Who Remade Roger Corman?: Dead Space (1991)

 A Film so good that I just plain forgot about it.  Back in February, I watched the Film on Prime, but was going to wait until March since it didn't fit the Theme.  The end of April?  Close enough.  This is Dead Space, a 1991 Film by Roger Corman's Production Company.  It is notable for sharing its name with a Video Game Series and for its Star, who made it bigger than anyone might have guessed in 1991.  The Plot involves a bunch of Scientists who make a really bad experiment.  A hunky Space Hero and his Robot must come in to save the day.  If this sounds familiar, then, well, I'll get to it.  Marc Singer is here, so plenty of weird reaction faces are sure to follow.  To find out why this might feel familiar and why you likely don't know about this one, read on...

A Space Hero- Singer- and his robot (who looks like one of the District 9 Aliens, no?) are sent to a mysterious Planet to help some Scientists.

Well, after they have a filler space battle with some Pirates, that is.

The Lead Doctor tells him that they created a life form as part of an experiment to cure Diseases like Cancer and...wait...it can't be.

Yep, a young Bryan Cranston is the Lead Scientist with a secret that will turn out to be oddly-prophetic.

Said Creature grows up quickly and begins to wreak havoc.

If you want to rip off Aliens, you might as well not hide it, eh?

Skipping ahead...

The creature turns out to have a fatal weakness- exposure to the disease it was meant to cure.

They get the samples they need from Cranston, who's character is dying of Cancer.  Ironic, no?

So why does this sound familiar?  

Well, if the Title above didn't give things away, this will...

Dead Space is a Remake of Forbidden World, a Corman Film made a mere 9 years earlier.

It basically hits all of the same beats- even the pointless Space Battle from the Intro that Corman made them add since he had the Cockpit Set from Battle Beyond the Stars for the weekend- and doesn't change much.

You lose the Showering Babes T&A moment, but also gain Cranston, so...win?  The End.

It is about as memorable as I made it out to be.  The Plot is pretty much exactly the same as World, with very few exceptions.  As far as Corman Films go, that one didn't exactly blow me away.  So seeing it again with Marc Singer isn't exactly going to wow me.  That said, there's not much wrong here either.  Other than being really on the edge of copyright infringement, the monster looks fine.  It's somewhere between the bulky one from Xtro II and the underrated one from The Fly 2.  I guess that makes sense, since this is basically Forbidden World II.  Outside of the general monster mayhem, there's not much here.  Singer does his best with the material, but never really gains any nuance.  He does, however, make sure you know how in shape he is at this point, which might explain why he started doing Erotic Thrillers in the vein of Basic Instinct around this time.  It's pretty shameless.  On the flipside, World was pretty shameless with its Female T&A, so I guess it's all even, no?  Dead Space is a decent romp, but nothing more.  Does its monster match up to the original though?

Next up, a forgotten blend of Sci-Fi, Horror and Noir.  With Rutger Hauer, it has to be good...right?  Stay tuned...

Rare Flix: Michael Allred's G-Men From Hell

 A Comic Book Film that I've never heard of- is that possible?  Well, yes.  This is G-Men From Hell, a 2000 Film based on a Michael Allred Comic.  That might be the key thing- I don't follow his work that much.  I have one Deadman Comic Set and known him from X-Statix, but that's it.  So what is it about?  Well, the name says it all- mostly.  A pair of G-Men (read: FBI Agents) are killed and end up in Hell.  As the Title suggests, they don't stay there.  Can they work as Private Detectives, do some good deeds and earn their way back into Heaven?  The Film has a Cast so random that it feels like Casting was done via a dart board.  Zach Galligan and Gary Busey- sure.  William Forsythe and Tate Donovan- alright.  Bobcat Goldthwait- hmm.   Who else you got?!?  Vanessa Angel, Character Tom Huddleston and the voice of Roger Rabbit- why the hell not?!?  Oh and Robert Goulet (in his last Film Role) as The Devil.  This is just plain weird, so let's just dive right in...

