New Streaming: Creepshow- 'By the Silver Water of Lake Champlain'

 As another week is here, I cover the last Segment (until October)

A tale of family, loss and something strange in the water...

A family is dealing with some big changes in 1984...

- The Dad is dead.

- He spent most of their money trying to find a local Sea Monster

- They now live with a new 'Dad' who is abusive

- There's also that giant skeleton hanging around (see above).

The Daughter continues to defend her late Father and has a boyfriend- nicknamed Rambo- who likes her alot.

She goes out for a walk to clear her head and finds something...odd.

'New Dad' finds it too and goes to take the discovery- no SPOILERS- for himself.  

This can't end well.

To find out how it ends, stream the Episode or watch the DVD like me.

More personal and intense than most of these- a neat change of pace.  So many Creepshow Segments rely on some sort of creature/monster to drive the story.  That's *kind* of true here, but with some big differences.  While a creature does anchor the whole thing, it is much more of a tale of family drama, personal loss and trying to exonerate the dead.  Can they prove that Dad was right about the Monster?  Can they get out of this tense family situation?  This one felt more personally-intense for the Characters, which was a nice change.  Taking nothing away from the other 'Creature Feature' Segments, this one feels fresh enough to close out the Season.  Savini does a good job getting solid to great performances out of everyone involved.  The Special Effects look just good enough to be convincing, while not being so slick that they feel artificial.  Make-up and effects are always top notch on this Show though, to be fair.  'Lake Champlain' is different enough that some may not like it as much.  For me, it worked.  It is good to see the Season end on the right foot...

Well, that's it for Creepshow- at least for now.  Time to find some more Horror Anthology goodness (or badness) to check out.  

I have something pretty obscure in mind...

Grapple Crap: Death From Above (2012)

You suck!  You suck!  Today's film is Death From Above, another film starring Philadelphia's own Kurt Angle.  As mentioned in previous review of his movie, Kurt left the WWE several years back for a lighter- and less well-paying- schedule and the chance to do new things.  Such new things have included Starring in End Game, River of Darkness and today's film, as well as minor roles in such films as Warrior and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.  I hope you're still happy with this deal, Kurt.  So what's so special about this film?  Well, it was made fairly-recently, which means that it features many of his TNA iMPACT Wrestling comrades, as well as a few Genre Actors whose house payments must have come due.  I kid, I kid.  The story involves Druids in Pennsylvania that...wait, you're going to get stuck on that, aren't you?  I can't blame you.  There is NO logical explanation for this shit- it just happens.  Angle is the villain again- he turns Face/Heel more often than a Vince Russo character!- and the hero is...James Storm.  Yeah, a fellow TNA Wrestler is the Lead, although the DVD Box, Disc Art and Credits say otherwise.  Can he be stopped?  Can the film's 15 sub-plots get resolved?  To find out, read on...

The intro- in Sepia Tone for no reason- features some Druids that are hiding a quartet of necklaces (that look like Sand Dollars) from some force.  A P.O.V. creature attacks the lone straggler, thus setting up the title.

I say that since NOTHING ELSE in the film has anything to do with 'Death From Above.'

The story proper begins with Kurt Angle driving his truck- with his two 'friends' on-board down a steep hill.  They crash and Kurt stumbles across one of the necklaces, which he naturally puts on.  When his friends come over, he brandishes a pair of 'expensive for a Flea Market' knives and kills them.

Oh and he has red eyes now.  EVIL!

James Storm- the guy in the sort-of white- is a down-home boy who just wants to live his life.  He's bothered by his friend (former TNA Wrestler Matt Morgan) and the Sheriff (Tom Savini), who randomly picks on him twice, but quickly gives up.  Huh?

Oh and Morgan disappears after his next Scene, never to be seen again.  It's kind of like what happened to him in TNA, actually.

TNA Wrestler ODB (not to be confused with the dead Rapper) randomly appears as a Truck Stop Owner who meets a future victim and yells at a guy for 'whacking it' in her Store.  She likes to grab her boobs and yell 'Bam,' since that is her catchphrase.

No, this doesn't add anything to the movie.  I'm glad you asked.

Kurt's goal is to get all 4 Necklaces and unleash '1,000 Years of darkness upon the Earth.'  They state that this was the cause of the Black Plague and the Dark Ages.

