Holiday Flix: Santo vs. Blue Demon in Atlantis (1970)

 The Man From T.I.O.!

Today's Film is Santo vs. Blue Demon in Atlantis, a 1970 Film that clearly leans into the Spy Genre.  He's part James Bond, part Luchador.  Is he the best of both worlds?  Eh...no.

The Plot involves a Nazi Scientist trying to destroy the Earth, giving them a generous 10 day period to stop him.  So kind...for a Nazi.  Naturally, the only Agent who can stop him is...famous Luchador El Santo.  Is it like those weird WWE Books that implied that their Performers fought crimes, using the touring schedule as a Cover.

Yes, that's a thing.

After fighting Dracula, other Monsters and Martians, will this be a cakewalk?  To find out, read on...

A Mad Scientist- a former Nazi calling himself Achilles- threatens to destroy humanity.

Why?

Well, as he monologues in the Intro, we're all bad, violent and dumb.

Naturally, show us your superiority with...violence.

Also the Greeks are the Master Race.  

Confusingly, the Spymaster sends a guy out to find El Santo and a Scientist who's key to stopping the bombs.

He then tells the Scientist- who was in the other Room- to go to Santo, but avoid the guy he just sent.

Huh?

In a rare turn, the mandatory match section has Demon and Santo against each other!

They fight to a draw- presumably leading to 'Fight forever' chants- until an attempt to drug Santo and Demon backfires- kind of.

Demon is drugged and taken.

After they test him and ask him to join, they just hypnotize him to work against Santo.

I think I saw this same bit in Santo and Blue Demon Against the Monster.  Poor Demon.

A lady Agent randomly shows up to help.  She's definitely not evil.

This leads to a silly and prolonged Helicopter shoot-out involving Blue Demon, who already lost ANOTHER one-on-one fight on the ground.

Shocking twist- she was evil and they capture Santo, attempting to hypnotize him.

Santo attacks the Scientist's equipment to stop him from interfering and Santo...dies?

Oh, it was just a fake.
Santo escaped FYI.

In case you missed that this was trying to be like James Bond, here's our group- including a reformed helper of the Villain- entering the base via scuba suits.

More punching.

Demon redeems himself by saving Santo from the villain...who somehow wins a fistfight.  Huh?
He gets speared...er, javelined.

The Stock Footage- clearly from some Italian Sword & Sandal Film- falls apart as our Heroes escape to a rescued world.  The End.

A fun, if unoriginal Film.  Is a wannabe-Spy Film with El Santo silly?  Yes.  Do I mind?  No.

While I miss the Monsters, I still get the fights and nonsense.  Enjoy those punches that sound like people hitting slabs of meat with a big old mallet.

It's definitely a 'mustard in your chocolate' effect at times as the man wearing a silver mask runs around like Ethan Hunt.  The core of this Film is still an El Santo Film in all of the best and worst ways.

There's only one Wrestling Match bit though, so bonus.  Seeing Santo do a middle rope dive in 1970 is a treat.

As a whole, I still enjoy the more typical Santo stuff, but this was a fun, odd treat.  Say- what is the face you make when you stare at Stock Footage added in post, El Santo?

Next up, the Schedule returns to normal.  There's not another Holiday on the 6th...is there?!?

Rare Flix: Mil Mascaras vs. The Mummy (aka Mil Mascaras: Resurrection) {2007}

From Mexico with queso!  Today's Film is Mil Mascaras vs. The Mummy aka Mil mascaras: Resurrection, an Action-Horror-Sci-Fi Film from 2007.  Who is Mil Mascaras?  If you don't follow Pro-Wrestling, that's a fair question.  If you follow Pro-Wrestling, but don't know much about Lucha Libre, that's still a pretty fair question.  Mil Mascaras is a Legend in Mexico and a Legendary dick in America.  I can't speak for the incidents personally, but many Wrestlers like Mick Foley, Chris Jericho and others have talked about how he refuses to sell (act hurt) or take moves well.  His response is pretty much 'If you don't do it right, I won't pretend that you did.'  Fair enough...if it didn't happen so often.  Regardless, Mascaras is notable for being a Luchador and a Movie Star in Mexico.  His first Film came out in 1966, while this is the most recent one I can confirm.  This one comes to us from a regular Director of Sequels- Jeff Burr.  His works include Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, Stepfather II, Pumpkinhead II and Puppet Master 4/5.  This is somehow *not* a Sequel, although it is based around the premise that everyone in the World knows Mil Mascaras.  This is some Steven Seagal-type stuff here!  Has he earned it though?  The Plot involves a whole mish-mash of previous Mexican and Luchador Film Tropes making this very much a 'love letter' to those Films.  A Mummy, evil Monks, Luchadors, a Temple and even a Robot show up.  Yes, a Robot!  Does this succeed at making me love these Films or just remind me of how silly they can be?  To find out, read on...

