'90s Trash?: The Jackal (1997)

 This is the Remake of a '70s Classic, but NOT the Streaming Remake with Eddie Redmayne.
Multiple Remakes make things confusing!

This is 1997's The Jackal, which is mostly a Remake of The Day of the Jackal.
Why the name change then?

In short, the people that owned the rights to the Original didn't want a Remake (and the original Star turned down a Cameo).  Changes were made to the Story and it was retitled simply 'The Jackal.'

Everyone was happy- relatively so.

The Plot involves a contract killer who has a big target in America.  The Government brings in the only man who can ID him (that's currently alive).

Can they stop him from taking out his target?
Who will survive?

To Find out, read on...

After a nauseatingly-90s Credits Sequence, we see an FBI Agent (Sydney Poitier) in Russia.

Him and some Agents try to bring in some Russian Mobsters.

In the chaos, one of them is killed by the Lady Commander.

The man's brother- also a Mobster- is quite upset and hires The Jackal (Bruce Willis) for revenge.

Charles De Gaulle was the original target, but he died 27 years before this one came out.

Instead, he's paid 70 million dollars to kill the Head of the FBI!

As the Film shows us Willis getting his fake ID and money transfers, the hit is revealed under intense 'questioning' by Russian officials.

Knowing about it, they seek out a woman who saw Willis, but need a SECOND person to find her.

It's Richard Gere playing a Former IRA Member.

My reaction when I learned that he'd be doing an accent this whole Film.

The Jackal continues to change outfits in basically every Scene as he works out his plan of attack.

As part of his plan, he orders a giant gun and needs someone to make a mount for it.
That's your cue, Jack Black!

After some filler involving smugglers (what does it add?), he gets it working.

Since Black essentially extorted him for more money, he tests out the gun on him!

Plot twists abound as The Jackal does find out about the FBI's plans and Gere being out.

He finds out about the woman who can ID him (who was pregnant with Gere's baby when he shot her) and goes to her house.

The Agents at the house- including the Lady Commander- meet a bad end.

RIP JK.  No LOL.

Willis makes it to America via boat with his giant gun and gear.

He eludes capture at the Marina, seemingly leaving the gun (hidden in the ship's mast) behind.

He still has it, however, and sets himself up to kill...The First Lady.
That was his target the whole time!

Gere- with help- stops the attack and Willis flees.

After taking a hostage, he nearly kills Gere before the woman shoots him.
Gere- being the Lead- gets the final shot(s plural) in though.

In the aftermath, he's allowed to escape by Poitier, since his pardon was rejected.

A Film that had potential, but can't quite decide what it wants to be.

The Film can't decide whether the focus should be following Willis or Gere.  As such, the focus is constantly pulled one way or another.

They really want you to get invested in the minutia of Willis' work, from showing you him buying a car to painting it to repainting it.
If that's the case, make it about him.

If this was made today, a Film just following the bad guy with minimal amounts of people working the case could absolutely work.

They tried to make Gere compelling, but it only sort of works.  He's still Richard Gere, but his motivation doesn't come about very naturally.

The action is oddly minimal here, as this one also can't decide whether it is a subtle '70s Thriller or a violent '90s Action Film.  Nobody quite wins out.

It's not a bad Film, but the conflict in production and story keeps it from being great.  I'm nicer than the Newspapers were.

Young folks in 2026 do know what Newspapers were, right?  You're not Lost?

Next up, I dive back into my (still growing) digital collection.  What fun can I scrounge up before October begins?  Stay tuned..

Cover Art Special: 'For Yours Eye Only's' Poster Controversy

Poster.
Controversial Poster.

For Yours Eye Only had a very famous Poster.  
Even today, it is notable among Bond fans.

They had the Model wear the bikini backwards, since they wanted some 'tush' in the shot.

The phrase 'it was acceptable in the '80s' gets thrown around these days.

That's not always true.

This Poster was controversial at the time and we got various Edits of the Poster like this...

Or this one that feels like an accidental inspiration for the Born in the USA Box Art.

I'm not sure why the coloring is all wrong on the bottom, other than it being a shoddy Edit.