In a move that is either clever or cheap as hell, the Intro is shown entirely with the Comic Book Panels.

It was fun when Tank Girl did it intermittently, but this is the OPENING SCENE!

They escape from Hell via a magic gem and go to Earth to become Detectives.

In the process, they kill a bad guy- Bobcat.  Don't worry, he gets better- kind of.

Even though they barely-covered their crime, we need 2 mismatched Detectives- Galligan and Busey- on the case.

Why not?

They get hired by a woman- Angel- who they met earlier when they escaped from Hell and appeared in her Bathtub.  No, it doesn't make sense.

Meanwhile, a Mad Scientist- Huddleston- turns Bobcat into a Robot Doom Patrol-style and he wants revenge.

He's not very good at revenge.

As the case goes sour (when Angel's old Husband is killed and they are suspects), things manage to get worse when The Devil comes calling.

They have 40 hours to return the gem...or else!

Mind you, they were just in Hell, so what exactly are you threatening them with?

The case is complicated by a few diversions...

1) Busey and Galligan's questions

2) A Cat-themed would-be Superhero

3) Robo-Bobcat's revenge attempt

4) The Doctor's Henchman (Charles Fleischer) stealing the Husband's body.

After more antics, they bring every person together to find out who the killer was.

Was it the Doctor?  Was it the Catman?  Was it Angel?

Nope- it was Fleischer's Puppet, who was actually the first soul transfer made by the Doctor.  He did it to get a real body- the dead old man's.

The Devil shows up, gets his gem back and just kind of wraps things up in an invented Deus Ex Machina so abrupt that you don't even realize that Busey is missing from the climax.

Angel and Tate go on a Date, while Forsythe and the Assistant (who was so unimportant that she was unmentioned until now) go out too.  The End.

It's...alot.  The whole thing doesn't have much actual Plot, but it has plenty of Sub Plots fighting for time.  Do you follow the Catman story?  What about the Mad Scientist/Bobcat's Story?  How about the rival Demon/Comic Relief (Paul Rodriguez)?  How about that random Scene at the beginning where The Devil goes to Therapy that has no follow-up?  People often joke that some Plots/Scripts are written by using a dart board to pick the Plot Points.  In this case, a drunken man threw all of the darts and used every card that he hit.  So many things are just here to be here.  This feels more like a TV Pilot, but as far as I know, it is not.  This Plot is left so open that it feels like you should get a 'Join Us Next Week' Teaser at the end.  They don't wrap up the whole 'do good deeds to get to Heaven' thing.  Allred's Style is pretty quirky and this is no exception.  I think the problem for me is that as much as Forsythe and Tate play it straight, it's all too goofy and not anchored in any reality.  The Film also came out after Allred hit it big in the late '90s (doing work for Mallrats and Chasing Amy)...but before he really hit it big in 2001 with X-Statix.  That's probably why it was previewed in 2000...and released in 2002.  It's not quite as funny as it thinks and it isn't quite as interesting as it should be.  At least Goulet has some real style here.

Next time, I go back to cover a Film I just plain forgot about.  It's not good when I review it over 6 weeks after I saw it, is it?  Stay tuned...

Mondo Trivia: A Future Star's Early Credits

 Everyone starts out somewhere.

In Hollywood, you sometimes start out on the back of the Set and move up to the front as the Star if you are lucky.

This is one such case.

Bill Hader does a mean (as in accurate) Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, which he says he crafted while working as an Assistant to him on a Film called Collateral Damage.

Well, that Film is on Tubi to stream, so let's see if we can find the evidence...

There we go!

He did a similar job on a number of Films around this time like Critical Mass, The Scorpion King and James Dean.

He's also listed as 'Librarian' for The Surreal Life (with Paris Hilton).

