Poor Bastards of Cinema: Walking Tall- Lone Justice

Working stiffs- never has that expression been more appropriate.

Walking Tall: Lone Justice is all about people killing other people for no good reason.  In the intro, a man is in an Elevator.

This obvious assassin enters said Elevator, clearly just going up to his room.

Off-screen, the Waiter is dead.  Sucks to be him, I guess.

I should point out that they kill the guy just to be able to sneak a smoke bomb into the room.

Given that they are positioned at an adjacent building, why not just shoot them from that window or, you know, shoot them through the door?!?

Next up, a young lady learns that being tangentially-related to Seagal proves deadly.  It's going to be a bummer of a family reunion this year!  Stay tuned...

Kevin Sorbo Week: Walking Tall- Lone Justice

At last, something more interesting!  As the second Walking Tall film, they upped the ante and did a little more.  Mind you, I watched this as what I thought was the first film, but whatever.  Seriously, the only continuity to catch/care about is the father being dead and Sorbo being with the Federal Agent.  Even the last part is a little hard to follow, as she helps him at the end of The Payback (a little) and they're just dating here.  Did I miss Walking Tall: The Mid-Quel or something?  I suppose it doesn't matter too much, but it does feel odd for people like me who actually watch both films.  Did you not intend for people to watch both?  This movie's plot involves Sorbo moving to the city, not that it matters.  About half of the film still takes place out in the country, so what was the point of that?  There's a definite upgrade in villains this time around, so I may actually care a bit more.  Fun Fact: both Walking Tall films credit the Actress playing the Daughter as 'Introducing...'  How can you both be doing that?!?  To find out if this film raises the series above Direct-to-DVD mediocrity, read on...

In an odd scene, our hero tries to stop a robbery at a Kwik-E-Mart (not really), but injures the owner in the process.  After the last image of him shooting the bad guy with a shotgun, this sudden comedy feels out of place...

Meanwhile, the head of a local Drug Cartel is killing off witnesses before his trial.  Given how his hitmen are clearly on film somewhere at the scene, why does nobody know that he did it?

A Safe House (are they ever safe?) holding more witnesses is attacked.  Among the victims, Sorbo's lady.  She lives, but they fake her death.

Fun Fact: the bad guy stalks the funeral, just like the guy in the last film did.  Lazy writing, much?

Eventually, the bad guy figures out what is going on.  Sorbo takes out the thugs, allowing the comatose woman to be taken to the Ranch.  Nice Hospital Staff back there.  Don't help or anything!!!

Now aligned with some other Agents, Sorbo and company meet up with the other survivor of the Safe House attack...in the middle of a field.  Gee, this isn't suspicious!

Obviously, it's a trap.  Sorbo and the other Agent are taken to the Cartel's base- which is also the Truck Yard from The Payback- and tortured.  The other Agent gets her thumbs cut off before our heroes can escape.

The battle goes back to the Ranch- big surprise.  It's time for Sorbo, some random Deputies and his lady to kick some ass!

The death of the main villain is actually given to our heroine- go figure.  It's a bit of anti-climax, I suppose.  Feminism?

The final, final battle takes place in the Woods.  Sorbo uses his Chekhov's Horse to catch up to...the snitch from earlier.  No, really.  He shoots him and everyone lives happily ever after.  Well, except for the now-thumbless agent and all of those dead people.  The End. 

It's better...a bit.  This movie does have better action, a better plot and more interesting characters.  I can't say that I cared all that much for the family sub-plot, no matter how hard they pushed it.  Sorbo's never been a 'bad actor' or anything, but I don't think of him for roles like this.  It might be because of I think of him as 'that guy who played Hercules,' but that can't be the only reason.  I give him all of the credit in the world for trying to do stuff like this, even if I don't really care all that much.  The villains are definitely better here, although I can certainly nitpick about some things.  For the opening hit and all of the later ones, the Boss uses the same guy.  Even if you can't see him killing the people, this same guy shows up at the Hotel where one witness is killed and the Hospital where another is nearly attacked.  How are you so inept at this?  On top of that, his henchmen just, well, looks like the hitman for a Mexican Drug Cartel.  Just look at the guy yourself and you'll see what I mean.  I won't say that this movie is bad, not at all.  It's a bit more interesting and polished than The Payback, giving more characters stuff to actually do.  I recommend this more than I do the previous film, for sure.  If you're not into this kind of film though, this won't do anything to really change your mind.  Take us away, drawing of someone else's kids on the refrigerator...

