'00s Fun?: Scary Movie (2000)

 With a sixth Movie out now (as of time of writing), why not go back to the first one?

This one is also called Scary Movie, which makes sense- it's the first one. 
Given how much of Scream 6 they seem to be parodying in the new one (and 5 was the one without no number in the Title), why not just have the 2026 version be Scary Movie 6?

I know that I'm thinking about this way more than anyone should.

In any event, this Parody Film is the combination of 2 different Parody Scripts both licensed by Miramax- Last Summer I Screamed Because Halloween Fell On Friday The 13th (by the Wayans Brothers) and Scream If You Know What I Did Last Halloween (by Friedberg and Seltzer).

The Wayans Brothers claim that NOTHING was used from the latter- they had 2 more Writers also work on the final product- but the duo is still credited (and marketed their terrible, Parody Films on this merit).

This was the big break for Anna Farris, who was supposedly about to leave Hollywood before she got Cast.
Jon Abrahams (who plays the Skeet Ulrich role) would actually end up in a handful of *actual* Horror Films following this, including the House of Wax and Friday the 13th Remakes.

The big question- does this hold up at all?  Are the topical jokes still good?  Were they then?

To find out, read on...

The Film features a Cold Open with Carmen Electra (like Scream). 
The Actress would go on to be in two of the '____ Movie' Series Films.  Joy.

The actual Opening proper features Farris as Cindy in basically a shot-for-shot redo of Sydney's, just with jokes about an electric fence to protect her virginity and apparently her Dad being a drug mule (who vanishes until Act 3).

The School is aflutter as Cheri Oteri (as Courtney Cox) is exploiting the death (and causing one of her own, with zero consequences) for Ratings.

We meet our group of Leads, including a peak fame Shannon Elizabeth and Regina Hall...who was just in the Film that won Best Picture this year?!?
Life is sometimes crazier than fiction.

They all share a secret of killing this Fisherman guy.

It is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with the joke being that he wasn't actually dead when they tossed him into the Ocean.

This also stops mattering before Act 2.

The killer is still on the loose, taunting Cindy in her House.

Unfortunately, he's terrible at hiding.
That's the joke.

In what is arguably the most dated joke (and this Film has about 500 that could apply), the killer calls Marlon Wayans' Shorty (whose sole joke is He Loves to Smoke Pot) and it turns into the Wassup Commercial.

There are way too many of these out there.

Shannon sees her boyfriend- Guy who randomly appears in everything Lochlyn Munro- killed during her Talent Contest.

In spite of that, she's not scared of the same killer the next day and just sasses them until her head is cut off.

Cute background joke, at least.

Oteri's Reporter pops up a few times throughout the Film, but stops appearing after she tries to interview the killer while he's working.

She runs into the Woods and they parody The Blair Witch Project for 10 seconds...and that's it.

I guess see you in the new one?

The Cast is whittled down through various parodies- as well as a random fat girl at a Party.

We get the reveal with Not Skeet and Shawn Wayans, but they are then killed by the (I guess) other killer.

This leads to the most famous part of the Film- the Matrix parody.

The killer escapes- knocked out a window and vanishing like Michael Meyers- and Cindy still can't figure things out.

We then get a *timely* parody of The Usual Suspects and learn that Doofy (the 'mentally challenged' parody of David Arquette's Character) was just pretending.

He ditches his disguise and drives away.
Cindy is then hit by a bus, but she'd return for Scary Movie 2-4 and now 6.
The End.

I definitely don't love this as much as teenaged me did.
To be fair, that guy wasn't exactly in love with it either.  I didn't actually own the Films until 2026 (in a 3-pack for $3).

So many of the jokes are just the same idea done over and over again.  You get stuff like 'Ray is obviously Gay' about 30x and 'Shorty loves Pot' about 42x.

The other random sight gags fight for time and are, honestly, usually better than the standby jokes.

