New Streaming: Creepshow- 'Pesticide'

 After a killing (or two) at a B&B, let's see the other half of the Episode...

In 'Pesticide,' an Exterminator is a bit abrasive, but does love his job.

He's...something.

He takes on a high-paying assignment that makes him question his morality.

Now that he has trouble sleeping, how are things going to go?

Things start to get really weird and he begins to wonder what is real and what is fake?

Can he go to someone for help or is it too late?

To find out, stream the Segment.

A fun segment that is mostly an excuse for some fun VFX work.  This is the Segment done by Greg Nicotero, so you know what to expect.  They make good use of Practical Effects, as well as Make-Up mixed in with some CGI.  As I've said about the Show before, the limitations of production- basically money- make them lean on more old-school stuff.  It gives the Show a retro vibe that fits with the source material.  The Plot here is pretty simple.  The slow, gradual degradation of the man's physical and mental state is good to see.  He's not a good person, so it's easy to enjoy his downfall.  Thanks, schadenfreude!  This one feels more like a classic Creepshow Segment than the previous one.  It may not have a ton of depth, but sometimes you just want to have a good time.  Right, Keith?

Next time, we get a bit of a Sci-Fi tale to mix things up.  To infinity and beyond!  See you then...

'70s Class?: The Hellstrom Chronicle

At least this one delivers on all of the bugs that it promised me!  This is The Hellstrom Chronicle, a 1972 Documentary that actually won an Oscar!  1972 was a strange year for the Oscars as The French Connection won big & (no joke) Shaft and Bedknobs & Broomsticks were competing in the same Category!  The 4 other Films this beat out sound interesting, but also have the barest of bare Wikipedia pages.

I guess history wins out, as this one at least has some background stuff and a full Plot Synopsis.  On top of that, this one inspired a Frank Herbert Book!  

So what is this Film and why am I covering it?  It's a Film telling us about the inevitable loss that we as a species will face.  It tells us that we will one day lose to the most innocuous of Species- the Insects!  Should I get rid of all my RAID and other bug spray then to appease my eventual overlords?  So yeah, this one sounds silly.  

What's great about it is that it is so self-serious.  It believes and you should too- dammit!  I mean, I don't...but alright.  This Film features lots of interesting nature footage and it sure has lots of things being killed.  

If you can't watch The Discovery Channel, don't watch this.  For the rest of you, let's see whether this Oscar winner is a joke or no joke...

The Title comes from the name of the man behind the Film (seen below).

This is him.

He's kind of an asshole, but does have a backstory involving the loss of some fellowships and jobs for his beliefs.

Given his hair, does he look more like young Bernie Sanders or Larry David?

As I said, this Film is about how Insects will one day be the dominant species.

So, naturally, he spends 5-10 minutes talking about killer plants that exclusively target Insects.  *Head Slap*

Later on, he uses giant-sized props to show how dangerous Insects are.

His main thesis- Insects are born perfect and ready to do their part.

Tell that to the Mosquito I smashed into paste.

...so naturally, he segues from that to talking about how other Insects go through metamorphosis to become complete creatures halfway through their life-cycle.

Was this really the BEST Documentary of 1971?!?

Don't get me wrong- the Film is chock full of facts.  It just can't ever do things quite right.

For instance, he talks about how Locusts adapt to the poisons we use to kill them.  

To demonstrate, he uses this obvious Actor to play a Farmer and tell us that...again!

For the sake of space, I'm glossing over how much Hellstrom loves Bees and seems to hate individuality.

In the final segment, we see a bit about African Army Ants.  They are dangerous and this is well-documented.

That said, we see a young Komodo Dragon attacked by the swarm...and then a dead one after a cut.  Did you kill it like the Turtle from Mondo Cane?

The Film ends with more bleak talk from Hellstrom and a shot of some Insects before one important reveal to close us out...

This is the worst kind of Shyamalan twist!  Seriously, what a weird thing to do here!  Certain people love to attack Michael Moore's Documentaries over claims that he distorts the truth with Edits.  It might happen, but at least Michael Moore is actually a real person!  Yes, I know the Family Guy joke about that.  

The biggest thing is that this really hurts the already-strained credibility of the whole Film.  I get it- he's an amalgamation of people that feel like how the Character was written.  I get it- they wanted one guy to build the Film around, as opposed to multiple talking heads.  It just...feels really insulting that the Film is named after a fake guy and the Narrator is an Actor.  

