Working Class Zero: Bates Motel (1987)

Why work when I can watch shit like this?  Today's film is Bates Motel, a movie that I'm viewing for very silly reasons. 

 

For one, I watched *part* of a long time ago, so I was kind of curious how it turned out.  

Another thing is that since watching it, I've seen (and now own) all of the Sequels to Psycho.  

Lastly, both Maynard and Bob have now reviewed it.  I can't let them hold that over my head.  

So what is Bates Motel?  Well, here's the simplest version: it's a TV Pilot turned Movie that has basically been written out of Continuity.  

Basically, Anthony Perkins came back to the Series for Psycho II and actually Directed Psycho III. 

Unfortunately, that film was a financial disaster for the Studio, so they decided to go a different direction.  

Seeing it as a cheaper alternative, they decided to try and make a TV Show.  

Since Anthony Perkins was a no-go, they made one without him.  

Unfortunately, the Pilot didn't sell and they just aired it as a Movie.  When that did badly, they decided to make a TV Movie...which sucked.  

Things get even more complicated as Joseph Stefano- the Writer of the original Psycho- wrote the final Film and chose to ignore the continuity of the last two films.  

Bear in mind, he also wrote Snowbeast.  

In summary, nobody was ever sure what counted- for example, the whole 'I'm your real Mother' thing was gone from Psycho IV- and what didn't.  

So yeah, this film has no real DVD release and the only source appears to be a worn-out VHS copy.  Given the quality of the actual film, this feels oddly appropriate.  To see how the original story to use this title is, read on...

Some vague time in the '60s, this kid goes to an Asylum for killing his Step-Dad.  His Psychiatrist (Robert Picardo?!?) pairs him up with Norman Bates, since they're both comatose family killers.  

Sure- makes sense.  Right, Bob?

Oh and this beginning is in B&W to make it be arty or some shit.  Joy.

The kid grows up to be an odd-looking adult (sorry, Bud Cort) and ends up inheriting the Bates Motel from a dead Norman.  I have a number of questions...

* Is he fit to inherit land?  Would that hold up in Court?
* How does Norman Bates still 'own' the Motel?
* Given all of the murders, how come there even is a Bates Motel?
* Lastly, who the hell is this guy with Cort- he's not Perkins!

Now released as an Adult, Cort's character goes to the oddly-maintained Motel.  

This film seems to ignore Psycho II and III (since he is said to have been locked up for decades), implying that nobody has run/been in the place for 27 years!

Oh crap- another Actor I like is in this!  

It's Gregg Henry, most well-known from his role in Mel Gibson's Payback.  

After seeing this on Resume, I wonder who he got his own payback against?!?

Now settled in, Cort discovers a curious guest in his new Motel.  It's not the Cluckin Chicken- It's Lori Petty in a Mascot's outfit.

While some may not like her, I think she provides a nice contrast to Cort, who plays his role super low-key (which is the idea).

So Cort and Petty go about fixing up the Motel to bring in new guests (and set up the series).

Speaking of a Series, this film likes to contradict more aspect of the Psycho Series by having the Mother's skeleton be discovered in the ground.  

Oh and Dad's is there too, but that whole situation is too confusing to even address here.

Now here's where things get weird.  

Since this is a Pilot for a show, they finally decide to do the Episode's plot...about 50 minutes in.

Basically, this depressed lady is invited to a party full of ghosts.  They were all people that committed suicide.  Freakier than the sudden ghosts is the appearance Jason Bateman!

Once the other story ends, we have to wrap-up the 'Motel paying off their loan' Plot that suddenly appeared right before the 'Suddenly Ghosts' Story.

We basically get a cross of Scream (which would come out 8 years later) and Scooby-Doo.  

I was half-expecting Henry to say that he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids! He almost does.

With a business negotiation done with the threat of blackmail, all is well at the Motel.  They've had ONE guest for ONE night, but whatever.

The film ends properly with Cort inviting us to stay at the Bates Motel.  

Considering it's a back-drop in Universal Studios: Orlando, I'm going to pass.  The End.

This is one Motel that I will gladly drive by.  I probably don't hate this much as a lot of people do.  In all honesty, I was just not that interested.  It took me a while to watch this movie.  I downloaded it a few days ago, but really couldn't watch it in one sitting.  Granted- I am very easily-distracted at times, but I could power through something if it was interesting.  

