Tubi Thursday: Silent Night Deadly Night 4- Initiation

 A Christmas gift that was lost in the move.

For a brief period, I posted many Reviews to a different site and didn't bother to put them here too.

As such, I 'missed' this one to complete my Omnibus for Silent Night Deadly Night.

This is Brian Yuzna's...

A woman named Kim wants to be a Reporter, but her Boss (Reggie Bannister) won't pay attention.

So when a woman jumps to her death *while on fire* from a building, she follows the story.

She runs across a woman (Maud Adams) who runs a weird Bookstore.

She also has to keep away from Clint Howard...

He witnessed the burning and seems confused.

This is contradictory to what we find out later, but alright.

He's also somehow Ricky, who went from a blond guy who says 'Garbage Day' to Bill Moseley with a brain pan to...this.

She is drawn deeper into the Cult that this lady is running.

Kim starts seeing weird things, like bugs everywhere.

This is a Film with Screaming Mad George on VFX, so they go for it.

The Cult keeps dosing her and she doesn't realize it.

She's not smart.

Ricky kills her boyfriend and then...things somehow get worse.

They want her to kill her boyfriend's brother to complete the ritual.

If she doesn't, she'll explode in fire like the last lady.

She, of course, turns the tide and we get a happy-ish ending.
This is also the origin of the Hotdog Fingers effect.

The End.

Everything Trashy Everywhere All The Time

A weird Film that is technically canon...maybe...i guess.

Is this the same Ricky from Silent Night Deadly Night 2 and 3.
He's noticeably different looking here, but he was in 3 as well.

That said, his brains got blown out in that one and his head has zero scarring.
Maybe the Witches fixed him.  Magic!

The Film keeps insisting that it is seasonal, featuring a Christmas part, decorations all over the streets and the Phantasm guy saying 'Merry Christmas' right into the camera like some terrible FMV Game.

In spite of that, it is full of gross out effects, bugs and gore.  Thanks, Screaming Mad George.

If you like weird Films and don't mind a barely passable connection to the Series, this is fine.  I won't tell you the other Film that was 'inspired' by this one.

A Film that is technically a Christmas Film, but mostly an excuse to connect Scenes of crazy effects.  That said, they are fun (and gross) effects.

Holiday Tubi: Silent Night, Deadly Night 5- The Toymaker (1991)

 Between work and family, it is hard to make time to watch crappy Movies!  This is the final Film (so far) in the Silent Night, Deadly Night Series.  After 4 Films, we've gone from an evil would-be Santa to a killer Yuppie to a killer Yuppie with Exposed Brain to a Cult.  Where do we wrap things up?  With an evil Toymaker, of course!

From Producer Brian Yuzna (who made the last Film), we have a barely-connected thing.  In one Scene, someone can be seen watching Part 4.  That's it.

Notably, the Film features Mickey Rooney, who famously-campaigned against the first Film.  He didn't sign up for this one as a SN,DN Film, of course.  He's here as the titular Toymaker and he might be up to no good.  With the infamous Screaming Mad George making his props and gore, he sure is now!

Is this one the PS5 you couldn't get yet or a pair of plain white socks in your last Christmas present box?  To find out, read on...

In a drawn-out Intro, an off-screen person gives a present to a kid at night...but his Dad shoos him off.

He opens the present (when it makes some noise) and it kills him (kind of).
It makes him hit his head and die...which the kid saw.

He's been mute ever since (how much time has passed is unclear), so she needs to help him out.

She takes him to Joe Petto's Toy Shop (get it?!?!?!?) and he offers the kid some toys.

A strange man buys a bunch of toys and acts suspicious.

On top of that, his Son Pino (GET IT?!?!?!?) offers him a toy, which ends up with the other guy...and then his Hotel Manager.  It kills him.

Pino is all sorts of creepy, breaking into the House while Mom is away.

Toys keep injuring and/or killing people (they kill adults, but only hurt kids).

As we near the Third Act, Yuzna and George just throw all of their leftover Puppet Master prop ideas (this came out in 1991, as that Series arguably-peaked) to kill one guy and bloody the Babysitter.