Next up, a Sorbo film that sounds like a movie I've already seen.  Can it truly be Kevin Sorbo in Robowar 2? Stay tuned...

Kevin Sorbo Week: Walking Tall- The Payback

Hey, you're not Samoan.  When The Rock was cast as the lead in a remake of Walking Tall, people were a bit confused.  He's not white, fat and/or Southern.  What's the deal, yo?!?  The film was pretty good though, maintaining the same basic premise and involving some good board-on-man action.  A few years later, a pair of sequels were made...Direct-to-DVD.  Is The Rock in it?  No.  He just doesn't do sequels often, given that he's turned down two for The Scorpion King and now one for The Tooth Fairy (yes, it's going to happen!). In his place, Kevin Sorbo.  Well, it is his week (save for the next movie) after all!  To be fair, he is a much closer-looking actor to Joe Don Baker or Bo Svenson.  It is kind of random though.  Further mucking the whole scenario up is the fact that both sequels were made and released in 2007, each featuring subtitles alongside the Walking Tall title.  Good luck trying to sort out which one is first.  There's not a huge issue if you get them mixed up...like I did, but my point remains the same.  The first film features Sorbo's quest to become  Sheriff in the wake of a family death.  Will he get his titular Payback?  To find out, read on...

In a small town outside of Dallas, a man tries to take over a gas station.  The wounded owner has only one recourse- blowing the whole thing up!

It's all part of a conspiracy by a group of locals and a businessman- referred to once as the Redneck Mafia- to buy up all the land and take over.  Capitalism!!!

The Sheriff- Sorbo's dad- tries to get the F.B.I. to help him out.  They won't.  As an authority figure in a movie like this, he has to know that he's going to die, right?

Yeah, that happened.  I just hope that his son will take this lying down.  What?  He's not?  I'm shocked!

The gang try to control the town further by getting the leader's brother appointed Sheriff.  That would seem bad, except for the fact that Sorbo is made Sheriff with no election or choice.  How dare you...do what our heroes did.

The businessman tries to escalate things by just shooting the bad guy's brother.  By the way, the businessman is never punished for this- I'm just saying.

The villain takes the death of his brother badly, especially when Sorbo is framed- badly- for the murder.  The danger comes home...since they had to use the house for both films anyhow.

The finale takes place at a truck yard- which also shows up in the sequel- and it ends with a quick-draw of shotguns.  No stick?  The morale- murder is the answer, as long as you're doing it last.  The End.

Eh, it could be worse.  Honestly, this film is not bad.  It's very-generic though.  Sorbo doesn't do a whole lot to give his character, well, character.  It's written in a very basic manner and doesn't do much to make the character all that interesting.  His evolution from outsider to Sheriff is an odd one.  He just suddenly decides to fight back against the bad guys when they won't pay for a beer.  That's all it took?  Other than that, the movie has some decent action in it.  The finale is framed nicely and I can't really complain about much.  Oh yeah, there's a rape scene in the movie...because that was necessary.  The best part- it's never brought up in the sequel.  Dark, random and pointless- a trifecta!  For Direct-to-DVD fare, you can do far worse.  Hell, half of my stuff seems to be that, so I would know.  Take us away, Kevin Sorbo's Horse-Riding Double...

Up next, Mondo Bizarro celebrates a shit ton of posts (actually 1,700).  When in doubt, review a remake that nobody can actually remember exists.  Stay tuned...