Rip-Off Cover Art: Beast of War (2025)

 This Australian Shark Film was fun.

I mentioned the connections between this Film and Jaws.

Well, someone selling the Film on DVD/etc. didn't think it was quite enough.

So that's how we got this...

Apologies for the low quality.

That's just the Shark from the Jaws Poster.

Come on, now!

FYI this is not a bootleg or anything (as far as I can tell).

This is the same picture (in slightly better quality) from a DVD release...

Has Copyright law changed without me finding out?

I don't think so...

Shudder Day: Beast of War (2025)

 As a fan of Sharks in Movies and an avid avoider of them in real life, these kinds of Movies speak to me.

Plus Netflix has a Shark Movie out, so why not finally get around to covering...

It is 1942 in Austalia.

A young man is training to be a Soldier in WW2, but is haunted by some past trauma.

Even so, he manages to bond with the group during the training.

This is going to be the best part of their...

...and their boat was sunk, many were killed and the survivors are stranded in the ocean on a makeshift raft.

Man, War really is hell, eh?

Oh and there's a shark hanging around too.

Yes, this is 'inspired' by real events.
That's a nice, catch-all term that somehow implies that Movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre happened for real.

Can the stranded soldiers work together to take out the beast?

Will the rigors of simply trying to survive be the end of them?

Did I seriously make it through this whole summary without mentioning Vegemite?

To find out the answer to 2 of those questions, stream it now.

A Film that aims to be one thing and it does it pretty darn well!

This one is not epic in scope.
This one is not about big battles.

Instead, the Film (80% of it really) is about how these guys survive (or not) together in this insanely trying time!

The whole thing was shot in a giant water tank and lit so that you never see the edges.  Good, simple stuff.

The Shark appears minimally in the grand scheme of things, but that also means that you never get used to it.  As opposed to one of the 705 Syfy Channel Shark Films where it pops up every few minutes in all of its (usually bad) CGI glory.

It is funny how things go in circles though.  This Film is clearly inspired in many (good) ways by Jaws and also claims to be 'inspired by' the events retold by Quint in Jaws.

Beast of War is an engaging and pretty tight 80ish minute Film.  Watch it for its own merits and don't expect, say, what this Fake AI Trailer Image implies...

That's just Mega Shark, guys!

A Film that makes great use of a simple premise and limited locations.  A worthy homage to Jaws and other Films like that.

Forgotten TV: 'The Outer Limits' Did 'The Host' in 1995?!?

 Let's take a look at another Episode of The Outer Limits curated by someone back in 2005.

As always, the Theme is 'Death & Beyond.'

What happens when your body can be recycled...by Aliens?!?

The year is 1995.

We have made First Contact with an Alien Race.

They appear on TV with an odd request- they want our dead bodies!

As it turns out, these are aliens made out of some sort of energy that can't live very long (about 2 years) without a host body.

With their planet gone, they made a deal with Earth to let them be reborn in our dead bodies.

'Bubba' here doesn't like his job, but hopes to use their technology to eventually deal with death.

He visits with his friends- James and Karen, a married Couple- and they discuss his job.

Nothing bad so far.

Later, he gets a call from James and learns that Karen was killed in a car accident (that he survived).

He begs his friend to get her as a Host body, but he initially resists.

He's guilted into it and now Karen (Rae Dawn Chong) lives...but also not really.

Even though he asked his friend to get her revived, James now can't accept this!

Talk about a bad friend!

'Bubba' suspects that the Aliens are up to something.

This is amplified after James tells him about 'strange stuff' he saw and then later commits suicide.

He tries and fails to keep his friend from the Donor List as he investigates a site.
Who does he see?

Why it is James, of course.

He's now one of the Aliens and shows him the truth: all of the secrecy was about them building a small-scale version of their home planet as a kind of Museum/reminder.

They will soon integrate fully with humanity in the coming generations...and it will all be peaceful.

Aw.
The End.

How nice- we don't get a dark, twist ending here.

To be fair, this Episode is literally the 4th one aired (no idea on actual production order, of course), so maybe they got more reliant upon that.

This is a good Episode that deals with lots of moral quandaries.

Why do we care if our dead or now someone else?
Why do we want them back, but then get upset when they are back?
Is there more to us than just our flesh and blood?

As mentioned in the Title, this one is VERY similar to the Plot of 'The Host' by Stephanie Meyer.
That Book was released in 2008 (The Film in 2013) and features a race of Aliens doing the same thing, but as a plan for conquering us.

Good thing this one had the good Ending, or it would be exactly the same!

If you are thinking about checking this Show out again (or for the first time), this one is super early in the run and quite good.

As for me, I'm just reminded of how much I DO NOT miss Zoom Calls.

Turn down your ring light, Steve!!!

Next up, a different tale about bringing the dead back.  Will this one end as happily?  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)

 The Moon is all over the News now.  It is huge!

Specifically, the Dark Side of it.

