Tubi Thursday: 65 (2023)

 After bouncing around various Streaming Platforms (since Sony doesn't have one), I finally got around to this Sci-Fi Film.

Was it worth the wait?

An Astronaut/Explorer (Adam Driver) is transporting a bunch of people in Cryosleep to an unknown part of the Galaxy.

The ship is wrecked and now he's stuck on a strange World alone!

The Place is far less inviting than you would hope for.

It's also Earth, by the way.

They play it like it is a big reveal with the Title Card (nearly 20 minutes in), but I guess the Marketing People thought otherwise.

As things look bleak, he sees that one person did survive with him- a young girl who doesn't speak English (or whatever the equivalent would be).

Can he talk with/at her enough to make the journey to an escape pod?

Armed with some tools, a laser rifle and his wits, Driver and the girl must make it through a dangerous wilderness.

Oh and they aren't alone- not by a longshot!

This is Earth a mere 65 million years ago, so there are many Dinosaurs.

Can they make it off of Earth before it is too late?

To find out, stream it now...

A good to really good Adventure Film.

The Plot is simple enough.  The addition of Dinosaurs is a nice choice.

The thing that is supposed to really sell it for you is the connection between Driver and the girl.

By his sheer force of will and personality, Driver makes a Film about a guy who can't really talk to his other Co-Star work pretty well.
You can feel his emotions and see them.

It's a good thing he's here, because otherwise the Film doesn't have much in the way of unique traits.
With a random guy- be it C. Thomas Howell or Chris Pratt-, it would be alright.

His ability make this a bit better, but never quite to a must-see Sci-Fi Film.

It's worth a stream if you like the hard Sci-Fi.

Now who made this Poster for what feels like a completely different Film?

A Film which is worth watching if you're a fan of Adam Driver and Sci-Fi.  If not, it's a decent Thriller with surprising pathos.

Tubi Thursday: Jurassic Reborn (2025)

 Let's jump from Fox/Disney properties over to Universal ones.

When we got Jurassic World: Rebirth in Theaters, we got this at home...

On an Island somewhere, people started making baby Raptors- as you do.

They grew too fast, however, because something something Science and now everyone needs to escape.

Our Heroes must flee from usually-off-camera Raptors to get outside and then- hopefully- to the mainland.

En route is the bad guy- Adam Baldwin- and he's here to collect the Dinosaurs.

Since they never did it for their Jurassic World 1 rip-off, he's going to sell them as weapons.

Please enjoy the one docked boat they Film in front of.

Our Heroes get split up and we learn that one of them is a traitor, selling them out to Baldwin.

It's the guy here, which is different from Jurassic World: Rebirth...

...since that guy WAS the main Villain (aka Baldwin), but also went on the Island and dressed nearly identical.

This is what happens when you see a Trailer and go 'Make that, but cheaper!'

On the plus side, their lone Raptor model looks good.

Can our Heroes escape the Island?
How likely is it that Baldwin gets eaten?

Will they introduce a 2nd kind of Dinosaur?

To find out, stream it now.

They are up to 12 feet long, depending on the Scene.

A pretty so-so affair, but at least it's not false advertising.

Obviously, any fan of The Asylum (or at least someone like me) knows that they can do CGI Dinosaurs with relative ease, so no need to cheat.

The Plot is pretty basic and it does the same few tricks over and over again.

Imply Raptors behind doors/around corners (because CGI ain't cheap).
Cut from Actors to full CGI shot of somewhere and hope that we think that they are connected.
Raptors that only slowly walk up or leap at you.

Melodrama milked by having people left behind/sacrificing themselves.

Was Rebirth a great Film?  Not really, but I don't hate it either.
Is Reborn a great Film?  Objectively no, but it's so middle of the road that it doesn't stand out.

It's pretty average and the kind of Film that would just film its Actors in, say, The Asylum's Parking Lot and hope that you don't notice.

Why does the Secret Lab have paved spots and Reserved Parking Signs?

A Film that isn't great, but does give you what you'd expect.  If you're expecting anything amazing or unique, go elsewhere.

