Tubi Thursday: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)

Guillermo Del Toro was apparently a big fan of the 1973 TV Movie.

As such, we got a Remake in Theaters in 2010.

Let's see if it was necessary...

In a Flashback Scene, a guy named Lord Blackwood makes a sacrifice to some unseen creatures to free his Son.

It goes poorly.

In the Present, a divorced Dad (Guy Pearce) and his new Girlfriend (Katie Holmes) move into the same House.

His Daughter is forced to move in with him too.

She's not happy.
Not about any of this.

She uncovers the hidden entrance to the Basement, in spite of the Groundskeeper's protests.

She opens the grate and the unseen creatures try to bring her comfort.

When she finally sees them, however, they are far less friendly.

Their lashing out against the Parents makes her look guilty as well, which doesn't help.

Holmes believes the girl- as much as she can- and gives her a polaroid camera, knowing that whatever she sees is afraid of light.

Can she finally convince people that the creatures are real?
Can Holmes find out what is going on?

Do I kind of miss the furry guys with almond shaped heads?

To find out the answers to (most of) those questions, stream it now.

A Remake that does its own thing most of the time.

That said, this one feels familiar in many ways.

Del Toro is one of the 3 Writers (counting the 1973 Film's Writer) and boy, does it show!

It takes place at a Gothic Mansion, has a kid experiencing fairy tale trauma, the creatures are a form of fairies and the Dad is not a lot of help.

I'll just say this too- making the Heroine into a kid is a Cheat Code for mining sympathy.

If you don't know the Original, you won't see the story beats from it (the groundskeeper being attacked, tripping people with the rope).

Again- this Film is much more than just the same Film again.

Even so, I feel like if we just got someone like Del Toro to make an updated version of the original in its essence, it would be better.

As it is, I feel pulled between two divergent opinions- this is different and should it be?

A Film that is thankfully more than just a shinier, CGI-filled Remake.  That said, it is too familiar in about every other way.

Rare Flix: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973)

 Is it possible to scare lots of people with a simple TV Movie?

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark was, you guessed it, a TV Movie from 1973.  It was made as part of a TV Movie Series for ABC.

Back before VHS, DVD and later Streaming, Movies of the Week were a big deal.  Think of them like Netflix Originals, but for the bunny ears on TVs Generation.

The Plot involves a young Couple who move into a House and the Wife is drawn to a bricked up fireplace.  This didn't end well for the Amityville bunch, but will it here?

She eventually learns that something was living down there and now its free.  As a liberated '70s woman, however, everyone thinks that she's just nuts!

Can she solve the mystery and save, well, herself?

To find out, read on...

A young couple settle on an old House to live in while the Husband works towards a promotion.

Something about this locked room with a bricked off fireplace draws the Wife to it.

The Handyman tells her to leave things alone and that it is impossible to mess with it.

These two facts seem contradictory.

He also doesn't just explain things, so the Movie can happen.

The Movie happens, naturally, and she does open the fireplace.

After she leaves, we see a green glow and strange voices talking.

Weird stuff happens around the House, but only around her.

Her Husband thinks that she's just stressed and imagining things.

'70s Husbands were the worst!

As it turns out, she was right.

There are weird little...whatever they are that escaped.

They want her.  But why?!?

They plan to go after her while the Husband is away meeting with a client.

It also seems that the creatures change sizes as they were last seen the size of a switchblade.  The next time, they are as tall as trash cans.

The Wife and her Friend are at the House while he's still away.

They take the power out and put some sleeping pills (given to her by a Doctor) in the lady's coffee.

The friend gets locked outside- these guys are fast as hell!- while the Husband leaves to get the information from the Handyman.

The House was built in the 19th Century and the Man who owned it was dragged down the fireplace hole, hence it being boarded up.

Can they get there in time to save the Wife as she's being dragged away by the creatures?

Nope- it's the '70s.
People were really bleak then.

Sorry- I hope you have better luck in the Remake.

A strong, tightly focused tale of terror (with a few silly details).

It should be noted that this one was fast-tracked into Production on account of a looming Writer's Strike.  It was done in just two weeks.

With that in mind, the final product is still pretty darn good.
The Plot works, making you empathize with this poor woman that nobody believes.