So why am I just now hearing about it when we went there in 1990...

In the Year 2022, the Crew of a ship goes to repair a Nuclear Sattelite.

You all remember those, right?

Everything on the ship starts to break down and stop working as they get to the Dark Side of the Moon.
Hey, that's the Title!

Their AI is Lesli, who is a hot lady who kind of just sits in a chair doing nothing.
Why do we have GROK and not this?!?

While they float in space and their orbit decays, a ship appears!

It is a Space Shuttle that crashed in the Ocean (after the mission ended) back in the 1990s!

Naturally, they go on board.

That goes poorly.
You don't say!

The Crew who goes onto the Ship gets infected or killed by an unseen force.

It turns out to pure evil!

Something about the Bermuda Triangle's coordinates being (sort of) 666 means that every ship that vanishes in there appears on the Dark Side of the Moon!

It's all sorts of silly, but at least we get The Bartender from The Shining as The Devil.

The End.

It sure wanted to be an Event, but I can't see a return on the Horizon.

Yeah, it's the obvious reference.
You found The Devil in Space- it's Event Horizon!

Comparisons aside, the Film suffers from the same issues that most of these cheapie Space Films did.
The Ship is 5 hallways that look the same.  The lights almost never work.
Everything looks...off.

They do a decent job of showing the growing paranoia of the crew as members die off and the Devil does some freaky stuff.

If I want an evil trickster in Space though, I'll stick with Leprechaun 4: In Space.
If I want to see a bunch of military guys getting paranoid in the middle of nowhere, I'll watch John Carpenter's The Thing.

It's not bad, but everything they have to show you is kind of derivative...

A

Shudder Day: Deathstalker (2025)

 Due to the Holiday and work, this one is late.

That said, I waited Decades for a new Deathstalker, so this is nothing...

This is Deathstalker (Daniel Bernhardt).

He takes an amulet from a dying man and gets dragged into a quest (of mostly self-preservation).

He teams up with a Wizard named Doodad (voiced by Patton Oswalt) who can translate the runes.

Familiar, this shot is.

It wouldn't be a Deathstalker Film without a Pigman.

This one is- sadly- not Stock Footage from the 1st Film, unlike his appearance in the other 3 Films.

Our Hero is beset by many assassins and creatures since the Amulet is this Film's magical MacGuffin.

A slew of crazy creatures and effects- this is definitely from the Director of Psycho Goreman!

Twists and turns.

Freaky monsters.

What else will Deathstalker face?

Is he up to the task of stopping the evil that threatens the Kingdom?

Can he even survive this?

To find out, stream this one now!

A fun and crazy Film in all of the right ways.

If you don't know, I've definitely become a fan of Steven Kostanski in recent years.  Frankie Freako was fun.  Psycho Goreman was a worthy (if not intentional) follow-up to The Guyver.

Oh, and full disclosure, I was part of the Kickstarter on this one.  I have the Digital Matte Paintings to prove it.

This Film works because it gives you everything you hope for in a Film like Deathstalker.  Crazy Monsters, a gruff (and buff) hero, a Wizard or two.

There are clear homages to Films of the Genre and even fringe ones like Conquest or Army of Darkness here.

Was it made cheaply?  Relatively.  Do they redress/reuse Sets?  Obviously.
Do I care?  Hell no!

If you're a fan of the OG Series or just like his other, bloody Films, check this one out!

A fun homage to Sword and Sorcery with modern effects.  It's no Fantasy Epic, but it is a bloody good time!

Bail Bond: The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

 How was this nearly the end of the Franchise?!?

Today's Film is The Man with the Golden Gun, the 1974 Sequel to Moore's first Bond entry.

This is based on the last of Ian Fleming's Novels and there's even some dispute about whether he finished it or not.  Was this his Silmarillion?  

Regardless, Bond is back and a new threat is after him.  He's got the most OP Weapon in Goldeneye too.  Good thing Oddjob is already dead or he'd be unstoppable!

There's also a Plot involving a scientific MacGuffin too.

The Film was made at a weird impasse as recent Series Writer Tom Manciewicz is only the Co-Writer and Producers were pushing for some changes to Bond.
Throw in them trying to cash in on the latest cinematic trend and you have an interesting Film.

To see how interesting, read on...

In a Cold Open, a man pays some money to try and kill Scaramanga (Christopher Lee), as he's the World's Top Assassin.

He fails, of course, but only after we see the man's obstacle course/Disney Attraction that will show up in Act 3.

A bullet with Bond's name on it is sent to MI6 and he's now aware of the threat.

There's also the matter of how unique the bullet is- one made for just a single, special gun.

Thankfully, it is so special that you can just track down the maker.

Bond follows the trail- as the maker is sending more bullets to Scaramanga- and it leads to this lady.

Moore's Bond actually threatens her for information, which was a change that Producers wanted.
Moore didn't like it and...yeah, this doesn't feel earned.

