Video Nasties: Cannibal Ferox

You are who you eat.  The Cannibal genre was a really big thing in the late '70s and early '80s, mostly coming from Italy.  Why were they so obsessed with it?  I don't know, but I've always been a fan of this controversial series.  Although, to be fair, a lot of them feel the same.  Person goes to the jungle to look for loot/family member/lost person, hires stubble-covered guide and runs across natives that are violent.  Some of them flip the script a bit- i.e. Cannibal Holocaust- but a lot of them stick to the formula too tightly.  Hell, at least three Cannibal films I've seen involve male castration and two of them involve women being painted up for a ceremony.  Those are both quite specific!  Today's film is one of the most controversial ones, standing between The Man From Deep River and Cannibal Holocaust.  I should really get to that first film at some point, shouldn't I?  This film is notable for starring Giovanni Lombardo Radice and Robert Kerman, the latter of whom was also in Cannibal Holocaust and Eaten Alive, since his agent liked to give him Cannibal films...I guess.  The question: does it live up to those films?  Let's find out as we look up the word 'Ferox' and discuss...

The film puts up a warning that says that the film is really, really violent and disturbing.  Good to know.

A group of people go out to the Jungle.  Why?  Does it really matter?  This is all just an excuse to have people get skewered, after all.

Giovanni is their Guide and he's kind of a violent asshole.  Of course, it's Giovanni Lombardo Radice, so that's no surprise.  He was always a scumbag in these films.

Shock of all shocks- Giovanni's story about the villagers being ignorant cannibals is a lie.  He actually killed and tortured them to get some gems.  They get their revenge on 'Lil Giovanni though.

It's kind of a tough break for the women, as they didn't kill any villagers, but still get caught up in the whole thing.  Their punishment- being stuck in a giant clay pot.  Odd.

The torture/killing section of the movie is long and rough.  Of course, parts like this just seem silly.

In The End, most of the group makes it home and the lead actress gets all the material on Cannibals that she needs for her degree.  Hurray?

Am I actually bored with Cannibals?  The plot of this movie is pretty simple, but also a bit formulaic.  I say that both in modern context and the contest of the time.  The Cannibal film transitioned out of the Jungle Peril film, with many films- The Man From Deep River and others- blurring the line between the two.  All of the tropes and conceits show up here.  Some of them- like Slave of the Cannibal God- mix up the tropes a bit, while this one doesn't.  If Giovanni had been the good member of the Guide group and not the bad one, they may have had something.  Don't get me wrong- his character is great, but you do see the twist coming from the get-go.  The film's pacing bothered me a bit, not quite matching with the others.  Quality-wise, it's a step or two above the imitators, but nearly as good as Cannibal Holocaust or as truly-exploitative as Eaten Alive.  I'm sure that many of you may disagree, but I'll remind you who's fake name is on this blog.  I'll leave you with this odd attempt at comedy on the DVD Menu...

Next up, a movie about lots of random killing.  Can you actually put too much murder in a film?  Stay tuned...

(Fun With) Fulci Week: City of the Living Dead

Let's close up the official week (one more for Sunday) of Fulci reviews with a strong, weird one.  This is the film that really built upon his success with Zombie Flesh Eaters and made him a big, international name.  Never mind the fact that the man was actually making political comedies in his home country (seriously, look it up!) for years, as well as Giallo films and Western.  So what is this plot about?  Well, in a word: zombies.  In two words: teleporting zombies.  I'd elaborate on that more, but I'd rather let the film speak for itself.  This is...

