Thursday, March 14, 2024

Tubi Thursday: Cube (2021)

 A pretty famous Remake is coming next as a proper Review on the Schedule, so why not another for this Thursday?

Well, I've had my eye on one for a while now, so let's check out the Japanese Remake of...

In the Cold Open, a man tries to escape from a strange Cube-shaped room.

He makes it to another...but let's just say that he made a bad choice.
A group of people wake up in a similar room and try to figure out what the hell is going on.

Oddly like in The Maze Runner, the Film's lone Female shows up suddenly and the Plot gets moving.
They have to navigate between the Rooms, avoid the traps and find a way out.

Easier said than done.

Harder for many people these days in America- it involves doing Math without a calculator!
Can they escape?
Is there anything to escape to?

Will lazy Critics compare this to Squid Game, even though that is from South Korea and not Japan?

To find out the answers to the first 2 questions (the third one is 'Sadly, no'), stream it now.
For better or worse, it is a very Japanese Remake of the 1997 Cult Classic.

Weirdly, it started to give me Dimension High flashbacks- although this is far better!
The fact that I had to watch Japanese people solving puzzles- mostly just Math- in a weird 3-D environment is a very specific comparison though.

To be fair, that was in the original Film, so they didn't add it.

Speaking of the original Film, there's large parts that are, understandably, very similar.  
This one also answers as many questions as the Canadian Film did as well.

I do wish that there was more of the creative death trap stuff in there.  What we get- spinning blades, gas and the like- is good.  They just focused more on the Characters than that.

I don't pretend to know Movie Financing- let alone in Japan- but I feel like you could do more with the same amount of money and CGI in 2021 than you could in 1997.
I just wanted more- a truly American complaint.

If you go in expecting Saw, you'll be disappointed.
For better or worse, this is a Cube Film.

A weird Film with some good moments and an interesting mystery.  Like the other Film, it is just far less interested in answers than you might hope.

Is It Bad?!?: David Lynch's Dune

 A Film can be labeled as a 'Bad Film' and that label never leaves.
Just look at Madame Web.
Or famous Films that are only known for their 'badness' like Ishtar or Waterworld.

Is it really bad though?

Let's look at a topical one- 1984's Dune by David Lynch (or Alan Smithee in the Credits)

It cost a fortune. 
It had studio interference. 
Its own Director had his Credit taken off of it.  Even to this day, he's not sure if a 'Director's Cut' could be made, since he 'sold out too much in the process.'

Is it bad?

The Film is very dense.
There's no getting around it.

My DVD has a Guide to the words and phrases.  I thank them.

Freaky things can warp Space.  People have ships and fancy Titles.  Spice is key.
Our Hero is Kyle McLachlan aka Paul Atreides.

Lots of talk- in narration and spoken- about him being special.

Can the Sleeper awaken?
Another House- or group of bad guys- is conspiring against his and they're all kind of gross.

More importantly, they have Sting and his famous speedo.
That and he says 'I *will* kill you!'
They go to the Planet where all of the Spice- that powers the freaky monsters and does, well, everything plot-related- is mined.

Paul seems to know more than he should.
Oh and the Planet has Sand Worms.

Does anyone talk about those?
Betrayal in his own House leads to the Duke- his Father- being killed and him forced to flee into the Desert.

Can him and his Mother survive?
In fact, they thrive.

Mom becomes a Psychic, gives birth to a super-baby (aka Alicia Witt) and Paul becomes the Leader of the Indigenous People, mastering 'the voice' and able to control Sand Worms!

He shuts down the entire Spice Trade!
This brings the Emperor across the Galaxy to deal with these things.

Of course, that's what Paul wants, as he summons and leads the biggest damn Sand Worm you've ever seen in for the final battle!
Paul's Army is victorious and he gets revenge for his Dad by taking out the other House's Leaders.
Sting's boasts are not backed up and he himself is killed.

Paul is Muab'dib and is the rule of Dune!

What will happen next?  Read the other Books- they never made a Sequel!

What's Good?
The Film looks great.  I'm not even watching the HD Version.
They clearly spent lots of money on this and the Design Work is great.

The Acting is really nice as well.  It could easily be silly- and it gets close sometimes- but it works.

The Scope is nice.  The Film feels massive in scale and important.

In spite of inspiring so many other Stories and Films, Dune feels unique in many ways.


What's Bad?
As I said, the Film walks a fine line between being so self-important that it feels silly.  Throw in so many odd-sounding names (especially to those- like me- who haven't read the Books) and it can be a bit much.

The Film- in the Extended and Theatrical Cuts- relies alot on Narration to tell who people are, what is happening and why it matters?
It's Show, Don't Tell- just not her.

Understandably, some of the optical effects- Rear Projection and the like- aren't seamless in 2024.  Kind of understandable though, I think.

