Holiday TV: 'Friday the 13th' Presents The Evil Gardener!

 Another Friday the 13th is here.  This random chance on the Calendar decides what I have to cover.

Let's return to the TV Show that has *nothing* to do with Jason Voorhees.

Well, that's mostly true- this one was Written by the man behind Friday the 13th, Part VII: The New Blood.

This is...

In the Cold Open, a man kills the lady he's doing Yard Work for when she's rude.
Wait- didn't I just see this?!?

This time, he pushes her into a mulcher when she's dead and smiles at the result.

At the Store, our Female Lead is at an impasse.

She can't abandon her responsibility to return the artifacts, but she also wants to get married.

What are the odds that this comes to a head in the Episode?

The Mulcher is this Week's Artifact.

If you push someone into it, they produce money as a result.
The more they have, the more they produce.

It ends up in the hands of Just Shoot Me's Enrico Colantoni, who is quite happy to get that cash!

Will they stop Enrico?  
Yes, his greed leads him to hold onto his bag of cash as the Mulcher takes it, killing him.

Will she stay?
Of course, this is only Episode 9.

Besides, who could say 'No' to this face?

A fun Episode with a very grisly artifact.

Of course, this being TV- even in the '80s- the gross stuff is implied.

Do I need to see someone shoved into a Mulcher?
I saw Fargo, so that was close enough.

Enrico does a good job as the crazy guy.  You never know much more about him other than he's greedy, but he's a one-off TV Villain.  That's fine.

The B-Plot is fine and obviously had to be addressed eventually.  It doesn't eat up too much time and at least plays into the Finale, so that's good.

All in all, this Episode what you'd expect from the Show, plus a return tease of a killer doll.
Who doesn't love those?

An Episode that gives you exactly what you want from the Show.  The actual Friday the 13th connection is nice too.

Tubi Thursday: Atomic Eden (2015)

 After Godzilla Minus Zero, I couldn't do another Monster Movie or anything serious.
Thankfully, Tubi is full of Rifftrax features, so I found one from...2015?

That's fast!

The Film begins with a bunch of Action Shots from later in the Film.

Why set up the Film when you can just start in the middle?

The *actual* start involves Fred Williamson going around and recruiting random people for a mission.

He travels the whole world- or at least they imply that he does- even though this mission is time sensitive.

One of them is the Writer/Director/Producer.

Thankfully, he was smart enough to make himself the first Hero to be killed off, since that makes his workload lighter!

Once we've wasted nearly half the runtime recruiting everyone, they go to Chernobyl to find some hidden MacGuffin that shares the Title's name.

They have 36 hours and these guys in Hazmast Suits are there to stop them.

Action ensues, albeit in small, self-contained sections for each person.

Granted- many of them just sit in windows and shoot people (including the 77 year old Williamson).

Regardless, they get picked off in this Scene and then a nightime attack as well.

Do they save the day?
To find out, stream it now (preferably the Rifftrax version)!

A very basic and very underwhelming Film.  Thankfully, Rifftrax is there to inject a bit of fun into the whole thing.

Nothing is especially bad, save for a few people who clearly speak English as their 3rd Language trying to do dialog.

Nothing about the Film is especially good or interesting either.  This is the kind of Film that my friends and I would have rented from a Blockbuster or Hollywood Video back in the day and had fun riffing it ourselves.

On its own, it is D-Grade Action with a whisper thin Plot.  Cut it down to 15 minutes to make it an Action Reel to sell Investors or something.

The shorter guy who does flips and kicks is fun.  Give him a real Movie or let him be a Henchman in a Film with real Stars.
No offense, Fred- it's just not 1978 anymore.

I do kind of love how they made these silly Character Posters for everyone though.

A Film that is the loosest idea of a Plot to connect subpar Action Scenes.  Rifftrax does make it a fun watch though.

Immediate Response: Godzilla Minus Zero (2026)

 I finally found time to see the Film that all of my Kaiju Fans out there are raving about.

Does Atomic Breath strike twice?

