VHS for the Win: The Great Alligator (River) {1979}

 As Summer nears its end, here's a reminder of why people like me don't go to the Beach.

This is the VHS Box Art for an Italian import from 1979 that is *slightly* influenced by Jaws.

Naturally, the Box Art is as well...

A great image.

Of course, it's not a Scene from the Film.
Are you really surprised?

I also kind of like how it looks like a riff on a Post Card you might get from someone on Vacation in Key West.

If you want to see what I thought about the Film, go here.

Rare Flix: Addams Family Reunion (1998)

 A VHS rarity that might have been better left in the crypt.  

This is Addams Family Reunion, a 1998 TV Movie that was supposed to be the start of something big.  Coming off of the heels of the 2 Films, this one was the Pilot for a new Show.  

Remember The New Addams Family?
No?  It ran for 65 Episodes. 
It ran for about 2 years. 
Still no?  I can't help you then.  

This is right in the middle of the time when the VHS (and later DVD) Market was rife with this kind of thing.  

The VHS I own- this only exists on VHS btw- has Trailers at the front of it for Richie Rich's Christmas Wish and Dennis The Menace Strikes Again.  Oy vey!   

The big thing here- almost all of the Cast of the original Films is gone.  

Obviously, one is going to be missing (Raul Julia), but the rest comes down to them just plain turning this down.  I can't blame them.  

We get Tim Curry and Daryll Hannah as the new Leads, which is certainly a good start.  

Let's see if they can do more than that as we hop back to 1998 for...

In the Cold Open, we see a terrified Mailman chased, traumatized and eventually eaten (off-screen) by the monster in the Addams Family's Mailbox (or it is the Mailbox).

Nothing says Warner Bros Family Entertainment like that!

Gomez (Curry) is excited to get the Unabridged Addams Family Lineage delivered and with it an invitation to a big Family Reunion.

An Addams Family Reunion- roll those credits!

Gomez's Grandparents (Kevin McCarthy and Estelle Harris) show up and they are acting strange.

To clarify, they are acting like normal, cliché old people.

They apparently tried to get John Astin for the role, but he turned it down.  He would, however, play the role twice on the TV Show.

They go to the Reunion, but there was a mix-up.

The Addams Family here is a bunch of WASPs (supposedly related to our 2nd President John Addams), led by Ed Begley Jr (who wants to kill his Dad- Ray Walston).

He gets into a competitive relationship with Gomez, which is Subplot A.

On top of that, Pugsley falls for his Daughter, while Wednesday has a tempestuous conflict with the daughter.

Do we need more Subplots?

Alright, Lurch has a thing for another WASPy lady AND the real Addams Family ends up at the iconic House with Grandma and Thing.

Meanwhile, Fester makes a dog that transforms into a dubious CGI Monster that runs amok.

Somehow, that ends up with Thing being caught by a Dog Catcher (Clint Howard)!

The tension between the two Fathers leads to a big fight during a Gala in the Grandfather's honor.

Somehow, this ends up in The Addams Family being arrested, which somehow overshadows the fact that Pugsley and Wednesday WERE CAUGHT GRAVEROBBING and buried Lurch in the body's place (to let him sleep).

They are rescued by the Grandfather and they put Begley Jr in the Electric Shock Chair (which he used on a happy Fester) at the 'mercy' of his Patients.

How...funny and not at all dark.

The clan returns home together (facing no repercussions, I guess) and leave the Grandparents with the WASP Family (minus a presumably dead Begley Jr).

However, then Pugsley bemoans the loss of the massive firework he was given at the beginning by Great-Grandpa (and left at the WASP's House)...and then a massive explosion.

So...um, The End (for everyone there)?

A cumbersome mess of a Film with a few high spots within it.  

To start off with the positive, Tim Curry does well as Gomez.  Apparently, the Director wanted to pull back on the 'Latin Lothario' aspect of the Character made famous by Julia.  

Even so, this performance is good...so it's a shame that he's not on the subsequent Show.  In fact, nobody but the Actress that played Wednesday is- weird.  

Other Actors- like Hannah and Begley Jr- get moments to shine, although the former is too understated here and the latter is too over-the-top at times.  In fact, that's one of the big factors- the Film is often very over-the-top, since it plays for a frenetic, kid audience.  

Mind you, the same Film features grave-robbing, people being eaten by monsters, women being chased by different monsters and a man likely being killed by electro-shock therapy.  Mixed messaging, no?  

The other big problem here is that the Film is made up of too many Subplots, leading to the Film being a bit scattershot and nothing quite developing.  It jumps from Scene to Scene so often that I couldn't be bothered to care about the sixth Sub Plot more than the fourth one.  This is probably another thing that comes from the newer, younger Demographic for this thing.  