This is Mil Mascaras.  This is Mil Mascaras in a Scene where his Fiancee breaks up with him.

I should note that Mascaras was 65 when this was made and his lady was nowhere near that.

This is the Mummy.  He's evil and bilingual.  He wants to rule the World.

This is Mil's Dad...as shown by a vision in River.  He tells our Hero that he's special and Magic.  Why he's just now figuring this out at 65 is anyone's guess.

We later learn that his mask is magic and has 1,000 forms.  Yes, even his mask-changing has backstory!

Unrelated to the imminent threat of the Mummy, our Hero's Scientist friend has built a robot.

Mil investigates the theft of some blood (after wrestling a Tag Match, of course).  It is all part of the Mummy's plan.

Speaking of said Tag Match, it is being judged by Harley Race and PJ Soles.  So, of course, it ends in a pinfall (not counted by either).

Now fully aware of the threat, Mascaras is greeted by The President of the United States (as played by the late Richard Lynch).

Not only that, but he also briefs the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

While the Mummy builds up his power, he tries out numerous plots to kill Mascaras.  They include poisoning his food, siccing two Vampire Twins on him and replacing his next opponent with a demonic double.

None of this works, of course.

All of this builds up to a battle between the two forces.  Highlights include the Robot appearing (but not fighting the Mummy!), a bunch of Luchadors showing up to fight the Monks and the explosion of an ancient Mayan Temple.

Screw you, Paleontologists!  The End.

Silly fun, at least to a point.  Right off the bat, let me address the obvious- this is a bit of an ego piece.  Everyone loves and trust Mil Mascaras.  Everyone knows that he's the best!  He's the guy who trained The Most Interesting Man in the World!  To be fair, this is played with a little...but not much.  The President goes to him and tells the Joint Chiefs of Staff that 'Everyone here knows Mil Mascaras.'  Really?  On top of that, his Scientist friend (who I'm pretty sure is younger than Mil!) tell him that he's the best person for his Daughter.  I feel like I want to throw up in my mask a little right now.  Putting that said, Mil Mascaras vs. The Mummy is a silly Film with Action, bizarre moments and some cheesy laughs.  It is not meant to be taken seriously.  At its best, it is a series of Scenes that remind people like me of the silly stuff in these Films.  A Robot shows up!  At its worst, the Film is just kind dull, since Mascaras doesn't have much charisma here.  The whole thing is certainly odd and fun at times though...even if they couldn't afford to put a fake plate on this Van for the Film...

Next up, more killer animals- this time from the 80s.  Let's see how scary those Eyes can be.  Stay tuned...

Cinco De Grapplo: Mystery in Bermuda (aka Misterio en las Bermudas)

Celebrate Mexican Independence with El Santo!  Truth be told, I've owned this Movie for a long time.  In fact, I *technically* reviewed it in the very early days of Mondo Bizarro.  It was a one-paragraph review that told you nothing about the Film.  Let's remedy that, shall we?  Today's film is Mystery in Bermuda, a quirky little tale of murder, international intrigue and...people who live in the Bermuda Triangle.  Yeah, this one is a bit odd, to say the least.  Basically, our heroes go to the Bermuda area and get dragged into a plot involving a Princess who must sign a Treaty to make peace.  On top of that, there's a B-Plot involving a secret society of Scientists who live in the Bermuda Triangle.  What does that have to do with anything?  I won't SPOIL it just yet.  You will the 'final' Film with El Santo, Blue Demon and WWE Hall of Famer Mil Mascaras together.  If that's not enough for you, well take another shot of Tequila.  To find out what the hell is going on here, read on...