The film begins with a priest going into a cemetery and hanging himself.  Well, that at least saves on the transportation costs!  While this is going on, a group of psychics are channeling some spiritual energy and discover a phenomenon.  As the priest dies, you see, some massive mojo gets released and one of the Seven Doors to Hell is opened up.  This has something to do with a culmination of the town's location- Dunwich is the former town of Salem- and its past history.  When this reaches its crescendo, the lead psychic dies suddenly!  The police look into the death & are a bit skeptical until fire shoots up from the ground.  One of the psychics talks about a book, which seems to upset some unknown force.  Two random, spectral events in about three minutes- that's a record!  A reporter (Christopher George) comes by, but is not told anything.  He decides to look into this himself, which means a trip to the local graveyard on the next day.  Once there, he meets some graveworkers who leave the body of the woman in a half-filled grave due to union rules.  Wow, I didn't realize that Fulci was a Republican!  As he goes to leave, the woman comes to life in her grave.  Of course, he nearly kills her in the process of trying to free her!  Back in Dunwich, a fog is rolled in and freaky crap is starting to happen.

The narrative gets a little confusing as we are split between the reporter-psychic duo, two local residents and a bunch of random people.  The gist of it: zombies are popping up (and in) and killing people.  One resident named Bob runs away from a woman being killed and is made the prime suspect by locals.  Another duo is killed as the undead priest shows up and forces the woman to vomit up her guts.  By the way, thanks for not calling me on placing the reference wrongly before, guys!  In a bit of silly writing/dubbing, a policeman finds a pile of gore, viscera and worms & comments 'What in the Dickens is that?'  First, that's a bit light and second, what kind of Dickens stories were you reading buddy?!?  The reporter-psychic manage to leave town without questioning from anyone (really?!?) and drive towards Dunwich, stopping for directions at a Church.  Does this part add anything?  No, not really.  In town, the woman is haunted by mysterious appearances and calls her guy friend over.  Their investigation is cut short when a dead girl kills her parents and targets her brother.  I would also be remiss without mentioning how poor Bob gets killed with a drill press through the head.  Alas poor weirdo with an unspecified past.  Finally, at the one hour mark, our divergent pairs of heroes meet up...and are greeted by a hail of maggots.  Nice, Lucio!

They talk about how they need to find the priest's body before All Saint's Day or Hell will be opened up for good.  Of course, they sit around for a while and barely show any haste about this!  When they split up, the local woman is killed in seconds by the zombie girl, who rips open the back of her skull.  When the she-zombie confronts the guy, he closes his eyes tightly and she disappears.  Um, okay.  Eventually, they rush to the cemetery, but it's too late.  In spite of this, they go down into giant, underground crypt that the priest is buried in, only to find the body kicked its way out.  All of a sudden, the zombie girl appears again and rips open Christopher's head too!  I guess this one of those 'zombies get stronger in death' films.  The others flee, but are cornered by a host of zombies and the Priest.  When their former friend shows up, they stab her and she falls over within a second.  Wow, that was easy.  The Priest begins to cast his weird 'vomit up your guts' spell on the other woman, so the man stabs him in the gut with a cross.  Naturally, this causes him to light on fire, as well as the other zombies.  They escape and meet the kid, but the movie randomly has them screaming for some reason.  Um, why exactly?!?

Yeah, this movie is very, very weird.  The premise is a unique one and it is interesting to see a zombie outbreak explained, especially when it's not due to some bio-weapon.  What I don't get are all the weird rules set up here.  Why does the Priest have powers now?  Why does every zombie get the ability to teleport?  Obviously this is not your normal zombie, but could you bothered to explain anything?  I know that this is asking a lot from a Fulci film, but try please!  That said, the gore is gooey and great.  While not all of it makes sense and fits (the 'gut vomiting' bit really makes more sense for The Beyond), they are all entertaining.  As for the acting, it is hard to judge that since every version I see sounds dubbed...or was done with bad audio equipment.  For his part, Christopher plays up the swagger of his character, complete with stubble (occasionally) and a cigar.  It sometimes seems out of place here, but let's just go with it!  If you like Fulci and haven't seen this, do so now.  It's a defining film for him- good or bad.

Up next, Blockbuster Trash closes up the Pulse trilogy with the final film.  Is it good?  I'm talking about Pulse 3 here- take a guess!  Stay tuned...

