Tubi Thursday: Famous Ghost Stories (1961)

 Are you a fan of Ghost Stories?
What about Vincent Price?
Bert I. Gordon Films?

Well, I'm into all of that, so I streamed...

This was an unsold TV Pilot made in 1961.

We first see this House, which I assume is about to be stomped by Godzilla.

Price appears twice here, which is weird.

First as himself and then he appears as a Poltergeist (not that one) who wants to tell us some Ghost Stories- Famous ones at that!

See you at the End and never before, Mr. Price.

The Story follows a man (The Creature from The Black Lagoon's Richard Carlson) who is haunted by guilt, as he didn't try to save his Girlfriend Vi from falling, since she wouldn't let him leave her and get married.

He'd start to see weird things in the coming days, as his Fiancee and her Sister (played by Bert's Daughter).

Nobody else does.

As he learns that Vi, now a Ghost, will not leave him be, another wrinkle appears.

This guy- who took Vi to the Island- now wants to blackmail.

Why can't you trust this guy?

He's also a Ghost!

Well, not here.

He's Lloyd the Bartender from The Shining!

He's killed in this one, so is this canon to the King Tale?

Carlson can't seem to make his troubles go away.

Vi grows in power and vows to stop his happiness!

Now here's the real twist.

You ready?

This is just 1960's Tormented (also by Bert I. Gordon).
He just got Price to shoot the Intro and tried to resell this as a TV Show.

As a Film Buff, I should have seen through this.

Somehow, I have never seen Tormented, either as its own thing, on MST3K or on Rifftrax.
IMDB isn't much help, as the page for this says, 'You Might Also Like Tormented.'

Well, yeah, I'm watching it, aren't I?!?

The actual content is pretty good, if reliant on many of the same tricks over and over again.  After the 15th time something happens that only you can see, would you really still mention it to someone?

Price's part here does help, but he's only here for the Intro and Outro.  Would it have killed you to pick a Film that he was also in, Bert?!?

There are some good, silly effects on hand here.  It is still a Bert I. Gordon Film.

Do you pick this or Tormented?
This is the same, just with Price in the Intro and Outro, but also with the illusion of being a Show.  Having Price tease next week's Episode was genius.

Speaking of teases, the same Producer wanted to make a Show where famous Voice Actor Paul Frees interviews...Adolf Hitler?!?

Too soon?  Yes.

A Film so nice that Bert I. Gordon tried to sell it twice!  Honestly, it is pretty decent, but just know that this failed piece of TV History is a Copy-Paste job.

Fiction vs. Fiction: Empire of the Ants

After a recent screening of Empire of the Ants at the Tampa Theater, I thought 'maybe I should read this cheap, paperback copy of a Book with the story in it.'  Did I mention that I bought a cheap, paperback copy of a Book with the story in it?

Oh, well, I did.

In this new segment, I am going to diagram the difference between the original Book versions of stories and their usually-vastly-different Film versions.  Why not start here?

In the Film, a group of potential home-buyers go to an Island.  Unfortunately, there are giant Ants there- thanks to a toxic spill.

In the Short Story, a small ship is sent to South America to stop an outbreak of vicious Ants.  They're not gigantic- just mean as hell.

In the Third Act of the Film, they discover that the Giant Ants have taken over a nearby town and control them with pheromones shot from the Queen's thorax.  They blow up the Ants and live to fight another day.  The End.

In the Climax of the Book, one of the men goes on board, gets bitten and dies.  The Captain sends the boat back to get more help.  The End.

So yeah, the Book Version and the Film are VERY different.  There are zero Giant Ants, zero people being eaten and no Ant Pheromone Mind-Control.  I was expecting *some* of that to show up in the Story, but it doesn't.  So by 'Based on the Book 'Empire of the Ants,'' Bert I. Gordon just meant 'It is about Ants.'  Thanks, Bert.

Hmm...I wonder if I should read 'The Howling' books next? 

Rare Flix: H.G. Wells' The Food of the Gods

I hope you don't like rats.  Today's film has somewhat of a dubious reputation among those who have seen it.  For those of you who don't know, I'll take you on a short trip down memory lane.  Bert I. Gordon (his initials being BIG- ha ha) got famous in the '50s for movies about giant monsters smashing around.  He got in good after the U.S. release of Godzilla, carving himself a niche.  As his career wound down in the '70s, he tried some new things- some better than ever.  For this film, he tried something controversial- killing and hurting animals.  This film features scenes of rats being shot with pellet/paint guns and nearly/definitely being drowned.  Yeah, that happens.  If you take the 'No Animals were harmed in the Production of this Film' for granted, check this movie out.  As a bonus, the film stars Marjoe Gortner and features some slightly-silly optical effects.  To see which insects are transparent, read on...

