Shudder Sunday: Dark Glasses (2022)

 I'm a longtime fan of Dario Argento.
I make no apologies for this or his later work.

After a long absence, let's see what his latest work is like...

A young lady is a, ahem, Lady of the Night...but she also takes Clients during the day.

It's an old expression- what can I say?

Unfortunately, there is a stranger killing prostitutes- oh right, that's the other name- in Rome.

Women killed in an Argento Film- shocking, I know.

They target her, leading to a chase on foot and then in a car.

They cause her to crash- killing a nameless duo in the process- and she ends up being rendered blind.

She now has to adjust to her new condition, getting help from Rita- Dario's Daughter Asia- and tries to make amends with the kid who was in the crash.

Of course, the killer is still out there.

To find out what happens next, watch the Film now.

Is this a classic Argento Film?  Mostly no.

It has many of the hallmarks- a great Score (no Goblin though), a mysterious killer, lots of women dying violent deaths, Rome and nepotism.

That said, they made the choice here to not make our Heroine all that proactive.  The typical Giallo formula is, of course, that the common man- be it a jazz pianist, writer, tourist or blind MAN- has to solve the murders because they are a target.

In this Film, she is a target...but she mostly just is scared of the idea of the killer and they have to do all of the work.  To be fair, she wasn't exactly a Cop or anything before and she did have her life pretty much torn asunder- between the guilt, loss of lifestyle and disability- quite recently.

That said, she- is this a SPOILER really- does take a bit of a stand eventually, so you can forgive the fright and screaming.  FYI she screams a lot!  Be prepared.

In summary, Dark Glasses is a bit different than a usual Argento Film.  Mind you, he was 82 years old when this was made and he's been making Films off and on since 1970, so...he's allowed to, right?

A different kind of Argento Film- to a point.  That said, it still has his trademarks and is actually still good.

Legitimately-Cool Cover Art: Demons (1985)

It is no secret that I like Demons.

It is a Classic '80s Horror Film that can't be matched.

While this segment normally features Posters/Box Art too cool for the Film, this one...is just cool and the Movie is too.  Enjoy...

While not to be taken literally (as there is no giant Demon hand), it is quite great.

How can you not want to see the Film now?

Mother(of Tears)'s Day Celebration

In lieu of doing a most-likely-terrible Film for the Holiday (and the fact that I don't have time), how about I pay tribute to a fun, pulpy one instead?

2007's The Mother of Tears is a divisive Film for many.  It has to follow the well-regarded Suspiria and the well-respected Inferno.

It is also a Sequel made 27 years later.  Who doesn't love those?

Is the Film as inventive as the first Film?  No.  Is it as stylish as the second Film?  No.

Does it feature Witches, Torture, Nudity and all sorts of craziness?  Yes. 

For that reason, I hold a soft spot for this Film.

Is it truly great?  No.  However, it is true Dario Argento insanity and I celebrate it.

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Impossibly-Familiar Cover Art: Sidney Sheldon's Bloodline

I don't actually know what this Film is, but...something about this Poster feels familiar.

What could I be comparing it to?

Oh wait- this one.

There we go.

As noted before, this is the 'censored' Version of the real Poster seen here...

I had to go a long way for this one, didn't I?

Oh well- content in content.  Enjoy.

MTV's Dario: Sleepless (2001)

This is almost like Dario Argento's Greatest Hits.  Oddly enough, this did not make for a memorable Film to most.  Today's Film is Sleepless, a 2001 Film made by the Italian Hitchcock.  Let's address the obvious thing here first: this is from Dario Argento's 'dark period.'  Basically, there is a consensus among many Critics that Dario Argento peaked in the early 80s.  Which Film you- as such a Critic- thinks is his last good Film is up for debate, be it Tenebre or Phenomena.  Personally, I still like Dario Argento Films made more recently, including Dracula 3-D, Do You Like Hitchcock? and Trauma.  Hell, I don't hate Giallo- that's saying alot!  With that in mind, how does this one hold up?  The Film tells the tale of a killer who disappears for nearly 20 years, only to reappear and kill again.  Can the original Detective- who failed to catch him- get redemption this time around?  Will a young man finally get justice for his family?  Anyone who knows Argento's Films knows that he likes to have unlikely Protagonists solve the cases, be they innocent Travelers, blind Journalists, Jazz Pianists or his Daughter (quite a few times!).  In this case, he takes a partial play from The Cat O'Nine Tails with Max Von Sydow's Retired Detective (although he's not blind here).  The big question- is this good?  To find out, read on...