The main issue- the creatures.

They look odd and creepy- no question.
The look of them aside, they change in scale, their mouths don't move and we don't really know why they are doing what they are doing.

If you can accept how strange and kind of silly the creatures are, you can have a good, frightful time!

Next up, I check out a Horror Comedy that I've been putting off for ages.  If you like Wolves, you're in luck, right?  Stay tuned...

My Crazy Youth: The X-Men Episode With Charles Darwin!

 The original X-Men Cartoon is a classic.

That said, the final Season was weird for numerous reasons (that are widely available online).
All you need to know here is that a different team of Animators worked on it and whatever leftover Stories there were got used.

That's how we got the penultimate Episode of the Series called 'Descent'

With just one Episode to go before the Series Finale (which is still not great), they decided to do an entire Episode about Mr. Sinister's backstory.

Sure- why not?!?

Jack the Ripper is on the loose in 19th Century England.

On the case is James Xavier (Charles' ancestor) who says that he knows who the killer is.

Nathaniel Essex!

He tells a long flashback tale (inside of a flashback tale) about how he was friends with Essex years ago (he has no muttonchops in these Scenes) and tried to help cure his ailing wife.

Both of them met Charles Darwin as he was promoting The Origin of Species.
Essex looks up to him and wants to show off his work.

Said work turns out to be unlocking the latent powers in Mutants, which is viewed as a parlor trick.

He disappears into his work, beginning to experiment on himself (getting his white skin and powers) and his wife.

Xavier finally investigates his Asylum and finds it to be hellish.

Essex loses his Wife's affection when she sees his condition (like glowing red eyes) and he escapes.

In the Present (of the initial Flashback), we learn that he created Jack as a Mutant and he makes a getaway to America, leaving the signed book from Darwin behind.

In the actual Present, Charles Xavier wakes up (did he just see that?) and puts the book away, possibly hearing his ancestor's words about someone hunting down Sinister.

Sinister appeared in the 2-Part Opener and not again.

A weird attempt to fill in the blanks at a late hour, but I can at least appreciate the flex here.

Saban and Company had made many, many X-Men Episodes at this point.  I don't fault them for wanting to try something new.

The main problems are the same ones that affect this entire Season- Production Values.
The Characters look alright, but feel like the 2nd pass (of at least 3) at the final product.

The timing and placement of this is odd too.  Why do his Origin Story now of all times?
Slip it into Season 3, maybe?

Having an entire Flashback Episode with NO X-Men in it was also strange.  Is there a way to tell this with a better Framing Device than 'Xavier sleeps with the Book next to him?'
There had to be.

Lastly, having a literal appearance by Charles Darwin here is very, VERY on the nose.  Referencing him- sure.  Having him Guest-Star- that's too much.

There's so much weird that I can't even get into the 'Mr. Sinister created Jack the Ripper' Plot!  It's still not as weird as Manimal becoming a Time Traveler to stop him though!

Part of me wonders if this will ever be mentioned in X-Men '97 at some point.  I doubt it!

Bail Bond: Moonraker (1979)

 Bond is back and he's inspired by a Galaxy Far, Far Away!

In 1977, they released The Spy Who Loved Me and the intent was to follow it up with For Your Eyes Only.  That changed when Star Wars was a mega hit, staying in Theaters for over a Year straight!

That brought us Moonraker in 1979.  It's one of the...Films with Sir Roger Moore in it.  
Opinions are very strong about this one- there's almost no middle ground.

The Plot involves an evil billionaire who kidnaps a Space Shuttle and Bond is sent to find it.  Old Enemies and new ones join forces to stop him and a new Bond Girl on their mission!

Bond travels the Globe...and beyond!

To be fair, the Film was nominated for an Oscar (it lost to Alien) and was the highest grossing Bond Film until Goldeneye.

Is it all bad...or kind of fun?  To find out, read on...

In the Cold Open, two guys sneak out of hatches and steal a Space Shuttle (aka Moonraker) being transported via plane.

Speaking of planes, Bond is forced out of one in pursuit of the Pilot aka the guy with the parachute.

They have an extended fight/fall that apparently took 2 months to film!

Bond is sent to see Hugo Drax, the man who apparently paid for Moonraker's creation.