Note: This review is going to be part of May's edition of the Final Girl Film Club.  Check out her page here: http://finalgirl.blogspot.com

The Clone Wars (Last House on Left)- Double-Feature!

Last House on the Left is an iconic film, yet, how many of us have actually seen it? We can talk about how daring it was and how it inspired the whole 'revenge movie' genre, even when it was supposed to be debunking it. Or how it is the most violent movie to have an 'anti-violence message.' That's all well and good, but I want to talk about how much it got ripped off. I have two examples for you today, since of them does not bear its own space. Let's start off with...

Last House on the Beach

The plot to this movie is embarrassingly-simple. A trio of men rob a bank in the day-time and flee. Things did not go smoothly, however, and two people in the building were killed. We don't find out by whom until later. As luck (good or bad, depending on who you are) would have it, they hide out at the titular location, only to discover that it is occupied...by a hot nun and her students (read:28yearolds). I guess we can stay for a couple of days.

*

The movie is not completely terrible, but it is quite indecisive. The blond-haired gang leader is always 'playing nice' when the others get a little too grabby. He actually makes them stop fondling one 'girl' under the pretense of them having to leave early the next morning. In the middle of the night, however, two of the men grab the girl and go to have their way with her. When the nun tries to intercede, the 'nice guy' grabs her and makes her watch. So which one is it? He tries to give a speech later saying how he 'never did anything.' The movie, thinking us to be completely dumb, shows scenes from the robbery of him shooting two people juxtaposed against his 'explanation' of the events. Yes, because we clearly trusted him, movie!

*

The ending is alright, though it feels a lot like Thriller aka They Call Her One-Eye. The bad guys all get shot in slow-motion and we are all supposed to feel better. The blond leader goes down really slow though. He gets shotgun-blasted in the chest, but still fights the girls. Who the hell is this guy- Andrew Jackson (look it up)! He gets beaten up with sticks in a very prolonged scene. Movie over yet? Yes. The End.

*

Incidentally, the above movie is the one with the line I quoted in the teaser.

Last House on the Edge of the Park

Despite having such a long, obtuse title, this is actually superior to the other one. Through a long series of events I won't disclose, a macho guy and his 'toady' friend end up at a rich people party. They have some issues with them, however, like the rich guys cheating one of them at cards and one girl being all talk and no action. Naturally, our macho lead decides to hold them hostage and torture them. Yeah, that's a natural escalation. To the movie's credit/detriment, this part makes up most of the movie (roughly one hour and ten minutes). I will give them credit for not 'holding their cards' for too long, but this part does drag a bit since it is so one-sided.

*

So what do we get exactly? One guy gets beaten up and tied to a table, where he spends 80% of the movie. Another- who looks like a cross between Ryan Phillipe in Cruel Intentions and that jerk on Gossip Girl- gets beaten up a lot, even to the point where he should clearly either be dead or nearly dead. One model lady gets her top pulled down a couple of times and yelled at. A brunette is nearly raped by the other guy, but he chickens out. Later, after he says that he doesn't want to hurt her, she does it willingly. Wow, you are coerced easily in barely an hour. The girl who would not put out for our lead is yelled at a lot and is forced to finally 'follow-through' with it. Oh and another girl shows up right at the one hour mark so she can be cut with a straight razor.

*

Why is this movie better? In spite of its masochistic tone, there is a point to it all. In the end, we learn that the whole thing was a set-up. You see, they have a random 'girl gets killed by the villain' scene which feels unnecessary. Later, we learn that the girl is, wait for it, the blond guy's sister. He let him there, made him mad and got attacked so he could eventually get his gun and kill the guy in 'self-defense.' Yeah, it is a weird and obtuse revenge scheme, but even he admits it. The villain gets shot several times- including in his special area- but takes around five minutes straight to die. Also, he barely ever bleeds from his four bullet wounds while in the pool. I guess we should all feel better, right? The End.

