Tubi Thursday: Escape Plan 3- The Extractors (2019)

 I recently wrapped up the Ong Bak Trilogy with Tubi Thursday.

Why not do that with the Escape Plan Series too?

As a reminder, Sly called Part 2 ''TRULY THE MOST HORRIBLY PRODUCED FILM I ever had the misfortune to be in?!?'

I have high hopes!

A Chinese Businesswoman is kidnapped by some bad guys.  Why?

Well, the original Escape Plan Film made about 5x as much in China as it did in the U.S.

Oh, you mean why did they kidnap her?

Well, the bad guy- Devon Sawa- wants revenge on Stallone for killing his Dad (Vincent D'onofrio in Archival Footage).

I hope you like the color yellow, by the way.

The Crew is called in to save her.

Well, not most of them...and 50 Cent doesn't go with them.  In fact, we never see him after his 2nd Scene.

A man representing the Company her Father owned is there, along with her failed bodyguard.

Guess what- one of them is Chinese.  Shocking.

Jamie King has moved up from Lady Who Works at the Computers to Lady Who Wants to Go on the Mission.

Also she's Stallone's Girlfriend.  She's only 33 years younger.

Oh right- she's his Girlfriend, so she's kidnapped by the bad guy.

Shocking.

Taking bets on if she makes it to the end.  Any takers?  Who wants to support a longshot?!?

Can our Heroes rescues the innocent lady?

Can they make you forget that they are breaking into Shawshank (seriously, it is the same Prison for the exterior)?

More importantly, can they make the Film not feel cheap when it has 16% of the Budget of the last one?

To find out, stream the Film.

I guess I knew what to expect, didn't I?

So here's the thing: this is a Sequel to the Stallone-Schwarzenegger Film.  The latter is not in this.  The Plot is barely the same.  It exists to build Chinese Action Stars, since it was funded by Chinese Investment Companies.

Here's a thought: don't make it an Escape Plan Film.  Just make an Action Film with Stallone doing 2 fight Scenes and build it around other people.

When you make it a Sequel, you invite all of the comparisons.

For what its worth, ES 2 felt like a similar Film at points.  This one does not.

For starters, nobody breaks OUT of a Prison.  Everyone is just breaking INTO a Prison.

Also it's not a super Prison (a la Fortress 2) this time- it's just a rusty, old one in Ohio.

On the positive side, there are a few good Fight Scenes in this one, including one with Daniel Bernhardt and Batista fights a guy who's real las name is (de) Groot.

Other than that, it is pretty nothing.  Sorry, Umbrella Man.

A Film that, for me, was worse than the 2nd one.  At least that one had a Super Prison and wasn't so forgettable.

New(er) Flix: Escape Plan 2- Hades

 It's a big leap from a Prison to the Greek Underworld!  Oh...I see.

This is Escape Plan 2: Hades, a DTV Sequel that looks similar...at first.  There's no Arnold this time, but you have Bautista in his place.  Fair trade these days, honestly.  So why is this Direct-to-Video?

Well, as you'll see, this isn't so much a Film that is STARRING them as it is a Film that is *Starring* about 10 other people and they show up once or twice.  The pair only share, fittingly enough, a pair of Scenes.

The Plot involves another secret Prison only- as noted- the main Prisoner(s) is not Sly. 
Does the Film work with him doing about 1/3 of his role just through Voice-Over? 
Can a completely-different Cast of people have the same affect?
Why did he call it 'TRULY THE MOST HORRIBLY PRODUCED FILM I ever had the misfortune to be in?!?'

To find out, read on...

A bunch of guys we've never met- including Huang Xiaming and Jesse Metcalfe- rescue 2 ladies from...someone in...somewhere and all goes well.

…until the last minute where some shots hit the truck and apparently kill one of them.  Oops.

Stallone- who's finally in his own Film- is now running his Security Firm in a more hands-off way and he fires the guy who went off-plan.

He blames him for the lady- who is never named- dying.

Huang is apparently the real Lead here as we see him meeting up with a lady from his past to protect his Cousin

Oddly, the Film thinks that Patents are secret (which is the opposite) as that guy won't 'reveal his patent' and is targeted by someone.

His attempt to protect the guy fails *immediately* and he wakes up in a Prison called Hades. 

His Cousin is there too.

Stallone tries to figure out where he went and turns to Bautista, who I guess he knows from some earlier adventure.

They have a brief shootout with some masked thugs as they try to figure out who's behind it.

Besides him, there's Jaime King (who does nothing) and 50 Cent (aka Curtis Jackson) who also does, well, nothing.

Can they escape Hades with 'the Zookeeper' (Titus Welliver) watching over them?

What secrets lie in Hades?

Will Stallone do more than 1 Action Scene?

To find out, watch the Film now.

It's alright, even if it is not what is promised.  The DVD Cover- and online Promo Art- heavily features Stallone and Bautista, even though both are minor players in the Film.  Mine specifically shows Stallone in the Prison, which- minor SPOILER?- does happen eventually.  It happens like an hour into the 90 minute Film though.

So, if you know that this is barely a Stallone Film- which should hopefully be obvious by 2018-, is it good?  Eh...I guess.  

My issue is that so much is happening, but also so little.  We have to follow SO MANY Characters with the Action and Plot split up so much.  This feels like when they take like 3 Episodes of a Show and cut it into a Film.  It really is just a Film though.

This is also one of those Films with alot of extra style and flourish added just to make normal- sometimes tedious- parts seem more interesting.  Lots of color correction, flashing lights and editing galore.  Its Director- Steven C. Miller- made his first Film- Automaton Transfusion- for $30,000.  I'm pretty sure they spent more than that just on the blue, green and purple lights!

ES2 is a decent Film that doesn't have alot going on, but looks alright while doing it.  It also makes the best use of a big, tough guy like Bautista- watching him exchange Instant Messages with Stallone.

Next up, another DVD from the pile.  As always, it could be Horror, Action or Sci-Fi...and hopefully good this time.  See you then...