Tubi Thursday: Horror Hospital (1973)

 Let's escape the horrors of the Present by seeing some Horrors of the Past.

Oh look- they're all in one Hospital!

A wannabe Rock Star and a Lady looking to visit her Aunt both end up at a 'Health Hospital.'

They meet on the train and pretty much fall for each other immediately.

This is the last Film of Actress Phoebe (billed as Vanessa) Shaw, so she does nudity.  Thanks for asking.

They see some things that they don't like.

Of course, now the place is locked down by the Head Doctor (Michael Gough) and patrolled by a bunch of faceless bikers.

They really were all the rage in the '60s!

The Doctor has been experimenting on people for a while.

Oddly, we don't get his big monologue until *way* late in the Film.  It even comes with flashbacks, which makes it feel even later in the Film than it is.

He has the two in his power, so why not tell them your whole plan?

The guy- Jason- does make an escape, leading to a chase and a prolonged fight just there to introduce the bubbly marsh into the Plot for later.

Speaking of later, the Aunt decides to say 'See you later' to Gough after another young man (Abraham) shows up and she's convinced that things aren't going well.

They did just kill the guy who got people to show up too.

Well, her exit is less than amicable when a strange guy who appears to be covered in goop chokes her to death!

Can Jason, Abraham and the Dwarf (coming this Fall to ABC) make an escape?

Nah, it won't be that easy.

Instead, there's a big old climax and, shock of all shocks, they burn the place down!  How unique!

To see how strange this gets, stream it now.

A fun flick, even if it is pretty damn silly.  To be fair, that is part of its charm- intentional or otherwise.

I'm honestly not clear if this was *meant* to be an absurdist Comedy inside of a Horror Film at most points.

There is one bit where they prolong an action like how Family Guy used to do which makes me think that it is a Comedy. Other parts include torture and bloody deaths, so dunno.

The Plot is a weird mix of ideas, cliches and new things tossed into one freaky salad of a Film.  
For example, there's a late reveal with Gough that is right out of House of Wax.  

Other bits like controlling humans with machine parts is a unique (for the time) riff on old Zombie Films.

The Film is far from perfect, of course.  It introduces Abraham very late into the Film and his whole Arc (gotta rescue my girl) ends abruptly with no great resolution.

Horror Hospital has a few things going for it, like a few gimmicks, a fun Cast, a good location and a bizarre Plot.  It has encapsulated how so many of us feel after Tuesday night...

For a fun bit of '70s silliness, check it out.  The fashions alone date this- not even getting into the technological aspects.

Tubi Thursday: The Toolbox Murders (1978)

 Before I cover the remake that I bought for a dollar, let me check out the original.

It's old, so it must be good, right?

As the Credits roll, we hear a Preacher on the radio...and then the car suddenly stops to show us an accident.

And we're back.  That was odd.

A man shows up and kills a lady with a drill, before putting on a mask...for some reason.

He kills the lady next door AND her visiting friend (a new Poor Bastard of Cinema?).

We can clearly tell who this is AND Cameron Mitchell has top billing...so are we not supposed to know he's the killer in the next Scene.

Oh well, he stalks a naked lady and kills her with a nail gun...eventually.

He also makes sure to kidnap this girl we've only met once before.

Oh, well- who cares about characterization?

The Film takes an odd turn now as the Brother (the guy in the back who looks like Josh Meyers) tries to solve the case and find his Sister.

He works with the Nephew of Mitchell, who we aren't supposed to know is the bad guy yet...I think.

Said guy is played by 'Will' from Land of the Lost.

We finally learn the backstory of our Killer in a bunch of lazy exposition delivered to the kidnapped lady.

Basically, his Daughter died in a car accident and he got religious/crazy (aka pulling a Russell Brand).
He targeted his victims as 'heathens' that were 'perverted.'

Can I just watch Tenebrae instead?

The Brother finally figures things out, finding the Toolbox and all, but the Nephew won't let him snitch.

He douses him in gasoline (left lying around in a pan, because reasons) and lights him on fire!

The climax ensues when Nephew confronts Uncle.  He kills him, after Mitchell freaks out when his baby doll is stabbed.
No, really.

Nephew isn't better, taking the poor girl (who is supposed to be 15).
The next morning, he tells her that he killed her Brother and the Uncle...and she grabs some scissors.

She's seen walking away later covered in blood.  Cue fake 'This is real' text and The End.

A Film with a good, if very sleazy Intro...and not much else.

Credit where credit is due, the Director knew how to sell an Exploitation Flick in 1978.  In fact, after hearing about how profitable Texas Chainsaw Massacre was, that was what he did.

After we get past that part, however, it's really not that interesting.
The Nephew Actor is good, but nobody else really stands out.  Even Cameron is just playing crazy with no real nuance.

The Ending is all sorts of messed up.  So weird to build up that Detective so much and he just does nothing.

The Film knows what it wants to be.  For instance, the second victim strips down, shows her breasts AND gets killed before we even learn her name.

For pure sleaze, it peaks early.
True story- the guy who played the Nephew would go on to co-create a Show for Children's Educational programming.

No joke!