The film opens with...some guy and his friend fishing.  Some Mystery!

He apparently sets this whole thing up by saying that El Santo and company disappeared some time ago.  Okay...

After some cheesy footage of a Storm and crashing water in a Sound Stage, we see the Luchador trio in the ring.  This is the best action you get.

It is short, awkward and goofy (as Santo and Demon were over 55 at this point!).  Think about that for a moment, won't you?

The trio hang around by the pool until they get called to an important meeting.  They are called to help with the security of the Princess of Irania (possibly an issue with the Subtitles).  Makes sense to me!

On the opposite side, we see a group of people trying to stop the signing of said Treaty.  They include a trio of ladies who work to get close to our heroes.

As it turns out, their sneaky plans amount to little.  Seems like they were just padding this out or something...

The whole plot with the teleporting Scientists from the Bermuda Triangle- it adds nothing.  It helps liven the shaggy dog of a Script though.

The issue: they have nothing to do with anything.  Santo and company never meet or are aware of these people.  They appear to just be added to cash in on the 'Bermuda Triangle Mystery' trend of the time (see Cardona Jr's The Bermuda Triangle).

To pepper up the loose and confusing plot(s), we get a bunch of random fight scenes.  I totally didn't plan how this shot lined up- it just happened!

Yadda yadda yadda more fighting yadda yadda yadda random murders.  They are nice enough to pad this out with slow chase scenes (a la Mitchell) and the most awkward fighting since The Guy From Harlem.

Seriously, why do Wrestlers usually do SO bad at Movie Fight Scenes?  Weird.

After leaving the Princess alone and nearly getting her killed, she *almost* defeats the remaining hitman (or hit man in the Subtitles)...but has to be saved.  Thanks, casual Sexism!

The Treaty is signed and the day is saved.  Unfortunately...

...they didn't survive...or something, since they had already committed to this stupid tie-in already.  Weird way to do that.  The End.

This could have been much less crappy.  The Story- pretty standard, but workable.  Unfortunately, it is paced so randomly that it is hard to follow.  On top of that, the shoehorning of the Bermuda plot just makes it confusing.  I had to go back and recheck the Ending to make sense of it.  The heroes save the day...but disappeared forever off-camera.  Who made this film- Godfrey Ho?!?  On top of that, the Acting is...oh man, the Acting.  To be fair, it is a film Starring El Santo, Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras- what do you expect?  Everyone else is not that great, which is surely not helped by the Dialogue.  Can you say 'forced?'  If you can't, I will make you!  The whole thing is hard to judge as a whole, since it is such an awkward mix.  The connection between the two Plots is the Fisherman- who appears twice with the gang- and a lady kidnapped by the Bermuda Gang (and never mentioned again).  The worst thing you can say about this movie is that it is not even best one on the Disc.  While it lacks El Santo, The Champions of Justice is just plain goofy fun.  Hell, it is not even the silliest thing in the package.  That honor still goes to the 'Inspiration for the film NACHO LIBRE Starring Jack Black' on the front of my blue (not black?) DVD this is from.  What?  Huh?  As a final thought, if your Prop Gun won't fire, just shake it back and forth like the guy in the blue jacket.

Next up, I tackle a cheesy Horror Film to tie in to a Kid's Film.  It will make sense eventually.  Stay tuned... 

Viva La Raza: The Champions of Justice

Put your on masks and enjoy the fun!  Today's film is The Champions of Justice, a film I actually reviewed BEFORE Mondo Bizarro existed.  I did, however, review the other film that came on the release, a double-sided disc titled Lucha Libre.  It holds two Luchador Action Films under the pretense of 'buy it because Nacho Libre came out.'  No, really.  In spite of that, I like the release, even if those double-sided discs are a pain in the ass.  "Oh boy, I can't wait to watch...shit, wrong side of the disc!"  Anyhow, this film stars MOST of the major Lucha Libre stars of the day, save for El Santo.  This is essentially The Avengers, if the film didn't star Captain America.  Even so, fans of Lucha Libre should be content with Mil Mascaras and Blue Demon, the Van Damme of Lucha Libre Action Films.  The film is apparently a sequel to a Lucha Libre film that I haven't seen- that or they just acted like it.  Either way, an evil Scientist is trying to kill our heroes and has a devious way to do it- midgets.  Yes, it's not politically-correct to say that, but this film is far from politically-correct so screw it.  I won't SPOIL how he does it just yet, but you really need to see it.  To find out how awesome this hidden gem is, read on...

