Forgotten TV: The Outer Limits - 'The Voice of Reason'

 We are now at the 5th lowest rated Episode of this Series.

Is it bad?

Well, in case you didn't read the Title, this one...

...is a glorified Clip Show.
We are just at the end of SEASON ONE, people!

The Framing Device is this guy getting a meeting to talk about the dangerous threat of aliens...

...to some sort of select Government Committee.  
What's their name?  What do they do?

Never explained.

Regardless, our guy has connections and he's going to tell them all about recent events like...

That's a young Lochlyn Munro on the left btw.

The first Episode- Sandkings- and how they might actually still be around.

This is all just a theory of his, mind you.

He sets up clips from other Episodes so far this Season.

We get the 'sexy' Episode with Alyssa Milano taken over by an alien spore.
They brought to prop, so...yea?

We get what was literally the previous Episode- Birthright- about a guy who's actually an alien and he didn't know it.

Plus this Episode about a House that absorbs/eats people.

It apparently has an even younger than last time(s) Ryan Reynolds in it, as shown by his weird CGI outline here.

There's also Clips from 'The Voyage Home,' which was also in the previous Clip Show Episode I covered.

As part of the rebuttal to his testimony, one of the Committee tees up clips from 'Corner of the Eye,' which is then explained as being Aliens too.

After presenting his case, the Committee says that they will not file his report.  The guy flips and grabs a gun to shoot (and kill) the head of the Committee.

He's convinced that he was an alien.  He's not.

After he's dragged away, we learn that Munro and the stern woman on the group actually were the whole time.  The invasion continues!

The End!

I'm both annoyed and marginally impressed.

The former is because the Season is ending with a Clip Show.  This format gives them a chance to so many disparate and unique Stories.

The best we got to end an impactful Season...was this?

As for the other part, I will give them credit for being selective.
The Theme is Aliens, so they skipped over Episodes like 'Mary 23' and 'I, Robot' instead of trying to make them work.
This also means that all of Season 1's Alien Episodes are canon to each other...at least in relation to this one.

The Finale Clip Show was simulations- they didn't even try.

Having Don S. Davis in your Episode also keeps you slightly above a failing grade.

It is likely the most skippable Episode of the Season and its twist was extremely obvious.  What's less obvious is why they posed this Picture like the Stars of some sort of ABC Sitcom...

Next time, I skip the 6th lowest rated Episode (as I already covered it).  Let's instead jump to #7 and it's from Season 7 to boot.  See you then...

'00s Fun?: Scary Movie (2000)

 With a sixth Movie out now (as of time of writing), why not go back to the first one?

This one is also called Scary Movie, which makes sense- it's the first one. 
Given how much of Scream 6 they seem to be parodying in the new one (and 5 was the one without no number in the Title), why not just have the 2026 version be Scary Movie 6?

I know that I'm thinking about this way more than anyone should.

In any event, this Parody Film is the combination of 2 different Parody Scripts both licensed by Miramax- Last Summer I Screamed Because Halloween Fell On Friday The 13th (by the Wayans Brothers) and Scream If You Know What I Did Last Halloween (by Friedberg and Seltzer).

The Wayans Brothers claim that NOTHING was used from the latter- they had 2 more Writers also work on the final product- but the duo is still credited (and marketed their terrible, Parody Films on this merit).

This was the big break for Anna Farris, who was supposedly about to leave Hollywood before she got Cast.
Jon Abrahams (who plays the Skeet Ulrich role) would actually end up in a handful of *actual* Horror Films following this, including the House of Wax and Friday the 13th Remakes.

The big question- does this hold up at all?  Are the topical jokes still good?  Were they then?

To find out, read on...

The Film features a Cold Open with Carmen Electra (like Scream). 
The Actress would go on to be in two of the '____ Movie' Series Films.  Joy.

The actual Opening proper features Farris as Cindy in basically a shot-for-shot redo of Sydney's, just with jokes about an electric fence to protect her virginity and apparently her Dad being a drug mule (who vanishes until Act 3).

The School is aflutter as Cheri Oteri (as Courtney Cox) is exploiting the death (and causing one of her own, with zero consequences) for Ratings.

We meet our group of Leads, including a peak fame Shannon Elizabeth and Regina Hall...who was just in the Film that won Best Picture this year?!?
Life is sometimes crazier than fiction.

They all share a secret of killing this Fisherman guy.

It is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with the joke being that he wasn't actually dead when they tossed him into the Ocean.

This also stops mattering before Act 2.

The killer is still on the loose, taunting Cindy in her House.

Unfortunately, he's terrible at hiding.
That's the joke.

