Almost Heroes: Powell (Q: The Winged Serpent)

Another week and another guy who just narrowly misses the cut!

In Q: The Winged Serpent, we get David Carradine teaming up with Michael Moriarty to stop Quetzalcoatl in New York City.  He's not alone though...

This is Powell- his Partner.  He's not John Shaft.

He works the case, being an actually-good Detective and not a drunk.  Naturally...

He goes up on a Roof with an Cop dressed like a Mime (in an Amadeus shirt!) and...

...gets killed by the Monster.  Oh well.

After that, Carradine and Moriarty actually save the day.  So close!

At least he got killed on-screen (unlike Billy from Predator).

Next time, a man loses his top spot due to rewrites (allegedly).  See you then...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: It's Alive (1973) {Part 2}

Another Poor Bastard from this Film about a killer baby with teeth and claws (the good one).

In the beginning, the parents-to-be leave their son with their friendly neighbor.  After all, it can take over 24 hours to deliver the baby at times.

When things go awry (you know, the Doctors being killed and the mutant baby getting free), they decide to shelter their son in the short-term from this.

Their friendly neighbor has no problem with this.  He goes the extra mile for them.

Eventually, they return to Town (he took the kid out to his Cabin for a few days) and the son can't stand waiting.  He runs home, followed by the neighbor.

They both enter through the Basement (for some reason), but only he is attacked by the baby monster!

The dad finds his friend dead and...well, that sucks.

So, to sum up, this guy goes out of his way to help his fellow Neighbor.  His reward: being killed by their kid.

The lesson: don't help people who live near you.  It never ends well.

Until next time, keep being random people that may or may not die in Horror Films.

Forgotten Sequels: It's Alive III- Island of the Alive

A Film so forgotten that even I forgot to get around to reviewing it!  Today's Film is It's Alive III: Island of the Alive, the final part in the Series (until the Remake).  In the previous Films, we saw the birth of the first 'monster baby' and its killing spree.  In Part 2, we saw a trio of 'monster babies' born and the follow-up to the public response.  In this one, we will see a much clearer sign of how society has reacted to the rash of random 'monster babies' being born to unsuspecting families.  The focal point is Michael Moriarty, a regular of Larry Cohen Films.  He tried to avoid an Aztec God, tried to investigate the mysterious 'Stuff',' battled some returning Vampires and finally became a killer himself- all in Larry Cohen Films.  While he has a great Resume, it is still a shame that he hasn't done more, especially considering how good he is in this Film.  He's the dad of the most recent 'monster baby' and he is fighting for their rights.  Should they be killed on sight?  Should they be allowed to live?  This Film handles this issue- and some not so subtle AIDS metaphors- and more.  Does it deserve better than to be so forgotten?  To find out, read on...

In the Cold Open, a baby is born in a Cab...but it is a 'monster baby' and is shot on sight by a Cop!

Following that, Moriarty is in a Courtroom fighting for his 'monster' son's life.  They try to get him to act scared of it, proving that it is a threat.  He proves otherwise and makes a compelling speech, leading the Judge to order the living babies taken to a remote island.

He tracks down his ex-wife (who fled after the birth)- played by Karen Black- and finds her unwilling to meet the kid.

He later hooks up with a lady at the Pier, who freaks out when she finds out his identity.  She thinks that he can infect her with whatever causes the 'monster babies' to be born.  Subtle?

The babies end up on the titular Island and settle in, but only after they kill a bunch of folks that land there.  Housewarming party, I guess.

In the ensuing 5 years, Moriarty has a book written about his case without his permission, while the Story dies down (with no murders or births).  He turns into the most sarcastic/sardonic person possibly ever- even making 'monster baby' jokes to people at a Party.

He also jokes about how people 'wouldn't want me handling their food.'  Too subtle?

He is taken out of his slump by an offer to go to the titular Island and try to reconnect with/study them.  Blurry Vision is back!

The group on the island- save for Moriarty- are killed and the boat is taken for a trip back to the mainland.  We learn that the creatures can reproduce in 5 years and apparently have telepathy.

They eventually dump Moriarty and he ends up in Cuba.  Awk-ward.

They both make it back as Moriarty's 'monster toddler' is after Black as well, with his spawn in tow.

The Cops kill all of the 'monster toddlers' (after some other killings), but the reunited couple of Black and Moriarty get away with their, well, 'monster grandson.'  The End.