Pressman does a good job here- almost too good.  Given how sardonic he is the whole time, I almost wonder if it is a Parody on his part.  There's a point when he brings up the 'people look like ants from up here' cliché and then insults anyone who's ever used it.  Maybe the Scientists who worked on this were kind of assholes and he just went with it.  

Whatever the reason, he is the biggest dick of a Narrator you'll probably ever see.  It's kind of fun, given how silly the Film feels.  

If you want to see lots of nature footage, this is an easy recommendation.  

If you want to see a self-serious Film that shouldn't be, another easy recommendation.  Just know what you're getting into with this guy...

Next up, I return to the 1950s to feature another Bug Film.  Sudden Theme is sudden!  Stay tuned...

Quick Reviews: Sick Girl (Masters of Horror)

Now that I've worked through most of the Directors that I know and love, I might as well do one that I'm not familiar with: Lucky McGee.

In this Episode/Movie, an unlikely couple get together...but get the strangest third wheel ever!

In Brazil (one last Olympics tie-in!), a mysterious man kidnaps a POV bug.

In America, this Entomologist (Angela Bettis) has a thing for a mysterious lady (Misty Mundae), but both are shy.

Good to know that the Star of The Lord of the G-Strings was available!

The bug is delivered to our Heroine and seems to be different from anything she's ever seen.

Naturally, it escapes captivity right away.  Thank God the vents open when a 1/10th of a pound bug bumps into them one time!

The bug proceeds to kill a dog (no Poor Bastard this time) and slowly mutate Misty here into, well, probably still someone's fetish.

After teasing that Jerky Best Friend will be the savior, our Heroine is also turned into a bug-creature and the pair live happily ever after...until they give birth to thousands of bugs.  The End.

Weird, but kind of compelling stuff.  Sick Girl is, to my knowledge, my first taste of Lucky McGee.  Given what happens in this Movie, that probably sounds bad.  The premise- that some super bug can mind-control people- is certainly bizarre.  Having said that, I mostly enjoyed this one.  I didn't expect to care much about the Characters, but I kind felt for them.  Even with all of that happens later, they are kind of a cute couple.  They're both so awkward and strange that it works.  Kudos to Bettis especially for making the most of this Character.  I was less into Mundae, as her playing up the Character change (due to the bug) wasn't as dramatic as I'd like.  She's not bad, but she doesn't do as well as Bettis.  You don't get to see the bug much, but it sure is freaky when you do.  Like always, Greg(ory) Nicotero worked on it, so the Make-Up is top notch.  All in all, I liked the people in it, it was pretty well-Directed and the bizarre Story worked pretty well.  It makes me wonder if I should check out more of McGee's works.  I'll leave you with some weird Animation...

More fun than I thought it would be.  It is more weird and bizarre than scary, so just bear that in mind.

Millennial Trash: Insecticidal

This is the kind of shit I'm used to.  Today's Film is Insecticidal, a 2005 Direct-to-Video Horror Film.  Guess what it is about.  I bet you figured it out.  The Film is about giant(ish) killer insects that attack a bunch of coeds in a Dormitory.  There's not much more to it.  Notable Cast includes a lady who was uncredited in Flight 93 (an A&E Film, not United 93), a lady who Guest-Starred on Blade: The Series, a guy who was a one-time Jobber (guy paid just to lose) on WCW Thunder and a lady who now writes CMT Star Specials.  Hmm...that didn't work.  Let's try someone behind the Camera.  The Writer also wrote Alien Incursion and wrote Additional Dialogue for both Ghost in a Teeny Bikini AND Bikini Girls From The Lost Planet.  He also wrote the 2008 Remake of Attack of the Giant Leeches- yea.  The Director has had a more prolific Career...if you watch the Syfy Channel.  He's Directed such 'Classics' as Haunted High, Goblin (not the Band!) and the recent Film Roboshark.  Considering how silly the Science behind these Insects, the Story in Roboshark seems to make more sense.  Is this terrible or just plain dumb?  To find out, read on...

The Film begins In Media Res, which is the last artistic thing in the Film.

Yes, I have used this joke before.  Why not read all of my Reviews to find out which one it was from?

Our heroine- Cami- is experimenting with Insects to prove that they were once larger in the Age of Dinosaurs.  I can't see this going badly.

One of the other girls in her Dormitory sprays all of her (CG) bugs with pesticide, which causes them to become much larger.  No, really.

