'00s Trash: The Island (2005)

 Another look back at a Film from my Movie Theater days and boy, does it...exist.

This is The Island, a 2005 Film made by Michael Bay.  This was the middle child between the Bad Boys Films and the Transformers ones.

It shows.

The Plot involves a small society of people living in a strange, artificial utopia.  It turns out to be way worse than they thought.

If you've seen Parts: The Clonus Horror, you know the drill.
If you Directed Parts: The Clonus Horror, you sued them over this Film.  I hope you enjoyed your undisclosed, 7-figure payout.

I have vague memories of this one from walking in and out of Auditoriums playing it for like a month.  I remember it being bright, loud and very bright.

To see if my memories are reliable, read on...

Ewan McGregor lives in what is basically a Utopia and a Prison at the same time.

His day and body are heavily regulated, but he's also safe from 'contamination.'

Why is he questioning this?

The escape from this place is Winning the Lottery and going to The Island.

The latest Winner is Michael Clarke Duncan, who appears in this one just enough to qualify as a Character and nothing more.

McGregor finds some joy with a fellow resident- Scarlet Johansson- but their 'proximity' is also regulated.

He tells the man who runs the Facility- Sean Bean- about his dreams and the details concern him.

He also has a friend - Steve Buscemi- who is not part of the Facility, but is an employee that cleans/maintains the place.

He can't reveal the truth, but he helps him keep question things.

That and he gives him a key.

Using the key, he sneaks into another part of the Facility and discovers two harsh truths.

The pregnant Resident gives birth and is then immediately killed by the Nurses!
Duncan is having an organ harvested, but he wakes up and tries to escape!

There is no Island and everyone here is just a bunch of Clones used for organ harvesting and the like.

We later see a picture of his double in a rare bit of subtlety.

Since Johansson has 'won the Lottery,' he breaks her out of the Facility.

She's hesitant, but fights with him when he's in danger.

They see the new...old World.

A Black Ops Agent- Djimon Hounsou- is hired to bring them back in.
If they see their other, all hell will break loose.

Bean has been breaking lots of laws doing this.

Lots of action and lens flares ensue, including this crash which would be recycled for Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

It turns out that Johansson's original is a Model in a coma with a kid.

McGregor's original is a Designer who needs his kidneys.
Even so, he trusts him to reveal the truth.

This, of course, doesn't happen and we get the biggest scale version of the Spot the Imposter Trope.

He tricks Hounsou into shooting the real one and plans to save the rest of the Clones.

Bean is going to destroy all of the recent Clones, since they are somehow gaining the memories of their originals.

They get back in and kill Bean. 
Yeah, he dies in this too.

With Housou's help, they free the Clones and live happily ever after.
...except for the real Johansson's Son, who is now alone and abandoned.

Did we forget to adopt the kid?

A Film that is full of very excess that you'd expect and a bit of Story (if there's time).

The Plot is pretty minimal here.  Our Leads get like 2 traits and that's it.
The Setting is meant to sound complicated, but it is really simple.

You're seeing this for the Action and there's plenty of it here.  Once they leave the Facility, it is practically non-stop.
The $126 million Budget is visible on-screen.

Also visible is every cliche that you'd expect from a Michael Bay.  This is pure, unrestrained Bay.

Spinning Cameras, Lens Flares, Dramatic Slow Pans of the Horizon, Steam from every Vent, Helicopter Shots.

If you play the Michael Bay Drinking Game, you will die!

21 years later, this is a pretty shallow Film that is a fascinating study of a Director unrestrained by Budgets and Producers.
That's basically it.

Super-duper Lens Flare!

Next time, I celebrate the next Post Milestone.  It's time to finally solve the mystery of...the Zodiac Killer!  Stay tuned...

5 Years of Tubi Thursday: The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

 It's been 5 years of watching random Films for random reasons every Thursday night.

I've seen so much on Tubi in that time, from obscure Slashers to Asylum Films to Classics that I'd somehow missed.

To celebrate 5 years of this, why not pick a famous flop?
This one did so poorly that it has a Book written about how the Film was made!

If you aren't of the right age to know this, prepare to learn all about..

This is the tale of Peter Fallow (Bruce Willis).

He's a drunk Author who is taken on a very long One-Shot take, since this is a Brian DePalma Film.

He starts narrating about how he got famous, since this is actually...

The Story of a Stockbroker- Tom Hanks- who has everything.

He's making lots of money, has a wife and kid (a blink and you miss Kirsten Dunst).

He makes this deal by way of talking to the Ceiling, since this is a Brian DePalma Film.

He's also got a Mistress- Melanie Griffith- which he accidentally reveals when he calls home instead of her number.

He's so smart.  S-M-R-T.

As the Wife starts to hate him (more), he picks up Griffith from the Airport.

She distracts him, so they make a wrong turn and end up in the Bronx.

They narrowly escape two men who try to rob them when Griffith drives away (as Hanks got out to move an obstacle).

While Hanks feels bad, he's convinced not to report the incident.

Due to medical malpractice, one of the men is in a coma from the minor incident.