A sleazy drive-in flick that ages about as well as you'd expect.  If there was more of what was interesting, I'd recommend it much more.

Tubi Thursday: Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death (1979)

 A Film with a salacious Title- what could go wrong?

Like other Films of its ilk, is it a memorable Film?

This is a Film about a Mad Scientist.

Naturally, it begins with 2 guys beating the crap out of each other.

Wait- what?!?

We learn via Jekyll's Narration that he is experimenting with his Grandfather's Formula.

It brings out rage.

Oh, and he's kidnapped a Woman who he wants to marry.
Joy.

His House is full of people under his control.

A former Doctor is now his mindless servant (and looks like Blackenstein).
His Sister had a lobotomy 20 years ago and just makes weird faces.

If you like this guy narrating and abusing these people, you're in luck.

Oh, and more fighting.  Lots more fighting.

Seriously, the Film has 4 prolonged bits with people punching, kicking and screaming.

Joy.

Jekyll has invited the Father of the woman he kidnapped to his House, telling him that she was dead.

He wanted his help to perfect his formula.

Unfortunately, he's blisteringly insane.

As such, after even more fighting, he ends up with a bunch of dead folks- including the Dad- in his basement.

At least things finally pick up...right before its end.

The End.

A Film that is really strange...but that's about the nicest thing I can say.

The Film is so full of random people fighting- it's weird.  A good 40% of the Film is just unnamed people punching each other.

The titular Dr. Jekyll is full of himself.  He does more narration in this Film that David Attenborough has done in his entire life.

Leave one thought unspoken- please!

The whole Film feels like a good chunk of a Film...but they just filled it with cruelty, fighting and monologues.

The Director made this in 1979 after making two *ahem* Adult Films...so he never got the chance to prove what he could do.

Oh well.  Now let me enjoy my new wall art in peace...

A Film that feels like 60% of an interesting Film.  Sadly, this is the whole Film, so...

Tubi Thursday: Malatesta's Carnival of Blood (1973/2000)

 If you thought that Carnival of Souls was trippy and esoteric...you were right.
Now imagine it was made by H.G. Lewis while he was on Acid non-stop and you get...

The Film is about a Carnival.

It is run by a guy named Blood.
It is owned by a guy named Malatesta.

Sure- that all makes sense.

A couple work there, but have an ulterior motive- to find their missing son.
He went missing here, you see.

We also get a young Couple who wonder about the strange disappearances and get chased around.

Weirdly, they just kind of return to work the next day like nothing happened.

No survival instincts there!

The most common culprit is this weird guy named Stick Man.
He looks like a Zombie and stabs you with a stick.

Truth in advertising, I guess.

The Film just kind of meanders around following a woman who gets lost, the random cannibal hobos, Mr. Blood and, oh yeah, Herve Villechaize!

He randomly appears and then he's gone.
He returns later- don't worry.

Things are obviously not safe here, but, also, we never quite see anyone around.

Oh right- the Budget was like $1,000.

Who will live?
Who will die?
Will you be able to follow any of this?

To find out, stream it now or buy the...Blu-Ray?!?  Yes, this too got a Blu-Ray release.

This one...was strange.  It was very strange.

Some background first...
It was made and released in 1973.  It got a limited run at a Drive-In or two.  
Thanks to what they called disastrous audience feedback, the full release was scrapped and copies burned.

In spite of that, a copy was found in 2000 and put out on video.
This somehow got a Blu-Ray release in the last 5 years.

Positives- it has a weird and interesting vibe.  That will get you through a few of the plodding Scenes of strange people wandering around.
It has a neat feel- that will get you 40 minutes in- tops.

The problems arise when you try to judge this as a Film and not a fever dream.  I'm not sure that David Lynch could follow this!

As a one-time Filmmaker's effort with no money and a vague concept, I can't hate it.
As a Film that I'm trying to enjoy, I'm less thrilled.

On the plus side, Stick Man would go on to be a regular in the early years of Late Night With Conan O'Brien (no joke!)...

A bizarre Film that sure...exists.  Weirdos like me will get something out of this, but this is far more of a once-lost curiosity than a great Film.

Tubi Thursday: The Arena (1974)

 Well, I teased this one last week with zero idea if this was on Tubi or not.
As you probably guessed, it is.

Let's go to Rome...

In Ancient Rome, a bunch of people are being captured as Slaves.

A very-1950s Gay Character (this Film was made in 1974, as a reminder) buys our Heroines up.

They have to do all of the usual jobs- Housework, Entertainment and the like.

Shockingly, this is not good for them.

Their 'owner' also runs a Gladiatorial Arena (even though they only built about half of it) and makes them work around it.

They do namedrop Spartacus, by the way.

Weirdly, this Film marketed around 'hot ladies fighting' tries to milk TONS of drama and pathos.

With the crowds wanting more (and inspired by watching Grier and Markova fight in the kitchen), they decide to make the ladies into Gladiators.

This 'crazy' idea was a real thing.  After all, Gladiatrix is a thing.
Even Spell Check didn't mind the word.

Markova has a plan- get their freedom!

They get the help of the Trainer, who just lost his lady (also a slave).