Nobody knows what Scaramanga actually looks like.  
At the same time, they know that he has a third nipple.

How?  Shut up- that's how!

Bond uses this to try and trick the man who hired him and...yeah, you can see the hole in this plan already, can't you?

Bond is caught, but they won't kill him at the house of the man- a billionaire- for some good reasons.

Instead, they transport Bond to a Karate School and make him watch some fighters before making him also fight.

He makes an escape, but then needs back up.  It soon comes in the Nieces of his fellow Agent (who is Korean, but has a Thai and Chinese Niece?) who kick major butt.

And yes, before you Google it, that is the Landlady from 'Kung Fu Hustle' on the right.

Due to the Director liking the Character, Sheriff Pepper just happens to be on vacation where Bond is on the mission and gets roped into helping Bond.

Sure- why not?

They do an amazing car spin stunt- which they failed to recreate on Top Gear- but Scaramanga escapes by strapping wings and an engine to his car to fly away.

The MacGuffin really comes into play here as the good guys and bad guys fight over it.

Bond gets it from the bad guys and it ends up in not-so-good Agent Goodnight's hands...and she's taken by the bad guys.

Bond goes to Scaramanga's Island- now legit called James Bond Island- and is forced to duel him.

On his home turf and with his henchman Nick Nack, Scaramanga can't lose.

He does, of course, as Bond switches outfits with the Bond Statue- introduced in Act 1- and kills the surprised villain.

In the aftermath, they must escape from his base and recover the MacGuffin before- and say it with me- the place explodes.

Naturally, Nick Nack snuck onto the boat and a final fight ensues!

Bond manages to lock him in a suitcase- he's small, you see- and...well, he just takes him off-screen.
Did he throw him overboard?  Maybe.

Oh well, the End.

A Film that I enjoyed...but I can definitely see the issues.

The Film has some odd issues with its Tone, to say the least.

It is funny at times, with the Sheriff reappearing, the slide whistle used during the car stunt and just how dumb they made Britt Ekland's Goodnight.

In contrast, Bond is somewhat abusive to Maud Adams' Character and her sad arc feels reminiscent of the one we'd see with Severine in Skyfall a few Decades later.
We also get some rough and tumble fighting early on, with Bond even bleeding.

The Film can be fun, but is never quite sure what it wants to be.

So much of it is silly- like having Nick Nack so prevalent- and it eventually goes full cliche. 
Why does Scaramanga need an Island Base and a big-ass laser gun?

I definitely had fun with this one, but I can see why Critics- and Audiences- had some issues with it.  I really like everyone involved here, but...yeah, it's a bit silly and confusing.

Instead of moving forward, we're directly lifting stuff from Diamonds are Forever...

A Dumb Helper in a Bikini for Act 3?  Where'd they come up with this idea?

Next up, a quick Bond break to check out a Film Trilogy.  I finally got my hands on all 3 of the Dragon Tattoo Films, so let's check them out...

Streaming Standard: Anaconda (2025)

 A META Sequel to a dead Franchise?
A killer snake Film?

It's on Netflix (at time of writing) and I had a free evening, so let's do this!

A group of friends reunite later in life.

They all had dreams of making Movies.

Rudd- a flailing Actor- pitches the idea that they do a Remake of their favorite Film- Anaconda- since he got the rights.

So, we get a soft mix of Be Kind Rewind (who was the Lead in that again) and Anaconda.

The group make their Film, but are unknowingly dragged into the middle of a B-Plot over some stolen gold.

Their attempt to make the Film is aided by the fact that they hired a (somewhat crazy) guy who owns an actual Anaconda.

They shoot a bunch of footage with it before tragedy strikes.
Naturally, they put all of this in the Trailer (and more).

Tensions arise after that and, naturally, a giant anaconda is also nearby.

Rudd- on the outs with the group- sees the carnage and has to warn everyone!

The snake attacks everyone and they have to make a run for it.

I won't SPOIL why Jack has a pig on his back (unless you watched the Trailer), but I will say that they must take out the creature before any other lives are lost.

Can they?

To find out, stream it now...

It is honestly better than I was expecting it to be.

To be fair, this was a Film that I saw promoted in the Months leading up to December and never went to see in a Theater.  So, my standard for this was not super high- just to be clear.

With that out of the way, I did kind of really like this one.

Everyone in the Film is likable as an Actor and as a Character.

To his credit, Jack Black does let the quieter moments be just that.  You still get usual schtick, but it is not constant.

Thandiwe Newton was also good here, giving this Film some gravitas, while still leaning into the jokes.

The Effects are good here.  Nothing groundbreaking, but good.

The META nature of the Plot will either sell this one to you as something different or sour you if you just want another killer snake Film.

Either way, it is far better than the Fake AI Trailer Images suggest. 

A pretty fun Film that can hit you in the feels when it wants to.  It is still a META Sequel, so your mileage may vary.