Slasher Crap(pier): Rest Stop- Don't Look Back

I'm afraid of some ghosts.  Yeah, SPOILER Alert- this film is about Ghosts.  That make sense to you?  That movie about a guy killing people and torturing them while driving in a Truck is...a Ghost.  That family in the RV- Ghosts too.  This is pretty damn insulting, especially when you consider that this is apparently the premise of the whole series.  That's right- they 'planned' this all along.  It just makes about 500 plot holes in the process, but I guess they didn't care.  The sequel takes place 1 year later and involves the brother of the film's original lead.  You know, the guy that was mostly tortured the whole time before he died.  Couldn't have made it the heroine's brother or something?  As a bonus, the lead brings along some random guy and a whore- why not?  To find out just why I hate this movie so much (besides what I already said), read on...

The opening scene takes place in the '70s.  The crazy family grab a guy, kill him...but he comes back as a Ghost and kills them, thus making them Ghosts the whole time in the first film.  Yea.

In the Present Day (thanks, Title Card), the brother of what's-his-name is back from Iraq.  He hooks up with Some Whore- I defy you to critique my character definition)- and decides to go looking for him.  Sure- most people that disappear for a year turn up alive...idiot.

Hey look, Charles Manson is running a Gas Station.  This character confuses me, as I'm not sure how he can be working with the Ghosts (SPOILER) or why exactly he would do so?  Do they just agree to not kill him in a silly way?  No answers here.

Speaking of stuff not adequately-explained, Nerd Hanger On meets up with the Heroine (although not the same Actress- oops) and they have sex.  When he wakes up, she vanishes...since I guess she was a Ghost.  No, really.

I can explain why seeing Ghosts, but how do you explain f#%*ing one?!?

The damn family- including the Twins- show up a couple of times here.  When can I be rid of your creepy, matching faces?  I guess after this next section, really.

Seriously, why does the Gas Station Owner work with the Ghost?  What does he gain?

Oh yeah, they also establish that The Driver doesn't/can't talk...while he can drive a car, bite people's fingers off, use a video camera and tie a knot.  Of course- why would anyone question that?!?

Further muddying things, Gas Station Owner tells them how to kill The Driver- it's stupid, so I won't say it- & they do it.  Another explosion- check.

However, it doesn't work- they never say why- and the RV with the family in it kills Hanger On Guy.  So is the RV real, but being driven by Ghosts?  If it is, I have questions.  If it's not, I have even more!

 Despite no evidence suggesting this, we learn in the dark ending that Some Whore is dead and now in the clutches of The Driver.  Twist.  Endings.  Must.  Make.  Sense!!!!  The End.

Why did I even bother?  The good part- they explain everything (sort of).  The bad part- they explain everything in the most asinine way humanly-possible.  Well, I guess they could have just said 'It's all a dream.'  Seriously, Ghosts?  You couldn't have made him just super-evil, some sort of demonic creation or, God forbid, not something this stupid.  Does he really drive the car?  If so, how?  Name one film in which a Ghost drives a car- I dare you.  No, the Amityville House moving the Diaper Truck in Amityville 1992 doesn't count (as it just unlocked the brakes)!  I should mention that the original Director is merely on-board as a Producer which translates to 'The Studio wants to make another one and we'll pay you to act like you like it.'  It's possible that he was really deeply-involved in the Production, but it's just one of those signs that says 'Beware- shit sequel!'  Speaking of shit, where was the surprise in any of the surprises?  For example, our Hero finds his Brother alive and rescues him...only to learn that he was really a Ghost.  Yeah, we saw him die in the last movie!  It would be like if Psycho 2 built up to revealing that the Mother was actually dead...again.  The surprise appearance- and sex scene...ew- involving the Heroine from the first film falls in the same line.  The Ending implied that she was dead and merely haunting the Rest Stop.  Big shock- that's still the case!  Speaking of which, she was killed elsewhere, so why haunt the Rest Stop?  Hell, the idea that the evil RV Family help The Driver is silly, since he killed them!  'Sorry that I killed you- want to help commit a serious of implausible murders that insult the audience?'  'Oh, you scamp!'  The bottom line: adding Ghosts to a series is stupid, especially when your film is already stupid.  Isn't that right, Muppet Face?