Honestly, this one is kind of my favorite.  Is it weird to like the third film in a series more than the rest?  You could cite The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, I suppose.  You couldn't, in contrast, cite Jaw-s 3D.  It certainly wouldn't be Films like Superman III, Children of the Corn III or The Scorpion King 3.  Hell, even in a big Series like Star Wars, the most divisive of the original Trilogy is The Return of the Jedi.  In spite of that, this one is the most fun and crazy of the three Films.  I honestly don't think that there is a *bad* Film in the Trilogy either though.  This one benefits from two previous Films to build up the ideas and just let them play.  You get no twist and quirks to the mythos (as it were) like seeing them grown up (a bit) and giving them new powers.  Does it make sense?  Not really.  To be fair, they don't lay all of this out in a scientific/serious way either, so it isn't like introducing something like, say, midichlorians.  Why are there 'monster babies' being born?  Dunno.  Why are they born to certain people?  Dunno.  They just are and that's alright.  Moriarty is the real Star here, playing a guy who just kind of lashes out at society for treating like they do, but also managing to stay likable.  He has a reason for his behavior and not everyone hates him for it.  If he was just this jerk that nobody liked, I couldn't root for him.  He covers all of the emotional bases here, which is a sight to see.  If you like movies like this, you really need to track this down.  Can we get a nice, new release of this Trilogy from someone like Anchor Bay?  Thanks.  In the meantime, enjoy this side-by-side comparison of this Film to a far worse one...

Next up, I tackle the 2008 Remake.  Will it hold up like Cohen's Films or just be 'another terrible Horror Remake?'  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: It's Alive (1973) {Part 1} -UPDATED-

Since this Segment has been gone for a while, you are guaranteed TWO from one Film!

It has been over 2 years since an Animal qualified for this, but It's Alive gives us a good one.  This little Cat is the son's friend and companion.  With all that happens, it is good to have one.

The family has another kid: a monster baby!

They have the son stay with a neighbor (more on that later) for the delivery and keep him away in the aftermath of what happened (until they can sort it out).

He eventually runs home and gets in through the Attic, only to find....NO!!!! TOONCES!!!!

Alas poor kitty- you were just in the wrong house (the one with a monster baby) at the wrong time.

Is there a lesson to take away from this?  Don't be a cat?

I'll get back to you on that (I won't).

UPDATE: They do kill the Cat in the 2008 Remake, although it is the opposite.  Grabbed on-screen, but with no follow-up.

Next up, a man goes the extra mile to help the family in It's Alive.  His reward: death!!!  Stay tuned... 

Strange Killers: It's Alive (1973)

After a long, long break, I decided to revisit and actually complete my look at this Series.  Back in 2010, I watched all 3 of them, but not the Remake.  For whatever reason, I only reviewed Part 2.  Why?  You got me.  Regardless, I'm back to finish what I sort of started.  It's Alive is a unique Film from the 1970s, when Hollywood was moving away from Giant Monsters and into Masked Killers.  While Italy was making the Films that would eventually become such Staples as Halloween and Friday the 13th, people like Larry Cohen were being creative.  The Film tells the tale of a mutant baby born to an unsuspecting family and how it affects the world around them.  Can they stand the unwanted attention?  Can the baby be stopped before people die?  Can the family ever be the same again?  To find out the answers to those questions, read on...

A Couple goes to the Hospital on their big day: the birth of their child.

I wonder if Hospitals are still this blue today or if that was just a '70s thing?

While the husband is away, the baby comes out early and...kills a bunch of Nurses/Doctors?!?

Yes, they have a monster baby (for unknown reasons) and now it is loose in Los Angeles!

With a notable body count (and rising!), the dad reluctantly signs over the rights to his soon-to-be-dead baby to be studied.  He sure looks happy, huh?

In a neat little bit, this Corporate Guy (with the goatee) asks the Police Chief to destroy the baby's body when it is caught, lest any testing prove their culpability (since they made the birth control that the wife had been taking).

For a Film about a killer baby, this stands out to me.

Here's a new one for Monster-vision: double-slightly-out-of-focus vision.

The Police continue to track the beast- nearly shooting a normal baby in the process- and corner it a familiar sight: the water channel in Los Angeles.  I just drove through that in GTA V!

The dad is forced to take action himself, figuring that he had a big role to play in all that happened.

He can't kill his wounded son, but he can't save it either.  In the aftermath, three more babies are born in other Cities.  Ruh roh!  The End.

