Lost in Translation: Revenge of the Creature (1955)

 In the last one of these, I showed a crazy Poster for this Gill-Man Sequel.

His giant hand/foot (it's hard to tell really) is coming down on a City.

So, he's obviously not a giant in the Film, so that's wrong.

…however, what if this was metaphorical?  Maybe it's representative of how it impacted the City?

Here's an Italian Poster for it which does the same thing, but no possible subtext is available...

Cool Poster.

Still not a giant.

Here's the original...

Brighter colors and sharper contrast should make the 'giant' creature stand out more.  It gives it- and the Boat- a sort of 3-D effect, which is appropriate.

Animation For Kids?!?: Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde (1986)

 If you ever wonder why some Australians seem weird, remember that many of them likely saw THIS as a kid.  This is a direct(ish) adaptation of the Book of the same name.  Would you think that a CARTOON would be made of this?!?

It was. 
Just this one time.

Made in 1986 for Australian TV, the Film is apparently an 'Animation Classic' according to the $1 DVD I got at a Thrift Store.  Sure.

Can you make a Story like this palatable enough for kids?  Let's find out...

The Film begins in classic Kid's Cartoon fashion- with people burying a criminal (Hyde) in an unmarked grave.

Yikes!

Curiously, the Film then jumps ahead 20 YEARS LATER to have Jekyll's Maid tell the story to her Grandkids.  Huh?!?

What was the point of showing the ending first and *then* telling the Story?!?

If you were ever in High School or are currently in High School, you know the gist of this Story, right?

Dr. Jekyll is a good man who wants to prove that evil is a separate part of us that can be removed.

It worked out well for Adam Warlock and Stewie on Family Guy, so why not?

He, of course, proves his Thesis by way of transforming himself into the devilish Mr. Hyde.

His bones must have hurt with this transformation, no?

In a great example of 'why is this a cartoon for kids,' see Mr. Hyde murder a guy on a Bridge.

It's barely-concealed and outright stated to happen in the Newspaper the next day.

He kills a few people too!

They introduce odd little asides that are supposed to make this more 'for kids.'

For instance, Mr. Hyde tries to kill Jekyll's cat, since it is a 'witness.'

Why are you crying, kids?!?

They follow the Story pretty faithfully otherwise, even showing Jekyll's comrade seeing the transformation and then dying slowly from shock afterwards.

For kids!

With Hyde wanted for murder, things seem to be closing in on him.  

He barricades himself in Jekyll's study, leading to the man's other friends preparing to break in and save him.

They...find him dead.

We are now back at the Funeral and the people all agree to not speak of Jekyll's connection to Hyde, lest his name be tarnished.

Whoops- I guess the Maid missed that, since she just told her Grandkids all about it!  The End.

What a weird mix of styles and Story.  Have my made my point about how this is not for kids yet?!?

As a faithful adaptation of the Story, it's not that bad.  The Animation is nice enough at times.  There's definitely some stiff Characters and motion though.  The Soundtrack is...oddly funky for this kind of tale.  The Voice Acting is alright, so nothing to complain about there.

It's just...very odd as a combination of Animation and this Story.  Hyde kills people, but also does 'wacky' stuff like stealing some silverware and throwing it into the Themes.  Ha.  The Framing Device here is just silly and contradictory.  Just tell the Story in order.  That's all you need to do.

If you ever wanted a great example of how odd this mix was, I'll leave you with this.  A rat finds some of Jekyll's formula and eats it, turning into a mutant itself.  It walks by a glass beaker, sees its reflection and dies of a fright-based heart attack.  For kids!

****

Next up, another Film from my random pile of DVDs.  Will it be Horror, Action or both?  Stay tuned...

New Streaming Crap: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

 A worldwide Pandemic couldn't stop a mega-streaming platform from releasing this one on the World.

Is it a cut above the rest or are the dead the lucky ones?

We get an exposition package of the original Film via a TV in a Gas Station.  Thanks, Blair Witch 2.

This means that we're in the 'forget all of the Sequels- THIS is the Sequel' territory a la 2018's Halloween.

Unsurprisingly, there are ALOT of comparisons to that Film here.

A silly contrivance leads to the death of Leatherface's Mother (or at least Mother figure because it has been 48 years) and he suits up to kill the people that dared to be there.

Now it is everyone vs a (let's be generous) 68-year old Leatherface.

So yeah, they're f###ed.

Can a returning Laurie...I mean, Sally be the one to put the killer down?

And yes, let's address the obvious- the original Actress died in 2014, so this Not Laurie is also a Not Sally.  It's also not her fault, but still.

Yikes.  This one is...yeah, it's bad.

It was test-screened and then sold to Netflix thanks to COVID Shutdowns.  It's too bad that this didn't shutdown by TV!

The whole idea is...not great either.  Hipsters come to make a new community in a Ghost Town...only one person lives there.  It just HAPPENS to be Leatherface, who somehow eluded Sally and the Cops for nearly 50 years.  Yes, THIS GUY did that.