Will they overthrow the rich elite?
Will they fight the powers that be?

More importantly, will Markova survive to the Credits this time around?

To find out, stream this weirdly serious Film now.

It's not bad, but it sure isn't great either.  Considering what you were expecting though, is that a surprise?

This one is all about Ladies fighting in a Gladiatorial Arena.  Were you expecting Oppenheimer?

That said, they definitely tried to make this WAY MORE of a Drama than I was expecting.  It is definitely an Exploitation Film- no question!- but it also tries to make commentary about how bad that all is.

I guess you can have your cake and eat it too if your Film takes place before that expression was coined.

Don't expect amazing Acting here, though Grier and company do honestly try.  Again- it was more than I was expecting.  Everyone gets an Arc (small as it may be) to their Character.

The Film is a good example of how you can make a Film like this, add more depth and still not lose the appeal.  It wasn't like, for instance, making a fun Horror Film about Witches in a Ballet School into a nearly 3-hour slog.

Mind you, the 2001 Remake is probably lacking much of the subtext and characterization...

A kind-of fun Film that really tries to make you feel drama and all that stuff.  You can take it or leave it, but I do kind of like it.

Tubi Thursday: Black Mama, White Mama (1973)

Watch another crappy Slasher Film or Pam Grier?

I made the right call.  This is...

A bunch of women are sent to a Women's Prison in The Philippines.

A cheesy '70s Film made in The Philippines?!?  I'm shocked.
Well, not really.

Two of them- a Prostitute and a Revolutionary- make enemies of the Warden (who's a full on sexual predator in classic '70s Gay Panic) and get sent away for worse punishment.

Guerillas attack the bus and they escape.

They want to get either off of the Island or to the Rebels that the latter supports.

As you can see, they don't get along.

So now they are escaped Prisoners with the law after them.

That's not enough, however, as this Mob Boss (Vic Diaz, who racked up 164 Credits between 1950 and 2001 in The Philippines!) wants them dead too!

The Law, meanwhile, hires a bad guy- Sid Haig!- to catch them.

I like his Dayglo Buster Scruggs Cosplay.

Grier needs to get off the Island.

Will the Revolutionaries be enough?
In real life, it took about another 13 years to boot out Ferdinand Marcos, so good luck.

Let's be honest- do you really expect this to be good?

Do you expect Classical Writing Structure?
A unique Plot?
Amazing Editing?

No- you expect a sleazy, drive-in Movie.

You sure as hell get it!

Nothing is subtle here.  None of the Acting will blow you away.  The Script is really basic.  It is very, very sleazy.

That said, I'm here all day for it.  Everyone understood the assignment and has fun with their roles.

It is not remotely unique (Women in Prison Films being an entire Subgenre, after all).  It is fun and looks great in HD, thanks to a restored Print on Tubi (and Blu-Ray).

I guess I need to see this as the follow-up, no?

A Film that gives you what you'd expect from the Title and Plot Description.  Expect nothing more and enjoy!

Tubi Thursday: Creature from Black Lake (1976)

 No, it is not the Lagoon.
Yes, I do still wonder why we haven't had a real Sequel or Remake of that in Decades.

This is actually a Bigfoot Film from the '70s...

We get all 'artsy' in the Intro as we cross cut between these two guys out in the Swamp and a Lecturer at a College Campus.

One ends in a missing person...

...while the other ends with two likely to soon be missing people.

They are College Students who plan to investigate the titular Creature.

Why does their Professor agree?  He's the Director- duh!

They go to Town and want to learn about the creature.

The Townspeople- most notably the Sheriff- don't want to talk about it and want the folks to leave.

Others think that it is funny.

This man- from the beginning- does not find it funny, as his friend is dead.

We'll see him in the Third Act.

Throughout the first two Acts, we see random flashbacks involving the Creature told by people.

Cool.
Can this just be part of the actual Story and not just filler though?

Thanks.

Our Heroes find evidence of the creature and keep looking for more proof.

Of course, someone is looking for them too.

Will they survive?

To find out, stream the Film now.  It only took me 5 years to actually get around to Reviewing this, so don't take that long yourself.

A decent piece of southern fried Horror from the Drive-In Era.  It is silly.  It is dopey.  It has moments of Horror, but also Comedy and oddity.

There's allot of these, aren't there?  Yes.

This is a Bigfoot version of the formula, and it has some good moments in it.  The Bigfoot stuff is honestly not bad.

It is not amazing, but it is pretty good.

Too bad there's so little of it in the Film. 

In lieu of that, we get random Drama, random Comedy and lots of Actors that add little to things.  One poor lady is Credited in the Film...but then listed as Sheriff's Daughter instead.  Mind you, her friend is named 'Michelle' and the Actresses' name is...Michelle.

In summary, there's about 20 minutes or so of really good to decent stuff in the Film and lots of filler.  It is the same as getting your Beef on the cheap and it is actually about 60% bread filler.  

Now wash your hands, Steve!

Fans of this kind of Film will look past the silliness of the filler (and actually enjoy it).  Straight Horror Fans will probably lose interest by the 2nd Act though.