Despite the necklaces apparently being a guard against evil magic (which Kurt mostly is by now), he easily kills the next holder of the necklace: Robert (that doesn't look healthy!) Z'Dar.  Life...has not been kind to you.  Sorry.

Storm has weird dreams about what is happening- an excuse to re-show scenes from earlier- and seeks a Psychic at his Uncle's advice.  The lady- who possesses a vague European accent- gets freaked out by what she sees and leaves.

Why is she here?  Well, she's Kurt Angle's wife (well, the one he has now!) and the mother of his latest child.  Is that still Nepotism?

The Police- who mostly just show up after the deaths have occurred- investigate a 'tablet' left at the original scene.  These two Duck Dynasty Doctoral Candidates say that it's Celtic Runes.  This is just an excuse to tell us what we already knew.

Well, that and to piss people off who can tell that the Runes are actually Nordic.  You expected historical accuracy from this film?

Since the film is so new- especially since it took a year or two to come to DVD-, I won't SPOIL the Ending completely.  It does come down to Angle vs. Storm though.

Will Storm stop him?  Will Angle win the day?  Will this mysterious Drifter (Psycho Sid Vicious) be the real hero?  To find out, watch the movie.

Holy shit- this is bad!  The movie is weird, random and just kind of meandering.  It's not so much a Plot as it is a series of events.  Some of said events are important, while others are not.  Kurt Angle kills people.  James Storm acts like a redneck.  At one point, Morgan and Storm dump two ladies in the mud, who immediately start to wrestle for no reason.  Do they think that women just do that?  The film is chock full of Wrestlers trying to be Actors, which certainly does not help the film's quality.  Besides those mentioned, the movie also features Rhyno (also a former TNA Wrestler) and at least one other as his buddy.  On top of that, the better Actors- like Savini and Z'dar- have either tiny parts, confusing parts or just don't feel all that important.  Savini's Sheriff is just confusing and is written out in a pretty lazy way, while Z'Dar's Concert Promoter (not named in the Credits) could have been played by anyone.  The whole thing is a real disappointment if you go in looking for a good Horror film.  If you're looking for silly, low-budget trash, it's a gold mine.  Bad Acting, a ridiculous plot and a shoe-string budget- priceless.  It's all cheap and trashy, kind of like this...

Up next, a pair of films about a Curse (or two).  Can an Internet Celebrity make this film one worth watching?  Stay tuned...

Repost of the Living Dead: Night of the Living Dead (1990)

***Since people love Re-Dubbing the original 'Night of the Living Dead,' I figured that I can 'Re-Dub my own Review of the Remake.  Why not***

This was a review that was intended to be in October during my pure horror month, but it is now.  So that's where we are. This film has sort of an odd place in history, as it comes over twenty years after the original film, nine years before the big re-release and another seven years before the 3-D remake in 2006. This is not counting all the many re-dubbing mixes of the film for 'comedic value.' At least the Rifftrax DVD offers you the chance to watch it with or without commentary.   Oh and their live show is tonight.  Go see it (unless this review is being read much later.  The other big thing to note is that the film was directed by Tom Savini, who has only directed one other movie (in 2004) since this. I'm sure that there is a story there. Well, enough talk- more zombie killing. This is...

Do I really need to tell you the plot of this movie? It's the same, really. Well, one thing or two is different about it...

-Tony Todd plays our black lead. This sort of goes against the casting logic of the first film (casting a black man just because he was the best actor), but okay.  In fairness, he is also the best actor here too.

-The lead heroine does not go comatose and stay that way for 80% of the film.

After a talking to by Todd, she actually becomes assertive and strong. This feels like Savini did this on purpose, especially if you hear the way Todd's speech goes.

-The man who plays the husband from the cellar is less one-note than the original actor, although he is mostly rage and dissent.

-Naturally, the zombie make-up is great. Plus, no CG blood. Hurray!

-One small plot-hole: our heroine loses her coke-bottle glasses in the initial attack and never regains them. However, she is still a crack-shot for the adventure...somehow.

I should try that out...and I just shot my foot.  Moving on...

-The way the young couple dies is less stupid than in the original. This time, they can't find the key to the gas tank and try to shoot it off. Later, our hero finds the key and feels really bad about it.