It is worth noting that Barry Sonnefeld had nothing to do with this one and, instead, they had a new name.  This might explain it all...

Next up, I go back and reexamine a Film I last watched in 2009.  Will it hold up to my increased scrutiny or need to be Buried again.  Stay tuned...

VHS for the LIE: The Final Sacrifice (aka Quest for the Lost City)

 Sometimes you have to lie to your audience.

Should you?  No.
Will you?  Hell yes!

In 1990, we got The Final Sacrifice.
In 1994, someone repackaged the Film on VHS as...

It is the Double Dragon Sequel that we never knew that we needed!

Here's the back Cover that is a bit more honest, but definitely picks the most dynamic shots they can to trick people.

So, if you don't know, Sacrifice is the tale of a young guy (who looks like Wesley Crusher) and a mustachioed drunk named Rosdower.

Here he is in action.

Here's the real question: who are those guys on the front cover?

Are they from a different Film? 
Were they just Models hired for this shot?
Would you spend extra money to repackage, of all things, The Final Sacrifice?

If I can find answers, I'll update the Post.

Buy the...VHS?!?: Poltergeist- The Legacy

 A while back, I stumbled across a double-find on one day.

At one Thrift Store, this VHS Tape- a Screener Copy sent to Video Stores/Retail Locations.
At another Thrift Store (less than a block away), a DVD of Season 1 (of 4!) of that Series!

It was a good (and weird day).

Before watching the Pilot (on the VHS Copy), I was treated to a now-defunct Service Ad for...

That's right- you can buy Tapes from MGM exclusively for your Video Store.
The future is bright and endless!

Look at the prices- it's a bargain!

The tape promotes three Films/Projects.

A TV Movie called The Limbic Region (no copy I can find)

A TV Movie called Escape Clause (which is Streaming on Prime, supposedly)
The Pilot Episode of Poltergeist- The Legacy.

How can you NOT get Pure Profits (TM) with those?!?

After all, the Projects have Ads run on TV.

It's fun here to see who has changed their logos/names over the Years and who hasn't...

The Ad is only five minutes, but what a fun five minutes it is.

Plus, I just heard about 2 Films that I haven't heard about before.

Double plus, I just saw a Trailer for the thing I am about to see (which SPOILS a few key bits).

Given that this tape is from MGM and I doubt the Promotion is still running, we're cool, right guys?

Either way, it was a fun little diversion for me.
Now to watch Video Formats and catch more of the Series....

VHS For the LIE!: Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors (aka Gallery of Horrors)

 As someone who is still buying VHS Tapes in 2020, I consider Posts like this to be a service.

As I've mentioned at least twice now, Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors was a cheap, kind of crap Horror Anthology Film.

It also had many alternate Titles- due to copyright issues- and different Box Art.

While the previous one was fun, this one...is not...

So if it isn't apparent for you, this is NOT a shot from the Film.

This shot of a Vampire is not from the Film in any way.

It is, however, a shot right out of The Fearless Vampire Killers, a far superior Film...

While stealing the whole 'Dr. Terror' name is pretty egregious (as there is none in the Film), this one is literally false advertising.

Bad VHS!

Lost in Translation: Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors (aka Gallery of Horrors)

 A-ha- you thought I was done with you, Movie!

Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors still has some more exhibits for me to go over.

First up, this very misleading Cover courtesy of a German VHS Box...

...wait a minute.

Segments included tales of hidden crypts, revived scientists, Dracula, an evil (?) clock and reviving the dead.

There's nothing about a Painting!

Is it too early to be inspired by Night Gallery?  Probably.

Regardless, it's good...but not representative of the Film- at all.

Here's the original...

No need to tweak it much.  Whichever version you prefer, its still a lie.

VHS for the Win: The Crater Lake Monster

In the past, I've talked about the Movie.

I've also talked about its most famous Poster.  It features a creature that looks like a T-Rex in a lake.
It's weird.

Naturally, there's another and it's...kind of awesome.

Is this from the Movie?

Is that creature in the background kind of silly?

Probably no and definitely yes.

Either way, this makes you want to see the Film, doesn't it?

Mission accomplished.  Now go out and buy some more VHS Tapes...dammit.

Holiday Listing: Top 10 Takeaways from 'Star Wars- Droids: The Pirates and the Prince'

I spent a whole 49 cents on this VHS before the you-know-what made Thrift Store Shopping next to impossible. 

On this 'holiday,' let's see what we can learn from a 24-year old VHS Tape of a 35 year-old Cartoon...

10. A Streak Continues: Who is the connective tissue of the Star Wars Universe?  Anthony Daniels- of course.

He's had a role of some sort as C-3PO in every official Star Wars Film.  That carries over to nearly every other project too, including this Cartoon that was once canon.