It's also not clear why she's Narrating the Intro (in the Theatrical Cut).  To be fair, a nameless Computer spends NINE MINUTES Narrating the Intro in the Extended Cut.  Yikes.
Is It Bad?
A qualified No from me.
I'm not familiar with the Books, so any changes or tweaks aren't known by me (outside of general research), so bear that in mind.

This Film has an infamous reputation, but it's a fun, if dense as sheet rock, experience.


More Is It Bad?!? coming down the line.  Keep an eye out.

Monday, March 11, 2024

Shudder-day: V/H/S 85 (2023)

 As a man who doesn't like Found Footage Films (or, to be more accurate, they don't like me), I sure do keep watching this Series.

Shudder keeps making these, so let's pop in...

In the Framing Device, a strange creature is found and put in a lab for observation.

That said, we hear about this 'on a tape' documenting how things went wrong, so...
In 'No Wake,' a group of people go to a blocked-off Lake to have some fun.

This is a Horror Film, so you know that this won't go well.

I won't SPOIL more here though, because it is a doozy.
In 'God of Death,' a massive Earthquake hits Mexico City.

This leads a group of people being rescued down the wrong path.

I can't SPOIL this more than the Title does, right?
As we cut back to Not Hard Copy, we learn that the creature in the lab was learning more and more.

He started to transform into people (kind of)!
In TKNOGD, a woman does a performance art piece where she complains about eye phones (aka early VR Headsets) and then uses them.

She finds that 'surfing the Internet' sometimes leads to 'sharks.'
In Ambrosia, we get the other side of 'No Wake' (which is a neat idea, honestly) and its events.

What happens when someone is given the gift that everybody wants...only know it is a curse.
In the final internal segment, we get 'Dream Killer.'

The Police are investigating a murder during a home invasion that we see (partially) on tape.
The issue- said Tape was delivered to the Police THREE DAYS BEFORE this murder happened.

Pro-Tip- don't watch this Intro in the dark at night.  Kind of unsettling.

Finally, no SPOILERS, we are told that things went really badly in the Lab, but they won't show it on the (fake) TV Show.

We the viewer of this Movie, of course, see it all play out.

----------

A weird collection of Horror Stories.  Is there a Theme though?

Should a Horror Anthology be more?
This one features a tale of death, a facsimile of life, an embodiment of death, the sanctity of life and whether violent death is a certainty.

For me, this nailed the look of an old Found Footage Film- well, mostly.  Dream Killer looked- and this will sound weird- too good.

There are also moments of excessive gore just to have it in this Segment too.

Quick Rank- God, Framing, Ambrosia, No Wake, TKNOGD and Dream.

That said, I really enjoyed this Film.
Is it great or am I getting soft?
Regardless there’s a lesson- watch where you turn.

Do I need to see more of these?  Let me know…

Friday, March 8, 2024

'70s TV: Daschell Hammet's The Dain Curse (Part 3 of 3)

 At long last, the Finale!  I mean, if you've waited 5 Decades to see this, what's a few weeks?

If you need a recap, go to the first 2 Reviews.
Let's just jump right into the Final Part of...

In the aftermath of Gabrielle being returned, Nash and his friend try to piece together the clues.

Meanwhile, Data...I mean, Brent Spiner returns, saying that he needs to talk to Nash.

He pleads his innocence about the more salacious Cult goings on when a bomb goes off!
Owen was inside!

If Father Karras dies, who will be in The Exorcist III (unquestionably the best Sequel)?!?
He survives, but just barely.  Phew!

While he recovers, Nash has a simple, but also very difficult goal- to ween Gabrielle off of her morphine addiction.
It's not an easy thing.

Thankfully, the case doesn't have any major goings on.
This way we can get Beatrice Straight that Emmy Nomination (she didn't win, sadly).
On the actual case, Hector Elizondo questions the wounded man and he claims that he heard 'glass break' just before the bomb went off.

Oh s**t, it was Stone Cold Steve Austin!
It's not easy, but Gabrielle seems to beat her addiction.

She just needs some harsh truth and the chance to reject a chance at getting more of the stuff.

Now case stuff, yes?
Nash earlier revealed that he knew who the culprit was, which offends the lady from the Cult.
In spite of her trying to shoot him, he lets her go.

When Owen is recovered (well- as much as he will be), Nash reveals that he knew the truth all along.

The 'glass' story was a lie.
The bomb was left by Spiner, worried that Owen would betray him like he did the kidnapper- whom he hired!
The final part of the Mini-Series is now...a Courtroom Drama?  Alright.

It's all about Owen's Trial and you can see him going for an insanity defense.
However, Nash sees through the ruse AND the twist (Owen wants him to say that he's sane and be revealed as super-smart).

On the stand, he says that Owen is crazy and he's locked up.

He goes off to solve more crimes...but he's an unnamed Character in the Books, so...he doesn't.  The End.
What an odd, but quite good all the same Finale.  