2025 Update: Jurassic World Rebirth (2025)

 I pay for Peacock to keep watching old Wrestling Shows.
Seeing Blockbusters first run on Streaming is just a bonus.

This is...

In the Cold Open, we see that a Lab was running in 2008 that was making mutant Dinosaurs...because reasons.

It ends poorly...and will eventually matter in Act 3.

A bunch of folks go to an Island near Central America to get some Dinosaur DNA.

As it turns out, the Dinos are dying off in the Years since Dominion, but their blood can be used to cure Heart Disease.
Sure- why not?!?

Leading the expedition is Scarlet Johansen as a Mercenary in it for the money.

The trip to the Island- as you can see above- goes bad and now they are stranded.

She has to work with an old Colleague, the rich guy funding it and People's Sexiest Man Alive 2025.

He's the Dino Expert who is more than happy to finally see and interact with the real thing.

Of course, this Film can't agree that Dinosaurs are majestic creatures or things to be feared.

As they work together, do they form a connection?
Will they actually give this research to the public?

Will they live to do so?
To find out, stream it now.

A fun, if uneven Film experience.

Rebirth is a Film of two parts- in many, many ways.

For one thing, the Plot is split to follow two different groups- our Heroes and a family (that I didn't even mention!).
Both end up on the Island, turning the Film almost into a series of Vignettes in Act 2.

The Film is also split on what exactly the Dinosaurs really are.
Sometimes they are beautiful creatures that we should feel pity for when they can't survive in our World.
Other times they are dangerous killing machines that must be stopped at all cost!

Nope did this balance far better.  Sorry.

Complaints aside, the Film looks great.  The Film is vibrant and the VFX are amazing.
On top of that, the Set Pieces usually deliver in a big way.

At its worst, Dominion nailed this well.  This one just has more of them.

Ultimately, the Film can be a bit disconnected, but you'll likely love all of the big moments.  When they work, they work.

A Film that is a bit disjointed and can't quite nail a tone.  That said, it is a popcorn flick with great effects and enough hear to be more than it seems.

Tubi Thursday: Metamorphosis (2022)

 Sorry, Franz Kafka Fans- this one is not for you.

Instead of being about a man being turned into a bug, this Film is about China ripping off Jurassic World.

In a Cold Open, a random member of the Cleaning Staff wanders into a lab- after finding a key code- and ends up being killed by a T-Rex-like creature that can turn invisible.

An Invisible Dinosaur?  It's the callback to M.A.N.T.I.S. that I dreamed would finally come!
A joke nearly 14 years in the making.  Worth the wait!

To save money, this Jurassic World-inspired Film is set entirely in a Lab and the adjacent Building.

No Park and a runtime that barely breaks an hour!

Seriously, this is 72 minutes WITH CREDITS.

We get a weird mix of Horror and Comedy- sometimes at the same time.

For instance, they tease showing this lady in the Shower as the Dinosaur approaches (somehow being silent!) and, of course, you see nothing.

The Dinosaur is distracted by the running water, choosing to drink it like a house cat.

How funny and...it just ate 3 people!

They escape the main part of the Building and end up in the Forest that I'm 99% sure was in Land Shark.

In this case, they actually find a giant snake...and then a second one, with horns to boot.

Well, now that we have 2 creatures, I wonder what will happen...

What a shock- the Film has the 2 creatures do battle...with about 10 minutes left in the Film.

By the way, this is an action shot, as opposed to a neat DeviantArt picture someone made.

To find out how this silly thing ends, stream it on Tubi now.

Is it good?  I mean, not really.  Nothing terrible happens- it is all just very cliche.  Nobody stands out as a great Character or unique one.

Our Lead is a blatant copy-pasted version of Chris Pratt in the JW Films.  He even has the damn vest/shirt combo!

The Film is pretty damn blatant about the whole thing, which is both impressive and sad.  The invisible dinosaur, as mentioned, is based on the one in JW and the whole part with Not Pratt and Not Dallas Howard hiding from it in the building is right out of the Sequel.  