An odd bit was apparently cut between the Theatrical and Video release. 
A joke about Gwyneth Paltrow (while Hall is seeing Shakespeare in Love) was deemed 'too mean' by everyone's favorite Producer Harvey Weinstein and changed in ADR.

2026 me has to remember that this was made for a 2000-era audience that had just seen 3 Scream Films and 2 IKWYDLS Films. 
Also, that jokes about people being high, a jock being gay and Doofy being, well, what he was considered the funniest things in the World.

To be nice, this one's Plot is a bit less scattershot than the 525,600 Parody Films to follow (like Epic Movie cutting from a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Scene to a Superman Returns Parody).
They joke about not having a Plot, but sort of try here.

If you're into the raunchier humor and don't mind stuff that's just gross for grossness' sake, this still is worth a look.
As long as all of the Cameos don't feature now dead people.  Right, Prince Parody and...

RIP James Van Der Beek

Next up, let me jump back to the 1990s and over to Japan.  Is this iconic Anime Film as I good as I remember it being over 20 years ago?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: The Strangeness (1985)

 As someone who actively seeks out the weirdest and most obscure Films, I still find stuff after all of these years.

This is one of those cases...

In possibly one of the earliest examples of an Opening Kill Trope I can think of, a pair of people go into a recently opened cave.

They're both killed by something.

In real life, this was shot in an actual Cave.  People later went in further and actually died from poison gas exposure!

* We also do get some fun stills of the Actors in a stylized way in the Opening Credits *

A group of folks are hired by a Mining Company to go into the same location.

They want to know if there's more gold to be found.

The group includes this Not Quint guy and his very confusing accent.

I supposed it's less confusing than the fact that Co-Writer/Co-Editor/Co-Composer/Co-Producer/Director is credited as a man.
Was it her choice?

They wander around the Mine for a while...a long while.

We briefly get a shot or two of the creature (nicknamed Binky by the crew).

Enjoy it when you can.

The VFX Supervisor would get mainstream work for the next 30 years!

They end up stuck down in the Mine and try to find a way out.

Meanwhile, the Cast is whittled down...eventually by the still mostly unseen creature.

It all comes down to 2 Survivors- even this has a Final Girl- and they escape from/blow up the creature after it takes out the Boss (who went crazy).

There's no Sequel, so I guess they won.
The End.

A Film with many good ideas and a decent monster.
Sadly, the Film does not live up to its true potential.

The idea- people trapped in a Mine with a crazy, Lovecraftian Monster- is a good one.  This one just can't quite make the most of it.

For starters, the Film had a Budget of $25,000, so the Film has many shortcuts.

The Mine- for instance- is only shown in chunks and always in very dim light.  When you see it in bright light, you realize that it is not made out of rocks.

Likewise, the creature doesn't do much and has that really stiff motion that comes from stop motion not being shot/treated properly.  I like the creature though.

This one is recommended to those that are willing to wait for the good stuff, but it won't make the average Horror fan happy.
In fact, at times, it might make you feel like this...

A Film that I like the idea of more than the actual Film.  This one is yet another that can honestly be treated well with a loving Remake/reimagining.

Bail Bond: The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

 After a long(ish) gap, Bond is back!

The Spy Who Loved Me is the 1977 entry into the Series and yet another Roger Moore Film.  I'm pumped!

With a three-year gap between Films, did much change?
Well, we have a new Director- although he did do You Only Live Twice with Connery- and 2 new Writers.  Supposedly Tom Mankiewicz did an uncredited rewrite.

In short, this is NOT based on the Book whatsoever and was compiled from a composite of various Screenplays and tweaked when rights weren't available.

We wouldn't get SPECTRE again until, well, Spectre with Daniel Craig.
This would turn out to be the final Film by French Cinematographer Claude Renoir (not the painter) as well.

The Plot involves a crazy rich guy (in both senses of the phrase) and a Plot that manages to unite Britain and Russia.  It also introduces one of- if not the- the most famous Bond Villain Henchmen ever in Jaws.