Blue Demon is here as...Blue Demon.  What- were you expecting him to play a real character?  Silly man.

Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras and El Medico Asesino team up in the ring to battle...um, three unmasked guys. If you want to really enjoy the film, start playing the Lucha Libre Drinking Game.

To do it, take a shot every time they do an Arm Drag.  You'll get a nice buzz from this scene alone.

The midgets that work for the evil Scientist try to kill our heroes with a made-to-scale machine gun (borrowed for For Your Height Only perhaps), but fail to do the job right.  That leads to Plan B.

If you guessed that 'Plan B' was 'Give super-strength to his Midget henchman (who all dress like Underdog,' then you are a weirdo and I love you!

As it turns out, ALL of the Luchadors have god-daughters in the Miss Mexico Pageant.  That's...an amazing coincidence.  It's also convenient, since they are the targets of our villain.

As it turns out, super-strong midgets are a Luchador's kryptonite.  The only problem is that the Doctor's methods for giving them the strength keeps giving out on them.

Our heroes are really not good at this, it seems, as all of the girls get captured.  One of them is brainwashed, as is Black Mask, one of their comrades.

 Our heroes fight the Doctor and his henchmen on the land, in the air (see the Stinger) and under the water.  Seriously, they fight underwater!

 After a long, silly fight, our heroes win the day and take...a romantic motorcycle ride with their god-daughters.  What's Spanish for 'um eww?'

Everything about this is great.  Well, not in the classical sense, obviously.  If judged as a real film, it has barely any plot, bad acting, silly scenes, ridiculous choreography and a jazz soundtrack that never stops for a second during the fight scenes.  For all those reasons, I love it!  It's unabashedly a stupid and silly movie about Technicos (good Luchadors) fighting Rudos (bad Luchadors).  It doesn't want to be Citizen Kane.  If you want to see Blue Demon awkwardly wrestle/fight a guy, see this movie.  If you want to see more arm drags and fake punches than you've ever thought possible, see this movie.  If you want to see a Luchador fist-fight a guy while they're both parachuting to the ground, see this movie.  Besides, if you get as lucky as me, you get this and Mystery in Bermuda for just $1.99.  That's not a lot of Pesos, but it is a lot fun!  Seriously, this happens!

Next up, I cover the first of two films that I've put off reviewing for a long time.  Get ready for scenes of Werewolves, Zombies and Ator as Dracula.  Stay tuned...

Lucha: Santo y Blue Demon Contra Los Monstruos

Who wants to talk about Mexican wrestling? I know- we all do! Back in the 1960s and 70s, there is one gigantic name in Lucha Libre (aka Mexican wrestling): El Santo! He was the man! As a result, he had a Rock-style movie career that spanned years and numerous genres. The man has been in action films, dramas and horror films. Since this is October, I am going to cover the latter. While he made many of them and faced many of the world's greatest monsters including Dracula and Frankenstein's monster, he only faced numerous monsters in one film. This is...

Santo y Blue Demon Contra Los Monstruos

There is honestly not a lot of plot in this movie, but I will give you the gist of it. An evil scientist is brought back to life by some evil midgets and plans to get revenge on El Santo. Man, if I had a dime for every time that I heard this plot! His evil plan involves resurrecting a whole bunch of monsters. What monsters, you ask? We've got...
*Dracula- taking time away from battling Billy the Kid and going into space- to threaten Santo.
*The Wolfman, who apparently has a big, silly nose.
*The Mummy, who seems to be on the Nicole Richie diet.
*Frankenstein's monster, who manages to be skilled enough to drive a car!
*Two Vampire Women, who are pretty much enticing and interchangeable.
*A Cyclops monster that is never explained. Where did it come from?