Who knows- the Production Assistant on a Film right now might turn out to be a big Star.  C'est la vie!

Quick Review: Suspiria (2018)

 After a long wait, I finally decided to see if you can do Dario Argento proud with a Remake.  Let's not dance around the issue...

In 1977, a young woman (Dakota Johnson) goes to a Ballet School in East Germany...during a conflict.  I guess there were no good ones in Syria or Palestine...

Sadly, this Version doesn't do what Dario wanted- to make the Characters under 18 for the full Fairy Tale Horror Vibe.

Instead, dank realism...and also Witches.

She finds herself loved by the Head Teacher- Tilda Swinton- and put in line to be the Lead in the next Show.

What's the catch?

Well, the Teachers are actually a Coven.  They didn't take kindly to the last girl that left- a wasted Chloe Grace Moretz) and don't take kindly to the next girl, especially when she calls them out as Witches.

Her fate is...painful.

Can an old man- also Tilda Swinton- find out the secret and help out?

Did this need to be her?
Did they need to pretend for like a year that it wasn't?

Will our Heroine find out the truth and save the day?  Will her best friend be doomed before then?

Will the finale be all about dancing or all about blood?

To find out, stream or watch the Film how you please.

A long, drawn-out Film that really wanted to be something more.  Suspiria's story is, at its heart, a Fairy Tale Horror with Witches and Ballet.  Naturally, someone saw that and said 'Let's make it set during an East German Military Conflict!'  Let's also drag every Scene out too.  The Film is over 2 hours, running about 2 hours and 35 minutes.  Yeah, you can cut alot of that.  The original Film comes in at just under 100 minutes- just for comparison.  The original is notable for its bright, garish colors designed to be a kind of augmented, surreal reality.  This Film is...dull as dish water- an intentional choice.  The original Film opens with this big Scene involving a Student trying to escape and being killed in a big, flashy way.  The 2018 Version begins with a girl going to talk to a Therapist about what happened and freaking out when she sees a book.  Right...not quite the same.  The best description I can give of this new Version is that it feels like it was Directed by a mix of Wes Anderson and Sam Raimi.  It sure thinks that it has alot to say.  I just wish it was interesting while it was trying to say it.  The sudden, dramatic gore moments feel strange here.  A big appeal of the Remake was to get 'better dancing' than the original.  That's certainly up to interpretation (as it is literally Interpretive Dance), but it just makes the Movie feel less like Suspiria and more like Staying Alive...

A well-intentioned, but uninteresting Film.  It's not fun to watch and is very bipolar to boot.

Poor Bastards of Cinema Redux: Stacey (1973)

 Another day and another Poor Bastard.

See if you feel some Deja Vu.

In Stacey, the climax takes place at a Car Race (which I'm not sure they had clearance to shoot at).

Our Heroine is in the middle of a shoot-out when...

A random guy just appears in the frame standing near a bike.

He's shot.
He dies.

If that feels familiar, it's because Stacey is the *original* version of Malibu Express (also my first Andy Sidaris Film).

In that one, we get the same basic Plot, the same climax and, yep, a Poor Bastard (who at least does a bike fall for dramatic effect).

On the plus side, there's no follow-up with the Poor Bastard in Stacey, while we clearly see the culprits just run away in Express.

Just to be safe, don't go to Car Races.  It's dangerous for everyone- not just those cars strapped into cars!

Next time, it is that old standby- a Cop in a Horror Film.  This is from a Sequel, not a Remake.  See you then...

New Streaming: The Falcon and The Winter Soldier- Episode 3

 As the finale arrives, let's back-track a bit to how we got here.  It's time for an MCU Road Trip...

Desperate to stop the Flagsmashers, our Heroes break (now revealed as a Baron) Zemo out of Jail.  

He knows just where to start looking...

Madripoor!

If you're not a Comics Fan, this is just a neon City.  If you are, well, I don't have to explain it.