He's upset that it is missing, but his anger is as big of a facade as the establishing shot of his House.

Also, I'm just going to just put this out there- he looks like full-sized Peter Dinklage.

Bond is nearly killed by a machine that trains Astronauts for G-Forces, but escapes thanks to his wristwatch/dart launcher.

He pretends like nothing happened and seduces Drax's Pilot for information.

He also kills a would-be assassin, marking the only time that Bond fires a traditional gun in this Film.

Sadly, the Pilot did not get so lucky.

Bond goes to Venice and meets Dr. Goodhead again (she showed him the G-Force Simulator).

As it turns out, she's a CIA Agent working the same case.

So, to review, we now have 2 Bond Films in a row where the lady is a fellow Agent and both are trying to stop a mad billionaire who wants to wipe out humanity.

The best boat chase in Venice until The Last Crusade takes place and Bond shows off his one-time gondola/hovercraft.

Weird Fact: they were filming in the area when Pope Paul VI died!

Throughout the Film, Jaws has been being hired by the various villains (we must assume) to kill Bond.  Now Drax hires him.

His plot to fight them on a Cable Car backfires as it crashes.

A woman saves him from the wreck and they fall in love.
And no, she does NOT have braces.

This is not AI, Mandela Effect Believers.

 * Incidentally, they shot in Brazil and DO NOT SHOW us Christ the Redeemer.  Is that just a modern trope to always show it in Films set in Rio De Janeiro?!? *

Bond and Goodhead reluctantly work together- Bond forget his last lady and the point of that mission, I guess- until the latter is captured by Drax in the Amazon.

Bond fights an anaconda and survives after darting it.

Both are captured, but escape onto one of Drax's Shuttles.

He's launching multiple Moonrakers to his hidden Space Station (which blocks radar and just looking up to see it).

It's at this point that the Film gets pretty damn silly as the Marines in Space Suits are shot up and a big laser fight ensues between Drax's men and the Marines!

Jaws' redemption arc is completed as he aids Bond when he learns that him and Dolly (his love) are not part of Drax's Master Race equation.

The whole thing is blown up, the duo are rescued by Marines (from an escape pod) and our Heroes must stop the last few pods full of poison that got launched to kill humanity.

For what feels like the 500th time, MI6 is surprised to see Bond having sex with his lady.  The End.

A pretty fun Film that only gets really silly in Act 3.

Moonraker is not the most serious Bond Film.  Even so, it never goes fully into Comedy.
It does treat Jaws like Wile E. Coyote, which is a carry over from The Spy Who Loved Me TBF.

Bond still has a quip on hand for every death.

The biggest problem- moving the Film Order around meant some obvious repetition from Spy.
As mentioned, we get a fellow lady Agent and a mad Billionaire who wants to destroy the Earth from afar (Space, not the Ocean).

To keep things 100 (do people still say that?), the finale is just plain nuts.  It goes as far afield into Sci-Fi as it would get until Die Another Day.  That one 'killed' the Franchise, so...you know, not a great comparison.

I still wouldn't say that it was BAD Film- just a silly one when all is said and done.

To make a modern comparison though, Jaws here approaching here in an oversized Carnivale mask is as close as Bond ever got to Liminal Horror like The Backrooms.

Next up, a 2-part crossover between a normal Review and Tubi Thursday.  Let's see how the original Film made us Afraid of the Dark.  Stay tuned...

Forgotten TV: The Outer Limits - 'The Tribunal'

 Fans of this Show sure seem to love Time Travel.

This is the 2nd highest rated Episode of the Show.

In 'The Tribunal,' the Cold Open shows Prisoners of Auschwitz during WWII.

A man- repeat Actor Alex Diakun- is amongst them, grabs an Officer's coat and runs away.
They pull out a device and vanish!

In the Present, a Lawyer- Saul Rubinek- is on his own mission.

He has found out that one of the Auschwitz Guards- Radamacher- is still around and hiding in Town.

The man denies this and now he has to bring evidence to prove this.

The man from the beginning brings him the coat, which belonged to that same man.

That evidence is not enough, since the coat is too well preserved (since it was literally taken moments earlier).