*

I suppose that you want more plot than that? I guess I can indulge you for a little bit. Our heroes battle the monsters in a few places. First, the vampire disguises himself as a wrestler and faces Santo. This is not to be confused with the real footage of Santo and his partner Gory Guerrero Sr. (the relative of the more famous Eddie Guerrero) battling. Wrestling filler footage is commonplace in these movies, so it's best that you get used to it. Another scene has the monsters breaking up stock footage of a musical act (more silly filler) that our heroes are at. Another thing to get used to is the fact that our heroes never unmask & nobody ever questions why people are dressed up in suits, but still wearing masks. The evil villain captures Blue Demon and makes a clone of him. This gives us the epic battle of Santo vs. Demon! Who will win the day? Will good defeat evil? Who do you think?

*

This movie is strange and surreal. It's a movie about Mexican wrestlers battling evil monsters and a mad scientist! What else is there to say? I could mention that Santo starred in 52 films or that Demon starred in 25 of his own! These guys were workhorses, I tell you! They just cranked out these films, most of which have loose plots about evil doctors or monsters. On top of that, the movies were filled with other stars, including Mil Mascaras and Rayo de Jalisco. The films are just plain fun, even if there are cultural differences and curious plots to them. These films are hard to track down, but totally worth it. To see a great one, check out my old review of another. As a bonus, I should mention that both men have sons that have maintained their legacy and expanded upon them (Demon's adopted son is the first Mexican to win the NWA Title). Good on ya, amigos!

*

Next up, a film about video games and crappy CG. Somewhere during all of this, we meet the world's worst cop. Stay tuned...

International Cinema Extravaganza (Part 1)

Conquest

Faceless warriors, swamp zombies and nearly-naked Destros are on the menu tonight. When you hire Lucio Fulci to make a sword-and-sandal film that is what you are going to get. For all you non-film nerds, he is an Italian director known for making serial killer films and ones in which women get ocular surgery from a zombie. Just check YouTube and that last part will make sense. In this case, Lucio made one about a thong-clad lady in an iron mask using 'Wookies' to hold down clans of cave people. After getting a cryptic vision of her death at the hands of an organ-stuffed scarecrow and his magic bow, she summons the ancient power of a wooden statue to avert that fate. It is just as insane as it sounds. The movie also has moments of severe gore- i.e. a woman being ripped in twain- amongst the usual combat and swordplay. An odd aspect of Conquest is that the protagonist is a rail-thin dork who meets a grizzled barbarian who is obviously the real hero of the picture. There is quite a long bit of movie before they really get to this though, making me wonder how much of this was changed in editing or on the set itself. Really strange magical effects are also quite resplendent in the movie, the best of which is a magic bow that appears to be made out of pure energy. Unique choreography, jazzy music and superfluous use of slow-motion are also what you get in spades here. Throw in cheesy effects and the package is complete.

Mystery in Bermuda

If I trust anyone to uncover a hidden conspiracy of global proportions, it is El Santo the luchador. This movie, available as a part of a handy two-pack, features both the legendary Mexican wrestler and his courageous comrade Blue Demon. The plot involves a bunch of scientists living at the bottom of the ocean in an apparent utopia-like society that like to weird experiments. Despite this film's similarity to a good episode of The Simpsons, it really just comes off as more weird than entertaining. The real mark against this movie is its severe lack of midgets. The companion piece- The Avenging Champions- you see had more midgets in it than a Being Tossed By People In A Fair Support Group. On the plus side, Santo is a pretty good performer and never takes off his mask. Even in a scene in which the men are hanging around a hotel pool casually reading the paper, they are in bathing suits and their masks. They just sort of accept it and you will too. You get to see weird people in jumpsuits teleport via cheap effects, which is at least good for a small laugh. Aside from the ludicrous nature of the story, it is not that exciting. It is sort of a trade-off for film buffs. On one hand, the film has El Santo, Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras. On the other, it is just not as good as the other film. If you are buying the DVD, there is no real issue, since you get both. Casual viewers will have to make the choice though: midgets or no midgets.