This Film has a few Jaws connections, it seems, from this Character to using a shark and even...Albert R. Broccoli turning Steven Spielberg down when he offered to Direct?!?
That's real (according to Wikipedia)!

Will this Bond Film return things to glory?  To find out, read on...

We get a big Intro that does a number of notable things.

There's a parallel Scene with Bond leaving his lady and Barbara Bach leaving her man.
Said man is the lead person pursuing Bond down the slopes and gets killed.

Bond parachutes into the Film's Title Sequence (both parodied by American Dad later)

This is Karl Stromberg.  
No, he's not Werner Herzog.

He's a crazy rich guy who is leveraging a tech for tracking submarines as part of his evil plan.

To check off an Austin Powers box, he drops a lady in a shark tank to kill her.

He has two main Henchmen- Jaws and the burly guy from Dr. Phibes Rises Again (the 2nd greatest Film of all time).

Anyone who has seen the blueprints to the device must die!

Moore and Bach are also separately sent to find just that, meeting up with a source in Egypt.

They aren't combative, but they aren't working together...until Jaws tries to kill them both.

They get away and keep pursuing the tech while slowly falling in love.
Like the Title!

Jaws, of course, shows up to kill him on the train a la Live and Let Die.
I guess he's early for his Show Up at the Finale to kill Bond, since he misses it.

This is a Bond Film and we need implausible, but amazing technology.

In this case, Bond and Bach are pursued by the bad guys on the road by a bike, some cars and a helicopter (flown by Caroline Munro!)!

Bond drives into the Ocean and the car turns into a submarine...kind of.

They end up on a Submarine together when the Brits and Russia agree to join forces.

Things get complicated when she learns that Bond killed her man (who was played by the guy who nearly took Moore's job).

On the bad guy's ship, a shootout/fight breaks out.

Bond uses science (he does?!?) to ride a bomb to take out the blast shield to stop the evil plan.

Jaws and Bond have one last face-off (pre-finale) and he uses a big-ass magnet to drag Jaws into the water.  He fights the shark, so Jaws vs. Jaws?

This is after Bond took out Stromberg.

Bond and Bach escape Stromberg's Base (Atlantis) before the Navy destroys it.

They get away in an escape pod (naturally) and their vehicle is brought in by both sides.
Bond makes a sex pun and the Film ends.

A big improvement over the last Film- sorry, Scaramanga.

This one feels like a fully formed Script and it all flows together tonally.  There are silly moments- like how Jaws can rip doors off of cars and can't die- and it doesn't fight against the Film's tone.

The Plot is pretty silly, but treated seriously.  So, when the bizarre stuff happens, you accept it.
After Bond's 27th death quip, you're in it to win it.

Moore said that this was his favorite Bond and, yeah, I can see that.  It doesn't have That Boat Chase, but it is damn good.

This one feels like a big, grand Bond Adventure.

Thankfully, this one brought Bond back to the big time and we got lots more of these Films.  It's crazy to think what life would be like without it.

Speaking of things that life would be different without, is this a rip-off of the Jaws Intro?

Next up, a little diversion to a Parody Film which is topical again.  Has this one aged as well fine wine or Surge Cola?  Stay tuned...

Shudder Day: 'Tales From The Crypt' - 'Lover Come Hack to Me!'

 An Episode with some interesting people behind the Scenes that made it happen.

It was Written by Michael McDowell, a prolific Author famous for co-Writing Beetlejuice, The Nightmare Before Christmas and the Film adaptation of Thinner.

The Director was Tom Holland, the guy behind Fright Night (and also Thinner) and NOT the Spider-Man one.

With big names behind it, let's see what we get with...

A man marries a rich lady (Amanda Plummer).

He makes it clear to the Aunt that he's taking the lady away and going to get all of the money.

Can you trust a guy who looks like a Samurai Cop?