With a bunch of people over for a party, the body count begins to rise (slowly).

Not to sound bad, but I'm kind of disappointed that the lady on the left is NOT the one who signed the Waiver to be topless in the Film.  -2 Stars.

One of them is infected by one of the bugs (but not killed) and is now a Host for them.  Why?  How?

To make a long Story (only about 85 minutes) short, the remaining group kills the bugs with electricity...but only after the only Asian Character in the Film does Karate.

As a Teaser, they suggest that Bugs always find a way (thanks, Jurassic Park)...as they walk by what is obviously a bug-human hybrid.  The End?

Yes, The End.

Crap.  Of course, you already knew that.  Is this the good kind or the bad kind?  Well...it is kind of in the middle.  Thankfully, this is NOT played for laughs, since that usually leads to the least funny outcome.  In this case, they play it pretty straight...even if the Plot should lend itself to some sort of humor.  A Giant Praying Mantis doesn't lead to a joke?  Well, I guess it didn't in Dario Argento's Dracula either.  Let's break it down, shall we?  The Writing- not impressive.  The Direction- not notable.  The Special Effects- bad.  You've seen the Screen Caps right?  Seriously, this CG is just plain awful.  The CG in some Big-Budget Films made over 10 years earlier looks better.  As I've said countless times, I don't fault Low-Budget Films for being Low-Budget.  I will, however, fault them for using their low-budget badly.  This is one of those cases.  The Film is so stupid that it is entertaining at times, but not nearly enough.  It is mostly just kind of bad in a way that isn't funny.  Oh well.  One more bit of crappy CG for the road...

Next up, I finally cover the Film that led to that boring Godzilla Film.  With a much, much smaller Budget, will the Director actually deliver?  Stay tuned...

May Monster Madness: Bug (1975) {Re-Post}

***While I was too late to get to a new Bug Film for May Monster Madness, I can at least Update and Repost a Review that barely anyone saw***

People often forget just how many films are actually adaptations of books. For example, Who Framed Roger Rabbit is based on a dark Book called Who Censored Roger Rabbit?  A Dumb Movie like First Blood (cool as it is) is based on a book by the same name.  In the 1970s, there were a series of silly book-to-film adaptations though- Night of the Lepus being a stand-out.  The closest thing we have come lately is Meg, a film that has been 'in-development' since 1997.  Good luck with that.  Mind you, Zoo is going to be a Mini-Series now, so...all bets may be off.  Some odd Studio adapted a strange short story titled- really- 'The Hephaestus Bug' and made today's Film...

I am putting the year on here so nobody gets it confused with that Movie of the same name where Ashley Judd does drugs and freaks out in a hotel.  Alright?

****

The movie begins by introducing a nice, small town that is Christian and completely non-threatening.  After enough time setting up that and are random supporting characters, an earthquake occurs. It shakes up all the people in Church, but everyone is alright. Little do they know that something more dangerous has occurred though!  Later that night, a cat stumbles upon a cockroach, or so it thinks.  The Bug does an unseen action and causes the cat to light on fire!  Jesus, movie, stop picking on the cats!  First Beware! The Blob and now this!  What did they ever do to you?!? Eventually, some people become victims of the bugs as well, the high point of which is a truck explosion.

As luck would have it, this town has an Entomologist on staff, who serves as a High School Biology teacher.  He goes to great lengths to study the creatures, becoming more and more secluded from his friends and family.  Hell, even his wife gets put on the back burner (no pun intended) in favor of the bugs. The real joy of this film is just watching how his character progresses into insanity. To be honest, everything is just window-dressing. He is the star of the movie and the bugs are the supporting actors.  The bugs are a bit more believable than The Tingler (another William Castle production) most of the time, although the real bugs used help disguise the effect. Never once do they logically explain how the bugs shoot flames either. Oh, they certainly try!  They do about as well as most 70s films do to explain pseudo-science.

As the film progresses, it manages to get crazier and crazier. The lead puts together a super-private lab designed to study these amazing creatures in great detail. Other than his sanity, there are no consequences. Oh, except for the bit where one bug lights his wife's hair on fire. As a bonus, this takes place in the same kitchen set used for The Brady Bunch show. Don't worry, the film has more than just flame-throwing bugs.  As time goes by, the bugs strive to break free.  The climax of this involves a group of them escaping their confinement and forming words on the wall.  How are they this smart?  Does it have anything to do with our scientist friend forcibly mating what he thinks are the smartest ones?  They never say.  The finale is a bit lazy, unfortunately, as the bugs kill the scientist and get sucked back into the ground by another earthquake.  Can you say Deus Ex Machina, kids?