In 1983 (good year!), a mysterious killer of a family eludes justice.  Sorry, Mr. Von Sydow.

Now in 2001, a Prostitute leaves a 'John' (sorry, John) that creeps her out, only to accidentally knock over a box and reveal all sorts of evidence that he might be said killer.

This- and some recent killings- gets the Police back on the Cold Case and re-approaching the Detective, who is now retired.

The killer continues to kill with renewed vigor and manages to mix up his methods.  At least he isn't a one-trick pony, you know.

The Detective is joined in his investigation by the now-grown-up child from the 1983 killings.

Can a man with a failing memory and a man with no experience stop a killer?  All signs point to 'no' so far...

They eventually run afoul of the killer- the father of one of their friends.  So it is Deep Red then?

However, things aren't quite what they seem.  It turns out that the young man is actually the killer.  So it is Four Flies on Gray Velvet then?  Or is it Phenomena?

Regardless, they die.  The End.

 A good Film, but not the man's best.  Sleepless is by no means a bad Film.  You see alot of Dario's old tricks on display here- long tracking shots, animal imagery, violence- and they are always welcome.  There isn't any of the 'gloved killer' shots that define early Argento Films, so it isn't all 'old hat' with him.  The Acting is good overall, although the only option I had for the language was English Dubbing.  Max Von Sydow sounded the same, but...well, that's obvious.  As I say every time, it is hard to fairly judge the Acting when I'm only hearing an alternate version of the Audio.  The only negative here: familiarity.  Sleepless has the feel at times of an earlier Argento Film- several, in fact.  If you're an aficionado of his work (like I am), you have to judge it on this merit.  If you don't know his work, this won't be an issue.  It is a pretty relative complaint, so that's not a bad one to have.  Here's another one that is even more minor: the Film has a Character ask 'Isn't there another Story called ''Animal Farm'' in relation to a Poem featured in the Story also called that.  Really now?!?  Let me wrap this up with a creepy fact: the bizarre Poem about murder featured in the Film (below) was written by Asia Argento!

Next up, I really dig into a Foreign Film with a Cardona attached to it.  If you don't know the name, consider yourself lucky.  Stay tuned...

Rare Flix: The Wax Mask (1997)

Oh what could have been.  Today's Film is The Wax Mask, a 1997 Film that was nearly much more memorable.  In 1996, plans were made for the two biggest living Italian Horror Directors to work together- Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci.  An earlier attempt at this- with Argento and Mario Bava- gave us Inferno, so fans were optimistic.  

I actually got to see this intrigue, thanks to a Clip featured as an Extra on Cat in the Brain- which was better than the Film, really.  

Sadly, reality came calling in a bleak way and Fulci died in the same year, mere weeks before Production!  As I've discussed before, Fulci died from not taking his Insulin one night before he went to bed.  Much like Heath Ledger's tragic death, you can interpret it as an accident or suicide.  I can't speak to it either way.  

With everything ready to go, Argento stayed on to Produce the Film and a first-time Director stepped up.  It was another 7 years before he stepped up again, so make of that what you will.  

The Story is loosely-based on a French Tale, while also being similar to a series of Films like House of Wax.  Being related to Argento, this one gets a little bit crazy and unexpected.  The only Print I could find easily was Dubbed (boo), had burned in Swedish Subtitles and was a bit out-of-sync with the Audio.  (UPDATE: Far better versions exist now in 2022).  Even so, let me tell you all about it...