Their honeymoon is derailed by bad weather and car issues.

They end up at her old House and the guy eventually gets her to come to bed with him.
Apparently, they have never even been undressed around each other.

It all goes well, even as he plans to kill her later that night.

He's woken by a strange sound and sees his new Wife meeting a guy outside.

He watches on in shock as they make love and she talks just like she did with him.

Unlike with him, she takes the nearby axe and kills him!
He tries to stop her, but can't make contact.

She's a ghost!

He's jolted awake by this and greeted by his new Wife.

He tells her what he saw and she doesn't dispute it.

She has the axe now and is going to kill him, since everything is 'perfect' and will only 'get worse.'

He confesses his plans to kill her, thinking that it will help, and draws the gun he brought.

He goes to fire, but there's no bullets and he's chopped up.

In the aftermath, Widow and Aunt talk about her future Daughter.
The End.

A simple, but twisted tale.

The Story itself is not some big, amazing one full of twists and turns.

Like most of these, it is adapted from a 50s-60s Horror Comic.

The thing that makes this one stand out more than it might otherwise is the execution.
Pun fully intended.

The way it is all framed, the bit with the ghost and the whole package really helps.

This is the key difference between just doing a Horror Story and doing one with a great Writer (who we lost in 1994) and Director.

It may not be anyone's favorite Tales from the Crypt Episode, but it went a step above for me.

A solid Episode and simple Premise that was definitely improved with the talent on board.  It's like using the really good, fancy cheese when you make lasagna.

Rare Flix: A Cold Night's Death (1973)

 A TV Movie from a Decade before I was born- why not?!?

As the World gets hotter and hotter, let's jump back 50+ years for A Cold Night's Death.
This TV Movie appears to be the bridge/missing link between The Thing From Another World and John Carpenter's The Thing.

A pair of Scientists are called into a frozen base up in the Mountains.  They find some strange stuff and a dead guy running it. 
Can the new guys figure out why the guy went crazy?  Can they finish the research?

This one was Produced by Aaron Spelling, which sure is unexpected for a '70s TV Movie/Special.  That was sarcasm, for all of my younger readers.

The duo has to experiment on the monkeys there because...something to do with space travel.  That's not important, so let's move on.

Is this a forgotten gem or just another TV Movie?
To find out, read on...

In Audio Logs (foreshadowing the Game Cliche by Decades), we learn that the previous Scientist at this base sounded crazy and cut off communication.

This is all relayed to us by an uncredited Vic Perrin, famous for voicing such Characters as Dr. Zin, Sinestro on Super Friends and the original Control Voice on The Outer Limits.
He died in 1989, so he wasn't there for the Series I'm currently covering.

They are flown to the Base by a Pilot (the only other Actor credited here) and find the guy frozen by the Tape Recorder.

He froze to death, but yet he didn't seem to be trapped.
Spooky.

They work at the Base- which is experimenting on how chimps react at high altitude because whatever the hell NASA- and things are good...at first.

Tensions rise as time goes by (shown by their stubble).

Wallach (left) thinks that Culp (right) is experimenting on him, but he says that he isn't.

They seem to make up...a bit when they hear a noise and find a chimpanzee on the loose.

Things don't improve long term, however, as they don't trust each other.

All the while the experiments on the chimpanzees continues.

Culp is the only one who can/will work outside (shoveling the snow) and he ends up trapped out there!

Culp manages to get his way back in- thanks to a spot he opened earlier in the Film- and he's absolutely not doing well.

He was, indeed, frozen today.

Exasperated and nearly dead, he tries to explain what he figured out- the original Scientist was driven crazy by the chimpanzees.

Wallach doesn't believe him- and he's also a bit crazy- and shoots Culp.

He goes back to the Recording Room when he hears the wind and snow coming through the door.  He turns around when he hears the door close...and lock.