The first sign of a dubious script- this credit.

The movie's plot involves a bunch of people being killed in the woods by giant creatures.  First up, semi-transparent mosquitoes.  They apparently ate the titular food...since the lady doesn't bother to close her windows when you have a batch of 'make animals giant food' in your house.

Marjoe loses a friend to the creatures and decides to come back.

By the way, is he a pro-football player or a College one?  He was 32 when the film was made, but they never elaborate on it.  What's up, movie?

All of this comes from a mysterious fount of liquid.  Might want to put a cage around this thing- I'm just saying.

No, they never explain why this exists.  Thanks for asking.

I believe that Cecil B. DeMille said once 'You haven't made a film until you've shot a few rats with pellet guns.'  I might be paraphrasing.

Look at this shot and then watch a film like Avatar.  Technology sure has grown a lot, hasn't it?

The rats surround the house and there appears to be no hope.  Nice matching of those two visuals- it's like Sin City for a second.

Marjoe manages to blow up a dam and take out most of the rats with water.  Try to ignore the rats that are 'swimming upside down (completely still),' won't you?

In the Epilogue, the titular food has gone down river, got drank by cows (who apparently don't grow) and ends up in milk.  Where will this lead?

Oh right- a crappy sequel that doesn't really relate to this film in any way.  The End.

I'm sorry, countless rats.  If you can get past the animal abuse, this is an interesting movie.  It makes some odd choices in the story department, right or wrong.  Our heroes aren't trapped on the island from the get-go.  Rather, they leave it and decide to come back to find out what happened.  That's interesting, even if it is a bit silly IMHO.  The problem here is that it's hard to get past all of the animal abuse.  They're shooting rats in the face and back with pellet guns.  They may or may not be shocking rates.  They are most assuredly drowning rats, unless they're known for laying upside down in water and not moving!  You can make an 'Animal Killing Free' version of Cannibal Holocaust, since the death is random and unnecessary.  Here, you would be cutting most of the action.  The bottom line: this movie is a bizarre, B-Movie trip.  If you can ignore the abuse of plague rats (I kid, I kid), you'll enjoy it more than this guy.

Next up, the first of five remaining films from the Midnight Horror Collection, Volume 2.  It's like a good movie...but not.  Stay tuned...

Old-School Sci-Fi: Earth vs. The Spider

When your initials are B.I.G., you kind of have to make films like this.  Bert I. Gordon is a famous name from the 1950s for his giant monster films.  Some of the monsters were simply big, while other ones were normal-sized...but the people were smaller.  The movies were never critically-acclaimed, but usually made a hefty profit at Drive-Ins.  If you don't know his name, you undoubtedly know at least one of this films, be it The Amazing Colossal Man, The Beginning of the End or Empire of the Ants (a personal favorite).  Today's film is one of his more famous works, although I'm really only covering it to be able to compare it to the 2001 TV remake.  The plot is pretty basic, but I'll touch upon the key points and give you a general overview.  Nothing screams 'funny' like the phrase 'general overview' right?  To find out more (and hopefully laugh), read on...

A pair of teenagers (yeah, right) go exploring in a cave when the girl's father goes missing.  I'm sure that there's nothing to worry about.  It's not like there is...

...a giant spider in there.  Ruh roh!

If you thought that Bert I. Gordon was subtle, check out this plug for one of his other two movies coming out- Attack of the Puppet People.

Oh and the other film- War of the Colossal Beast- is hyped on a Marquee.  Too subtle, Bert!!!

Bear in mind that this movie was made 54 years ago.  They don't hold up all the time, but you can appreciate the effort put into them.  It's more work than just inserting aliens into shots.

Is that kid covered in chocolate?  I hope so, because if that's blood, then I'm really wondering how they got away with this in 1958!!!

Hide your dollhouses- that spider has gone crazy!!!

The whole thing comes together when a bit of science mentioned in the second scene of the movie comes into play.  Chekhov's Gun in a Bert I. Gordon film?  Interesting.  The End.

It's exactly what you expect.  Do you get something out of the ordinary with a Bert I. Gordon film?  No.  You get giant creatures smashing stuff up and the military trying to stop them.  The only twist here is that it's a small town fighting the creature mostly on their own.  That does raise a point though- what makes them the 'Earth?' Does A Hamlet vs. The Spider not sound as cool?  Obviously not.  That said, the movie has most of the tropes that you expect, including those darn Teenagers being unruly.  Things really changed a lot after The Blob, huh?  Like I said, the movie is pretty simple.  If you like old-school science-fiction, you'll like this movie.  Bert I. Gordon films are a bit polarizing in their simplicity.  Myself- I love the stuff.  While this doesn't have the added camp value of Empire of the Ants, I still liked it a lot.  See how quickly my like changes to hate when I get to the next film.  Take us away, slightly-aged special effects...

