Lost in Translation: Slithis (1978)

 A Film like (Spawn of the) Slithis is bound to have some good Covers.

It seems like Germany (based on the wording) stepped up to the plate here.

This isn't Slithis.  It's...

Run, Pamela Anderson- there's a giant puppet behind you!

That or it is this fella.

Either way, this Title makes it sound like a '50s B-Movie, no?

Tubi Thursday: Slithis (1978)

 To Spawn or not to Spawn- that is a question.

The Title Card says Spawn of the Slithis.  Every single Poster and DVD says Slithis.

Regardless, here's a '70s Alien Monster Movie that I have somehow not reviewed yet!

A pair of kids are playing frisbee by the Canal in Venice, California.

For no good reason (unless the Film ran short), they both run to the edge in Snyder-style slow motion and find two dead dogs.

They are never seen again.

Some unseen creature with Monster POV that looks like they put a coke bottle on a camera kills a Couple, after they argue about wearing a bathrobe.

This Film is Rated PG.

Our Hero is a High School Journalism Teacher who decides to work the case.  He looks like a young Steve Guttenberg.

What does he find out?

Well, a soil sample is given to this John Landis-looking guy.

He tells our Hero that it contains a substance called Slithis, stuff made by nuclear radiation and gunk.

That's where the Title comes from and why the Title Card makes more sense, as the creature was exposed to said substance.

They speak to this Scientist- who was also exposed to some stuff- about how to prove the existence of the substance.

This sets him on a path to hire a boat, which will pay off later.

Another night finally gives us a proper glimpse of the titular creature as it stalks a Hobo.

It... looks like if H.R. Giger created the Ninja Turtles.
It looks like those drawings of the dinosaur-Human Hybrids from the planned Jurassic Park 4.

It looks...ugly.

The Film has a put of a problem focusing, so it spends a good 5-10 minutes following this couple driving to a boat and eventually being killed.

Our Heroes can't get help from the Cops, so they try to catch the creature.

The Captain and our Hero finally slay the beast, the former saying that the beast should be returned to the Ocean.

As they do so, it comes back to life and the Film ends on a bleak freeze frame.

People were depressed in the '70s and they made it your problem!

It's not bad, but it's not great.

Positives first...
The Film has a unique look with its regional Venice, California Setting.
The creature looks appropriately freaky.
I enjoy a Giallo-style Hero who wants to solve the case because he simply hates teaching.

The negatives are pretty notable too though.

Pacing is an issue, as some Scenes are really drawn out.
One in particular features constant cuts to our Hero reacting and, well, he's not the most dynamic guy.

I legit do not get why they spend a whole section of the Film (which is just under 90 minutes) on this random couple, their ride home, the romance and then the creature attack.

Aside from that, there's the bones of a really good Movie here that, like others, could do with a Remake.  Why Remake the good ones, when there are so many Films like this?

A decent enough Film at moments, but it definitely has pacing issues.  A tighter, more focused Remake would honestly be great.

Tubi Thursday: Squirm (1976)

 As a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, I've seen lots of bad Movies.

I've never watched this one on its own and it's gotten a reputation as a Film that's actually not bad.
Is it?

Let's find out...

In the small Town of Fly Creek, a storm creates a flood and the flood creates a power outage when the lines go down.

This apparently makes the worms go crazy...which is what the opening narration tells us.

A young guy is visiting his girlfriend to be there.

The worms are scary...in extreme macro close-ups with added in roar sounds.

They start killing some folks, though they need you to lay really still on the dirt, so...how did this happen?

They can't get the Police (all one of them) to help for dumb reasons.

The guy who clearly wants to date our Final Girl ends up being left alone with him.
Worms crawl all over his face and...ew.

Our Heroes- joined by the younger Sister and her Mother- go home, but a tree wrecks one side of the house.

In spite of that, the Sister goes to take a Shower...which is a bad idea.

Mom is going full Glass Menagerie downstairs before the worms fall all over (off-camera).

Oh and the creepy guy is now a creepy worm-face guy who wants to, um, be with our Lead.

Good thing she has no peripheral vision!

Our Hero bravely sacrifices...his shirt to make a torch and get home.

He can't save Mom from the worms, but he can toss creepy worm-face guy into them.
They hide out in a tree until the sun comes up...oh yeah, the Sister hid in a chest off-screen and she's alive too.

So is this over or...
THE END!

A pretty enjoyable, if methodically-paced creature feature from the 1970s.

Ironically, for a Decade defined by people doing uppers, Films moved notoriously slow back then.

Are the worms really scary, I hear you ask.
Technically, no.

If they don't do the macro stuff, they are just a big pile of uncoiled rubber bands on the ground.  They're a step above the killer rabbits from Night of the Lepus, but I suppose a step below the killer bears from Films like Grizzly and Prophecy.

This is also one of those Films that goes 'Um, Science' to explain why the creatures are mad.  Kind of like how a hole in the Ozone Layer made everything in a nature park PISSED in Day of the Animals.