You get toy tanks, killer snakes, a random arm, toy soldiers and a toy car that is just 90% sharp object.

Petto kidnaps our Lead during all of this, which seems to be his endgame.

But why?

Psych- it was actually Pino.

As it (not shockingly) turns out, he was a Robot 'Son' made by Joe, who he's now killed.  He wants the Mom to be 'his Mom.'

It all ends in a big Action Scene involving Pino, the Mom, the Strange Man (who's actually the kid's Dad) and the kid.  They defeat him, but they leave some pointless Sequel-Bait in there.  The End.

A weird and bloody affair for the Holidays.  Part 5 has nothing to do with Ricky (save for having a Clint Howard Cameo as a Mall Santa named Ricky) or the whole Killer Santa thing.  You briefly get Pino and Joe dressed up as Santa, so...close enough?  It is at least nice to see a Mall Santa as a Hero- the first time since Elves- for a change though.

The Plot is goofy.  The Acting is...uneven.  The Special Effects are mostly quite good, so thank you Mr. Screaming Mad George.  It definitely livens things up, since you know that you'll get some old school prop death after each boring Plot Scene.

There's no getting around it- the Plot Twist is super obvious.  It makes you feel a bit dumber for thinking that THEY felt so clever.  Joe Petto has a son named Pino- really?  Really?

The Film is a fun, but uneven experience.  See it for the silliness, effects and gore- but don't expect anything more exciting in the Plot.  I mean, how can you top this epic stare down?!?

Next time, I try to wrap up some Films before the year is over.  What is up first on the agenda?  Stay tuned...

Foreign Cover-Art Showcase: The Nun (2005)

All this talk about a 2005 Horror Film from Spain?  Why now?

Oh, they mean, the other The Nun!  What am I going to do with all of this stuff I found for the wrong Film then?

Oh, I know...Art Gallery.

First up, the most Aquaman-like Poster for a Horror Film I've seen...

Our next piece is from Brazil- note the Portugese- and goes back to the standard of 'Group Cast in front of Villain' mold from Slasher Films- and is...interesting.

Finally, we get a piece from the Film's native Country of Spain.  It kind of bridges the gap between the two...

Three pieces that *sort of* tell you about the Movie.  It has a Nun.  It has water.  It has a skeleton face.

Context for any of that?  Nope- not here.

Enjoy your Conjuring-verse Film that I will inevitably suffer through within the next 2 Years.

Live-Action Anime: Crying Freeman

A Film brought to you by Canada, France, China and Japan!  This is Crying Freeman, the 1995 Live-Action Version that is.  It is the tale of an assassin who falls in love and battles against his Masters.  He's forced to do the job, you see, and his body shows his regret in a simple way- crying.  Just don't act like he doesn't fit your macho ideal of what a man is or else he's chop your head off!  The Production aspects of the Film are almost more interesting than the core concept here- sorry, core concept.  It is based on an Anime and Manga from Japan.  The Production was split between Japan and Canada.  It has Chinese Producers.  It has Brian Yuzna as a Producer.  It is Directed by Christophe Gans, who is decidedly not Chinese or Japanese.  It's Lead- Mark Dacascos- has a mix of Chinese, Spanish, Filipino and Japanese blood.  It features Japanese Actors, Chinese Actors, French Actors and American Actors.  It's an interesting gumbo of a production.  Is the actual Film still interesting?  To see how good this Film that we in America were never given (for some reason), read on...

The Film begins properly with some pretentious narration (re-dubbed, since the Actress wasn't deemed 'sensual enough' apparently) about how our Female Lead met an Assassin.

She does so in Canada (although they say it is San Francisco), seeing him as he kills some Japanese men in the Woods- as you do.

He doesn't kill her, choosing to leave instead.

The father of the main person killed (Mako!) works with the Canadian Government to find the woman, since she's a witness and a 'target.'

So yeah, he's obviously evil.

The Freeman- Dacascos- shows up and kills him, but our Lead recognizes him during his escape, drawing attention to her.

