Holiday Flix: Santo in The Witches Attack! (1968)

 A yearly look at Lucha Cinema is something I always look forward to.

This is El Santo in The Witches Attack, a 1968 Action/Horror Film.  This is at a good midpoint in his Film career- which ran until 1982- and features many familiar things.

Lots of fighting.  Black and white mood.  Ladies in miniskirts.

The Plot involves a woman who fears that she'll be sacrificed by a Witch and only El Santo can save her!  He's a spry 50-51 years old at this time.
There wasn't a younger Luchador who could help- Rey Mysterio Jr. wasn't born yet.

This one does a few unique things that are worth mentioning.
Are they enough to make this not too familiar?

To find out, read on...

The Film actually has a Cold Open where this lady monologues about the danger she's in from some Witches and that only El Santo (not named by her) can save her.

He fights masked thugs and is captured, but then breaks free and makes a cross with his arms...

...and that was all a dream.  

The Woman has been having very vivid nightmares ever since she moved into her Parents' house to get the money willed to her.

Her Sister tells her to stay.

Her fiancée Arturo (who was in the dream too) meets with El Santo after hearing about her dream.  He knows the guy.

What luck!

He explains the situation with the house and will to our Hero...and that the Sister is not who she claims to be!

She might even be- wait for it- a Witch!

This leads to the 2nd of what feels like a dozen (more like 6) prolonged Fight Scenes with El Santo, this time with unmasked guys (but clearly the same ones)...and there's no a third guy.

He doesn't find the proof he needs.

The Witches are real, of course, and doing exactly what was in the dream.

They capture and control Arturo with a magical spell.

Santo saves our Heroine from them again, but they flee...again.

It's not a Luchador Film without one unnecessary Wrestling Match Scene.

This has one that runs about 5 minutes.

The Witches have nigh unlimited power at their disposal thanks to the dark arts and their infernal Masters!

They...summon a single spider (seemingly made by a preschooler) to kill Santo.
It fails.

They do capture the woman again and she appears to escape...again.

She meets with Santo and tells him where to go.

Surprise- it was the Witch all along!

They capture Santo at Fight #22 (or 6) and chain him down for the sacrifice.

He breaks the chains...which shouldn't surprise them since he's DONE IT TWO OTHER TIMES and fights them.

Outnumbered, he resorts to their weaknesses (which the Witch recounted to the audience earlier) and returns with a big cross.
He waves it around and they all die.

The End.

A Film that is very similar to many Santo Films, but with some extra, spooky aesthetics.

The Plot is pretty simple- so much so that it is laid out in the opening minutes.
Not much changes from that setup explained to us then- we just see it play out.

I guess Horror can be about NOT surprising you.

To be fair, I might be judging this through the wrong point of view.

These Films were made for a broad audience and likely ran as Matinees in Santo's homeland of Mexico.

People weren't looking for great Acting or amazing Plots.  This is very similar to watching a spooky Episode of the Adam West Batman TV Show.

I own the whole Series on DVD and watch it every weekend, so clearly, I don't hate the formula.

This one gets a few points of credit for adding the spooky stuff, but is otherwise a fairly copy-paste adventure.
There's really no difference between these Witches having male henchmen and the Mad Scientists/Vampires having them.

Speaking of Vampires, this...goes nowhere.

A pretty fun, if familiar El Santo Film.  If you want one of these with a few new tricks, give it a watch.

'Holiday' Flix: Aldo Lado's Star Wars (aka The Humanoid) {1979}

 A long time ago, in a Country far, far away, a Movie was ripped off.

That Film was Star Wars.
That Country was Italy.
This Film- The Humanoid!

Directed by Aldo Lado (who I've covered a couple of times), this one is a bonkers sci-fi tale with some pretty blatant cribbing from Lucas' hit.

This seems to be a case of said ideas, visuals and designs being put into a completely different Story altogether.  So, it is less of a rip-off than other Films, but still clearly a rip-off all the same.

We've got a Dark Lord, an Empire and a big brute.
To see how similar and different this can be at once, read on...

The Dark Lord Graal- whose look is slightly similar to Darth Vader's- is trying to take over the peaceful Empire of Metropolis (which was once Earth).

He's joined by...I wanna say Crimson Fox, but 8 out of 10 people wouldn't get it.
No, it is Barbara Bach, who was married to an Italian man in the 70s and did this kind of stuff until she met Ringo and soon retired from Acting.

Our Heroine- right- is Barbara Gibson, which is just the most sci-fi name you could have!

