Tubi Thursday: Crackerjack 3 (2000)

 Well, 3 years went by and they made another Crackerjack.  I suppose that's how long those snacks last, huh?

However, there's a catch here...

In this Film, we deal with...retiring CIA Agent Jack Thorn (Bo Svenson).

Yep, we've recast again AND changed who the Character is.  Is this Film a lie?
Yes.

The day before he's leaving, a Neutron Bomb is stolen.

His Assistant- very brief WWE Star Amy Weber- stands up for him to the new Boss.

His savage replacement is, well, the guy from Savage.  They say that Gruner's Character is Canadian...which just raises many questions about how he could be running a branch of the CIA.

He's also obviously the bad guy, so I just used a shot from the end when they revealed it.

Him and some older Spies (this came out before RED was a Comic Book or Film FYI) are being framed for the job, so they go to Germany...via the most fake CGI Ocean I've ever seen.

Just because you can use CGI...

Skipping over a bit of Plot (there's not much), it all ends in the Basement below a Building hosting a G7 Gathering which Gruner planned to blow up.

While his friends and Weber deal with the bomb, Bo('s Stunt Double) beats up Gruner.

Thanks to some advice from a kid (no, really) they blow up the outer part of the bomb, which makes the neutron part not go off.

Apparently this was a 'safe' explosion.

During the wrap-up, we get some Tell, Don't Show.  Gruner was tried, wasn't convicted and escaped...only to be caught off-screen by our Heroes.

The Film ends with him about to be tortured.  Comedy!  The End.

This one is...very, very odd.  This is not a Sequel to Crackerjack 1 or 2.  It's not a side Film about one of his buddies or something.  It's just an in-name-only Sequel.

Why would you do that with these Films?  Speed- sure.  Twister- sure.  Freaking Crackerjack- huh?!?

This one has a few good points, but also alot of bad points.  It looks and feels really cheap.  They re-use the truck and location for both attacks.  They hang around this one Cabin interior for a LONG time.  The same goes for a Factory and the Tunnel from the finale.  They clearly spend some money (see the CGI-filled explosion above), but didn't divvy it up evenly.

The Film also tries to be weird and quirky like 80% of the time.  It works for the old Spies doing their banter.  The same Spies torturing a guy for info- not so much.  It also has a 'wacky' theme going through most Scenes that can get a bit grating.  They only have like 3 of them for a 90 minute Film, so do the math.

Crackerjack 3 is a Film/possible failed Pilot that tries to be like 6 things, but mostly fails or confuses.

If you can make sense of what this one wants to be, you might enjoy it.  As for me, I was just too jarred by the constant tonal changes.

Tubi Thursday: Crackerjack 2 (aka Hostage Train)

 Are you ready for the next part of the Story?  Well, too bad.

Instead, here's something similar, but also different in some big ways.  It's...

A bad man- Hans Becker- is buying explosives for a big mission/attack.  Jack Wild is trying to stop him.

The reason- Becker killed his wife.

Yes, even though the bad guy in the LAST FILM killed his Wife AND KIDS a year ago, now THIS guy killed his Wife and no kids 8 years ago.

Oh and Jack Wild- who as you may have noticed is played by Judge Reinhold- is not with K.C. from the last Film.

He's with Carol Alt, who appears in her underwear in her first 2 Scenes, because '90s.

She ends up on a Train with some business people for her job, which is captured by Becker's crew.

With no build-up, an unseen guy from the train reveals that he's the Boss.  That sure...happened.

Seriously, at least have ONE SCENE on the Train where he's faking it and 'boom!' there's a surprise.

Since this is still a Die Hard, But... Film, Jack ends up inside the tunnel-filled Bunker inside of a Mountain (is this a thing that exists?) with them all.

He's not on the Train long enough for this to be Under Siege 3 though.

Can Judge be the Star without Axl Foley to take the lead?

So now he's got to figure out how to make an escape, how to stop the bad guys AND how to stop the guy who killed his Wife (in this timeline), which somehow erased his kids.

Can he do it?

Of course he can- it's a '90s Action Film.  The End.

A pretty by-the-numbers affair.  On the plus side, it didn't succumb to Sequelitis.  Then again, it did have 2 main Villains, so...

Regardless, Crackerjack 2 is barely a Sequel.  It's all about this new lady, this never-mentioned Partner and a new set of Villains.  As mentioned once or twice, the Villain motivation is retconned worse than in Spider-Man 3.

Is this new Villain as good as the last one?  Yes and No.  Even when slumming it, Christopher Plummer was really good (if more hammy than a Triple Ham Sandwich).  This one- Character Actor Michael Sarrazin- is less goofy and more menacing.  He also has a more easy to digest motivation- he wants to steal money.  

No Fourth Reich stuff.  That said, you do have a Czech Actor playing Becker, which means that his German accent slips more than Gerald Ford on a too fast Treadmill.  He's also worked more in the years since this Film than anyone else, so there.

Crackerjack 2 is really, really generic.  Like Store Brand Soda, it's better than nothing...but isn't the real thing you want.  I will say that I need more of her in my life though.

A

Tubi Thursday: Crackerjack (1994)

 As Thursday is here, I might as well cover the first part in a 1990s Trilogy on par with Jurassic Park or Tiger Claws.

Let's begin with...

A Police Detective (The Karate Kid III's Thomas Ian Griffith) is erratic and dangerous (to criminals).

As such, he's gone from being Jack to 'Crackerjack.'
Rolls Credits.

In a three minute span, he's surprised at home by family and friends, punches his brother and is then handed his Baby Nephew by his Sister-in-Law.  Good parenting.

She 'makes' him go on Vacation with them to an Ice Resort (that hopefully won't get melted by satellite-based lasers).

He's really unhappy...until he meets the Event Guide- Natassja Kinski- and then he tries to enjoy the time there.

Luckily for him, it's 1994, so he doesn't have to get her Dad's approval to date her.  Would you have wanted ask Klaus that?!?

His fun time is ruined by some bad guys- confusingly, the Film introduces the Villain and then introduces some other guys who seem like villains, but are later made out to be the targets- who take over the Resort.

Yep, it's a Die Hard, But... Film.

They slightly-subvert things at various points and give the Villain some different motivations...which are silly.

Basically, the lead guy is Cliché Evil German...played by Christopher Plummer.

He wants some diamonds from his old Boss- Cliché Italian Mobster- to fund his new army.
Also he killed Jack's wife and kids (while working for said Mobster).

-------

Of course, he's stopped and the day is saved.

A really good and enjoyable Film...is Die Hard.  This is pretty meh.

They try to do a few things throughout the Film that play with the formula- like multiple meetings between Hero and Villain- but not all of them work.  For instance, what are the odds that the guy who killed his Family in Chicago a year ago would end up at the same Resort as him?  1,000,0004 to one, no?

It's kind of funny too, if you consider that they felt the need to give the COP an extra motivation to stop the guy who was killing people.  Griffith is really cut-and-past here.  He's not bad, but he has NOTHING to work with.  He also can't quip as good as John McClane.

Plummer- in a role that starts out small and grows by the end- is all sorts of weird.  He's the main attraction here- no question.  His Villain is at times sedate and other times insanely-rambling about forming a New World Order (of Wrestling) by selling some diamonds.  How'd you hire these guys?

Crackerjack has a few surprises- like our Hero actually NOT killing the Villain directly- but otherwise is another would-be Die Hard.  Maybe if it had some sort of hook like, say, a Russian Super-Soldier.  Would Plummer be in a Film with that?

Next time, let's do Part 2.  We get a new Villain and a different Die Hard, But...Scenario, don't we?  See you then...