In the early 1900s, a crazed killer takes out a girl's father and leaves a grizzly crime scene.  He isn't caught.

Over a Decade later, this man dies of fright in a Wax Museum the day before our heroine- the girl who survived the beginning- goes to work there.

The mysterious killer is on another spree, first killing this kid after injecting him with some liquid...

A Reporter starts covering the Museum after the death and ends up working with our heroine and trying to be more than friends.

Gotta love Burned-In Subtitles, right?

He later captures a Hooker and she wakes up in a Lab.  He poses her in this metal rigging and then does some strange science to turn her into living Wax (I think)!  

He puts fake eyes over her own moving ones and she joins the Museum!

In a Flashback/Dream, we learn that our heroine was traumatized by a strange man...in a riff on the ending of House of Wax.

This time, he's burned by the Vat he falls into and is pushed there by Italian Charles Buchinsky/Bronson.  Odd.

Both her and the Reporter figure out the secret, but the former is captured and set up for an Exhibit.

Why am I not surprised to see her topless here?

He saves her and the Villain ends up on fire- naturally.  

It doesn't end there, however, as the 'skin' melts away and...

this happens.

I can't explain it (a Terminator?), but there you go.  The End.

That got weird!  To be honest, this one is kind of a glorious mess.  It has some really simple elements- mysterious killer, Wax Museum-, strikes some familiar notes- heroine haunted by trauma-, and then goes off the rails to somehow include a Robot (or two!).  How did...what in the...I don't...yeah, this is odd. 

 I like the Period Design of things and the Effects are pretty damn good.  You at least hope for the latter when a Special Effects Man makes a Film (like Tragic Ceremony).  As a Film full of bizarre spectacle, it certainly delivers!  Mad Science, Murder and Make-Up!  Where it doesn't quite deliver is on giving us a coherent Narrative.  There is enough Story there to follow, but it does that lazy trick of just Exposition Dumping at certain points to skip ahead.  We suddenly see the Dream/Flashback bit and learn the context of it in the very next Scene.  

I can  piece it all together, but not as easily as I should be able to.  Obviously, the stuff at the End is just beyond rational explanation.  Need I say anymore? 

 If you like Italian Horror and haven't seen this curious Film, it is worth a look.  It isn't great, but it is greatly-bizarre!  To give me one hour Terminator comparison, here we go...

Next up, I celebrate July 4th with a Film that fits.  It is all about our Marines...or, rather, one Marine.  Stay tuned...

Buy the DVD!: Suspiria

No Segment is dead!  Sometimes they are just sleeping...for a real long time.

As if you need a reason to own Suspiria (unless you're an Irish know-nothing), here's one.  Look under Languages-Audio Setup...

What is a THX Optimizer?  

Why do I have like 200 DVDs and only one with this?

One part runs a Test Sound through your Speakers to make sure that they are working.  

Nice.

The other part helps you adjust your Color, Sharpness and Filter Settings.  

Sure is helpful.

To be fair, I don't need this to help all that much, but it sure is nice.

It is like Sprinkles on your Ice Cream Cone.  

You don't need them, but...why not take them too?

Dario Reborn?: Giallo (2009)

I am curious Giallo.  

Today's Film is Giallo, a Title that works on a couple of levels.  If you don't know, Giallo is the name for a Sub-Genre of Films that were very popular in the 60s and 70s.  

One of the most famous Directors of this Genre- Dario Argento.  Wouldn't you know it, he Directed this one too!  

Why Giallo?  Well, Giallo is the Italian word for 'yellow' (explains the opening pun, huh?) and the old, Pulp Crime Novels that inspired these Films tended to get paper that quickly turned yellow (since it was so cheap).  

It is a stretch of the imagination to get there, but I don't question the Italians.  

This Genre gave us many great Films and even more great Film Titles (with sub-par Films).  Highlights include The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, Black Belly of the Tarantula, The Killer Must Kill Again and The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave. 