The Film's big draw is the CGI creature, which, to be fair, can look pretty cool.  It does have this odd Uncanny Valley thing where his eyes are oddly expressive (almost human) for a T-Rex though.  It also- mild SPOILER- mutates like Land Shark did.

For a cheap Chinese knock-off, this still can be kind of fun.  If you can accept that the dumb, stock Characters (also out of Land Shark) are just there to move between Monster attacks, you can enjoy it.  It does a few kind of neat things, to be fair...

It is the JWC Speakers/Nikee Sneakers to the Jurassic World Films, plus a giant Snake.  It's not great, but it is a good 'junk food' kind of Film.

Shudder Sunday: Tammy and the T-Rex

 For October, let's give this Streaming Service some weekly love.

First up, a silly '90s Film with a 'Gore Cut' on Shudder.  Is it a hidden gem now that it has more blood in it?  Let's see...

A young couple- Denise Richards and Paul Walker- have their whole lives ahead of them and are in love.

The only problem- her Ex is violent and can apparently just show up anywhere with zero repercussions.

Also problematic- her 'Gay Best Friend' who's also Black, so we get a 2-for-one on '90s quotas.

Elsewhere, a Mad Scientist has made a really good animatronic T-Rex.  He can only power it via a computer run by his Assistant (aka Isaac from Children of the Corn).

What could run it better?

The 2 Plots intersect when the psycho ex gets Walker attacked by a lion...which leaves no visible wounds, but puts him in a coma.  I thought this was the 'Gore Cut.'

They fake his death and steal his brain.

Oh, there's the gore.

Paul wakes up in his new 'body' and kills Isaac and the other Henchman.

He also scares off Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite.  No, really.  It's him.

He tries to communicate with Denise, but...I mean, you know why that doesn't work.

By the way, if you haven't figured out that this Film is intentionally-ridiculous by now, I can't do anything for you.

He gets revenge on the bullies quite easily, since a T-Rex Animatronic can sneak up quite well.  When people see it standing still, they just think it is 'an ugly decoration' and get surprised.

People in this Film are all kinds of dumb.

He also spares Double Token Friend, which is key for later.

He meets up with Denise again and takes her to a Barn, although how he does so is not explained.  It's also not shown, so shut up.

She eventually figures out that it is him and...is pretty okay with it.

Considering the fact that she was later married to Charlie Sheen, maybe she's just *very willing* to accept strange people and situations.

Can they make their love last?

Can they escape the law (on account of all of the murders)?

Can we get a normal ending with this thing?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A fun, freaky and just plain odd Film.  The ideas here sure are strange.  The Acting is intentionally-silly at times and super serious at other times.  It's all over the map.  One guy is serious.  One guy is goofy.  It's hard to keep up.

That is the point, of course.  It's not meant to be taken seriously.  If they made a Film with this Plot in a serious way, would you believe it?

The titular T-Rex looks nice and moves well, when it isn't obviously composited in to move full-screen.  Granted- they didn't make the Film.  The Director's friend had rented the T-Rex and they had to quickly make a Story and shoot it.  I've seen worse Films made in less amount of time, honestly.

Is it dumb?  Yes.  Is it silly?  Yes.  Is it better now that it has gore?  I suppose.  
Tammy and the T-Rex is a ridiculous Film that I kind of liked.  If you disagree, well, here's what you can expect....

A Cult Classic to be sure.  It's not for everyone...but what Film with a 'Gore Cut' is?

Tubi Thursday: The Jurassic Dead (2017)

 At this point, they might as well have Dinosaurs on that AMC Show.  It couldn't hurt, right?

Of course, this is actually an ultra-low-budget Film from the Director of Tsunambee.  Oh joy.

A Cold Open features a guy trying to kill a Scientist to steal his 'bring things back to life' formula.  He escapes the human-sized Dinosaur puppet.

Next we see him as a College Professor that uses his formula to revive a dead cat (off-camera).

He's fired by his Boss (at Green Screen University, it seems) and kidnapped by...someone.