The DA- F. Murray Abraham- wants to convict a white Defendant to show that justice is equal (pause for laughter in 2026).

As such, he presses the Attorney- Saul Rubinek- to throw the book at Hanks.

Everyone is against Hanks and his fortunes get wose when Griffith flees the country.

When he's arraigned, Hanks and Willis FINALLY meet.

After this, the latter feels bad for the former, as he's just a scapegoat for a relatively minor/defensible action.

He finally becomes proactive in the Story, trying to get evidence about Griffith.

Oh and this Film briefly seems to forget the Court Case as suddenly the Clients want to sue the Hospital for the aforementioned malpractice.

Willis accidentally kills Griffith's Husband (in title only) and she comes back to the U.S.

Through a series of events, he gets a taped confession from Griffith to Hanks, but it can't be used (since it's from a non-consenting 3rd Party).

Hanks has a heart to heart with his Dad- Donald Moffat- and...decides to lie that it is HIS recording.
He plays it in Court and the Judge- Morgan Freeman- throws the case right out.

That's how it works, right?

He gives a big, impassioned speech about being 'Decent People' and we're back to Willis, who wrote a Book about all of this.

META enough?  The End.

A Film about 40 different things...and nothing at all.

I can understand why this Book (written in 1987) was appealing to make into a Film.
Its Author is not a fan and neither were the Critics.

For comparison, DePalma made The Untouchables in 1987 and it won an Oscar for Sean Connery (as well as 3 other nominations).
This Film was nominated for 5 Razzies (or Golden Raspberries), including one for DePalma himself.

Positives- the Acting is quite good across the board in most of the major Roles.  Hanks tries to really play a bad guy with a heart of gold.  Freeman is also great- duh.

The Film has many things you'd expect from a DePalma Film, like long takes (or Oners) and his trademark odd angles (where one person is giant in the foreground OR with split angles of Scenes).

If you want to know why this Film cost $49 million, bear in mind that they had to pay Alan Arkin after he was recast (for Freeman), paid $5 million for Willis to make this more 'marketable' and spent $80,000 getting a 10-second shot of a plane coming in against the sun.

The Film is full of good ideas.  It's also full of bad ideas.  The latter, sadly, outweighs the former.
There's too much going on and it seems to be to disguise the fact that so little of note actually happens.

It attempts to be a grand, biting Satire, but simply can't be taken seriously.  Like many Films, it is an example of so many good people coming together to make something so unimpressive.

It happens.

At least there's not a Poster for this that will be super awkward to look at now, right?

A Film so grand in its excess...and its failures.  It's a Film that is ironically a testament to everything it sought to vilify/skewer.

Shudder Day: Tales from the Crypt- 'None but the Lonely Heart'

 Another Episode of this HBO Show with an unexpected Director.

Mama always said that Life is like Directing a Horror Show Hosted by a Puppet.

This is...

'None but the Lonely Heart' is about an older lady (Frances Sternhagen) and her Butler (Henry Gibson) who just want to live out the golden years.

They get the attention of a conman and killer (Treat Williams) who is a Bluebeard.

His old Wives give him money and then die pretty much right away.

Shockingly, people are asking questions.

Treat and Morty.

He finds her via a Dating Service (run by Tom Hanks in Arliss glasses).

This is 1992, so this is via VHS Tapes and we even see Hanks complain about 'cleaning the heads' on his VCR.

Treat woos the woman and things are going right.

He just needs one last payday (that always goes well), but he's getting strange notes from someone who knows what he's up to.

This drives the guy a bit mad and he goes around killing everyone off, from his buddy Morty (the gray haired guy), Hanks, the Butler and even...Sugar Ray Leonard (who plays a Gravedigger)?!?

He manages to kill his last Wife, but he gets another note.

It all leads to him being confronted by the zombified versions of his dead Wives.
He dies.

The End.

A fun Episode, but that finale is a bit routine.

To be fair, this is based on a 1950s Comic.
To also be fair, it was rewritten for a 1992 TV Show.

Maybe mix it up a bit or at least set up the Zombie reveal.
They only do that by way of the notes, I guess.

Complaints about the Ending aside, Williams is great as this bad guy.  He's so charming and then so evil.
When he snaps, it feels authentic and a bit scary.

All in all, it's a fun Episode with a cliche Ending that doesn't make much sense.
It's a Big deal.

An Episode that is enjoyable, dark and fairly routine.  Being Directed by Tom Hanks is a fun anomaly though.

Forgotten TV: The Outer Limits - 'Vanishing Act'

 What if you couldn't stay where you are trying to be?
What if you couldn't stay what TIME you are trying to be in?

That's the question raised in...

In 'Vanishing Act,' a man- John Cryer- goes out to the Store on New Year's Eve 1949.

He sees a flash and his car goes off the road.

He's picked up the next morning and goes home, only to find out that it is New Year's Eve 1959 now.

Huh?!?

A Doctor is now help, as his body shows no signs of aging or trauma.

He doesn't have amnesia and that can't explain 10 years away!

He falls asleep in their home and wakes up, only to find that it is now New Year's Eve 1969!