*

I will give the latter film credit- I would definitely NOT do a revenge scheme of my own now. Not because of the whole 'cycle of violence' thing. Just because I realize now how hard it is to pull off. Plus, your friends may not like being 'raped for your cause.' They don't elaborate on that part, but I would think that there was some dislike of that guy afterward. So this goes to show you that good, iconic films should be left alone. It's not like anyone would remake this movie...oh wait, they already did. Stay tuned next Halloween for I Spite on Your Grave (2010), I guess.

*

Up next, a film so bizarre that you need to know about it now. Unfortunately, I am out of time. See you tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Saxon the Beach: Cannibal Apocalypse

I will give John Saxon some credit: he works a lot. The versatile character actor has played so many variations of himself over the years that he is almost like a reverse method actor. The only real characterization that he gets is given to him by the script (i.e. Welcome to Spring Break's implication that his Sheriff character was into BDSM). How does he keep getting work? I honestly ask that question a lot. In fairness, his work in the last few years has consisted of one short film by Dario Argento, a couple forgettable horror films and the cinematic classic War Wolves, which co-stars Adrianne Barbeau and Tim Thomerson. Before he got there, he made today's movie. Sit back, get some red meat and enjoy my review of...

Cannibal Apocalypse

Our film begins with a group of prisoners trapped in a cage in Vietnam. Thankfully, John Saxon and a group of gun-toting commandos are there to save the day. Oh, and this movie is Heaven for lovers of Vietnam stock footage. There is something weird about our two captives though. When a Vietcong falls into their pit, they begin to eat her. Easy there, John McCain. When Saxon extends his arm to them, one of them bites it. Jump cut to years later and Saxon in bed. If you thought 'we need to see John Saxon shirtless in the first ten minutes,' you are one strange, albeit lucky, person. He complains about being haunted by the experience and talks about how he has to take his pills.

*

Our plot thickens when a couple things happen. One of the two prisoners gets released from an asylum and a 'Lolita' tries to tempt him. He seemingly resists the temptation, but the movie is intentionally vague about what happens. I smell a late-film plot twist. His buddy tries to make contact, but Saxon is stand-offish about the whole thing. Cannibalism is better solo, I guess. He goes off to see a movie, but gets lured in by the taste of human flesh. The crazed man is chased off and hides out in a flea market. What about that security guard though? Oh, never mind- he's dead now. A long stand-off ensues (at least 10 minutes or so of an 85 minute film), culminating in Saxon talking down his friend. Oh well, all the drama is over now.

*

Oh right, there is still more movie. Basically, the extended climax involves an outbreak of cannibalism. Evidently, it is a contagious disease spread by the men from Vietnam. Does anyone else besides them have it from the country? No. Do they explain what caused it? No. So Saxon, his two buddies and a doctor are running loose in the city. They kill the biker gang from earlier (they chased our crazy friend into the mall), for no other reason than to have another action scene. They are chased into the sewers and slowly get picked off. A couple neat scenes happen, including one man getting a hole blown through the center of his chest. Yes, you see it from every angle. Everyone dies eventually (some more bloodily than others) and we learn the truth about the Lolita and her brother. Here's a hint: they are no vegetarians.

*

Honestly, this movie is not without merit. It is unabashedly bloody and full of action scenes. The movie almost never explains anything about how or why the infection works. You just get bit and *WHAM* you eat human flesh. In fairness, movies like Night of the Living Dead are about a zombie outbreak that simply happens...somehow. Saxon honestly does pretty well here, but the real standouts are the guys playing crazy. Even when he turns evil, John tries to act like the nice guy of the group, protecting the woman, etc. Aren't you still an eater of human beings, buddy? Just checking. You can do worse with the cannibal genre, although this film is certainly not a classic either.

*

If you like really bad, low-budget horror, I have a doozy for you. You will not love it. Stay tuned...