 Good stuff.  

For this Film, Giallo takes on its more literal translation as it describes the killer.  It is not the return of That Yellow Bastard- sadly.  The Story involves a yellow-ish Killer in Italy who kidnaps and kills women.  

Can a Detective with a dark past and the Sister of the current victim put an end to his crime spree?  

I should note that the Film is sadly more famous for a Lawsuit filed by its Star (Adrien Brody) over an alleged pay dispute.  Bummer.  

Can I help turn it around?  Probably not, but here's my attempt...

A mysterious maniac is loose in the City and he kidnaps women while driving his Taxi (Van).

After catching and torturing a Japanese Tourist (diversity!), he kidnaps a Model (Elsa Pataky).

Yes, before she was the most mistreated Character in Fast & Furious Franchise (seriously, she is constantly screwed over!), she was in a Dario Argento Film.

The woman's Sister had just come into town and presses the issue of her disappearance.  

She ends up meeting...

...this sad, mopey Detective (Brody).  

He works alone (since you can do that in Italy, I guess) and is super-obsessed with the case.  He is initially hesitant of working with the woman and has...

...a sad, dark back-story involving the death of his Mother in front of him and stuff I won't SPOIL.

While the killer is all sorts of crazy, he too has a dark back-story.  In his case, it is being abandoned by a Junkie of a Mother and abused by Nuns.

To add to the parallel structure of this, both roles are played by Brody.

Working about as close to outside the law as you can get, Brody and the Sister find out that the killer is yellow (due to Jaundice) and needs lots of medical treatment.  

Who cares about Doctor-Patient Confidentiality after all?

Can the pair rescue the Model and bring the killer to justice?  

Sorry- no SPOILERS.  The End.

Not bad at all.  

Like most of his recent work, this Argento Film got alot of haters...and don't quite get it.  

To be fair, it was weird to see an Argento Film which was more about already knowing the identity of the killer from the get-go.  The Story is different than what he usually does.  

Mind you, there is a reason: he didn't Write it.  He apparently had some sort of dispute with the Producers and doesn't like the official Cut of the Film.  

Having only seen this one, I have nothing to compare it to...so this one is fine.  Putting that aside, the Story is fine, the Acting is good and the tone is appropriately dark.  

Alot of people seem to attack this one for delving into 'Torture Porn' territory, but I disagree.  It may be closer to that idea than other Argento Films, but it isn't exactly a huge departure.  

There is some freaky stuff in other Argento Films, be it the mouth-sewing in Pelts, the Barbed Wire Room in Suspiria or the super-bloody Climax to Tenebrae. 

 It is not like he made Disney-style Films and is now making dark stuff.  

I'll also point out that a lot of the really gross stuff is implied and not actually shown.  

Overall, I liked the Film.  It isn't so great that I think it will dissuade Argento's haters, but it is good enough for me to defend.  Watch it and decide for yourself.  If my words don't convince you, how about an Audio Version...

Next up, I return to the Sons of Kong set with another White Gorilla movie.  This isn't Stock Footage, so it is already better.  Stay tuned...

Top 12 Often Over-Looked Horror Movie Mothers

In lieu of a Review, I'm going to give some attention to some Mothers that don't get any due.  Naturally, I picked Fictional ones from Horror Films.  My goal was to cover ones that aren't as talked about online.

They deserve their due!

I mean, I could list all the ones you're expecting- Friday the 13th, Scream 2, Mama- but where's the fun in that?  Besides, Psycho is on like every freaking list and that...that is just silly.

Honorable Mention: Suspiria/Inferno/Mother of Tears- not actually Mothers (just Mother of ____, _____ and _____).  Still scary though.

12. Warlock 2- Armageddon/Xtro: A minor one, but an important one.  The titular Warlock has to show up to start the also-titular Armageddon.  How does he do it?  He infects a lady and is birthed by her right there in her living room!  As a bonus, this also happens in Xtro, only with an Alien/Human hybrid.