The worst thing you can say here is that this leaves very little of an impression.  I haven't even gone two hours since watching the film and it is already fading.  I could probably accept this more if there was even a little bit of show to, well, show for it.  If there was even a paltry 6-Episode run behind it, stuff like the silly ending would make sense.  

After all, it would presumably be his send-off.  

As a film, it's a weird mess.  

As a Pilot, it had a minor bit of promise.  

While it wouldn't have been a good show, I kind of wish it had been given a shot.  After all, the new Bates Motel didn't even need to make a Pilot- it was just bought as a 10-Episode series right off the bat.  

Clearly you should have been in The Golden Compass instead of Harold & Maude, Bud.  On the plus side, I got to see pointlessly-B&W Robert Picardo for a few minutes...

Next up, I cover the only Richard Kelly film I could do.  I just have one question: what's in The Box?!?!?!?  Stay tuned...

Dean Cain Week: Firetrap

Get ready to burn!  Today's film is a tale about a thief, some businessmen and a big-ass fire.  It's a tale as old as time.  Actually, this low-budget affair is much akin to films like The Towering Inferno and Earthquake.  Of course, those films were made in time where Disaster Films were the norm and those films feature major stars.  This one features Lori Petty and Dean Cain.  Well, it does feature Tank Girl and Superman, possibly the only Superman crossover that doesn't exist.  Wait, maybe it does exist.  Nope.  Anyhow, this film is very much in the vain of those '70s Disaster Films, even going so far as to have every character have their own random drama.  One guy wants to form his own company, one woman has a secret relationship, etc.  Does it make the movie good?  Well, to find out, you'll have to read on...

Cain's character is a Thief who gets an assignment to take a Micro Chip.  He has his own sappy back-story involving a wife and kid that he left when he went to Prison.  Back-flip!

While a bunch of people fighting over who is trying to steal some Microchip, Cain sneaks into the building.  He accidentally pierces a gas tank, which interacts with a fire set by someone.  The best part: he never learns this information.

What was the point then?

The fire spreads, just as quickly as the bickering does.  It doesn't help that the Boss' wife and Divorce Lawyer are there too.  With such a big cast, it's only fitting that the lesser-knowns/unknowns get picked off by random fireballs.

The more well-known actors survive for a while, but don't get off easy.  Lori Petty, for example, has her character get a broken leg and mostly just whines/gets carried for the final thirty minutes of the film.

Not surprisingly, the most suspicious-looking guy is the bad guy.  To be fair, the film does throw in a second villain- who is the second-most suspicious-looking guy- to mix things up.

It all boils down- no pun intended- to a confrontation on the burning Roof.  A couple people die, while Cain manages to judo-toss the bad guy off of the Roof.

Since he didn't steal the Chip- but did allow the owner to keep it from the CIA-, Cain is still a 'good guy.'  He also was given a $1,000,000 necklace, so it wasn't a complete loss.  The End.

Burn burn burn!  This movie is not that bad, nor is it that great.  For one thing, the pacing is a bit odd.  They don't take long to get in the building...but that might be a bad thing.  They don't build up the characters in the building all that much before the fire breaks out.  Kind of hurts the drama when you start burning random people to death, you know.  I should also point out the overuse of CG explosions, which are not that pretty.  This is 2001, so it looks okay for them.  No matter year it is though, CG explosions never quite look right.  I do like the real use of fire at times, although they could disguise the blatant use of flame-retardant fluid doused all over the actors.  Not that I want films to burn actors alive...but just make it less obvious.  I should also mention that this film has a very-confusing moral code.  Cain is a bad guy for stealing stuff, but a good guy because he's doing it to pay for stuff for his family.  He's also good for helping people...although he did inadvertently let the gas loose, which made everything worse.  The Boss is a good guy for trying to preserve his company, but a bad guy for keeping the technology from the CIA after they're supposed to get it. Even that's not clear, however, since apparently the CIA hired Cain...and then arrested the guy who gave him the job.  Confused?  This movie tries to be a lot of things, but only serves to be one thing: alright.  It does get points for the schmaltzy scene NOT in a Hallmark film though...

Next up, Dean Cain jumps to the future...of 13 years from now.  Can a game of Rollerball-lite create world peace?  Stay tuned...

P.S. If anyone wonders why I'm only doing four reviews this week, it's because I also did this one for my friend's Birthday: Postal.  Give him some Traffic, folks!