In what is arguably the most dated joke (and this Film has about 500 that could apply), the killer calls Marlon Wayans' Shorty (whose sole joke is He Loves to Smoke Pot) and it turns into the Wassup Commercial.

There are way too many of these out there.

Shannon sees her boyfriend- Guy who randomly appears in everything Lochlyn Munro- killed during her Talent Contest.

In spite of that, she's not scared of the same killer the next day and just sasses them until her head is cut off.

Cute background joke, at least.

Oteri's Reporter pops up a few times throughout the Film, but stops appearing after she tries to interview the killer while he's working.

She runs into the Woods and they parody The Blair Witch Project for 10 seconds...and that's it.

I guess see you in the new one?

The Cast is whittled down through various parodies- as well as a random fat girl at a Party.

We get the reveal with Not Skeet and Shawn Wayans, but they are then killed by the (I guess) other killer.

This leads to the most famous part of the Film- the Matrix parody.

The killer escapes- knocked out a window and vanishing like Michael Meyers- and Cindy still can't figure things out.

We then get a *timely* parody of The Usual Suspects and learn that Doofy (the 'mentally challenged' parody of David Arquette's Character) was just pretending.

He ditches his disguise and drives away.
Cindy is then hit by a bus, but she'd return for Scary Movie 2-4 and now 6.
The End.

I definitely don't love this as much as teenaged me did.
To be fair, that guy wasn't exactly in love with it either.  I didn't actually own the Films until 2026 (in a 3-pack for $3).

So many of the jokes are just the same idea done over and over again.  You get stuff like 'Ray is obviously Gay' about 30x and 'Shorty loves Pot' about 42x.

The other random sight gags fight for time and are, honestly, usually better than the standby jokes.

An odd bit was apparently cut between the Theatrical and Video release. 
A joke about Gwyneth Paltrow (while Hall is seeing Shakespeare in Love) was deemed 'too mean' by everyone's favorite Producer Harvey Weinstein and changed in ADR.

2026 me has to remember that this was made for a 2000-era audience that had just seen 3 Scream Films and 2 IKWYDLS Films. 
Also, that jokes about people being high, a jock being gay and Doofy being, well, what he was considered the funniest things in the World.

To be nice, this one's Plot is a bit less scattershot than the 525,600 Parody Films to follow (like Epic Movie cutting from a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Scene to a Superman Returns Parody).
They joke about not having a Plot, but sort of try here.

If you're into the raunchier humor and don't mind stuff that's just gross for grossness' sake, this still is worth a look.
As long as all of the Cameos don't feature now dead people.  Right, Prince Parody and...

RIP James Van Der Beek

Next up, let me jump back to the 1990s and over to Japan.  Is this iconic Anime Film as I good as I remember it being over 20 years ago?  Stay tuned...

DTV Crap: Jules Verne's The Mysterious Island

Are there no new ideas out there?  Today's film is Jules Verne's The Mysterious Island, a 2010 film that got a 2012 DVD release.  Gee, why did they decide to do that?  Oh right- The Rock's film came out that year and did surprisingly-well.  So what, if anything, does this film bring to the table that's different.  For one, the giant animals are gone.  To be fair, they don't appear to actually be in the book.  That said, they're in the famous film with Harryhausen's effects, as well as numerous other ones.  They're actually even a big part in the Disney film (which is somehow a sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth- don't ask), but don't show up here.  They may not be Canon, but we all expect it- dammit.  The movie has no real Stars in it, save for Lochlyn Munro.  So, in other words, there are no Stars.  I hope you never read this, Lochlyn.  The story keeps the same basic formula, but takes a weird turn about thirty minutes in.  I won't SPOIL it...until I do it later in the review.  To see how to make your film turn really weird, read on...

A group of people are being taken to a prison in the Civil War.  Naturally, the only other Actor that I recognized is killed off.  So, the point of him was, what exactly?

They escape in a hot air balloon, but end up going through...whatever the hell that thing is.  It can't be good.

 So, after killing off another character senselessly and having our heroes meander around, they screw things up by having this happen...

As it turns out, the titular Island is a massive time portal dumping station.  Oh and there's a giant squid...for some reason.

When hope seems lost for our characters (including two people from 2012- thanks, ADR), white Captain Nemo shows up with a static gun.

Of course, his presence is ruined by the implication that he took a row boat back to the island...the same one that the guy just got killed in.  Logic!

Nemo explains via narration over his flashback footage.  Kudos to them for using the son of the actor playing Nemo to play him in this.  Of course, he's also the Director of the film so...he was hanging around.