With all of the corners cut (only one Cop, for instance) and southern fried feel, it's easy to see why the folks picked it for MST3K.

That said, it's not terrible.

Now who is THIS lady from the VHS Box Art?!? 

Do her and The Evil Dead Poster lady hang out?

A Film that was better than I expected, to be honest.  That said, it is still a bit slow and all kinds of silly at times.

Tubi Thursday: Fear Chamber (1968/1971)

 Another look at one of the final Boris Karloff Films.

This is another one of the quartet he filmed his parts for in 1968, but the Film was finally released in 1971.

The Film opens oddly with two people walking around in what's supposed to be a deep, underground cave.  They're looking for...something.

Meanwhile, the Father- Karloff- of the lady down there is on the phone with her the whole time...somehow.

After this, we get a prolonged bit where a woman goes to bed- making sure we see her in her underwear- before strangers turn her room into, well, a Dungeon.

She's scared, chased around and scared some more before coming face to face with Karloff in robes.

What's going on?

Well, here's the silly truth- they found a strange rock and the only thing it feeds on his pineal gland juices from people who are very scared.

How they found that out is anyone's guess.
Why they agree to elaborate rituals to scare, take juices from and then release women is also a good question to ask.

While this is going on, one lady is scheming and willing to do anything to get the creature's secrets.

She mentions once that the property of it is 'like diamonds.'

Now he's obsessed with 'getting diamonds' and becoming 'king of the world.'

This Film will go on.

After a lady dies- in a shorter ceremony- Karloff nearly also dies.

In the aftermath, he gets his Daughter and her boyfriend to stop working on the stuff.

The other two keep it up.

We then randomly get a lecture an hour in from Karloff to camera about how they found the creature.

...um, thanks?

Things go poorly for the scheming duo as the dumb guy 'bonds' with the creature and tries to kill her.
She's fed to the creature, while our...Heroes, I guess, try to stop it.

They manage to freeze the creature- who we still barely see- as the lab nearly burns down.

The happy couple survives with grandpa.

The End.

A Film that is confusing, salacious and just kind of bizarre.

To summarize, Scientists find a living rock and start terrifying random ladies to feed it.
Sure- why not?!?

This is the good kind of ridiculous at times, with the prolonged scare sequence being notable.  Too bad there's only one Scene like it.

The creatures is never fully in frame and just kind of exists in random, scattered closeups.
We only see a limb in the last 10 minutes.

This is the kind of crazy that had potential, but just kind of disappoints.
I wanted to love it- if only for Karloff- but I can't.  
Just like I can't love this terrible AI created image used on Tubi.

I nearly didn't watch it because of this.

A Film that starts out crazy and then just kind of peters out.  Oh well, Karloff didn't have to ever see it!

Tubi Thursday: Horror Hospital (1973)

 Let's escape the horrors of the Present by seeing some Horrors of the Past.

Oh look- they're all in one Hospital!

A wannabe Rock Star and a Lady looking to visit her Aunt both end up at a 'Health Hospital.'

They meet on the train and pretty much fall for each other immediately.

This is the last Film of Actress Phoebe (billed as Vanessa) Shaw, so she does nudity.  Thanks for asking.

They see some things that they don't like.

Of course, now the place is locked down by the Head Doctor (Michael Gough) and patrolled by a bunch of faceless bikers.

They really were all the rage in the '60s!

The Doctor has been experimenting on people for a while.

Oddly, we don't get his big monologue until *way* late in the Film.  It even comes with flashbacks, which makes it feel even later in the Film than it is.

He has the two in his power, so why not tell them your whole plan?

The guy- Jason- does make an escape, leading to a chase and a prolonged fight just there to introduce the bubbly marsh into the Plot for later.

Speaking of later, the Aunt decides to say 'See you later' to Gough after another young man (Abraham) shows up and she's convinced that things aren't going well.

They did just kill the guy who got people to show up too.

Well, her exit is less than amicable when a strange guy who appears to be covered in goop chokes her to death!

Can Jason, Abraham and the Dwarf (coming this Fall to ABC) make an escape?

Nah, it won't be that easy.

Instead, there's a big old climax and, shock of all shocks, they burn the place down!  How unique!

To see how strange this gets, stream it now.

A fun flick, even if it is pretty damn silly.  To be fair, that is part of its charm- intentional or otherwise.

I'm honestly not clear if this was *meant* to be an absurdist Comedy inside of a Horror Film at most points.

There is one bit where they prolong an action like how Family Guy used to do which makes me think that it is a Comedy. Other parts include torture and bloody deaths, so dunno.

The Plot is a weird mix of ideas, cliches and new things tossed into one freaky salad of a Film.  
For example, there's a late reveal with Gough that is right out of House of Wax.  

Other bits like controlling humans with machine parts is a unique (for the time) riff on old Zombie Films.