Up next, the 2001 remake of the film.  Can it be any different than this movie?  Stay tuned...

70s Trash: Empire of the Ants

I will be up-front with you: I love this movie. It is great for all the wrong reasons. The film is about giant ants and comes to us from the man who made giant creatures work: Bert I. Gordon. If you don't know the name, Bert made several films on the subject including War of the Colossal Beast (the all-but-forgotten sequel to The Amazing Colossal Man, which he also made), King Dinosaur, Food of the Gods (whose sequel I reviewed) and Village of the Giants. Basically, the man had a gimmick- i.e. William Castle- and it worked. Well, it worked until 1977. You see, the last of his big films was this one. He still made movies- mind you, there were only four in the last 30 years- but not with anywhere near the amount of success. So, how did the last hurrah of a big, film icon turn out? Find out in my review of...

Empire of the Ants

The story starts out with a long narration about how ants do this and that. Basically, it is more direct and less pretentious than the one in Phase IV. Basically, it is on par with the ridiculous 'killer whales are awesome' speech from Orca. This actually gives you a lot of foreshadowing for the story, so I won't spoil anything...yet. The story proper begins with a bunch of people being given the tour of an island that is going to be the home of some condos. The tour is being led by Joan Collins, so you know that the quality of this movie is going to be high! You get some stock characters including some nosy old people, a philanderer and the impossibly-nice guy who only exists in movies. One of them hits on Joan- you'll never guess which! They get the usual spiel about 'houses will go here' and 'this place is great for this reason.' All the while, we are treated to random camera angle shots of the group passing by that are accompanied by loud buzzing. This must have been fun for those with bootleg VHS tapes! We also get some P.O.V. shots from some creatures with multiple eyes in one. You want to lay off the suspense and just show them, movie?

*

Finally, the movie does so and it is...well, funny. You get a mix of film-projection effects and super-tight shots of people interacting with model props. The beasts attack the group, who flee in their little go-kart thing. Basically, it's the thing that drives you to your parking zone at Disney. The annoying old people are killed off first, followed by some people who decide to hide in a tiny shack. Gee, it's not like they are giant or anything! Escape is removed as an option when the Captain- generic older character actor- is attacked by an ant on the boat. During the struggle, a fire is set and their only means of escape is blown up. Mind you, they could always swim themselves, but that would be silly. After some silly chasing, the survivors get in a boat and take a river ride. Faster than you can say 'they did this in Frogs,' ants attack them and the group barely escapes. Incidentally, the ants attacking is very awkward and only matched by the action choreography from Hercules in New York. Mind you, in this film it is because people are battling imaginary or out-of-scale threats, while the people were just awful in Hercules. A bit later, they make it to land and flee to a nearby town. Incidentally, this private island attaches to a town now. Ready for the film to go into insane territory now?

*

Our heroes set-up in town pretty quickly and feel safe. Oddly, there is no way to call out and the people act a bit curious. The group decide to flee, but are cut off by the police. They are taken to the sugar factory where they see some tiny ants in a pile of sugar...er, I mean, a bunch of giant ants in a mountain of sugar. What the hell is going on, you ask? As we learn, the ants have set up shop in town and have an army of human slaves. How? As the introductory bullshit explained, ants have pheromones that are used to communicate in lieu of a voice. The film took that and made it into a magic, mind-controlling substance. You want to be taken over? It's a simple procedure. They dump you in a tiny glass room that is adjacent to the film-projection of the queen ant and she sprays you. They demonstrate this on Joan, who does not take kindly to the whole thing. Our young hero manages to steal a tanker truck full of gas- I guess they borrowed it from a Terminator movie's crash scene- and manages to light the place up. Two of our leads escape, but leave everyone else to die. The End.

*

Holy crap, does this movie turn weird in the third act. Based on what you read/saw, were you expecting that stuff? I sure as hell wasn't. Honestly, if you exclude this part, the movie does not have a lot to offer you. It does, however, put the ant effects from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids into perspective though! I will say that Bert I. Gordon always knew how to make these ridiculous premises work, even if he was never all the clever. This is a bit of pulpy fan that will make you both appreciate the days of this kind of film and remind yourself of just how lucky you are to be living in this time. Wait, this is the generation that made the Transformers films. On second thought, scratch that second part!

*

Up next, a film that has been waiting for a review for a while now. What do you get when you combine the 'crazy family' sub-genre with the 'dwarf-spoiltation' one? The answer is really, really messed up. Stay tuned...