Millenial Trash?: It Waits (2005)

Well, It has to Wait before it can Follow, right?  Today's Film is It Waits, a 2005 Horror Film that has nothing to do with It Follows.  I'm just a giant tease- I know.  In any case, this Film is about a Monster in the Woods.  Stop the Presses!  Actually, start them again and then stop them, since most Media is Digital these days and all.  Life is sad.  Where was I?  The mysterious Monster is all about, um, killing you and being a dick about it.  I don't know if it has an actual Gender though, so it may not be appropriate.  Since there's not much to say about that, let me waste time talking about other stuff.  The Film was partly-Produced by the late Stephen J. Cannell.  Between this and Ice Spiders, I'm guessing that the Co-Creator of The Rockford Files and The A-Team just turned into Roger Corman in his later years.  How do you go from 21 Jump Street to It Waits?  He was also a Writer on this Film though, so maybe he cares more than Corman.  The Director here is Steven R. Monroe, no doubt given the part due to his similar name.  Interestingly enough (to me), he Directed Ice Twisters, but not Ice Spiders.  He also Directed Sasquatch Mountain (a Film I covered 4 years ago tomorrow!), making my comparison to Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes all the more appropriate.  Speaking of coincidences, the Director would later go on to make two I Spit on Your Grave Sequels recently, making the fact that this followed a Rape/Revenge Film Review...completely coincidental.  Have I made this long enough yet?  Great!  In that case, read on...

In the Intro. some people checking out a Cave once occupied by Indians release the Monster.  Thanks!

Somewhere else, our Heroine is sad.  Like, really sad.  Like, 'Realizing that you've watched Roller Gator twice and can never get that time back' sad.

When you learn who was originally supposed to play this Role, it gets kind of interesting.

She works as a Park Ranger, but mostly just drinks these days.  She meets with her old boyfriend and they talk about her back-story.  It is...

She went drunk driving and her friend died.  Due to random chance, the blame was placed on the dead girl and not her.

It was better in Flight.

The pair are attacked that night by the creature that apparently just likes to mess with you for a long time before killing you.  Thanks for letting the movie reach Feature-Length, Monster!

It also knows what Satellite Dishes are and how Cars work (at least enough to make them not run).  Come again?

Random people die.

For some reason, THESE people are killed quickly.  Go figure.

Our creature eventually makes a full-on appearance.  It kind of looks like Pumpkinhead.

Okay, it is pretty much just Pumpkinhead.  Oh well- it looks cool!

For the climax, it attacks our heroine more overtly (when it isn't raining) and finally wants to kill her now.  She blows it up, but only after hitting several 'Only in Movies' delays (foot stuck between seats, seatbelt stuck, etc) in a row.

In the aftermath, she confesses to driving the car that night.  Yea...I guess.  The End.

Pretty familiar stuff, but with some slight differences.  Giving us a Female Protagonist is a nice thing to do, but I still have issues.  While she does have a whole Arc and fight for herself, I don't know if the Character is on point.  She's mostly just sad for the first half of the movie- not that she shouldn't be, I suppose.  If they were trying to make her look strong and self-reliant throughout, they failed.  She still comes off as very co-dependent, even if she ultimately saves herself in the end.  Aside from that, the Movie just hits too many all too familiar notes.  They try to stand out by having the Monster taunt its targets, but it really just feels like an attempt to prolong the Film.  Our Heroine only survives this whole time because the Monster keeps not 'pulling the trigger' on the whole killing her thing.  Hurray?  I still have to ask how the creature has an understanding of modern technology and why to target certain things.  It doesn't take out the Satellite Dish, for example, just because it was offended by the shape.  Explain, Movie!  With all of that said, the Creature looks awesome.  It Waits delivers in many ways that you'd hope for, so it is a mixed-bag.  If you get into the Story and can accept it for its faults, the Movie can be a fun time overall.  To follow up on that Teaser from earlier, here is the MAN who was originally supposed to Star in this Film- Dolph Lundgren!

Next up, a step back to the 1990s with some Techno-Horror.  While he survived Judgement Day, can he survive a CD-Based Adventure Game?  Stay tuned...

Lance Henriksen Week: Sasquatch Mountain

I was really worried that this was just going to be the same movie...again.  Thankfully, it's not.  Unfortunately, it's not that great of a movie all the same.  The plot involves a Sasquatch on a Mountain, not to be confused with the last film which sort of had the same thing.  Never mind that they're really just walking around in the Woods...which might be near a Mountain, I guess.  There is no silly Deus Ex Machina here, for good or bad. In its place, a dozen characters with different motivations and scenes mostly taking place apart from each other.  At one point, we have one group chasing the other, while a third person is off ahead of them and a fourth takes place somewhere else entirely.  In spite of that, it still has major plot scenes happen...off-camera. The plot of the film involves, as I said, a bunch of people running around in the Woods...with a Sasquatch occasionally appearing to spice things up.  Thankfully, we aren't force fed 800 P.O.V. shots this time.  In spite of that, I'm mixed on this movie.  To find out why this movie actually has a different title than even the Menu, read on...

In the Intro, Lance's wife- who seems a bit young for him, but whatever- is out on the road filming him fix the car when a Bigfoot runs by...and she gets run over by a car.  Time jump!

12 Years Later, a bunch of bank robbers strike the town.  Coincidentally, this random woman gets the tape from the Intro and crashes into their car.

After they flee into the Woods, the Sheriff- Ron Howard's dad Rance- calls in an old friend: Jack Deth!

In between scenes of the different groups walking and the scenes of Lance and his daughter- where was she in the intro, given that she's an adult now?!?-, the Bigfoot wanders around.  He'll get to killing people in time, don't worry. 

That's better!  Admittedly, this looks more like the Bigfoot is doing something else to that guy.  There are movies about that...but this isn't one them.  Thank God!

Lance is honestly the best part of this movie, although he doesn't have much to do.  Oh yeah, he explains that he found out about the bank robbery in town...off-camera.  Yeah, don't show that scene or anything, movie!

A long stretch of the movie is just the whole *remaining* cast sitting around in a Cabin, having separate 'Character Moments' together.  None of these are bad, but they do distract from the whole 'killer monster in the Woods' plot.  That's all I'm saying. 

The finale comes down to the trio of Henriksen, Howard and Thomerson- who was apparently not dead after all.  The C-Movie Kill Crew in action, baby!

Oh, never mind.  The Sasquatch dies from a combination of its gunshot wounds gathered throughout the film.  Our heroes...well, do nothing.

In the Epilogue, our heroine moves on with her life and more Sasquatches cry out.  The End.

Seriously, do something about the damn lighting!  The most persistent problem with the movie is the nearly-constant use of natural lighting.  That's fine for some scenes, but they're shooting in the damn Woods!  I appreciate the authenticity of it, mind you.  I appreciate that it's cheaper to get permits to shoot in the Woods than to build sets.  All of that aside, this movie is horribly-lit!  Ambient light is constantly coming in from through the trees, making the film look washed out.  There's no excuse for this!  The Polonia Brothers were smart enough to shoot indoors most of the time.  All of that aside, the movie has some good acting, some good character moments and has a decent plot.  I just wish that one part of it wasn't so distracting that it made any good parts hard to ignore.  Take us away, monkey mask...

Next up, the finale of Lance Henriksen Week takes us into Seagal territory.  Who will show up more- Henriksen or Seagal's double?  Stay tuned...