My favorite is this one that appears to be from a Newspaper.

The fact that this exists after 40+ years online is amazing.

Is this V.I. Warshawski?

Lastly, let's look at a more recent example of the Poster's notoriety.

This DVD- not mine, sadly- has the Cover Lady standing in front of Bond's Car (which blows up after one Scene) and Bond just kind of staring at you.

Are you looking at my girl?!?

The Producers didn't try anything as scandalous with the next Poster.

After all, it was called Octopussy- that was enough!

Shudder Day: Buffet Infinity (2026)

 Was this the best Film to watch in full right before I went to bed last night?
Well, I did.

To find out what the hell this is, read on...

A small Town is dealing with a series of competing businesses, including a Sandwich Shop and the titular Buffet.

Oh and there's a mysterious sinkhole that might be connected to the constant, low humming sound that is scaring off birds.

Probably should have led with that.

The whole Film is just showing you the Commercials and the competition between the two main Shops is getting hot and heavy.

Meanwhile, there's a whole Plot involving a Cult, some Lawyer and a Pawn Shop.
Also a Used Cars Salesman.

Have I mentioned that there's alot going on here without a normal structure yet?

The Buffet and the force behind it are seemingly getting more direct.

The Businesses connected to it in the Strip Mall end up closing for various, bad reasons and they keep expanding.

We also keep hearing about how nobody sees the Staff of this place.

As things seem to get bleaker in Town, the Story somehow gets weirder.

Yes, this was the normal(ish) part.

Now there's an exploding head, mysterious fires, floating people and more.

It's...well, you just have to see it for yourself.

A very strange Film that is absolutely going to be polarizing.  
There's not much of a way to be 'eh, that was alright' with a Film like this.

They only sort of break the format as the Film (and the events) get stranger.  
You have to accept that you're only getting any Plot from the Commercials.

I think it works- for an hour.  There's a little flexibility there.

The events are vague, but also clear enough if you keep up.  Given the scale they're going for, a standard format would be hard to manage.

As the Film got to Act 3 and wrap up, it finally explained key parts of the Plot (somewhat) and it sort of worked.  Some of it was still just weird for weirdness sake.

As an experimental Horror Film, this works.
Again- you will either love it or hate it.

I lean more towards the latter (I'm just also a pedantic critic).  Eat up if you so choose.

An absolutely bizarre Film that pretty much commits to a bizarre structure.  How you feel about that remains to be seen.

Immediate Response: Coyote vs. Acme (2023/2026)

 A Film that wasn't going to be released just a year or so ago.

I had to support it.

The Good

* The Plot is a good one, taking inspiration from an idea that people have talked about for a long time.  Why not sue the Company whose products always backfire?

* Will Forte is great here, playing a mix of Comedic and Dramatic.  His Arc is key to the Film.

* The mix of Animation and Live Action is great.  Lots of subtle bits that just sell you on this weird world.
* The Film has great gags and a great message.

* John Cena's giant bolo ties get a mention.  They're something.

The Bad

* The Animation is CGI and cel shaded.  I got used to the different look, but it's not everyone's favorite.
* How did you not end with a 'That's All Folks!"  Weird.

* Some of the more obscure stuff in the Film (like Dr. Peter Lorre) or stuff that's supposed to be subtext why they picked 1992 to start at) will probably be lost on many people.

A really good Film that I'm so happy to be vindicated by.  If it was bad or just so-so, it would be a darn shame.

It's so good and I'm glad that it's not rotting on a Server somewhere.

Bail Bond: For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Roger Moore's Bond is back and he's not going to Space this time.  We promise!

This is For Your Eyes Only, the Sequel to Moonraker that dialed back the sci-fi elements to basically nothing.

The Story involves a missing MacGuffin, Bond joining forces with a lady on a mission and the usual Bond antics.  Back to basics!

In a way, this one is quite different because it is based (very loosely) on a short story (actually 2) and not a Novel by Ian Fleming. 
To fill in the gaps, we get Scenes taken from and/or inspired by other Stories, including Live and Let Die and Goldfinger.