Seriously, the structure here is curious.

We go from seemingly wrapping up the Plot to a sudden turn...and then all of the focus is on Gabrielle's personal journey.  It is worth noting how good Straight was here.  She plays an unlikable- even if you understand why- character as she's going through withdrawal.

It is a risky, but wise Acting choice.

Coburn is also great here, playing a serious character that really does have a soft spot for her.  It's only when he acts like, well, himself that things can really improve for her.  
He also knows that all of his work will net him nothing- as she's obviously way too young for him.  Mind you, the age difference is, in a rare case, played UP for the man (as Coburn was not 'half her age' as he says).

When things all come together, the Film gets really good.  All of the parts fall into place and it all makes sense.
The turn to legal drama is, again, a weird one.

In spite of that, I heartily recommend this one to fans of this Era and this kind of Film.  Good-bye, Movie- I'm finally setting you free into the wild (aka Goodwill)...

Next up, a new Segment is born. 
As for the next proper review, well, who knows?  Stay tuned...

Thursday, March 7, 2024

Tubi Thursday: Dune World/Sand World (2021)

 Mark Polonia- why do I bother?

Oh right- he made a Dune rip-off (at least a Film marketed as one) in 2021.  Let's bite the bullet...

It is a dark future.
It's a shame that paying for lights is expensive.

If you think I'm making a lazy joke about this Film's low-budget, let me just show you their Robot Character...
Amidst a sea of pre-rendered Ships, Space and Desert Models in Dazzle, a ship full of, well, four people is going to Mars to mine Not Spice.

The bulk of their ship is a barely repurposed bit of office space.
They go to the Planet when something hits their ship and they have no choice.

They wander around in PPE, which oddly makes a recent Film about the far Future seem suddenly dated.

*slow clap*
On the Planet, they are attacked by...a Sand Worm....
Yes, it is a puppet.
Yes, Cecil from Beeny and Cecil looks better.

It is a Mark Polonia Film- you get what you pay for!
(that's why I watch them for Free on Tubi).

You don't need to know more- trust me.
Just enjoy this decent shot...that they probably just bought online.

The End.
On the plus side, it (hopefully) didn't take you an Hour to read this.  That's how long the Film is.
Don't worry- they stretch it to an Hour and 6 minutes with Credits.

It's bad.
It's cheap.
It barely tries.

Can't afford Sets?  Do something interesting...or just Film at random, tight angles in your own Office Space.  Don't hide the Room Signs or random objects- like a folding table sitting on its side- or anything.

Even putting the Budget aside, nothing interesting happens.  Lots of wandering in front of a Green Screen or in an Office.  Bad attempts at replicating Paul Atreides' visions.  Random shots of people that are supposed to mean something.

I won't SPOIL the Ending, but let's just say that it is lazy and I hate it.

At least this was the only Dune knock-off on Streaming in...and I can't even finish that sentence, can I?

Seriously, I've seen uninspired Films that cost $100 million or more.  If you did this exact same Film for the same amount, it would still be awful.

Monday, March 4, 2024

Streaming Standard: Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (2023)

 I don't normally do Anime.
I also know that there's some dispute over what is Anime when a big company like Netflix distributes it.

Regardless, let's see how this Anime Adaptation turned out...

It's been 20 years since the Comics/Manga debuted.
It's been 14 years since the Movie.

Let's recap, shall we?

Scott Pilgrim is a nobody in Toronto playing Bass in a Band and mooching off of his friend.
He has no ambitions, other than to exist.
He meets Ramona and falls for her instantly.

There are sparks.
This could be what he needs...
...so, it is rather shocking when he's killed in his first fight with one of Ramona's evil Exes.

It's a SPOILER, but rather unavoidable.

So, what happens in a Scott Pilgrim Story without Scott Pilgrim?
Ramona tries to solve the mystery of what happened to Scott.
I won't SPOIL how that goes obviously.

In the meantime, everything you remember about the Story is a bit different- in a good way.

Hard to complain when a Show DOESN'T retread things, no?

To find out how this all plays out, Stream it now.
As a bit of an outsider- both with this Franchise and Anime in general- I like to think that I'm a good arbiter here.

The Story takes a big turn from the source material.  It's a bold move.
Yes, they could have just don a slight remix of the original Story and people would have liked it.

This Series, however, can be a bit divisive, especially when people only know about the initial twist.  Many people heard about it and decided that this wasn't good.

Don't judge a Show without watching it- simple rule, no?

Pretty much all of the Cast is back and, thanks to this being Voice Acting, it isn't weird.  It doesn't feel different.
It feels like a new take on a popular- just not in terms of Box Office Gross- Story and I was happy to go along for the ride.

If you're a fan of the Story and Characters, check this out.  If you only heard about the Twist, actually watch the Show and decide for yourself.