She got a Scientist- Kraspin- working for Graal in trouble, so he wants her dead.
Not Luke here is this Tibetan boy with mysterious powers connected to Not The Force.

I won't SPOIL the actual reveal for him- it's nuts!

The original meeting of Luke and Rey?

Richard Kiel- another Bond Actor- plays a friendly Spaceman with a robot dog that rolls around like R2-D2.

He's chosen by Kraspin to be transformed into the titular Humanoid, which is done by way of sci-if bollocks.

Now he's invulnerable, super strong (or more, at least) and sent to take out the Leader of Metropolis.

However, this backfires when Kraspin spots Gibson and makes her the target instead.

The Tibetan Not Luke saves the day, freeing Kiel from the control.

Thankfully, he's still a nigh invulnerable Humanoid, because they'll need his help to take out this Not Stormtroopers and save the day.

They have to stop him from dropping a bomb full of his sci-fi bollocks and making an Army of Humanoids.
Wait- is this really The Creation of the Humanoids?!?

Not Han Solo- who dresses more like how Starbuck- is also here to help save the day.

Are they up to the task?
Can they somehow stop Kraal and his inexplicable laser hands?

Why does Kiel lose his fake beard when he's a Humanoid?

To find out, check out this Film now (on Rifftrax or slightly longer on Tubi)!

An enjoyable, if not all that original Film.

The Plot is all sorts of insane.

A wannabe Vader is going to conquer Metropolis with his Mad Scientist and Barbara Bach dressed as Sybil Danning.
He turns a giant into a giant monster.
A Tibetan Monk, randomly appearing aliens, Not Han Solo and Barbara Gibson save the day.

This one is both easy to mock- with its strange Plot and stolen Star Wars elements- but also enjoy to enjoy- with its strange Plot and stolen Star Wars elements.
Hell, Aldo Lado leaned into this with his pseudonym here- George Lewis!

This one is similar to other crazy Films like The Visitor (which is somehow about aliens and the Anti-Christ) for mixing ideas and Genres in a bonkers way.  It's not great, but it is fun- riffed or un-riffed.

I'm glad that I finally found this thing.
Now talk to the hands!

Italy is a Country with so many hidden gems yet to be discovered.  When a Film hit big, they did it about 60 times and always crazier!

Shudder Day: 'Tales From the Crypt'- The Pilot Episode

 It's about time this happened, boys and ghouls!

Tales from the Crypt is now available on Shudder (1 Season at a time).

Let's check out the very first Episode/Pilot...

In this Episode, a guy takes his job to the next level.

What happens to...

The Cryptkeeper is here to introduce the tale.

He does his puns, but he sounds...off.  
I'm sure it is just a case of a Voice Actor finding the Character.

William Sadler- who has been in nearly every Tales from the Crypt thing I've covered so far- is the guy who runs and uses the Electric Chair in a Prison.

He talks to the Audience like he's Deadpool, which is weird when we already have a Narrator.

He's happy until he's laid off when Capital Punishment is abolished in the State.

A bad guy apparently killed someone, but gets off on a legal technicality.

Sadler is watching in the Gallery and tells us that he's going to get justice.

He sets a trap and electrocutes the guy, getting 'justice.'

Another pair of shady people- including famous 'That Guy' Gerrit Graham- get away with murder.

After a bit of nudity (from her, of course), Sadler electrocutes them in a hot tub.

He then tells us that he has no problem getting women.

This is as he plans to kill an Exotic Dancer who spurned him...before he's caught by the Police.

Life goes full circle as he's convicted, sent to jail and then executed in the electric chair (as the State brought back the death penalty).

The End.

A strong start to the Show.

That said, I do wonder a bit about this setup.
Having the Cryptkeeper introduce the Story and THEN have Sadler as a mostly omniscient Narrator was a weird choice.

He's also talking to us until he's caught, so is he just crazy...or are we?

I do really enjoy William Sadler, so I'm not really going to complain too much about more of him.  This one was also Directed by Walter Hill, which explains the quality here.

This is before they reunited for 1992's Trespass.

The tale is a pretty simple one and works because Sadler is just so charismatic.  You can see the arc (accidentally made an electricity pun) coming a mile away.

It's not the greatest of twists, but it works.
Oh, and this is based on one of the Comics- The Crypt of Terror #17 from 1950.

A strong, if oddly shot Episode.  Itis a good update to an old Story, showing the potential of the Show in the future (our past).

Tubi Thursday: Squirm (1976)

 As a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, I've seen lots of bad Movies.