This one really is an Idiot Story.  It also makes a Mary Sue (or Larry Stu) out of Leatherface.
He's got to be nearly 70 here, but he has super-strength (breaking a man's arm with ease), super-speed (he somehow disappears in an alley in 3 seconds) and is nigh invulnerable (he walks off being shot, stabbed and hit by a car).  He's just ridiculous.

The victims are also pretty damn dumb.  If you were facing down a giant with a chainsaw, would you threaten to 'cancel him?'  No.

Let's face it- this sucks.

Sorry, Tobe Hooper.

Tubi Thursday: Hurricane Smith (1992)

 As the final Tubi Thursday Review for Black History Month, I skipped obvious stuff like Black Mama, White Mama to do this Film with Carl Weathers instead.

He is...

This is Hurricane Smith.

He made some records.  Thanks, Google.

This is OUR Hurricane Smith (Weathers).

He leaves Texas (guessing he was never there) and goes to Australia to find his missing Sister.

Crikey!

He finds out that she was friends/possible Co-Workers with a Prostitute with a Heart of Gold.

Can he find out the truth with the criminals (led by Jurgen Prochnow) coming after him?

He's on edge (obviously) as he works with the woman's Grandpa and her Pimp to find out what happened.

I mean, she's dead...so there's that.

Was that really a surprise?

It all comes to a big battle in the bad guy's House (think a toned down, less interesting version of Commando) and then in a Helicopter.

Can this Film deliver a good climax?

Will it at least be better than Mitchell?

Mostly-yes and yes.  The End.

It's...alright.  It's not bad.  It's not great.

There was an odd little trend at the end of the '80s into the early '90s (the Film was made in 1990 FYI) where people were either going to or coming from Australia.  Sometimes both happened.

In this case, you have Weathers is an under-written role in a generally-underwritten Film that is just alright.  He's good.  Most of the Actors are good too.

There's just not much substance.  It's like when you get to the bottom of the Vegemite Jar to get the remainder.  I wonder how the 1952 version was....

I (mostly) unironically love Weathers in Action Jackson.  Hurricane Smith is...not a great replacement.

Impossibly-Cool and Lost in Translation Cover Art: Revenge of the Creature (1955)

 Since I've still got Gill-Man on my mind, I might as well share my latest improvements.

For the 1955 Film, someone in Germany decided that bigger was better.

As such, we got this Poster for Revenge...

He's huge!

He's enormous!

He's...not a Giant Monster in this Film (or any of them).

Wait a second- Godzilla first came out in 1954 (in Japan).

Is this...because of that?

What other reason could there be?

Here's the original...

Adding the other colors made it less monochromatic and that hand looks even more menacing when sharpened.  Yikes!

Rare Flix: D.C. Cab (1983)

 A Film that is so out-of-print that the only DVD I could find didn't even have a Menu on it.  Yes, Kids, DVDs- those round things older Adults still use- usually have, at the very least, a Menu for Scene Selection.  Not this one- it just plays.

DC Cab is a 1983 Comedy by, of all people, the late Joel Schumacher.  Before he was ruining Batman, he was glorifying Cab Drivers.  One Star would come out of this one to break out in TV and Wrestling- Mr. T.

The rest of the Cast is just bonkers though.  The Barbarian Twins (who've punished Bob and myself with Films), Gary Busey, Marsha Warfield, Adam Baldwin, Paul Rodriguez, Whitman Mayo, John Diehl and Bill Maher are all in this.  

To see what fresh insanity comes from this random Cast and Director, read on...

A young man- Baldwin- goes to D.C. to see his Uncle, who runs a Cab Company.

He just wants to do it to honor his Dad, who just died.

Of course, his Dad wasn't a Cab Driver, so...sure.

The first 20 minutes or so are just set-up as he takes a trip with each of the Drivers.

Highlights include...

* Busey stealing a stripper's underwear after she refuses to pay.
* Rodriguez as a reckless Driver

* The Twins being strong.

* Mr. T taking his Niece with them to keep her away from these random rich guys who keep hanging around her.  Weird and never explained.

The only bit of build-up we have- which is not clear at first- involves one of the Cabbies driving 2 Maids to a Diplomat's House.  Their 2 kids- who look like a young Harry Potter and Hermione- egg the car.

Meanwhile, they all ignore a Nun who stands at the Gate with a camera.  Nothing to see here!

A random Sub-Plot involves Warfield being robbed (off-screen) by some men.  The same ones attack the Cab that Baldwin is in, but they drive it to the Station.

In an eerily-prescient bit, the Cops grab the Black Driver when he takes their gun.  How things have changed, right?  Right?

The other B-Plot of note involves Baldwin wanting to date a young woman- the Granddaughter of the woman who runs the local Diner.  

Can he earn a chance with her?

The Film's first 'All is Lost' Moment involves them finding a Violin to get the reward money...only for the Owner's Wife to take it all.

That's...legal?

Baldwin uses the money he brought with him- secretly, it is thousands of dollars- to renovate D.C. Cab.