Next up, Dario Argento returns to Mondo Bizarro with a more-recent effort.  Can you combine murder with video Poker & still have a good film?  Stay tuned...

Slasher Crap: Rest Stop

The only one really being tortured is me!  Some people may like this movie (not a whole lot, honestly), but it just hurt.  I tried- I truly did.  Unfortunately, this movie has really weird pacing and can never keep the film moving.  It stops and starts all the time.  With no rhythm, the flaws are more noticeable as well.  I'll get into those more in-depth later on, but, sufficed to say, there are many.  If you like films that are long, drawn-out and full of confusion, this is your movie.  If you like to see what Torture Porn really looks like, this is your movie.  Since I already watched it, I'm going to pretend that its mine.  To find out why I live to hate, read on...

The plot is simple (at first): a couple elopes to California, but makes a visit to a Rest Stop along the way.  Things go wrong, however...

...when the husband to be goes missing.  This leads to *sigh* our heroine sitting around and moping.  Despite being connected to a road, she...just kind of stays there.

In a scene that's clearly supposed to be more important than it is, our heroine gets a ride from a crazy, religious family in an RV.  Among the clan are those twins from Seconds Apart- yea.

In this film, they amount to nothing but distraction...unless you watch a Post-Credits Scene.  Yeah, that's good Screenwriting!

Some of the 'high points' of this movie all center around our heroine being trapped in the Women's Room at the Rest Stop.  No, really.

First, she tries to pry open the lock...only to get one of her fingers bitten off.  Bear this in mind for later.

Later, the killer- just called The Driver- dumps their video camera from earlier in.  Besides an excuse to show their sex scene from earlier again, it also shows the guy being tortured.

Wait- porn and torture in one scene?  You're making the expression seem very literal, Rest Stop!

In another scene, our heroine is trapped with a paralyzed Cop (Joey Lawrence).  He mostly just spouts random information before asking our heroine to shoot him, rather than leave him to be burned to death. 

Just to be cruel (and ridiculous), she somehow misses the brain on the first shot...while the gun is literally in his mouth.

Over an hour in, the movie FINALLY changes locations for more than a minute as fire is set to the Rest Stop...causing it to blow up.  Lots of gas stored in those toilets, huh?

Oh and we later hear about how the Women's Restroom was 'burned.'  Did he miss the explosion?

Our heroine thinks that she has The Driver caught and beats his head in.  However, thanks to the 'Killer Knows Everything' Cliche, he disguised the boyfriend as him.  That's bleak.

In The End, she blows up The Driver's truck...but he still catches her.  The explanation for this random event comes...in the Sequel.  Yeah, screw you, audience!

Aargh!  This movie just hurt me- a lot.  Where to begin?  Pacing- awful.  Story- barely there.  Gore- lots of it, mostly related to torture.  There were a number of ways that this film could have at least been decent.  One- better, more consistent story.  How does the killer know everything ahead of time?  If you're just going to tell me that he's just been doing it long enough to guess everything, you are making a big cop-out.  How does he kill so dramatically without ever being caught?  The answer given in the sequel- I'll explain it then- is a big, old slap in the face.  It raises about 5,003 more questions than the two that it actually answers.  Second- less torture crap.  The only way that some people think to be scary is to have people get tortured.  It's not scary- it's just gross and discomforting.  Just stop it already- seriously!  This movie is ruined by a number of things, including the random, unexplained moments and those mentioned above.  For those of you online who say that it all makes sense, you're lying to both yourself and me.  That logic is about as fake as these random stunt boobs...

Next up, the Sequel that actually explains what's going on.  That is, of course, if you can decipher which message is supposed to be the real one and which one is a lie.  Stay tuned...