I've never watched this one on its own and it's gotten a reputation as a Film that's actually not bad.
Is it?

Let's find out...

In the small Town of Fly Creek, a storm creates a flood and the flood creates a power outage when the lines go down.

This apparently makes the worms go crazy...which is what the opening narration tells us.

A young guy is visiting his girlfriend to be there.

The worms are scary...in extreme macro close-ups with added in roar sounds.

They start killing some folks, though they need you to lay really still on the dirt, so...how did this happen?

They can't get the Police (all one of them) to help for dumb reasons.

The guy who clearly wants to date our Final Girl ends up being left alone with him.
Worms crawl all over his face and...ew.

Our Heroes- joined by the younger Sister and her Mother- go home, but a tree wrecks one side of the house.

In spite of that, the Sister goes to take a Shower...which is a bad idea.

Mom is going full Glass Menagerie downstairs before the worms fall all over (off-camera).

Oh and the creepy guy is now a creepy worm-face guy who wants to, um, be with our Lead.

Good thing she has no peripheral vision!

Our Hero bravely sacrifices...his shirt to make a torch and get home.

He can't save Mom from the worms, but he can toss creepy worm-face guy into them.
They hide out in a tree until the sun comes up...oh yeah, the Sister hid in a chest off-screen and she's alive too.

So is this over or...
THE END!

A pretty enjoyable, if methodically-paced creature feature from the 1970s.

Ironically, for a Decade defined by people doing uppers, Films moved notoriously slow back then.

Are the worms really scary, I hear you ask.
Technically, no.

If they don't do the macro stuff, they are just a big pile of uncoiled rubber bands on the ground.  They're a step above the killer rabbits from Night of the Lepus, but I suppose a step below the killer bears from Films like Grizzly and Prophecy.

This is also one of those Films that goes 'Um, Science' to explain why the creatures are mad.  Kind of like how a hole in the Ozone Layer made everything in a nature park PISSED in Day of the Animals.

With all of the corners cut (only one Cop, for instance) and southern fried feel, it's easy to see why the folks picked it for MST3K.

That said, it's not terrible.

Now who is THIS lady from the VHS Box Art?!? 

Do her and The Evil Dead Poster lady hang out?

A Film that was better than I expected, to be honest.  That said, it is still a bit slow and all kinds of silly at times.

Import/Export: The Girl Who Played with Fire (2009)

 The Sequel that we never got in America!

This is The Girl Who Played with Fire, the 2009 Sequel to, well, the 2009 Film.  They rushed these ones out in quick succession for whatever reason.

It is at least better than the time that Ringu (aka The Ring) and Rasen were in Theaters simultaneously!

This time, Lisbeth is the one in trouble and Michael is trying to save her.  Of course, she's all about saving herself, so it is more of a team effort...even if they don't meet for most the Movie.

She's framed for murder, while the Millenium group (not from the Fox Show, mind you) are also working a case involving sex workers.
Are they related?  Nah!  Surely not!

To see how the Story continues on Film away from American shores, read on...

The Plot involves the return of Mr. Burman, aka the guy put in charge of Lisbeth who, well, you know what happened.

Who is this giant man?
Why isn't he Dolph Lundgren (which nearly happened)?

Lisbeth has been jotting around the World with the money she stole from the bad guys.

In a bit that sort of showed up in the Remake, she confronts Burman about seeking to have his tattoo removed.

Her holding this gun, as you can imagine, proves to be a bad idea.

She also reunites with her sort-of girlfriend, who you may remember from that one Scene in the last Film where she's woken up in bed by the arrival of Michael.

She has a name, a backstory and...she's in trouble, isn't she?

Elsewhere, Michael and the Millenium team are investigating a sex trafficking ring, which is somehow not the darkest part of this Film.

Their young Reporter/Researcher and his girlfriend are killed at home, however, and the murder weapon is Burman's gun.

Did he do it?  Yeah...no.

Instead, Lisbeth is framed for the murders, since her prints are on the gun.

Of course, there's zero motive for her to kill the reporters and the Cops know it.  They also don't care, since they're Cops.

Lisbeth- who had a hidden apartment bought with stolen money- works the case, even stopping to do her best Dead Presidents cosplay to interrogate this guy.

Dead Presidents?  Anyone?

This guy named Paolo is approached by Michael, since he used to be friends with Lisbeth.  He asks her to keep an eye on the girlfriend and his timing is impeccable.

She's kidnapped and he follows.