9. A Familiar Voice: If you've watched, well, anything animated, you've probably heard Cree Summer's voice.

The woman is a living legend when it comes to Voice Acting and this Show is one of her earliest credits (she started working in 1984).  As a bonus, she continues to voice (now-canonical) Star Wars Characters to this day (for the Online RPG).

8. A Familiar-looking Face: This is a non-intentional thing, but still worth noting.

This 4-part Story (part of the Season of the Show) features Jann buying the Droids and going on an adventure.  He, well, looks way too much like Liu Kang.

7. Buy Them Toys!: They make sure to sell some toys here, since, you know, '80s Cartoon.

Most notably, they use A-Wings a number of times and, what luck, that was first introduced in the Toy Line for this very Show.  Weird!

6. Name Dropping...Back Up: A few instances of continuity coming from this Show.

While likely not intentional, some locations mentioned in the Episodes do come up again in small ways in later Films.  Most notably, the bulk of the final Episode is set on Bogden, which would later be name-dropped in Episode II.

5. A Leg Up: Throughout the 4 Episodes, there is a weird obsession with damaging C-3PO's legs.

In one part, his left leg is removed and not rewired properly.  In another part, he lands on them and can't walk right for one scene.  Finally, he's mauled some dog-like things and they both come off.  Weird!

4. Surprisingly-Early Representation: It wasn't until The Last Jedi (grumble) that we got our first major Character played by a Female that wasn't White.  No, playing Aliens doesn't count.

Well, back in 1985, we got Jess- voiced by Cree Summer- who is a Black Female Pilot.  She's not all that well-written, but it still counts.

3. Reading is Fundamental: Is watching a Cartoon not interesting enough for you?

Well, you might as well read the Book Version of this then.

2. Where does he get those wonderful toys?!?: A future trend is seen in full effect here.

In the original trilogy, R2-D2 mostly had a few gadgets.  By the Prequel Trilogy, he had a full Utility Belt full of them (and a Jet Pack).

Over 4 Episodes, he introduces some random gadgets including a propeller, a grappling hook, an oxygen mask and...an inflatable crash pad?  Come on!

1. Kybo Ren- Is that a Typo?: This Arc features the most famous Character from the Series.  It is relative fame, mind you.

The bulk of the Story involves an evil Space Pirate named Kybo Ren.  No relation to Kylo Ren.
The fact that he's important enough to have the final part/Episode named after him, thus saving in for historical posterity is just great.

A pretty fun, if uneven adventure.  It is just 4 Episodes in a row, but they are actually one Arc, so fair play to them.

Impossibly-Deceptive VHS Cover Art: Mitchell

A Film made famous by MST3K gets a new lease on life- on VHS!

The Film is not a big, action spectacle.

Of course, nobody told that to the people who made this...

HAHAHAHAHA!

HAHA!

Oh...man...WTF?!?

This is not in the Film.
Linda Evans isn't anywhere near anything like this in the Film.
Joe Don- Action Hero is a delight.

So yeah, it's all crap.

That said, it is freaking amazing!

VHS For the Win: The Freakmaker (aka Mutations) (1974)

A silly Film gets even sillier on VHS.

This Film sure was weird.
Now put the craziest image you can on a box.
Slap a new Title on it.

What do you get?

Is this a Comedy?
It sure doesn't look serious, does it?

And yes, I had to blur out the woman's boobs.
Nudity on a VHS Box- that's a rare one!

Here's the original...

I still have to censor out the Nudity.  Sorry?  In any event, I didn't change this crazy thing *too* much, but I do think that it looks better with more sharpness and without that tag.

Rare Flix: The Masque of Red Death (1991)

A Film so good that it never made it to DVD.  How many Films exist in this limbo at this point?  Is it just Elves and Faces of Death IV?  The 1991 Version of The Masque of Red Death must love to be in such elite company.  This is a strange one for me.  I looked around for it for awhile.  It's not like I expected much- it Stars Frank Stallone.  That said, you want what you can't have.  A little while back, I found a beautiful haven of Dead Format Media and this Film was in there.  The Film was mine, even if it was only on VHS.  Is it good?  The Plot alleges that it is based on Poe's Story, but, well, it's not.  It's about a rich guy hosting a Party and people dying, but it's not the same.  It's on the edge of being 'a reimagination' of the Story, but even that is being generous.  This is technically both '80s Trash and '90s Trash as it was made in 1989, but just not released fully until 1991- yea.  Can the 'Star Power' of Herbert Lom, Frank Stallone and Brenda Vaccaro make this work?  To find out, read on...

A young woman is driving to a Party in Bavaria to get pictures of a Celebrity- as you do.