There's a strong connection to a previous Bond Film WITHOUT Moore, but I'll get to that shortly.

Just know that this is the *serious* Bond Film and will only be like 30% over the top this time.
To see how that works, read on...

In the Cold Open, Bond is picked up by work via Helicopter.

However, the Pilot is killed and it is taken over by....Not Blofeld.
There was a dispute over ownership of the Character, so the Producers killed off his Shemp here.

A seemingly normal boat is actually hiding some advanced doohickey and gets blown up.  Now the object is in play.

Elsewhere, a woman visits her Parents on their boat, but they are killed by the Pilot while she's inside!

Temps de récupération!

Because the Actress is French.

Bond is called in to go looking for the thing.

Notably, this Film doesn't feature M as his Actor was really sick.

They didn't want to recast him, so he's 'on leave.'

You know, during this crisis.

Sadly, he died after this came out and was recast in the next Film.

As it turns out, the guy that Bond wants answers from is the same one that she wants to kill.

She gets her way, but they must then escape in a tiny, banged up car.

Supposedly, it was Moore's favorite one to drive.

Bond meets with the next guy in the line- played by Julian Glover.

He's a Greek Importer and he puts Bond on the trail of another guy who is a drug smuggler.

FYI Glover lost the role of Bond to Moore.

Bond seduces a woman working for him, but she's then killed by the bad guys.

She was played by Pierce Brosnan's then-wife and he visited the set.
Future Bond got to see Present Bond be implied to have slept with his Wife.

She died in 1991 and never saw Pierce take up the role.

The other smuggler is Topol, of Fiddler on the Roof or Flash Gordon fame.
It depends on whether you watch Musicals.

In any event, he's actually NOT the bad guy, but Glover is.

A bunch of shooting and other hijinks ensue.  There's too much stuff in 2 hours for me to cover in-depth.

In any event, they stop the Russians from getting the MacGuffin and our Heroine doesn't kill Glover...because Topol does it for her.

Bond and the woman don't answer his watch phone (which works better than a real phone today) and go skinny dipping instead.

As such, they don't get to talk to this Margaret Thatcher impersonator.
The End.

She was the real villain all along!

A fun, action packed Film with a pretty flimsy Plot.

As a composite Story, the basic idea- go and retrieve the thing- is the bulk of it.
This one fills the remainder with the usual Stunts, random gags and a B-Plot involving a fairly annoying Ice Skater.

She was the Lead in The Watcher in the Woods though.
We also get the final appearance of the 'Man with Wine Glass' from the last 2 Films (always surprised by Bond appearing).

If you can accept that the Plot is a pretty loose series of events, you can still really enjoy this one for the spectacle it is trying to be.
There's an attempt at a full romance with his Female Lead that may or may not work for you.

Apparently, there was thought that Moore might not come back, so they planned an opening with him visiting the Wife's grave (from On Her Majesty's Secret Service) and that showing the new guy.
Moore- obviously- returned, so we get a connection to Lazenby instead.

Many parts of the Plot feel out of that same Film, which is neat (if intentional).  This mention also gives us a trio of future Game of Thrones Actors represented (Glover, Rigg and Charles Dance as a Henchman!)...

Next up, let's jump to the '90s with a different kind of Spy Thriller.  Can one Agent stop a nameless Assassin?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Jurassic Reborn (2025)

 Let's jump from Fox/Disney properties over to Universal ones.

When we got Jurassic World: Rebirth in Theaters, we got this at home...

On an Island somewhere, people started making baby Raptors- as you do.

They grew too fast, however, because something something Science and now everyone needs to escape.

Our Heroes must flee from usually-off-camera Raptors to get outside and then- hopefully- to the mainland.

En route is the bad guy- Adam Baldwin- and he's here to collect the Dinosaurs.

Since they never did it for their Jurassic World 1 rip-off, he's going to sell them as weapons.

Please enjoy the one docked boat they Film in front of.

Our Heroes get split up and we learn that one of them is a traitor, selling them out to Baldwin.

It's the guy here, which is different from Jurassic World: Rebirth...

...since that guy WAS the main Villain (aka Baldwin), but also went on the Island and dressed nearly identical.