He fights the giant guy- since he's a Boxer- but loses when the guy won't go down.  He narrowly escapes the burning building with Lisbeth's lady.

Michael keeps working the case, but he gets a lead when Lisbeth accidentally leaves a key when she visits her girlfriend.

He finds her place- since he's a researcher- and she lets him stay.

He finds out about her past with Burman and just who the bad guy behind this whole thing is.

It's Lisbeth's Dad aka the guy she burned (apparently) not to death when she was a kid.

Burman approached him- not knowing his identity- about killing Lisbeth and things fell into place.

The dude looks like old Biff Tannen and is actually more evil!

He has captured Lisbeth- as his henchman literally feels no pain- and buries her alive after shooting her.

It doesn't stick.

She nearly dies, but also maims him as Michael finally arrives.
The (oh, that's it) End.

A solid, intense Film that takes a while to eventually tie together.

Taking the Plot in this direction is an interesting one, as it becomes a personal tale this early.  You wonder what inspired Larsson to go this direction.

Obviously, we won't ever know.

This Story really fleshes out Lisbeth's backstory and makes it more interesting.  It's a risk doing this, as we've seen with The Joker and other Origin Stories for iconic characters surrounded by mystery.

It's also risky to make the villain end up being her Father.  It's easy to make it feel like a Soap Opera.

It works here with her backstory and the guy playing the Father does a good, subtle job at being evil.  He's not full on 'stroking a cat in a spinning chair' evil, but he's clearly a bad guy!

Rapace does a great job with limited screentime here, maximizing every minute.  Nyquist as Michael is also great here, getting more to do and getting into his personal life as well.

I'd say that this one is on par with the first one.  The difference- the first Film surprised everyone and this one has to live up to that.

Remember that Paolo guy? 
He is a real Boxer playing a fictional version of himself...and he apparently didn't know that 'he' was in the Book until he was approached to be in this Film!

Next up, the final Film in the Trilogy.  Will it come to a major head...or leave you wondering why the Story is so well-regarded?  Stay tuned...

Forgotten TV: 'The Outer Limits' and the Perils of Revenge!

 This week, we look back at a 1997 Episode of The Outer Limits.

In this one, a scientific breakthrough, tragedy and the least subtle moral of all time are on the menu.

This is...

In the (very) Cold Open, two men bring a man back to life after he was frozen!

A bold start- let's see where it goes from here.

The man- Twin Peaks' Michael Ontkean and Stephen Lang (below)- tell the man what they have done, but also break the other news.

He's only going to live for a few days (but it's a start).

As they expected, he doesn't last as long as they would hope for.

Meanwhile, Lang has been largely absent from his family's life and so the Wife talks to Ontkean about this, finding a friendly ear.

While he's figuring out what to do about the process and how to improve it, Lang is robbed by a stranger (Jason Priestly) and killed by him when he struggles to take the gun from him.

Naturally, his pal takes him back inside and uses the machine on him.

He's back to life, but knows that he has very little time to spend with his family.

As such, he tries to spend his final 48 hours with them.

However, he lives in a very small town (apparently) and spots Priestly going into a Gym.
He tracks the guy down and kills him on the streets.

Don't feel bad for Jason, he got to Direct the Episode too.

Good news- Ontkean tells him that the process is working better on him (since he wasn't frozen) and he'll live!

Bad news- he was seen killing the guy and his story (as the research is secret) is hard to believe.  Will he spend the rest of his newfound life in jail?

This is where we end and there's no Sequel Episode, so...yes?

The best Sci-Fi Morality Tales really make you smack your head in frustration, don't they?

The Story is a good one, if very focused.  I suppose that helped keep the budget low to compensate for what I assume was a very expensive prop in the form of the SMR (revival) machine.

Speaking of that, they just kind of hand wave how it works (and apparently misspell a medical term) here.  Oh, well- the device itself is not the focus.

They do a good job with both Leads, showing the (somewhat understandable) focus of the one guy over everything else.
To be fair, we don't find out much about the other guy, so maybe he's single and has no attachments.

The moral is clear- revenge doesn't do anyone any good.
On the plus side, they will presumably have to then present their fully functional device that can restore the dead (who aren't inhabited by alien ghosts)!

With this Show ending up on various Streaming Platforms (like Prime) over the last few Decades, I wonder if anyone has pulled an Episode and said 'Hey- that's my butt on TV!'

Is that you, David?

An Episode that uses a Sci-Fi premise to tell a pretty simple Morality Tale.  That said, it was still pretty darn good.