Before she gets there, she stops and wanders into a Crypt, freaks out...and it was all a dream.  F--k you too, Movie.

In the actual Story, she goes undercover to said Party dressed *allegedly* as Cupid.

The Party is a pretty garish affair, with a mix of supposedly-fancy setting and actually-cheap clothes.  As a bonus, a bad '80s Band to keep everyone Wang Chunging tonight!

A note on the Screencaps: VHS Copy means that I had to mine Google for these.

She has to get inside the social circle of the Owner- Lom- and that means hanging out with Duke- Frank Stallone.

I bet she's wishing for death now!

Oh thank God, it's a Killer...I mean, Oh God, it's a killer!

This masked man starts his spree with...a Waiter, but eventually moves on to other people like Vaccaro.

Can a group of Characters that range from dull-to-very-dull solve the mystery before they all die?

Or will the killer- who is not The Plague- get the final laugh?

Well, yes and no.  Everyone but the Reporter dies and so does the killer.  The End.

A pretty generic Film that has been mostly lost to time.  Is it a big loss though?  The Film generally looks nice, giving you something other than a Cabin or a Dormitory as a Set for a Slasher Film.  The Film only looks cheap when you notice all of the little details.  There's also the fact that it looks outdated for 1991, since it was actually made in 1989.  They already had a set- used for a different Film-, so they just made another Film real fast.  The Story is pretty nonexistent, mostly consisting of random Subplots and Character Moments.  None of them really feel *that* impactful or exciting.  Do I care if the Reporter gets back with her ex-boyfriend?  Do I care if the Model gets respected?  Do I care if they all don't trust the Butler?  If the Story is pretty nothing, are the kills at least notable?  Kind of.  The first one is pretty bloody and there are *some* inspired moments there.  You just have to slog through the nothing Plot, so-so Pacing and bad '80s Music to get there.  Want me to really sum up how generic this is (setting aside)?  As our Final Girl leaves, she has to go past the skewered villain and she does so...very slowly.  Once she turns her face away, the killer's eyes pop open and grabs her...before dying.  That's just sad.  Speaking of sad, compare the so-so mask and outfit for our Killer to the one most commonly-used in big Stage Productions of 'Red Death'...

Next time, I finish off the works of a Director that I dealt with for a long time.  Will Seven be his lucky number?  Stay tuned...

International VHS For the Win: Enter the Devil

I'll be honest- I don't know what this Movie is.

I mean, I can certainly guess what it is about, but I have yet to see it.

If you saw this Foreign VHS Box (and read the language), you would be forced to buy it, no?

Damn!

This one looks dark and brutal!

Here's the original before I tweaked it slightly...

It didn't need much work, so, easy for me.

VHS for the Win: Lake of Dracula

After watching the Film recently, I might as well see how the Film was sold on VHS.

That tracks, right?

Speaking of tracking, here's the (touched up) Box Art...

This is great.

Wouldn't you as, let's say, a Teenager in the '80s immediately pick this up?  You know you would.

Speaking of that though, notice what's missing?

No evidence of this being Foreign.  You have to really dig into the details to see that the Film is Japanese...

Pretty sneaky, American Distributors.

VHS for the Win: Martin (1978)

While the world celebrates 50 years since Night of the Living Dead (sadly without Romero), I think of all of his other work too.

For instance, his sort-of-realistic Vampire Film called Martin.

Can we pull up a VHS Box for that?  Good...

Oh, it's for VIPs!

I like the design, but question the context of any of it.

Is the Vampire flying in front of him?  Is it coming out of his mouth?  Is it symbolic?

Oh well- it looks cool and that's all that really matters.

Cover Art Special: Bipolar Film Poster Pair

I talked about Strike Commando a long, long time ago.

It's promotional Poster is pretty infamous (for all of the right reasons).

This is a refresher...

Here's the thing though- there's an alternate Version for the Asian Markets.  For some reason, they change one little thing in a big way...

...um, did he get a lobotomy?

How can he look so disinterested with all of this going on AND that improbable gun?!?

Two Posters.
One Film.
Zero Consistency.

Impossibly-Cool and Lost in Translation VHS Cover Art: Girls Nite Out

Is this the last one?  Maybe.

This one checks off a few boxes...
Foreign- Check.
Over the Top- Check.
VHS Box Art- Check.

How good is it though?

Okay, it's pretty bad-ass.

Supposedly there is a completely-bonkers Trailer that ties to this one.  It features ladies not from the Film talking about 'what happened that night' as Scenes play.

I still can't find it.

In the meantime, fear the claw!!!

As always...

Aside from the obvious 'patching' I did, it was purely touch-up and accenting here.  It's not always hard.