His Wife remarried a few years earlier (to a damn Hippie!) and he has a son, since the duo *celebrated* his return last time.

To find any help, he finds the Doctor from 1959 at a Vietnam War Rally (it's opposed to it) and he's older now.

Still no luck- see you in 1979!

During his abrupt trips, he sometimes has flashes of what happened.

He remembers falling in a pool and seeing strange creatures.

He gets helps from Hippie Husband and his now Adult Son.

He eventually has to sleep, but they film things this time.

In 1989, things have changed- Hippie Husband is dead and the Wife is now an expert- and they find out the (bizarre) truth.

Weird aliens bonded with his body and every trip back home to report in creates the 10 year jump.  Something something worm holes.

The Wife gets the being to agree to let him go and he's back in 1949 to try again!
The End.

A bad case of the Quantum Leaps!

This is an odd premise and it needs many things to work.

The main thing is really genuine Actors and, most importantly, a strong Lead to anchor it.  Cryer absolutely delivers.

If you only know him from Superman IV or Two and a Half Men, think again.  He can really act and he's really motivated here.

The Special Effects here are minimal and maximized for effect.  You see enough to know that weird stuff is going on, but not so much that the game is given away.

It's nice to see a sweet and happy Ending for a change too.  They're usually bittersweet at best.
Just enjoy it now, because I know one of the more famous Bad Endings is coming up in this Top 10...

Next time, we get a proper Alien Episode and another one about the Military.  Will there be less Body Horror in this one?  See you then...

New (At Home) Flix: Obsession (2026)

The hype.  
It lives up to it.

This might just be your next...

A man named Bear is in a friend group of coworkers including his buddy, Sarah and Nikki.

He's been longing after Nikki for years, it seems.

He goes to buy her a gift at a Store that sells stuff like trinkets, 'magic' stones and the like.

He sees a novelty item that will apparently grant you a wish.

He wishes that Nikki loved him more than anything else in the World.

It works...too well?

She can't stand being away from him.
She loves him so much.

It seems great at first, but then she starts to act really weird.

Her behavior gets crazier and he shrinks more into his own shell.

When she has a big freakout (to say the least) around others, he will have to act...right?

Things go way too far and he has to make a decision.
He has to act!

Can he find a way out?
Is there one?

To find out, stream this now!

Damn.  Double damn!

This Film came with tons of hype, as a pair of Indy Films (alongside Backrooms) that just amazed people.  A24 vs. Blumhouse!

It's that good.
It's that freaky.
It's that intense.

It's Stars both do so well and they do so in very different ways.
Johnson- as Bear- does so much by doing nothing.  The way he shrinks into a bed/chair and can't say what he needs to say is amazing.  You could look lazy, but he's not that.

Navarette- as Nikki- obviously has lots more to do.  She goes from a normal girl to an absolute psycho.
She can do it abruptly or just build up dramatically.  You never quite know if she's going to jump scare yell or just simmer until she boils over.

She deserves all of the chances- especially considering that she was apparently paid $20,000 for this!

This Film is great, just make sure you're ready for sudden scares, freak-outs and genuine emotion.

A Film that did so much with a simple premise and mostly unknown Actors.  I'm so happy to say that this one is great! 

Tubi Thursday: Next of Kin (1982)

In Australia, the water flushes down the toilet the opposite way.
In Australia, their Thrillers take a long time to get going.

This is...

Amazing cover.

A young woman is back in Town to take ownership of her Mother's Estate in rural Australia.

It is an old building that is used as an Old Folks Home.

She does her best to help the people there, in spite of her lack of experience.

It goes alright until they find a dead, bloated guy in the bathtub.

Throughout the Film, she has weird dreams and visions as she uncovers and reads her Mother's Diary.

Things start to happen just like that.

Who's that at the window?

She also reunites with an ex-boyfriend.  
He's kind, handsome and...wait...why does that face look familiar?

Oh right- it's John Jarratt about 2 Decades before he became the worst Tourism Ambassador in Wolf Creek (and various Sequels/Adaptations).

Eventually, we finally get to Act 3 and everything comes to a head.

As it turns out, her Aunt (mentioned throughout the Diary under her initials) escaped from an Asylum that her Mom put her away in.

Her and her son Kelvin (a truly Australian name) try to kill her as this is sudden a Giallo!

She wounds her Aunt and escapes to the Diner from the beginning.  Chekhov's Set?

Kelvin follows and crashes his truck through the wall.
She has to finish him off in a fireball of a wreck.

Crikey!  
The End.

A Film that really requires you to be patient.

This one takes its sweet time letting you settle into the location, meet the Characters and pick up the subtle hints.

It's not like nothing happens.  Stuff happens just very, very slowly.

I can appreciate what they are going for.

That said, they could have easily had actually notable things happen more frequently in Act 1 and 2.
Act 3 is great.  I just wish that I didn't have to wait so long for it.

I love Giallo.
This is similar, but made to be more about mood than substance.

It's a well-made, but very glacially-paced Film that is worth the watch- as long as you're in the mood for something slow and moody.

A Film that is quite well made.  That said, it takes an eternity to get to the juicy stuff so bear that in mind.