The Lead Detective (Tcheky Karyo) is working with the bad guys, but that's not his biggest crime...

For some reason, all of his dialog was re-dubbed in Post-Production by Ron Perlman!  Why cast the French guy if you don't want him to sound French?!?

The Assassin and the woman fall in love & he eventually reveals his backstory.  He was a Potter who was kidnapped, tattooed and forced to become an assassin for a Chinese Triad group.

For the Third Act, everything moves over to Japan and behind closed doors scheming goes on.

The mission goes on for Freeman as he takes out more villains, losing his Handler in the process.

It all leads to a big sword fight in the Woods.  Freeman and his lady cover their tracks until their further adventures in...oh right, this didn't become a Trilogy.  Never mind.  The End.

Some bloody action and style, but not a whole lot of substance.  The Story is simple and effective.  The Action is quite good.  Before Tom Cruise got all the attention for it, people like Dacascos were doing all of their own Stunts too.  The Film has a very good look to it.  If you've seen a Christophe Gans Film- like Brotherhood of the Wolf-, you'll know that he can shoot Action well.   If you want to see a Film with great Action, this is one for you.  The Story, unfortunately, doesn't play out nearly as well as the Action Scenes do.  Dacascos is not *that* charismatic in this Role and his minimal dialog doesn't help him that much.  The whole thing is all sorts of weird- the Triad kidnaps and creates Assassins rather than just training them- and is right out of Anime (which it is).  It's not the most engaging Story, simply getting the people from Point A to Point B.  The Film is rare for Americans to see- for no clear reason- so it does have that going for it.  All in all, Crying Freeman is a good Action Film, but will not be mistaken for a great Drama.  Here's one last international quirk for you: the Film features a handful of bits with the Chinese Actors speaking in their native tongue...and only gives you French subtitles!

Next time, more craziness from the random set of Films I need to watch.  You'll know when I know.  Stay tuned...

Rare Flix: Society (1989)

What the hell is this?!?  I have seen alot of Films.  I have seen alot of bizarre effects.  I've seen (Queen) Cobra Women, killer Tasmanian Devils, reincarnated Goddesses and flying Sharks.  Even so, the stuff I saw in here is...something else.  Today's Film is Society, a 1989 Film Directed by Brian Yuzna.  It is officially his Directorial Debut, but the Film was released 3 years later in America, so it seemed otherwise.  This one starts innocent enough, but slowly builds into something else.  By the End, you have to wonder what the hell this thing turned into.  A young man (Billy Warlock) is questioning all of the people surrounding him and how he will fit into society.  When bizarre proof of his paranoia appears, he decides to investigate...but he'll probably regret it.  Two things to note.  First, our Lead is the son of Dick Warlock aka The Original Shape/Michael Meyers.  With the last name 'Warlock,' I kind of guessed.  Secondly, this Film features the make-up work of Screaming Mad George, a man whose FX work should be more appreciated.  His body of work includes Predator, The Guyver (which he Directed), Bride of Re-Animator, The Bite, Arena and Beyond Re-Animator.  So that tells you that this Film is going to feature some freaky stuff.  To find out what, read on...

Billy here is confused.  He sees weird things that nobody else does and doesn't quite fit in.

He gets some confirmation for his paranoia when an audio tape from his Sister's 'Coming Out Party' implies that they are up to some freaky, sexual stuff.  Ew.

In typical Conspiracy Movie routine, people who get close to it (other than Billy) start to die and weird stuff starts to happen.  Let's get to the crazy now...

Early on, our hero sees what looks like his sister in the shower...with her boobs sticking out of her back.  Later on, this lady's leg...doesn't look quite right.

After some craziness and misdirection, he's drugged and declared dead...only to return home...and find lots of company.

At the big event, he learns that the rich people in town- or the Society- are some sort of weird, shape-shifting creatures that literally feed upon the poor!  They are gross as hell!

He learns that he was adopted as part of some grand experiment to set this all up.  These people love long-term planning!  He ultimately fights his rival- also a monster- and manages to win in a way that I won't SPOIL...but you can see the end result in the bottom right corner.