This means that the guy has to go back and get more, which means another trip with the younger version of Radamacher.

He games the system better this time- hiding the stolen evidence in a safety deposit box- and this helps Rubinek's case.

He goes to meet with the guy and sees his strange watch.

This sends him back to 1944 and he narrowly escapes thanks to the Traveler.

He pushes the case against Radamacher and then learns from the Time Traveler that this won't work, as the old man fled the Country.

This pushes Rubinek to threaten him, but then they get a better idea.

They take the old version back to 1944 and he ends up being killed by his younger self, closing the loop and pleasing The Tribunal.

As a bonus, he takes the Granddaughter (who died originally) back to the Present.  The Tribunal won't mind.

A really poignant and strong Episode.  It is easy to see why this is rated so highly.

Outside of the Plot, this one was personal, as the Writer lost family in the Holocaust.
The Writer actually did a version of this Plot for Quincy M.E. with another Rademacher hiding.

The Sci-Fi Element here is strong, but never takes the focus away from the Story.  It is a device to allow the Story to play out and bring emotional resonance to things.

The Acting is all around quite good.  No complaints there.

If I were to nitpick, the immersion in the 1944 Scene drops a bit when they just stop speaking German.  It's a weird thing to do, all things considered.

That said, a strong Episode that fits the Sci-Fi Theme and is a damn good Story.
Now here's me looking at anyone who thinks that I'm being 'too mean' to the Nazis here...

Next time, a Prisoner faces a choice between Death and Science.  In hindsight, the 2nd may have been a bad choice!  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: The Beast Within (1982)

 Another Cult Classic that I've somehow missed for all these years is now checked off the list.

I guess I somehow connected it and the far more famous An American Werewolf in London.

Was I wrong to wait so long?
Let's find out!

A young(ish) couple- Ronnie Cox and Bibi Besch- are out in the backwoods heading out on their honeymoon.

When their car gets stuck, Ronnie goes for help and the dog runs off.
The Wife follows, but gets attacked and...well, you can guess, by a creature.

17 years later, they have a teenage son who is experiencing severe glandular issues.

Doctors can do little, so they decide to go back to the source (the attack) for any information.

Bringing the Son was a mistake, however, as he's possessed by some sort of creature/spirit.

He kills this old dude and then is found passed out (but healthier) by a girl.

He falls for said girl and things move quickly...until they accidentally uncover a 'treasure trove' of human remains in the bog.

That's a real mood killer.

The Parents- especially Ronnie- can't come to terms with what is happening, even as the Son gets transformed yet again and kills someone on The Second Night (with convenient James Gun Title Cards).

Why does he seem to be targeting one family?

I just can't believe that I'll come back for a Sequel to The Car.

Our Hero (is he though?) is transforming against his will and a strange growth is appearing.

Hopefully it's not Malignant.

Do you see the AW in London comparisons?

We eventually get an answer from the creepy Judge who has been lurking around the whole time.

It all has to do with a guy who was left for dead, transformed into a Monster and was able to reincarnate as the boy (via the opening bit of non-consent).

Does it make sense?  Eh...

Things come full circle as the girl the Son has been wanting to get with just so happens to be out in the Forest and in the path of him.

He's fully transformed into the Titular Creature (picture a skinless chicken breast- just man sized) and, well, does what you expect.

The Son is killed, but does the reincarnation cycle continue?  The End.

We are 2 for 2 on unfortunate usage of Body Doubles here.

A bleak, if well made bit of Horror with a dash of Tennessee Williams.

This one has many things going for it.
For starters, it is rife with notable names and Character Actors.  You've got Cox, Besch, LQ Jones, Meshach Taylor and Boyce Holleman.

Secondly, the Script- by Tom Holland (not that one) builds nicely.
Third, the Direction by Philippe Mora is strong too.  He'd make an actual Werewolf Film in 1985.

That said, the Film is mostly a Series of Scenes that *eventually* tie together, so Pacing is a bit weird.  The nature of the whole thing may not be to your liking either.

Either way, it is weird, gross, oddly engaging and kinda bleak.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to tell another Incel about how I actually liked Supergirl...

A Film that has definitely earned it reputation (and a nice HD Transfer).  That said, the bleak nature of it may not be your cup of tea.