Things get intense there, leading Zemo to *finally* get his complete costume and kick some ass.

What secrets do they find?

Will a full-on Civil War reunion make the difference?

Can they find out what they need to know to stop the villains?

Or will she continue to grow her army and prove to be unstoppable?

To find out, stream the Show.

Another strong Episode that keeps things going strong.  This one has a tricky place, being the third out of six.  It has to grow things from the last 2 Episodes, feel satisfactory AND set up the next 3.  In all regards, it is a success.  The story evolves, tensions escalate and everything continues to build nicely.  It's nice to see Sharon Carter here, given that she was absent from the last 2 Films.  I do appreciate that they address it here, rather than just leaving it open.  That would have been the easy way.  Speaking of delivering, we get full-on Baron Zemo here and it's great.  He's evil in a nice, subtle way at times...before just straight-up killing people.  He's kept his characterization strong from Film to Show too.  It's nice to see the relationship between our two Leads change over these Episodes, something both hindered and aided by the presence of Zemo.  He definitely creates more tension, but also brings them closer together.  Besides, Zemo is bringing all sorts of Memes to life with his dancing.  You never know what is going to go viral until it does, do you?  All in all, this one gives us old friends, new locations and rising tension.  What more could you ask for?  Oh, right...

Next time, the Episode that changes everything in a big way.  It's not a good way, is it?

Quick Review: Parasite (2019)

 After watching a so-so Sci-Fi Film with the same name, I might as well cover this big-time Film.  Did it warrant all of those Oscars?  Let's see...

In South Korea, there is a big class divide.  

There are plenty of rich people and then people that live in Sub-Basements barely scraping by.

We focus on the Kim Family who live just like that.

They can't get by on random odd-jobs like boxing up pizzas in advance and need more.

Fate comes into play for them as a friend gets the younger Kim hired as a Tutor.

They decide that they can get ALL OF THEM hired, since...

They all end up working there- save for the Mother.

Their plans to get in are pretty sneaky and show that they could do great things if they applied themselves to, well, less criminal stuff.

I won't SPOIL how they get rid of the Housekeeper, but it is the second best/worst thing to happen to Peaches since Call Me By Your Name.

Will their plan work out perfectly?  Will they try to get too much?

Of course, if you don't know what happens, I won't SPOIL it for you here.  The End.

A true master class of a Film.  Parasite is everything that is promised.  Films like this can often be over-hyped and under-deliver based on said hype.  A good Film can be called a great Film and then suffer by comparison/expectation.  This is not that case.  Parasite is a strong Film with alot to say and it does so in a good way.  The writing is sharp in both a fun and sad way.  You really see how bad the Kim Family have it, so you understand where their drive to make a better life (at other people's expense) comes from.  It is easy to judge them, but also easy to understand them.  Likewise, the Park Family are not evil Villains that you want to see fail.  They are a dysfunctional, but loving Family.  They bring in the Kim Family after they are tricked.  The issue is that they never accept them, save for the Daughter who seems to love our young Hero.  In a perfect world, they could have bridged this divide...but that's not where we are.  The Acting across the board is really good here too.  Without SPOILing things, I will say that things take a neat turn eventually and the underlying tensions boil over in a strong way.  If you think that Parasite might be overrated and haven't seen it, go see it for yourself and decide properly.  It's not like you have better things to do...

Bong Joon-Ho has yet to deliver for me.  Seriously, it is actually that good!