This is what happens when you see a Trailer and go 'Make that, but cheaper!'

On the plus side, their lone Raptor model looks good.

Can our Heroes escape the Island?
How likely is it that Baldwin gets eaten?

Will they introduce a 2nd kind of Dinosaur?

To find out, stream it now.

They are up to 12 feet long, depending on the Scene.

A pretty so-so affair, but at least it's not false advertising.

Obviously, any fan of The Asylum (or at least someone like me) knows that they can do CGI Dinosaurs with relative ease, so no need to cheat.

The Plot is pretty basic and it does the same few tricks over and over again.

Imply Raptors behind doors/around corners (because CGI ain't cheap).
Cut from Actors to full CGI shot of somewhere and hope that we think that they are connected.
Raptors that only slowly walk up or leap at you.

Melodrama milked by having people left behind/sacrificing themselves.

Was Rebirth a great Film?  Not really, but I don't hate it either.
Is Reborn a great Film?  Objectively no, but it's so middle of the road that it doesn't stand out.

It's pretty average and the kind of Film that would just film its Actors in, say, The Asylum's Parking Lot and hope that you don't notice.

Why does the Secret Lab have paved spots and Reserved Parking Signs?

A Film that isn't great, but does give you what you'd expect.  If you're expecting anything amazing or unique, go elsewhere.

Buy or Cel: Justice League (TV vs. 2017)

 A long-forgotten Segment returns!

In this case, let me compare the Pilot Episode of Justice League to the infamous Feature Film.

Both got some setup for Batman and Superman in the build-up.
Seems fair.

In one corner, we have the Film that cost more than (one can assume) the entire Production Budget of all of DC TV Shows combined...

...and the 3-Part Pilot Episode known simply as 'Secret Origins.'

The Cartoon has an invasion of White Martians, who trick Superman into disarming a la Superman 4.

They prove too great for him to stop on his own.  Same goes for Batman.

On the Film side, the World is in danger as Steppenwolf arrives on Earth to prepare the Earth for Darkseid's arrival.

The Show has the advantage of 4 Seasons of Batman and 3 of Superman.

As such, we got Flash introduced in a one-off and Green Lantern...just not that one.

Even so, they have to introduce Hawkgirl, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter and the John Stewart version of GL.

Alas, the setup for Aquaman went to waste due to Network mandates.

In the Film, Superman is dead (for now) and we have Batman forming a team with Aquaman, The Flash, Wonder Woman (who had a few Scenes in BvS) and Cyborg.

As you can see, both had to do some heavy lifting with new Characters while also telling the Story.

The Cartoon has the heroes uniting and working together to save the Earth, notably giving Manhunter some payback against the threat that killed his people.

In the aftermath, Batman has given them a Satellite Base and we know that more great stuff is on the way.

In the Film, the League manages to revive Superman, survive a fight with him and then stop Steppenwolf from razing the Earth.

In the aftermath, they pose...and Superman is about to have a foot race with Flash.
Roll Credits.

Similar hero poses too.

This one is not as even as you would hope for.

Yes, the Film is a hodge-podge of Snyder's work, studio mandates and Joss Whedon's strange humor.  No, I won't compare the Pilot to the Snyder Cut.

Were you expecting that?

The comparison is more apt than I remembered, since both had to introduce most of the Cast as the Story unfolds.
What the Show did well was make the threat global as well as personal.  Manhunter wants to defeat the White Martians to save his new home AND to get a little measure of, well, Justice.

You could argue that there's an attempt to personalize it by having the Boxes be near the homes of our Heroes in the Film, but...I mean, come on.

WW in the Show sees the threat to Man's World and steps up.
WW in the Film is just kind of already here and the attack on her fellow Amazons is only a little upsetting.

The Show splits up the team into groups, which helps set up the dynamics and leaves more room for Character Arcs to begin.

Nostalgia aside, the Show simply tells a better Story in roughly the same amount of time.
No need to get sticky with me about it.

A closer comparison than I was expecting.  That said, the Show does more in the same amount of time to make me want to see more of this Team in action.