In classic Tell, Don't Show style, we are TOLD by a sudden, one-time Narrator about how 5 Commandos were sent (by someone we don't see) to capture the same Scientist, who took over the Base (off-camera).  He also says that 2 survived, so self-SPOILERS.

Said Commandos drive by an annoy a quartet of clichés (Jock, Stoner, Tech Girl and Dumb Girl).

All of them end up in the Base.

The group are told via Star Wars Prequel-style hologram by the Scientist (who now is a mix of Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine).

He's going to unleash his Zombie Gas all over the World (alongside some EMPs that he apparently has).

He unleashes his mini-T-Rex...and it's immediately punched out by the lead Commando.

No, really.

The group wander around, but find out that the gas will turn people into Zombies.  I mean, if it revives dead things, why not...right?  Right?!?

They also take time to make bathroom jokes in the bathroom.  Joy.

At this point, this is one thing- a Dino Crisis Fan Film.
Why not just license that?

It all comes to a head as the survivors try to battle the never-scary T-Rex puppet and stop the gas attack.

Can they?

Should you just read the 2014 Book of the same name instead?

It's free, so see for yourself.

Oh boy, where do I begin?

The Story is not good.  It is cliché-riddled, silly and just plain dumb.  It's not presented well, with narration used as a storytelling crutch.

The Acting is not good.  It's all pretty amateurish, with everyone playing stock nothings.  The Script, as noted, did not help.

The Special F/X are not good.  The T-Rex Puppet looks alright (better than a CGI one by them would), but quickly loses its luster.  The constant, obvious green screen work is bad, bad, BAD.  So fake.

I get it- they had very little money.  When that is the case, make a Film that you can reasonably do.  Don't try to make a Film that would cost $50 million if you only have $50 thousand (give or take).  I encourage good Filmmakers to try...just much better than this.

A silly, kind of boring Film.  It's worth seeing if you want to see how silly and fake a low-budget Film can be.

Tubi Thursday: Jurassic Galaxy (2018)

 For obviously no ulterior motive, let's talk about a Jurassic Film.  I just felt like it.

Anybody believe that?

I didn't think so.  This is...

A ship crashes on an alien Planet.

While they recover (what little we see of them), they are attacked by Dinosaurs.

Enjoy this shot- it's the best one of the Film.

All three of them- I guess they had to choose between more Actors and CGI Dinosaurs- wander around what is likely California...I mean, an Alien Planet.

At least Planet of the Dinosaurs had some serious '70s vibes to liven things up.

Also they're only on one Planet.  One Planet does not a Galaxy make.

I don't have alot to say here.

They meet 2 other people.
CGI Dinosaurs.
They wander.
More CGI Dinosaurs.

Here's a German Cover.

This guy- who looks like he could be in Ballistica 2 (make that Film, Asylum!)- must save one of the four other Leads from a new person- a guy marooned on the Planet for years.

I guess SPOILER ALERT...but, he's the Guy Left Behind Who Survived, so he's going to be crazy.

To be fair, the Film does get a bit different with the Ending (which I won't SPOIL).

Let's be clear- this is Jurassic Galaxy.  It was just under 75 minutes (with Credits).  It's from the Directors of some Asylum Films like Hornet, Airplane vs. Volcano (real Title) and Age of Tomorrow (an in-name rip-off of Edge of Tomorrow).

Was it great?  No.
Was it terrible?  Not really.

Was it good?  Eh, it had its moments.

The Plot is really, really stock.  It's so stock that you can use it to cook rice.  The Actors are alright.  The Writing is pretty generic.  The Setting is nothing special.  The Sci-Fi Elements are pretty bare-bones (basically a Destiny-style drone thing that doesn't talk and like 2 ships).

The real bad stuff- the CGI.  Oh man...it sucks.  It has good models (which they might have bought or rendered), but there is NO blending and the damn things never cast a shadow.  The Actor-CGI interaction is laughably bad.  Those great sprites are used terribly and make a so-so Film look bad.  As opposed to the Japanese Poster, which is awesome!

An average Film with no real ambition that is failed by its CGI.  Seriously, it's the most fake CGI I've seen in like a year!