The Good

* The Film looks and sounds amazing.  The shots are epic and the Soundrack is great.
* Godzilla and the new monster (in case you don't know who it is) look great.  Simple design upgrades accentuate their strengths.

* This Movie mines the emotions related to real world events.  It doesn't feel tacky, given that it all happened TO Japan and this is a Japanese Film.
* The Action is saved for big moments and they absolutely deliver.  You feel the blasts and see the impact.

* At the heart of it all, the Film is about a makeshift family just trying to survive in a World that seems hellbent to stop them.

The Bad

* If you're expecting the usual kind of Godzilla Film from the 70s - 00s, this is not it.  The Film is about these Characters and Godzilla is just a giant impediment to their fortunes.
He's just not in it as much as you might think.
* The Film is really good at making you feel for the Characters.  That's a good quality...but it does mean that it will 'hit you in the feels' more than you expect.

* A big Trailer Moment doesn't *technically* happen in this one.  I won't SPOIL the context.
* If you're not okay with the USA kind of being the bad guy (remember, this is 1949 Japan, so...), avoid this one or toughen up.

A truly great Film that manages to give you big Kaiju moments and major emotions.  Just know that you're getting a Film about real (feeling) people and not just 'Godzilla smash!'

Shudder Day: The Terronauts (1967)

A Film that is famous for being bad and cheesy.
I had to cover something like this after talking about French Absurdist Theater last week.

You're welcome.

In the UK, a guy just wants to contact alien life.

The problem- his work isn't exactly easy and takes lots of time.
He's only got 2 months now.

On a big night, they try another transmission.

The Accountant and the Cleaning Lady are there that night.

The Lead Guy tells a Story about how his Dad found a strange artifact on a dig and let him have it.

Being a kid, he accidentally broke it and...dreamed of visiting an Alien World.

That's why he's a Scientist.

That night, a ship comes to Earth and takes the whole lab with them.

The effects are genuinely hilarious.

They are taken to a Space Station...but why?

While they try to solve Puzzles and find out the story (is this a Sierra Game?), the Lead Actress falls on a teleporter pad.

She's grabbed by some weird aliens and they try to sacrifice her.

The Lead Guy saves her...and this Scene justifies the over-the-top Poster.
It's also the only time we see Aliens...in this Film about Aliens.

They figure out that they have to power up and use the Station to stop a bunch of Aliens from getting to Earth.

They blast the ships in a prolonged sequence of ships on fishing line being blown up by rockets on fishing line.
It's...something.

They use the teleporter pad to get back to Earth- at the French Dig Site- and all is well.  The End.

A very cheesy Film- for better or hilarious worse.

This is not a great Film.  The Acting is spotty.  The Sets look silly.  The Special Effects are pretty laughable.

Is this a Film that's actually hindered by a crisp HD Transfer?  Kind of.
It looks bright and garish.  The very bad Effects are elevated and the detail does not help them out.

The Film is also a bit of a lie all around.

Are the so-called Terrornauts the ships we see launched in Deep Space?
Are they those green dudes that don't really affect the Plot?

We're promised a 'Virgin Sacrifice.'  We actually get our leads eating neon cake pieces and solving colorful puzzles.

Know that you're not getting the Film that the Poster promises.
If you want to see a Film that's basically an early Dr. Who Story without an actual Doctor in it, this is not.

Blimey- who saved this for nearly 6 Decades?!?

A Film that is 1,000% not what it is advertised.  If you want something bright, garish and cheesy, this is it!

Forgotten Marketing: Berserk (1967)

During October, Svengoolie ran Berserk with Joan Crawford.

It turns out to have had a pretty crazy attempt at marketing it to a jaded, drive-in Movie audience.

Instead of (figuratively) rotting in my Gallery, why not share it with you?

Yes, this Movie wanted you to 'Take a Test' before you saw the Movie.

That'll bring the kids in!

This is the Berserk Test...

What are your answers?

Here's mine...

I'm clearly the Audience, aren't I?
Too bad I was born over a Decade after the Film came out.