After all that craziness, he makes it out of the house with his friend and the one, good rich person.  They...leave and that's it?  Okay.  The End.

Wow.  Just wow.  I did NOT see this one coming!  I can see why my Brother gave this one to me- he knows how twisted I am.  For as much bizarre shit that I have seen, Body Horror is always a soft spot for me.  Stuff like Tokyo Gore Police find a way to freak me out.  Can you blame me?!?  There all sorts of freaky stuff in the last 20 minutes or so that show me just how much insanity one can make with Practical Effects.  I'll spare you the lecture on it- don't worry.  The Story does a nice job of a 'slow burn,' giving you little things (like the freaky image in the Shower and others) before finally 'going for it' with the finale.  What a finale!  The only mark against it is the way the Film just kind of ends without any real closure.  I was expecting them to burn the house down, blow it up or something.  They just leave?  Kind of weak.  Regardless, the Film as a whole was a real delight and now I feel silly for putting it off for so long.  What else have I been missing?!?  I think I'll just go before I, well, you get the joke...

Next up, I go into yet another Film blind.  If it is anything like this, I can only imagine!  Stay tuned...

Strange Killers: The Nun

Can't be any worse than Rottweiler, right?  This a movie that just sounds silly on paper.  A bunch of people are chased around and killed by the ghost of an evil Nun.  Unfortunately, there's even more to make fun of here.  You see, this is essentially a J/K-Horror Film, but made in Spain by a guy from the Philippines.  Confused?  The whole thing just feels like a mish-mash of movies like The Grudge and Ringu.  It's weird, confusing and a bit lazy.  As a bonus, it muddies the issue with a Third Act Plot Twist that just makes the whole thing seem really, really stupid.  Want to see how Yuzna and company made a movie about a killer, ghost nun even sillier?  If so, read on...

The film opens with a Nun going ape-shit on some students and trying to choke one to death.  This scene is interesting, so, of course, it's a dream.

The titular villain shows up eventually and starts off by killing our heroine's mother.  The ghost/killer has a connection to the water.  When you find out the real story, you'll hate these moments.

More random killing of older, middle-aged ladies.  This is a bigger post-menopausal bloodbath when that guy shot up the set of Dallas!

Over forty-minutes in, we stop the random killing and see why the ghost is killing people.  It's because she attacked the girls years ago and they drowned her in the tub.  Oh, that makes perfect sense.

I should mention that our heroes have decided to go back to the Catholic School where it all went down.  Oh and their car broke down and their cell phones don't work.  Why don't you just shoot yourselves and save this lady/ghost some time?

In the finale, our heroine is separated from the remaining group and fights the Nun in the water, since it's weakest there...where it comes from.  Fun fact: Aquaman is weakest in the water too!  Here's the twist though...

The ghost Nun didn't exist.  Our heroine was actually the killer the whole time.  Of course, none of that makes sense, it's actually just presented as a theory and our heroine somehow shot herself with a speargun...backwards.  Oh and the movie just kind of ends.  The End.

Even ghost Nuns deserve better than this.  The whole thing is a poorly-paced mess of a movie that ultimately amounts to nothing.  It has interesting visuals, so I'm sure that it makes a neat trailer.  The problem is that there is just not enough substance behind the visuals.  Never mind that the Third Act just kills the whole experience.  Remember the ending of Monster-a-Go-Go?  That one was awful because it played with reality and taunted you.  Remember the ending of Pan's Labyrinth?  That one was great, because it played with reality in an ambiguous way that didn't insult the audience.  As a side-note, how often do you see these two films compared?  This movie's attempt to 'explain things' is just bad, bad, bad.  As far as the acting goes, it's nothing special for the most part.  The Nun in the flashbacks is nice and intense though.  Overall, the movie turns out be better than Rottweiler and Beyond Re-Animator, while not as inventive as Return of the Living Dead 3.  It is a bit silly in overall execution and that hurts it.  Take us away, ghost Nun in a round-about...