Long story short: Nemo made a time-machine, but an inconvenient squid attack made it create a hole in the time-space continuum aka The Bermuda Triangle.  No, really.

In a story featuring Nemo, it actually comes down to Munro to come up with an escape plan.  Mind you, his plan is 'get away in a balloon,' but it's more than the famous inventor can come up with.

Speaking of which, he dies of Consumption.  Oh the tragedy.  Godspeed, old man who ripped open time itself and killed most of our friends!  Godspeed!

I won't SPOIL the ending too much other than to say these two things.  One- don't expect much of the build-up to lead to anything.  Two- don't expect closure.  The End.

I was expecting something, but not this.  So yeah, what was the point of 'updating' this story.  What impact does it really have to feature two characters from the Present in this tale set in the 19th Century?  Since they have no practical skills, it mostly just serves to set up this one scene where they explain that there is a Black President in their time.  Seriously, that's about it.  The one lady has a romantic sub-plot with a Soldier but that, well, you'll see what happens to him below.  Most of these Characters really don't have much in the way of characterization either.  The racist guy gets killed without learning a lesson, while Munro mostly just reacts to everything around him.  This is more like a plot idea that gets vaguely-filled in.  It sounds weird to say this, but not much happens in a film about people trapped in a time vacuum with a Giant Squid, Captain Nemo and killer Cannibals that Totally Are Not Nemo's Former Crew.  It's oddly lacking in events.  I suppose I harbor some resentment for this film removing Giant Chickens, Crabs and/or Bees from the film.  Bees- My God...I miss them.  This film barely even makes use of the Giant Squid, as it mostly just flails aimlessly during the Finale to no avail.  Oh the drama.  While I won't say the film is terrible, I'd qualify it as underwhelming.  That's even after they steal this iconic shot from Cannibal Holocaust...

Next up, February begins with a wacky 1980's gem.  When you're in love, you'll blow as many hookers as it takes to get your lady back!  Stay tuned...

Boll-Shit: In the Name of the King 2- Two Worlds

Uwe Boll hates sequels as much as he clearly hates us.  With a multi-year career and about a dozen-plus films to his name, he only has two actual sequels.  There are two other Boll films with sequels- House of the Dead 2 and Alone in the Dark II- but he didn't Direct them.  What inspired him to make another Dungeon Siege movie?  Oh, excuse, this is not a Dungeon Siege movie- that would be silly.  It's not like there are Dungeons in this movie.  Mind you, there weren't any Dungeons in that movie either.  That movie was a huge budget for Boll- about $60 million- and didn't even come close to recouping.  After vowing to never do it again, he made this movie last year.  This movie is not big-budget, so gone are stars like Jason Statham and even lesser stars like Claire Forlani.  In their place- Dolph Lundgren.  I love you, Dolph, but you have to say no sometimes.  This movie's plot is ridiculous and excises as much of the previous film as was humanely possible.  This is a fairly-new release, but I'm not holding back on the plot.  If you want to avoid SPOILERS, just skip this one.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.  To find out why this film doesn't even have a title card, read on...

A wizard lady fights some bandits off in the Woods and makes it to...Vancouver.  On the plus side, they're actually setting it in Vancouver and not calling it Chicago or New York.

This is Dolph.  He teaches Self-Defense, but is sad about his friends dying in the Gulf War 10 years ago.  He's the hero and the Narrator.  Even he doesn't seem to be taking this shit seriously.

The wizard lady helps our hero out from the hooded thugs and takes him through a cheap, CG portal to the Dungeon Siege world.  They excised that part of the title, but kept the land.

In place of Statham, we have Boll-alumni Lochlyn Munro as King Raven.  Quoth the him: Nevermore.

He rules the surviving people of the land- a plague was unleashed- from his $200 fort.  This is why some films use $60 million budgets FYI.

Dolph and a lady doctor are sent to kill an Evil Witch (damn you, Alone in the Dark II!)...but he finds her camp to be friendly.  Confused?  Well, here's the deal.

She explains that King Raven is actually evil and sends Dolph out to stop him.  She doesn't actually present any evidence- he just believes her.  Oh yeah, this Dragon shows up.  One point for Boll...out of 10,000,000,001.

In The End, Dolph battles Raven in an amazingly one-sided brawl...in his house.  Holy out-matched villain, Batman!  He then mourns his exit from the D.S. land...even though they never show the Portal in his house close!

Our sequel...sequel bait ending involves a random necklace given to him glowing.  That or he could just go downstairs!  The End.