-The big thing is that the ending is changed. Tony Todd's character gets bitten and turned, getting killed when the hick farmers show up. Instead, our heroine shoots the older guy and covers it by saying that he was a zombie. This is because he abandons Todd's character earlier. See- you can use different, ironic twists for your endings, makers of 2005's War of the Worlds and 2006's The Wicker Man!

The movie was good, although it was not so different that it necessarily warranted a remake. Mind you, there are some noticeable improvements in the writing and acting. The thing you will notice most about it is the use of color and the gore effects. That's fine and good, but how many people were complaining about either of them in regards to the original? The direction is fine, but nothing really stands out about it that makes you either go 'man, that guy should never work again' or 'that guy is great!' Fun fact for you though: this movie co-stars Bill Moseley and the 3-D remake features Sid Haig. It is interesting to look at this movie in comparison to the video game 'Left 4 Dead' and see just how similar the black character is to Todd here. If you have never seen any of the Dead films (some of you must exist somewhere), this is not a bad place to start. Of course, anything is better than Night of the Living Bread. Yes, that is a real film title.

Up next, the teaser from before.  I don't feel like re-typing it.  Stay tuned...

Movies That Bite: Lost Boys- The Tribe

If a Film Franchise is lost in the Woods, will anyone care?  Today's film is Lost Boys: The Tribe, the long-delayed sequel to the 1980's Cult Classic.  For the record, I've re-watched the original- on Blu-Ray to boot- and it's damn good.  It holds up really well, aside from the obvious fashion issues.  A few years ago, they finally got around to making a new film.  Only one of the major Cast Members returns- in Scenes that stayed in anyways- so it's not like this was a big get.  Granted- the dead Characters can't return.  Although, to be fair, one of them actually does!  It's not addressed well in the film- leaving that to a tie-in Comic-, but I'll go over it in a bit.  The movie attempts to tell a new story, but mostly just tells the old one again.  They do that 'let's address this as a Sequel, but pretty much repeat things anyways' bit that I really don't care for.  Just make a new story or don't- there's no need to rub my nose in your laziness!  The plot involves- get this- a couple of young people moving to the Town from the first film and finding out there are Vampires there.  On top of that, one of them gets lured to the fang side.  Can the brother save her or is she a goner?  How will a once-famous teen Actor play into this?  Will his comically-deep voice be comical?  To find out, read on...

In the Cold Open, a bunch of Biker Surfers- haven't seen that before- ride up to an Island and run across...Tom Savini.  Get this- he's playing Keifer Sutherland's Character from the first film, who was told to survive in the Comic Book.

They kill him, signifying some sort of 'changing of the guard'...provided that you knew his name (not said), made the connection (not explained) and knew that the character wasn't dead (not mentioned).  Yea.

Our heroes- a brother and sister- move into town with some lady.  Her only role is to 'comedically' think that they're doing/selling drugs.  Moving on...

To the film's credit, they thrown in a nice reference to the Shirtless Saxophone Player, who had become a meme by then.  It's nice and random.

Corey Feldman returns as his Frog character.  It is kind of odd that he regresses back to a bad-ass after learning that monsters are a lot scarier in person during the last film's climax.

If you think that's odd though, don't read the tie-in comics.  They basically make him and his brother into Blade.  Double yea.

Our hero's sister falls in love with the leader of the new Vampire Gang (who was explained to be an early victim of Keifer's character- which means he should have turned back to normal at the end of the first film).

He reminds me a lot of 'Harpo' from Twilight, although that's a complete coincidence.  They don't mock Twilight until the next film...

Apparently Vampires all die differently, essentially saying that 'The Rule is that the Rule is Not Consistent.'  This girl turns into a statue when impaled, even though this has never happened before (or since) and this exact manner of killing is what Kiefer's character apparently survived.

After some filler and nudity, our hero joins forces with Feldman to kick some Vampire ass.

Oh and he's also a Vampire now.  Is that important to note?

 The pair split up and take down most of the Vampires.  Our hero's sister finally turns on the lead Vampire and helps defeat him.  He burns up, since, again, no Vampires die in the same way.  Inconsistency is consistent!

The pair go home and get a 'don't do drugs' lecture from their Landlord, all while covered in blood.  Funny?

In the official Post Credits Ending, Feldman faces off with a vampiric Haim (which goes nowhere due to Haim being 'too busy' and later dying in 2010).  In alternate Endings, he warns him of his brother's return, since he's now a Vampire, except for the other Ending where he's not.  The End(ings).

