like. Helen Hunt gets captured, only to be freed later with no ill-effects. We also get a random scene with hobos that is mostly a pretense for Charles Band (the director's father) and Gordon Hunt (Helen's father) to show-up, not to mention Lynch's son as a cameraman. The choreography is done pretty well, but it never feels like a big-budget action movie. To cut a long story short, Whistler's brother is killed with a flying pitchfork and Jack has to make a decision. He decides to give his wife another shot at life by sending her descendant to the future. You guys are so flippant with time-travel rules, huh? Jack decides to live happily ever after with his wife...at least until Trancers III.

*

This film is good, but it is a bit top-heavy with plot. They try to compensate by filling about 15 minutes straight with action, making the movie feel very strange. The lone trancers scene early on appears to be a way to appease an action-hungry audience. Let's be honest here: we should not judge this like any other movie. It has Lynch, Combs and Crampton as villainous doctors battling a former stand-up comic as a time-stranded cop who acts like a dime novel detective. No real logic is all that applicable. If you are an open-minded person who can accept that this movie cost less than 1 million dollars (if it's more, I would be surprised), you can have some fun. If nothing else, you can see what Oscar nominees do before the fact.

*

Do you like all of the characters and settings? Prepare to be a little disappointed. Stay tuned...

Quintology: Trancers

In the grand tradition of series reviews, I bring you, well, another one. This one is a film series that often goes unremembered by many. Why? Well, there were many gaps in the series' history and a tumultuous bit of cast upheaval as well. Unlike some other film series', there was no guarantee who would be back and who would be gone. Plus, it was made by Full Moon Pictures, who is not exactly Paramount. Well, that ends today. Prepare for a five part series of reviews that will make you say 'viva la Trancers.' We start out with...

Trancers

The film begins with our hero- Jack Deth- arriving at a diner at night for some coffee. He has all the air of a 50s mystery novel character about him. This is supposed to be the cornerstone of the series, although it is only that strong well...here. One of the people in the restaurant 'turns' and becomes a 'Trancer.' Basically, they are the Rage Virus zombies from 28 Weeks Later, only much more low-budget and in a sci-fi setting. When they die, they turn into orange energy and vanish. Gee, that saves money on making corpses. This bit of good news is broken by the revelation that Deth's old enemy Whistler is actually alive (his supposed death takes place in Trancers -1, apparently) and has time-traveled. Why? To kill the Council's ancestors and erase them from history. Sounds good.

*

The Council decides to send Jack back in time- to 1985-, but into the body of his ancestor. Not only did he luck out and have his ancestor not be a quadriplegic, but he is also coming off of a one night stand with Helen Hunt. He adjusts pretty slowly, but, luckily enough for him, a Trancer shows up at Hunt's workplace. She does not take the idea of him killing one of her co-workers and driving off with her- how odd. When he goes into a tanning booth to find one of the descendants, she drives off. After he is knocked down and put into a James Bond-style death trap involving a tanning bed, she has a change of heart...for some reason. He repays the favor a couple of minutes later when they are confronted by Whistler (in the form of a present day cop). Using a 'long-second watch,' he skips past the villains in the blink of an eye. It's nice to have your own Deus Ex Machina, isn't it?

*

Jack is not doing so well and has only one Council member left to save. Unfortunately, the surviving descendant is a drunken ex-baseball player. While searching for him, they take a break to get in all the cliches of an 80s movie. Dance club scene with bad cover band-check. Badly-choreographed fight with punk fans- check. Older hero eventually blending in with 80s culture- big check. Eventually, they find the man, but he is a bum. Whistler is also on his trail and captures Ms. Hunt. He dumps her off of a roof, but Jack manages to save her by using the long-second watch again. Whistler is sent back to the future via the weird time-travel toxin that people are injected with. Unfortunately, Jack is left in 1985...at least until the sequel.

*

This movie is pretty good, although it definitely has to be viewed the right way. The movie is kind of silly, not all the clever and very low-budget. In spite of that, the movie works pretty well with what it has. Tim Thomerson is oddly-entrancing (pun not intended) as the lead, but I can't figure out why. Everyone else is pretty forgettable, although Hunt's 'spunky' character has its own charm as well. Looking back, it is hard to imagine how four films got spun out of this little bit of amusement. Then again, I have already reviewed the fourth Omen and Leprechaun films, so I should not be too harsh. You can do far worse than renting this movie. Believe me, I have!

*

You have to know what comes next, don't you? More zombie-vampires, Tim Thomerson and low-budget action. Stay tuned...