As Culp tried to explain to him, the Chimpanzees' Leader was experimenting on them as reprisal for their experiments on the creatures.

He's now trapped Wallach in there.
The End (or beginning)!

A minimalist Film that manages to do quite alot.

Minimalist?  I must be one of those fancy, highly paid Critics to use such fancy language!

Jokes aside, I did like this one quite a bit.  It is glacially paced at first- pun fully intended- but does pick up.  If you can get invested in the Culp-Wallach dynamic, it really works.

As stated, this reminds me of the sense of paranoia and mistrust that The Thing (1982) cultivated so well.  I wonder if Carpenter was inspired by this in any way.
It all could be a coincidence.

Atmosphere is 1,000% the name of the game here and the Film does well with (technically) only 4 Actors playing parts (I don't count the frozen guy or the chimpanzees).
This could easily be turned into a Play with very few tweaks OR a short-form Horror Game.

It's been over 50 years- it's probably not under copyright, fellas!

It was nice to escape the extreme heats (with it only being May here!) for the extreme cold...even if both leaving you trying to get to the pool.

Next time, let's start June off with the return of Bond...James Bond.  Will this Film about Love woo me too?  Stay tuned...

Immediate Response: The Mandalorian and Grogu (2026)

 I had to see this in a Theater.
This is the Way!

The Good

* The Film looks great.  All of the visuals are top notch, from the shiny beskar to the Hutt Base that looks like a rotting pumpkin.

* The Plot gives you the action you'd expect, the settings you like and a nice turn or two in the middle.

* Grogu is a delight. 
His little friends are great too.

* Now that we got Sigourney Weaver in Star Wars, is Predator next?

* The Hutts have never looked weirder and more gross.  Is this actually a bad thing?
* We finally get to see Zeb again, if only for a bit.

The Bad

* A simple mention of Carl Weathers' Greef Karga would have been nice.
* Likewise, there seems to have been an attempt to make this not feature/mention other Characters- like Bo-Katan or other Mandalorian fighters.
* Just looking at the Hutt Planet makes me feel like a need a tetanus shot.

All in all, a Film that feels like a bigger scale/Budget Story from the Show.  
If you're expecting something different, then, well, it's not for you.

Fans of the Show and Star Wars in general should certainly check this out for the loud, big screen experience.

Forgotten TV: 'The Outer Limits' Wants you to Chill out!

 Is the 4th time the charm?

This Episode of The Outer Limits is the 4th lowest rated one on IMDB.
Is it bad?

Is it at least a Sci-Fi Premise this time?

This is...

A group of people- including Costas Mandylor and Barry Pepper- kill some Soldiers and steal a truck.

They want what is inside.

It's actually a Soldier...and then...not the missiles that they were expecting.

What is in the box?

That's the question on everyone's lips, save for this Captain who was also hiding in the truck.

The Major- Colm Feore- is going to torture this lady to get what he wants.

Nearby, the box is penetrated (by bullets) and unsealed.

Something is watching them.

As Pepper lights up a torch to torch...ure her, the creature shoots over and freezes him via digital sharpening of his image!

He's frozen and shattered and now know that a weird little alien that freezes you was in the box!

Can they stop it?
Can they get along?

No, of course not!  The good guys survive and the bad ones die with the alien.  Duh.

*******

This one does feel like a Sci-Fi Story, but...shouldn't there be more here?

These ones always have some sort of moral and this one...well, doesn't.
This is not a bad idea for an Episode.  It's a good Plot.

I just feel like this was missing something.

This feels like a Sci-Fi Channel Picture that was condensed and had the stakes lowered.  They are just trapped in a building with a nameless alien that freezes stuff.

The Film would have more of them or some other aliens too.

Is this a bad Episode of Sci-Fi Television?  No.
Is this not a great Episode of The Outer Limits?  Yes.

Don't hate me- i said it!

Next time, we go back to Season 1 and...oh, damn it!  It's...well, you'll see if you don't know already.