The movie is honestly pretty good, even if it barely explains any of its own science.  The film has its own sort of charm and is honestly a very good Character Study.  I realize how silly the Movie's Plot is (which is why it is here), but I honestly like this movie.  Unfortunately, the DVD presentation is, how can I say it nicely, minimalistic.  No Trailers, Commentary or anything.  You want the Movie- here it is.  That's it!  I should also note that this movie is directed by Jeannot Szwarc, the man behind such 'Classics' as Santa Claus: The Movie, Jaws 2 and Supergirl. It is still good though- I just felt like mentioning that.  If you like 70s horror, check this one out.  I'm not a liar liar, hair of fire...

*****

Millennial Crap: They Crawl

Bugs, my god.  Today's film is They Crawl, yet another film I discovered under dubious circumstances.  Given how I found out about it, there was no way that I was going to love it.  What's the story?  Well, this DTV film is made up of lots of Stock Footage.  Yes, this 2002 film uses Stock Footage dating back to the mid-1980s!  No, really.  There's an actual film here, but it's hard to look past the cheapness.  Said plot involves killer cockroaches, a possible Cult and lots of re-used explosions.  It features one major Star on the precipice between the lowest point of his career and his revival.  To find out how silly this gets, which footage is stolen and who is sad enough to appear in this mess, read on...

In the Intro, a man seems to get possessed by something and starts driving his bus erratically.

Three things to note here:
1. Their footage (the Driver) barely blends with the Stock Footage (everything else).
2. They actually use shots of BOTH Buses, leading to 'his bus' changing name several times.
3. This is from Red Heat.  Really- You stole from that movie?

A mysterious Hacker and Drug Addict is attacked in his Apartment.  He's blown up, leading to Stock Footage #2.

If it looks familiar, it's from Rush Hour.  Well, at least we're in the 1990's now.  Yea?

Our lead is this guy, who is the brother of the guy just killed.  His performance is very lackadaisical and he mostly just looks like this.

Since this plot- which involves controlled cockroaches- is so unimportant, let's cover some of the odd casting bits.

Jack Deth is here playing an Exterminator.  He barely does anything and gets killed by CG bugs.  Darn.

The big star: a barely-coherent Mickey Rourke.  He basically has one scene where he acts suspicious and then runs off (where it's mostly his double anyhow).  Thanks for coming.  I'll see you when in better films in a few years.

Our other lead is a lady Detective in the LAPD.  She investigates the mysterious deaths and its ties to a cult.  When they get close, they send a unit to find a source.

This leads to Stock Footage #3: the exploding house from Last Action Hero.  Sure, why not?

It all leads up to our heroes confronting the villains, who plan to sell their controlled-cockroaches like military weapons.  Oh and they pretty much act like Bond villains here.  Oy vey.

With the main villains dead, we get some decent CG as, well, this thing comes about.  Just take it in.

In a truly-silly finale, they crash a moving truck into the creature, causing a giant explosion.  This is Stock Footage #4: Chain Reaction's city-destroying explosion (edited down).

The explosion is WAY too big for the guy to lightly jog away from, but why expect logic after a giant cockroach made out of other cockroaches.  The End.

It would be fitting to just re-use a summary paragraph here.  Of course, that would make me just as bad as them, so let's be better.  The film's plot is barely there and is just not good.  The only surprises are, well, there are none.  I take that back, actually.  I didn't see the Coroner- who's a Character Actor- being evil.  Granted- I really stopped caring about halfway through, so it is mostly my fault there.  Other than that, it's very 'paint by numbers.'  Nothing all that exciting or surprising happens.  If you didn't know about the Stock Footage beforehand, you might just get a feeling of Deja Vu.  I'm still amazed that this movie got made and released this way.  They licensed the footage, so it doesn't *seem* to be illegal.  The question is this: was it really cheaper to buy the footage?  It couldn't have been, could it?  If you want a cheesy film to watch, this one is pretty good.  There are far more interesting pieces of crap to watch though.  This movie kind of falls into that awkward middle-ground of crap.  Take us away, film that doesn't credit its Red Heat footage...

Next up, a movie that looks, sounds and smells familiar.  When in doubt, just blatantly rip off a classic!  Stay tuned...