Have I done the 'This bites' joke recently?  In all seriousness, this is a lot of rehash with very little to add.  The original film has a great soundtrack, great atmosphere and feels like a unique take on Vampires.  They seek thrills, corrupt the youth and just generally act like immortal teenagers.  Here- it's pretty much the same thing.  It's more 'extreme' here as they taunt the Cops while on Motorcycles in that one scene.  They don't build up to a bigger twist like the original, so I guess that's...good.  I mean, it does make it feel different.  ON the other hand, it makes it feel like a regression.  You took away the more interesting Plot Point, but left everything else.  The upsides are the mostly-decent F/X shots, even if the idea behind them is silly.  Seriously, how is it a rule that all Vampires die differently?  Explain how a lack of consistency happens consistently!  Help me, Douglas Adams!  Anyhow, the film is just a newer, edgier version of a better film.  Watch that film first.  If you MUST watch the newer one, it's alright, but nothing more.  It does feature this hilarious continuity gaffe in which Vampires have reflections though...

Next up, we'll take a break before tackling Lost Boys 3.  In its place, an Asylum 'riff' on a bomb of a film that stars Adrian Paul (sadly).  Stay tuned...

Rare Flix: Night of the Living Dead (1990)

This was a review that was intended to be in October during my pure horror month, but...well, um, it wasn't. Part of the problem was that I put off watching it for a while and actually watched in two different parts...for a reason that I also forgot. By the time I finished, it was nearly November and my schedule was full. So that's where we are. This film has sort of an odd place in history, as it comes over twenty years after the original film, nine years before the big re-release and another seven years before the 3D remake in 2006. This is not counting all the many re-dubbings of the film for 'comedic value.' At least the Rifftrax DVD offers you the chance to watch it with or without commentary. The other big thing to note is that the film was directed by Tom Savini, who has only directed one other movie (in 2004) since this. I'm sure that there is a story there. Well, enough talk- more zombie killing. This is...

Night of the Living Dead (1990)

Do I really need to tell you the plot of this movie? It's the same, really. Well, one thing or two is different about it...

-Tony Todd plays our black lead. This sort of goes against the casting logic of the first film (casting a black man just because he was the best actor), but okay. In fairness, he is the best actor here too.

-The lead heroine does not go comatose and stay that way for 80% of the film. After a talking to by Todd, she actually becomes assertive and strong. This feels like Savini did this on purpose, especially if you hear the way Todd's speech goes.

-The man who plays the husband from the cellar is less one-note than the original actor, although he is mostly rage and dissent.

-Naturally, the zombie make-up is great. Plus, no CG blood. Hurray!

-One small plot-hole: our heroine loses her coke-bottle glasses in the initial attack and never regains them. However, she is still a crack-shot for the adventure...somehow.

-The way the young couple dies is less stupid than in the original. This time, they can't find the key to the gas tank and try to shoot it off. Later, our hero finds the key and feels really bad about it.

-The big thing is that the ending is changed. Tony Todd's character gets bitten and turned, getting killed when the hick farmers show up. Instead, our heroine shoots the older guy and covers it by saying that he was a zombie. This is because he abandons Todd's character earlier. See- you can use different, ironic twists for your endings, makers of 2005's War of the Worlds and 2006's The Wicker Man!

*

The movie was good, although it was not so different that it necessarily warranted a remake. Mind you, there are some noticeable improvements in the writing and acting. The thing you will notice most about it is the use of color and the gore effects. That's fine and good, but how many people were complaining about either of them in regards to the original? The direction is fine, but nothing really stands out about it that makes you either go 'man, that guy should never work again' or 'that guy is great!' Fun fact for you though: this movie co-stars Bill Moseley and the 3-D remake features Sid Haig. It is interesting to look at this movie in comparison to the videogame 'Left 4 Dead' and see just how similar the black character is to Todd here. If you have never seen any of the Dead films (some of you must exist somewhere), this is not a bad place to start. Of course, anything is better than Night of the Living Bread. Yes, that is a real film title.

*

Up next, a legend in the giant monster field makes his big return. Of course, since it was not produced by Roland Emmericah, it did not exactly rush into theaters here. Stay tuned...