An interesting mix of Horror, Exploitation and legitimate Drama.  It's Alive is often just 'that movie with the killer babies.'  To be fair, it is about that.  Once you get past that, there is alot more going on here.  The Film is almost more about the Family behind the killer baby than the creature itself.  The dad goes through the multiple stages of Denial, while the wife mostly just shuts down.  Life around them suffers too, whether it is him being fired or them not being able to handle all the Press.  This Film makes a point about showing all of the aspects that come up when something like this does occur.  There is a neat bit where the Wife's Nurse is asking her all sorts of questions, only to be revealed as a Reporter.  In the age of Phone Hacking and Jake Tapper getting information from Monica Lewinsky via a 'blind date,' this holds up surprisingly-well.  The whole angle with people fighting over what would happen to the body when it was killed is certainly still relatable now as well.  Honestly, the only really dated stuff here is the fashion and the interior design.  I haven't seen wallpaper like they have in this movie in years!  The Rick Baker design of the creature is great, even if you don't see it that much.  If you like this kind of stuff, but haven't seen this one, then you really need to.  I can only hope that the Remake is good (but I have my doubts).  The lesson of this Film is simple: if you are going to be attacked, the Hospital is the best place.

Next up, I jump right to the final Film in the Trilogy.  With Cohen alum Michael Moriarty on board and more babies, this should be interesting.  Stay tuned...

4th of Joy?: Uncle Sam (1996)

Technical issues delayed this review, but I'll be damned if I put this movie off for another year.  Today's film is Uncle Sam, a movie that I have avoided for many reasons.  The main reason: it is too obvious.  I mean, think about it- 4th of July = Uncle Sam.  Too easy, you know?  Well, I'm going to put it off no longer.  Even though this Review will be up after July 4th, I'm still American and this is still a pretty notable (albeit Cult) film.  The movie tells the tale of a crazy, burned up man that kills people.  Unlike that other crazy, burned up man that kills people, this one does NOT do it in their dreams.  Instead, he dons the garish costume of a wartime piece of pop art gone awry.  There is more craziness beneath the surface here though.  The Writer- Larry Cohen.  This is the man that gave us killer babies and the film about a man who filmed a murder...and then made a film about someone else committing said murder.  Seriously, Special Effects is crazy!  This is also the final film (so far) Directed by William Lustig, the man behind Maniac and Maniac Cop.  Three Films about a scarred Cop and one about a scarred Soldier- I sense a pattern.  Don't cry for Mr. Lustig though- he runs Blue Underground (who also released this film on DVD).  Is this film a Cult Hit worth notice or a silly, silly film?  To find out, read on...

A Soldier is found in the burned up wreckage of his Helicopter by this young Soldier and William Smith (one of the most prevalent 'That Guy From That Thing' Actors of the 70s and 80s).  However, he kills them both (aw!)...

...and is brought back to the United States- just in time for July 4th (unlike this Review).  His widow is...happy?  His nephew is however, so that makes things alright.

With the body back in town, we now begin the 'Set up why Uncle Sam Will Kill People' Scenes.  Notable amongst them is future (as this is 1996) George W. Bush impersonator Timothy Bottoms.  He plays a guy who dodged the Draft, which is totally not ironic in hindsight.

I bet you thought his most patriotic film was DC 9/11: Time of Crisis.

'Chef' is here, proving that he can be in a better Horror Film than Return to Sleepaway Camp.  Hi, Children!

Future victims include Drunk Teens who burn American flags in a Cemetery, a perverted Uncle Sam on stilts and...

...future President Bush!  This is the real Death of a President!

If you want to know how he knows to kill this guy (based on what only the lead kid knows), you will be...confused.

This leads to a long sequence of a Parade and Sam killing people.  Naturally, this leads to...

A melodramatic Scene explaining the bad things that Sam did before he left.  Who made this, Tyler Perry?!?

We later learn that Lead Kid and this blind kid (who was burned by fireworks a year earlier) share a psychic link with Sam because...the Plot says so.  Seriously, that's all I've got.

Neat Shot though.

A Chekhov's Cannon takes out Sam (the second time) and blows up the House.  That's what you get for filling your house with leaking Gas Canisters and leaving all six of your Stoves on.  The End.

This Holiday is weird and silly.  The Premise is kind of unique, but hits similar notes to Lustig's Maniac Cop films.  This one is different enough to not feel like just the same film (as opposed to Rumplestiltskin).  If you go into films like this looking for lots of gore, this does not disappoint.  There is A TON of random kills in this film.  One lady is killed after discovering a severed head in a grill- why not?!?  If you go into this looking for a balanced and cohesive Plot, you won't quite get that.  Don't get me wrong- Larry Cohen's Script is fun, but odd.  There is no good explanation for the whole Psychic Link thing.  Honestly, the film could work without it well enough, but it is what it is.  Uncle Sam is not a bad film, but I hesitate to call it a good film either.  It is chock full of recognizable faces in small roles- including Robert Forster as a Senator- and chock full of gore.  If they were aiming for something more than a strange, Cult Film, they didn't achieve it.  If that was their goal, then good job.  Take us away, Peeping Sam (on Stilts, no less!)...