Sorry, guys.

If that didn't work on you, they also tried the old Scott Farkus Method.

Are you going to see the Double Feature yet?

Don't make me Triple Dog Dare you!

Tubi Thursday: 65 (2023)

 After bouncing around various Streaming Platforms (since Sony doesn't have one), I finally got around to this Sci-Fi Film.

Was it worth the wait?

An Astronaut/Explorer (Adam Driver) is transporting a bunch of people in Cryosleep to an unknown part of the Galaxy.

The ship is wrecked and now he's stuck on a strange World alone!

The Place is far less inviting than you would hope for.

It's also Earth, by the way.

They play it like it is a big reveal with the Title Card (nearly 20 minutes in), but I guess the Marketing People thought otherwise.

As things look bleak, he sees that one person did survive with him- a young girl who doesn't speak English (or whatever the equivalent would be).

Can he talk with/at her enough to make the journey to an escape pod?

Armed with some tools, a laser rifle and his wits, Driver and the girl must make it through a dangerous wilderness.

Oh and they aren't alone- not by a longshot!

This is Earth a mere 65 million years ago, so there are many Dinosaurs.

Can they make it off of Earth before it is too late?

To find out, stream it now...

A good to really good Adventure Film.

The Plot is simple enough.  The addition of Dinosaurs is a nice choice.

The thing that is supposed to really sell it for you is the connection between Driver and the girl.

By his sheer force of will and personality, Driver makes a Film about a guy who can't really talk to his other Co-Star work pretty well.
You can feel his emotions and see them.

It's a good thing he's here, because otherwise the Film doesn't have much in the way of unique traits.
With a random guy- be it C. Thomas Howell or Chris Pratt-, it would be alright.

His ability make this a bit better, but never quite to a must-see Sci-Fi Film.

It's worth a stream if you like the hard Sci-Fi.

Now who made this Poster for what feels like a completely different Film?

A Film which is worth watching if you're a fan of Adam Driver and Sci-Fi.  If not, it's a decent Thriller with surprising pathos.

'60s Trash?: Shock Treatment (1964)

 A Movie I picked out for Horror Movie Madness Month, but was too interesting to not review.

This is 1964's Shock Treatment, a Film that followed in the wake of Psycho and other Films about the mentally ill.
This is viewed as a bit of a knock-off, but that's only true in Theme.

Plot-wise- they are miles apart!

A crazy guy is put away, but someone is convinced that he's hiding money.  An Actor is paid to find it, but must face off with a Nurse Ratched-like figure to do so.

To note, the Book in question- One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- came out in 1962, but the seminal Film was stuck in development hell for 13 years (It ended up doing alright though).

This Film has a bunch of big Stars like Stuart Whitman, Lauren Bacall and Roddy McDowall in it.
So why was the only copy I could find of it a so-so German release?

To find out, read on...

A crazy Gardener- McDowall- casually kills his Boss with Garden Shears.  My German Copy was retitled to 'The Killer with the Garden Shears.'

He casually turns himself in and gets committed.

While a bunch of burned up money was found at the Scene, a man is convinced that McDowall actually hid more of it.

He pays an Actor- Whitman- to get the information from him inside of the Institution.

He studies plants- to get close to Roddy- and then casually commits a weird crime pretending to be some sort of confused beatnik.

This somehow gets him sent to an Institution, which feels silly.

He eventually makes friends with McDowall, but has to keep up the act inside.

Between that, he has a romance with a young blonde.

One night, he's told to take some pills and he does.

He wakes up strapped to a table and is given, well, Shock Treatment!

The woman- who also testified about McDowall- explains afterwards that she knows he's faking it.

When he threatens to out her for torturing him, she gives a dose of a drug that will make him comatose!

It seems to work too well as time passes with him not recovering.

McDowall- who is being coerced by Bacall to share the money- tries to kill Whitman, but he's saved at the last moment.

As it turns out, he was faking being still comatose and escapes!

However, the guy that hired him is dead and nobody will believe his tale now.