The Film is far from perfect, of course.  It introduces Abraham very late into the Film and his whole Arc (gotta rescue my girl) ends abruptly with no great resolution.

Horror Hospital has a few things going for it, like a few gimmicks, a fun Cast, a good location and a bizarre Plot.  It has encapsulated how so many of us feel after Tuesday night...

For a fun bit of '70s silliness, check it out.  The fashions alone date this- not even getting into the technological aspects.

Tubi Thursday: The Toolbox Murders (1978)

 Before I cover the remake that I bought for a dollar, let me check out the original.

It's old, so it must be good, right?

As the Credits roll, we hear a Preacher on the radio...and then the car suddenly stops to show us an accident.

And we're back.  That was odd.

A man shows up and kills a lady with a drill, before putting on a mask...for some reason.

He kills the lady next door AND her visiting friend (a new Poor Bastard of Cinema?).

We can clearly tell who this is AND Cameron Mitchell has top billing...so are we not supposed to know he's the killer in the next Scene.

Oh well, he stalks a naked lady and kills her with a nail gun...eventually.

He also makes sure to kidnap this girl we've only met once before.

Oh, well- who cares about characterization?

The Film takes an odd turn now as the Brother (the guy in the back who looks like Josh Meyers) tries to solve the case and find his Sister.

He works with the Nephew of Mitchell, who we aren't supposed to know is the bad guy yet...I think.

Said guy is played by 'Will' from Land of the Lost.

We finally learn the backstory of our Killer in a bunch of lazy exposition delivered to the kidnapped lady.

Basically, his Daughter died in a car accident and he got religious/crazy (aka pulling a Russell Brand).
He targeted his victims as 'heathens' that were 'perverted.'

Can I just watch Tenebrae instead?

The Brother finally figures things out, finding the Toolbox and all, but the Nephew won't let him snitch.

He douses him in gasoline (left lying around in a pan, because reasons) and lights him on fire!

The climax ensues when Nephew confronts Uncle.  He kills him, after Mitchell freaks out when his baby doll is stabbed.
No, really.

Nephew isn't better, taking the poor girl (who is supposed to be 15).
The next morning, he tells her that he killed her Brother and the Uncle...and she grabs some scissors.

She's seen walking away later covered in blood.  Cue fake 'This is real' text and The End.

A Film with a good, if very sleazy Intro...and not much else.

Credit where credit is due, the Director knew how to sell an Exploitation Flick in 1978.  In fact, after hearing about how profitable Texas Chainsaw Massacre was, that was what he did.

After we get past that part, however, it's really not that interesting.
The Nephew Actor is good, but nobody else really stands out.  Even Cameron is just playing crazy with no real nuance.

The Ending is all sorts of messed up.  So weird to build up that Detective so much and he just does nothing.

The Film knows what it wants to be.  For instance, the second victim strips down, shows her breasts AND gets killed before we even learn her name.

For pure sleaze, it peaks early.
True story- the guy who played the Nephew would go on to co-create a Show for Children's Educational programming.

No joke!

A sleazy drive-in flick that ages about as well as you'd expect.  If there was more of what was interesting, I'd recommend it much more.

Tubi Thursday: Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death (1979)

 A Film with a salacious Title- what could go wrong?

Like other Films of its ilk, is it a memorable Film?

This is a Film about a Mad Scientist.

Naturally, it begins with 2 guys beating the crap out of each other.

Wait- what?!?

We learn via Jekyll's Narration that he is experimenting with his Grandfather's Formula.

It brings out rage.

Oh, and he's kidnapped a Woman who he wants to marry.
Joy.

His House is full of people under his control.

A former Doctor is now his mindless servant (and looks like Blackenstein).
His Sister had a lobotomy 20 years ago and just makes weird faces.

If you like this guy narrating and abusing these people, you're in luck.

Oh, and more fighting.  Lots more fighting.

Seriously, the Film has 4 prolonged bits with people punching, kicking and screaming.

Joy.

Jekyll has invited the Father of the woman he kidnapped to his House, telling him that she was dead.

He wanted his help to perfect his formula.

Unfortunately, he's blisteringly insane.

As such, after even more fighting, he ends up with a bunch of dead folks- including the Dad- in his basement.

At least things finally pick up...right before its end.

The End.

A Film that is really strange...but that's about the nicest thing I can say.

The Film is so full of random people fighting- it's weird.  A good 40% of the Film is just unnamed people punching each other.

The titular Dr. Jekyll is full of himself.  He does more narration in this Film that David Attenborough has done in his entire life.

Leave one thought unspoken- please!

The whole Film feels like a good chunk of a Film...but they just filled it with cruelty, fighting and monologues.

The Director made this in 1979 after making two *ahem* Adult Films...so he never got the chance to prove what he could do.

Oh well.  Now let me enjoy my new wall art in peace...

A Film that feels like 60% of an interesting Film.  Sadly, this is the whole Film, so...