You can keep both Worlds, Boll!  This movie is just awful for a number of reasons.  The biggest: it's dull and listless.  The action scenes spice things up, but everything is as bland as room temperature water.  The characters are not that interesting.  Dolph is the most interesting, but his sarcastic tone comes off more like he's an asshole.  I guess because everyone else is an asshole to him, that makes it okay.  No.  No, it doesn't.  As I said, I love Dolph, but he is not right for a sarcastic character.  Other than him, all of the actors appear to mostly be 'window-dressing.'  Even the suddenly-evil villain fails to ham it up like the role requires, nor is he scary enough to be taken seriously.  Not scary and not funny- pointless.  I wish that this movie had some ridiculous shit to talk about...but it doesn't.  Even a plot twist like Dolph Lundgren being Statham's time-lost son- who was in turn the son of Burt Reynolds (!!!)- is just kind of there.  Can a movie about a time-traveling soldier fighting an evil king alongside a witch while a dragon lurks in the forest be dull.  Apparently it can be, yes.  Take us away, lame green-screen effect...

Next up, a '70s film with a great title.  Can the cheap-ass DVD transfer ruin the potential?  Stay tuned...

Fan Service Time! : Freddy vs. Jason

There's no way that the hype could overshadow the actual film!  After years of hype and expectations, the film was finally made.  Back in the day, a film was planned that would pit Michael Meyers against Jason Voorhees.  Eventually, someone realized that neither character did anything other than kill people, so that was scrapped.  If you're going to keep Jason, you need someone with attitude and, you know, functional vocal chords.  That led to Freddy getting the nod, a move helped by New Line Cinema owning both character rights.  Even so, the film took years to get made, originally being planned in place of Friday the 13th, Part 7.  The film is notable for re-casting Jason Voorhees,- in lieu of a taller actor- getting Ronnie Yu as the Director and trying to tie the two characters together awkwardly.  Oh yeah, they also re-cast Jason's Mom- lame.  To see how this mess came together, read on...

Freddy Krueger has been gone for some years and his threat has been forgotten.  Remember when he had literally killed the town's teenage population in Part 6?  How does that fit in here?

If you don't know, Jason is used by Freddy to scare people.  His deaths were designed to make the police think of Freddy and, by extension, mention him off-hand near a teenager.  That's right- his plan hinges upon this random coincidence!

By the way, how does a guy being hacked to death make people think of Freddy Krueger?  Did he ever do that?!?

Random throwback to the Boiler Room- nice.  The whole scene being forcibly tinted red like it's Sin City- not so much.

Jason Voorhees angers Freddy by killing the above girl while she was in a dream.  Even worse, he stumbles throw a corn field while on fire.  That's how you escape a corn maze- stupid movie!

Freddy continues to make me question how his powers work and, to a serious extent, how his murders ever looked normal.  How do those scars appear from his dreams?  How was he talking to them if he was asleep?

BIG-LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT: Freddy turns into a pot-smoking worm creature before taking over the stoner's body.  Holy Nightmare on Elm Street 2 reference, Batman!

Demon Freddy finally picks a fight with Jason for real, knocking Jason out with some drugs and kicking his ass in the dream world.  By the way, that whole plot point about a permanent, anti-sleep drug- entirely pointless.

Through some more contrivances and silliness, our heroes bring Freddy into the real world- how does that work and why can some people do it, bu not others?- and the fight goes more evenly.  Trailer shot!

After all is said and done, Jason kills real-life Freddy after our heroes are gone, but the head is still alive.  How?  Oh yeah, the Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash comic completely pisses away that continuity to, by the way!  The End.

Eat it, fans!  The plot of this movie is just too goofy and uneven for me.  These crossover films often fail when a silly explanation has to be given for why the characters must interact.  Freddy needs Jason to kill people on Elm Street to bring his name back to life- okay.  So Freddy was never really dead and could come back at any time?  Doesn't that kill the drama behind every film previously, including the last real film WHERE HE EXPLODED?!?  While it's true that Jason's mask was pulled into the ground by Freddy at the end of Jason Goes to Hell, he did come back in Jason X and proved that he could never really die.  Of course, he did die several times throughout the series, including that one time where he came back as a worm!  So much of the film feels like it was written years earlier, which is probably true.  Would it have killed you to match the continuity of Jason X at all though?  Yes, I do realize how silly that sounds.  We're talking about a film where Freddy Krueger turns into a pot-smoking, CG worm though!  The film has a lot of gore, but no soul or real drive to it.  It's a lame cash-in that people paid to see out of love for the characters.  That will show you!  Take us away, silly physics...

Up next, one of the biggest sequel debacles of all-time is here- a year after I meant to review it.  This review will also be based on a real-fake story.  Stay tuned...