Up next, let's hop back to the 1970s and cover a TV Movie.  Before they were a great Disney Cartoon, they were killing random people in the Desert.  Stay tuned...

Lazily-Titled Cover Art: Q- The Winged Serpent

You know that awkward moment when you don't know someone's name and have to try to guess?  Oftentimes, you will just pick a 'safe' answer like 'Buddy' or 'Champ.'

This is cinematic equivalent of just that...

To be fair, Quetzalcoatl *technically* qualifies as an 'American Monster.'  Plus, they do mention the real title below it in quotes.

That said...this is the best title you could come up with?  Let's play with this laziness and apply to it some other famous Horror Films...

* Night of the Living Dead is now Zombies in the Dark (great band name though- don't steal it!)
* Dracula is Blood Man.
* The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is now The Western Blade Killings.

Note to video releasing companies: try harder!

Rare Flix: A Return to Salem's Lot

This is much less of a Return and more of a confusing, first visit.  In 1979, Salem's Lot was made for television.  In 1987, Larry Cohen decided to make his own version.  Rather than build off of the book or follow the mini-series, he went off in a weird direction.  It's hard to explain, really.  The film does take place in Salem's Lot and features a man returning to town for the first time in nearly 30 years.  That makes you think that it is a Remake, but that's not entirely true.  This film builds off of the ending of the previous film adaptation (sort of) by having the town be full of Vampires.  Of course, that is ignoring the idea that the Vampires are supposed to be hunting our heroes.  So what is this film?  I'll be damned if I know, but it is a Larry Cohen film.  That makes me interested, whether he's just a Writer (Phone Booth, Maniac Cop 1-3) or as a Director (Special Effects, It's Alive 1-3).  This film is nothing if it's not weird, so let's just dive right in...

In Central America (both films begin like this- odd), Michael Moriarty ('natch) is a Journalist covering Native rituals, which, well, involve people dying.  He covers the story, but doesn't stop the deaths.  He = heartless.

 He's called back to America to help out his son, who's not exactly fitting into society.  He takes his son to his old home- Silent Hill.

Oh sorry, it's actually Salem's Lot.  I mean, Jerusalem's Lot.  Salem's Lot?  Just pick one, movie!

In the first Vampire scene, you learn that one thing is different here- these Vampires are rubber masks.  Freaky, but definitely different than in Salem's Lot!

The Vampires take Moriarty in and give him a strange task: make their 'Bible' and tell their tale.

Speaking of their tale, they claim to have come to America on the FOURTH ship that left England in search of 'religious tolerance.'  Vampire Pilgrims- awesome, but silly as shit!

Moriarty's son is drawn into the group and begins to turn.  Was he bit?  Apparently not (given how the film ends), but that just raises more questions.

For one- how is (Jeru)Salem's Lot so close to Madison County?

You know what most Vampire Films are missing?  A Nazi Hunter!  That's right- A Return to Salem's Lot features a character who's a Nazi Hunter.  I can't stress that enough.

Our heroes work together to kill the Vampires during the day, since they only have like two guys guarding them.  You've been alive for hundreds of years, but can barely defend yourselves?  So sad.

After the big showdown, our heroes burn their coffins, putting an end to these oddly-ineffectual Vampires existence, save for one of them...

The Town's Mayor puts up a fight, but also meets his end.

The day is saved, thanks to a heartless Journalist, his Bi-Polar son and a Swiss Nazi Hunter.  Don't get to say that every day.  The End.

No matter what this is, it's weird!  What can I say about this movie?  It could be a sequel.  It could be a Remake.  Regardless, it's a bizarre film.  The Vampires are bizarre.  The story is full of odd events.  The whole thing is just kooky.  Whether it's Moriarty having sex with his old girlfriend (who's the same age as before) who's a vampire or Moriarty asking his 13 year-old son if he got lucky, this movie is odd.  I'm not sure how GOOD it is though.  The tone and pacing are strange & it never quite got going in the way that I was hoping for.  It would tease something big...and just peter out.  The finale is good, although its pacing was certainly odd.  One thing I should say is that I'm neck-deep in Vampire films, both with the Salem's Lot films and stuff for June.  It makes some of this stuff blend together, something I can guarantee won't happen to you if you watch it.  Speaking of which, why is this one also hard to find?  The first one had the stigma/legality of being a Made-for-TV movie, not to mention being an IP based on a book.  This one is just 'Based on Characters Created by Stephen King.'  That's code for 'We made some crazy shit, so here's your check, Mr. King.'  As a whole, the film is a mixed bag of crazy.  Take us away, sign that confuses things even more...

Next up, a Holiday that's all about the Military and their service.  For me- an excuse to talk about giant bugs.  Stay tuned...