This becomes a problem when the Nun from earlier turns out to be a lookout for kidnappers, who take the kids and Baldwin.

Since he 'suddenly came into money,' the FBI thinks that he's in on it.

He manages to call the others for help and gives them an ominous hint- he just saw Bruce Lee.

They find a Farmhouse belonging to Bruce Leigh, but that's not it.

They find them, have a big chase and save the day.  

The Film then ends with a long Credit Sequence/Musical Number over shots of them getting a Parade.  The End.

A fun, loud Film that didn't have alot to say.  That said, it was pretty enjoyable, even if the lack of Plot throughout wasn't that great.

The first Act is just a series of Sketches basically with a loose theme.  It actually gets a bit less focused after that before we get to the Kidnapping Plot.

It's one of those Films where this is just so much and so little going on.  It would have been a really good start to set up a Show...but we got a Film instead.  It's worth tracking down if you love this kind of dated, often-awkward stuff.  Speaking of awkward, look who they thank in the Credits...

Next up, a Classic Tale becomes a Cartoon...even though it is very much not for kids.  Watch what you drink, kids!  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Petey Wheatstraw, The Devil's Son-In-Law

 It's Black History Month and I haven't done anything with Rudy Ray Moore in a long time.  Time to rip off that band-aid with...

Petey is a big, tough kid.  How tough?

He's born as a fully-functional, English-speaking 8-10 year old!

That's the right face, yep.

So, naturally, we jump to him as a pre-Teen (which is how long after his birth?) and he's being bullied...until he learns Martial-Arts.

In the Present (of 1977), he's a popular Stand-Up Comedian who uses an obvious Stunt Double to do Karate.

If you want some of Moore's stand-up, you can see him call a lady fat and tell another guy to shut up.  Hilarious.

A pair of Comedians/Promoters get money from Mr. White (the Token White Guy) to build a Club based on the idea that nobody is coming to Town.

Moore's coming to Town.

So, naturally, they go right to killing a child and then killing everyone at a Funeral.

Petey is brought to Hell by the Devil, who wants him to marry his Daughter (who's face is always covered).  He agrees...but plans to back out of it.

He gets revenge on the Promoters by ruining their Show Carrie-style.

Later, he uses Satan's Magic Cane to do stuff like save a child, make a woman lose weight and turn a guy into a Dog.

Eventually, he has to honor his part of the bargain...but he doesn't want to.

Shockingly, putting a life-like Moore mask on a Hobo doesn't work.
Shocking, I say!

It all comes to a head with a big battle between Moore with the magic Cane and the Devil, who has the same powers (but is now shorter and weird-looking).

This should be 100% even...so Moore wins and tosses the Devil off of the roof.

He breaks the cane and goes to his friends...only to learn that it was a trick and he's going to Hell.  Yep, even Moore can't escape the Downer '70s Ending.

A pretty minimal tweak to the usual formula.  So, it would be like if you ate normal Spaghetti and Meatballs once a week.  One week, someone puts peppers into it.  You're like 'Oh, that's kind of different...but it's still the food you normally have.'

Petey Wheatstraw gives you what you'd expect from a Rudy Ray Moore Film.  He's rude to people.  He complains about life in the Ghetto.  He does comedy, as well as 'comedy.'  He uses sped-up Film like Zack Snyder uses slow-down Film.  He does fake Karate in close-ups and then better Karate in far-away shots.

To be fair, the stuff with the Devil and his minions here can be fun.  It just doesn't really indulge in much of that until the 3rd Act.  In the 1st Act, you get the prolonged child killing (which FYI is not undone).  In the 2nd Act, you get him using his powers for revenge and later good.  It's a bit random in tone, Plot and Theme, as you can see.

For being a mix of '70s Conventions (like Films about the Devil and Blaxploitation), it's a bit of a fun oddity, but it's no more enjoyable than most Moore Films.  Is it based on a Book though?!?!?!?

It's not.

Basically, it is a Dolemite Movie with some Horror in it.  It's...as good as bad as that may sound to you.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Revenge of the Creature (1955)

 I decided to interrupt the Schedule due to noticing one I missed in a Classic Film that Svengoolie just played.

In Revenge of the Creature, Gill-Man is brought to America- specifically a Florida Water Park.

He, of course, escapes...

While he's not quite out for revenge- as the Title states- he does get what he is after.

Specifically, he kidnaps the Blonde Scientist (who quickly becomes a fainting damsel, since, 1950s).

No, the Poor Bastards are not the people who get their dinner interrupted.

...it's these 2 random guys.

For no clear reason, Gill-Man sets her down on a Beach and goes into the water.  Checking the temp, I guess?

They see her and stop...but don't realize that Gill-Man is back.

They die.

In most 1950s Films, this would be about them as the Leads.
Instead, they are nameless Poor Bastards who are killed off-screen, but their death is confirmed in the next Scene.

The lesson- don't go to the Beach at night.  When has that EVER worked out?