Holiday Flix: Wild Weed (aka She Shoulda Said 'No!') (1949)

 As we all pretend to be into Weed Culture for a day, let's look at an obscure bit of silliness.  This is 1949's Wild Weed (later re-released under the Title below).  It's time for some Hollywood History, folks!  In 1948, a Drug Sting Operation caught some famous people including Lila Leeds and Robert Mitchum.  Obviously, the latter managed to take it all in stride quite well.  The former, however, had less luck with that hurdle.  As such, she agreed to star in a Marijuana...er, Marihuana Scare Film a year later.  What does it have that others don't?  Well, it's about a Stage Dancer and doesn't have that creepy old (and fake) Doctor from Reefer Madness.  It has a young Lead beside Lila, but...well, I'll get to him.  Aside from Lyla, how about a shout-out for Ed Wood Alumni Lyle Talbot (aka the Original Major Tom)?  He's here playing another Police Chief, seemingly walking straight off of the Batman Serials.  Will Batman catch the Drug Fiends?  Amusingly, this Film actually exploited the Government to make back its Budget, claiming that the Film was sponsored by the US Treasury.  Classic.  Is it a forgotten gem or not much to remember?  To find out, read on...

As always, we get a 'thank you' to the Government and a 'this is about saving kids' text crawl.

Was this required by Law (or just the Hays Code)?

We learn that the real dangers are Tomatoes (and not Mushrooms, like Bob thinks).

Oh right- it's because people apparently-smuggled 'joints' in them.

Figures- the Mexican Tomatoes are the drugs in this picture too.

Lyle here puts his best men on the case.  They'll narrate the next Scene and...then disappear for about 20-30 minutes.

Hard at work, eh?

We meet out heroine in the form of Anne (aka Lila- the one on the left).  She's a Dancer, who's coworker is 'on the pot' and her Dealer wants Anne.

All he needs is literally an hour at a party, it seems...

...as the group uses Peer Pressure to make her take a big toke and apparently get hooked.

Yep, that's all it takes.

She, I guess, stops being as good of a Dancer now that she smokes Pot (citation needed) and gets fired.

Meanwhile, she hides her drug-related dealings (working directly for her Dealer now) from her Brother Bob, who's back from College.

He sees her handing out 'jays' and...promptly kills himself.  What the actual f#$k?!?!?

The Cops enter back into the picture (literally and figuratively) with this and catch her with the others (but not her Dealer).

They try to 'scare her straight' with some people who represent broad, vaguely-possible outcomes for her, but she doesn't squeal on her man.

60 days in Prison (thank you, pre-Rockefeller Law days!) makes her snap, however, as she's taunted by voices calling her a 'kid-killer.'

I guess she's at fault for Bob's death...somehow

She sets up a new deal with her Dealer and his Boss, but it is obviously a trick.

The Police catch the bad guys and our Heroine is just clean from the dangers of Pot forever, I guess.  

As for Lila, this was her second-to-last Role in Film.  She died...50 years later.  The End.

It's your classic Melodrama over substance.  This one on its own merits is not great. Lila does her best to elevate this, but it is a cheap, quickie of a Film.  There's no subtlety or nuance.  Reefer Madness managed to beat just as dour and dreary for its current audience, but goofy enough for modern, ironic fans.  This one has a long montage of her being called 'kid killer,' so maybe not so much here.  In Reefer, you get the wacky piano guy.  In this one, you get a piano player who...imagines himself playing like Liberace while actually just noodling on the keys.  The random aside sure added nothing.  What is a nice addition is some juicy Theremin music for dramatic moments.  It really dates the Film in a fun, silly way.  There's not much Plot here, so don't worry about getting lost.  The morals here are interesting as we get the usual 'Pot makes you eventually do heroin/cocaine' thing.  Thanks for ruining it for everyone, Shannon Hoon!  I'd blame Hendrix, but, as you recall, he was killed by the CIA.  There's a weird refrain with the Police talking about how 'they could bring in the users whenever they wanted to.'  Later, we see them try to scare Anne/Lila with people who are 'too far gone.'  Hmm...maybe arrest the people then, dummies!  Wild Weed could be a good time if you like very old-school melodrama, but just isn't as fun (unintentionally) as others.  At least it makes for a neat historical foot-note...

I hope you all did *whatever* on this day.  Looking at the news, it was probably a good time to be 'chill' anyhow.