He goes back to find Bacall confronting McDowall about the money- it's all ash!

That's what you get for trusting a crazy guy.

He tries to kill Whitman in the Garden with a pitchfork (a weird Clue set), but is tripped and impaled on some metal stakes!

In the aftermath, Bacall snaps.
She did all of this for money...that never existed.

And so, our Tale ends with Whitman apparently striking a deal to not face prison time for his crime in exchange for exposing Bacall's misdeeds.

Now she's in the same Institution she once ran.
The End.

A pretty enjoyable Film, even if it doesn't exactly elevate the Genre.

At its core, this is a simple Mystery Film with a simple hook- can a sane man survive in an Institution?
He does pretty well, to be fair, until the shock treatment.

The Acting is good, if a bit melodramatic.  The Actors will often go big when not doing so might be a better choice.  It makes more sense for McDowall, whose Character is supposed to be crazy and erratic.

Even so, it comes off more like a Soap Opera than it should.

The whole look at the mentally ill here is not exactly ideal, as they tend to just be either fully zoned out or dangerously erratic.  Most people in there are more of a danger to themselves than others.

While it's not an amazing Film, it features many Stars- including a young Ossie Davis!- and feels like the kind of Film that should be on Svengoolie someday.  Maybe it will happen.

I'll leave you with the best bit from watching a German Version of this Film...

***The Film cuts between the real shot and this German Language Insert Shot.  Neat.***

Next time, it's a return to Bond and Moore is still here saving the day.  I guess I have to figure out what the hell an Octopussy is, I guess. Stay tuned...

Shudder Day: Theatre of Horrors- The Sordid Story of Paris' Grand Guignol

 I like to think that I can enjoy classy, informative stuff and not just Horror/Action Movies.

As someone with passing knowledge of the place, why not cover a full Documentary on the infamous Grand Guignol?

If you don't know, the Grand Guignol was a small, but influential Theater in Paris.

It started out doing 'Naturalist Plays.'

In essence, the Plays were dark, a bit morbid and rarely had happy endings.

That was 'natural.'
Freaking French.

As time went on, the Plays changed from being just about crime and sometimes murder to something more.

Plays began to feature regular killing of Characters, deconstruction of positions of power and lots of fake blood.
Well, real (cow) blood at first.

The Theater- which is likely the size of your average House- grew in fame and soon brought in many Guests.

Legit figures in Literature, Medicine and Films worked there, studied there or spoke there.

You see the influence in people like Tod Browning and James Whale (who acted in 1 Play at least).

The Documentary is narrated by Barbara Steele, who brings a certain gravitas to proceedings, even if she also says 'controvesy' and not 'controversy.'

We also hear from an Actress from its later days and the son of Gypsy Rose Lee, whose Mom took him there when he was SIX.

With a limited amount of footage (film degradation, lack of storage and WWII happened), they act out certain Scene with Puppets...which is somehow worse.

They also cover the lasting legacy of the Theatre, like how it inspired Films that led to entire Genres being created.

For as crass as it could be, it created Art and Entertainment for over 60 years.

What would Cinema be without the Grand Guignol?  Boring.

To find out way more details than I could squeeze in here, stream it now!

A very informative Documentary that is full of gross stuff and definitely for the faint of heart.

This is about a Theater famous for gory, violent and disturbing works.  They show footage of it, reenactments and other violent Scenes from Films inspired by it.

Oh, and an ass-load of Nudity- pun fully intended.

I say that to tell you that if it is not for you, absolutely skip this Film.  There's no way to show this/talk about this without showing what they show.

I had a passing understanding of this place- knowing the name and many references to it across Shows like Penny Dreadful- but was no expert.
Thankfully, this Film is FULL of them.  It is very informative.

I love Film and information about the Arts.  This definitely scratched that itch for me.

If you're in the mood (and not squeamish), take a look back at this stuff...

A very informative and fascinating Documentary.  Just know that it is full of naughty stuff and blood, so avoid it if you're squeamish.