11. Anguish: While it is hard to tell what is happening in this overly-confusing-mind-trip Film, I do know one thing: Zelda Rubinstein is evil.  She drives her middle-aged son to kill people and take their eyes.  I should also note that her part is in the Film-within-the-Film.  That internal Film- Mother.

10. Beowulf (1999): What a Mother!  In this particular version of Beowulf, the final battle (as always) occurs between The Mother of All Monsters and our hero.  In this one, however, she is portrayed as half-Penthouse Model and half-giant spider/mutant thing.  It is ridiculous and not nearly as hot as 'Model on a Porn Star' Angelina Jolie...although also far less deep into the Uncanny Valley.

9. Mommy/Mommy's Day: She's a killer Momma.  Instead of talking about Serial Mom, let me talk about these ones.  She will kill anyone that she perceives as getting in the way of her kid's success.  This Bad Seed is one bad Momma!

8. Pulse 2: Another bad Mamma, but somehow sold as good.  In this Film, Ghosts have escaped from Internet (just go with it) and are making a mess of the world.  This lady is about to kill her young child rather than let it get infected by the plague.  She is killed instead, however, and proceeds to haunt the Dad and child to the very end.  When she kills him at the End, this is treated as 'justice.'  I'm not sure that I follow, movie...

7. The Baby: A double dose of weird!  A State Employee is tasked with checking in on a child in her Town.  What she discovers if a full-grown adult who acts like a baby!  Why?  Well, the Mom and Sister committed to this plan after the Husband/Dad left.  That's...messed up.  Our heroine eventually gets the 'kid' from their custody...since they get killed.  Now here's the twist: she wants to raise the man-baby with...her man-baby!  They don't say it explicitly, but the implication is that her Husband/Fiancee got a bad head injury and regressed to an infantile state.  What a...happy family?

6. Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter: This blood-sucking Momma is just keeping the family in line.  In the Story, the titular hero comes to town to, well, guess.  He eventually discovers a strict, hierarchal Vampire family.  Momma Vampire and her son put up a good fight, proving that family is tough to combat.

5. Offspring (2009): While I don't like the Film, I can't deny how applicable it is.  A mostly-inbred, cannibal family off the coast of Maine makes their play to catch some new food.  They attack a house with a pair of Mothers and their kids.  Both sides fight hard against each other.  On the cannibal side, the Mother takes charge by the end (leading to the film The Mother).  On the good side, these ladies stand their ground, no matter what the cost.

4. Humanoids from the Deep (1980): Here's a change- a strong, heroic Mother.  While the Film is not even remotely Feminist (in light of Corman firing the lady Director for not shooting more Nudity and hiring a man to do it), it has one great moment.  While most of the Humanoids attack the Fair, one goes to attack the hero's house.  The Mother of his young child is at home and manages to fend off the creature in defense of her child, even killing it!

3. Inside: Not too forgotten, but definitely worthy of more notice.  Crazy lady with scissors attacks pregnant lady in home.  Why?  Well, the latter caused a car accident which made the former lose her unborn child.  You also get to see our heroine's Mother, so it is triply-applicable.

2. Phenomena: Another killer Momma.  In one of Dario Argento's less-appreciated Films, our heroine tracks down a killer of women in Switzerland.  It turns out to be some sort of misshapen child that belongs to Dario Nicolodi's Character.  She takes action on his behalf, protecting her son from justice because of the power of motherhood.  Let's just say that it doesn't end well.

1. Helldriver: We're going to Japan for the top pick.  In this crazy Film, a Husband and Wife killer team chase down their child when she flees the pair.  The Mother ends up getting struck by some space debris and emerges as a Zombie-creating Alien Hybrid.  This is Japan, you know.  She is so effective that Japan is literally separated into an infected side and a clean side.  Good for you, Mom.

On this Holiday, salute your Mothers and thank Xenu that they aren't like some of the ones here!

Happy Mother's Day.