Up next, one final film to talk about and it features C. Thomas Howell.  Can it replace Ants properly?  Stay tuned...

Bad Doggy!: Rottweiler

If nothing else, Brian Yuzna films are good for a laugh.  I don't mean that necessarily in a negative way either, as some of his films- like Bride of Re-Animator and Return of the Living Dead Part III- have some actual humor in them.  So, with that in mind, imagine my shock when I watched Rottweiler, a bleak film in every sense of the word.  This film offers you no hope, no love and no salvation.  Life sucks, Paul Naschy rapes your girlfriend and you die.  That's pretty much it, really.  Mind you, being a bleak film is not always bad.  Obviously Cannibal Holocaust does not have the most up-lifting themes or messages in it, but I really like that movie.  Unfortunately, this film tries to get too clever for its own good, serving up a confusing narrative that only really makes sense at the end.  Even then, however, it's still a bit confusing.  So we've got a bleak film without a plot that really makes sense.  Can the gore effects, action and character development make up for that?  Get out your smelly cowboy boots for my review of...

Our tale begins with our hero being dragged into a prison beaten and bruised.  He's taunted by an unseen warden and threatened by a scary dog.  While waiting to be put away, a scorpion walks onto another prisoner and bites him.  In the ensuing chaos, our hero and a prisoner he is chained to escape into the woods. They don't make it that far before the titular dog rips the 'Red Shirt' to pieces, but our hero escapes when his arm comes off.  It takes a bit away from your sadness when you snap the arm at the bone to get the cuffs off, dude!  He escapes out into...the desert, since there is no clear land orientation in this movie.  He makes it a long way before a helicopter shows up.  He climbed about three different mountains in the time it took you to mount a helicopter together and go check the area?  He's either really fast or you all suck!  He manages to allude detection in a bush that barely covers him- one point for my second theory- and stops in a cave for the night.  He has a dream/flashback to how he got into prison.  Him and a lady were on a boat full of illegal immigrants going into the country.  The film's version of ICE/INS show up and the pair flee onto land.  They end up following someone else into a prison where they're greeted by Paul Naschy?!?  Damn it- you're here?!? Our hero explains that they were playing a game called 'Infiltration'- never explained- and the Warden takes her off for some fun.  His exposition-style dream is broken up by capture from a guard and the killer dog though.

Taking adversity very well, our hero/convict manages to trick the dog and grab the guard's gun from him.  He wounds the animal (thanks, movie) and kills the man.  He also makes sure to steal the man's cowboy boots, since he's lack in footwear at the moment.  After some wandering around, he ends up in a den full of Mexican drug dealers, who take him in once they realize that he's a prisoner that killed a police officer.  They eat and drink, but our hero's sleep is interrupted by more dreams/flashbacks.  As it turns out, our hero is a complete dick and gets mad at his girlfriend for getting raped.  Personally, if I had a girlfriend raped by Paul Naschy, I would have been both upset and a little star-struck.  Of course, I'd be a bit creeped out if it happened now (R.I.P.).  Anyhow, the man wakes up the next day without boots, since the men took it.  Oddly, they didn't take his gun.  That's kind of poor planning on your part, especially if he wakes up mad!  This proves to be a moot point, however, as the man in his boots is killed by the dog that has now come back to life/re-booted.  Don't ask me to explain how any of that worked.  Furthermore, don't ask me to explain what the hell the point of having the scorpion from earlier keep showing up either.  For no reason, he picks a fight with the dog at a river when it shows up again.  This leaves him running naked through the land- hurray?

Despite not having a linear plot to speak of, the movie keeps insisting that it does!  He ends up at a house owned by a widow and her daughter.  Naturally, the naked man who shows up is mistrusted...until the woman has sex with him.  Unfortunately, the dog arrives and puts an end to that bizarre scene.  He ultimately kills the woman before our hero spirits the kid away.  It chases them to the highway and onto a truck, leading to more kills.  For an innocent man, this guy is causing a lot of death!  He escapes into a city, leaving the kid with some people, in order to find his missing girlfriend.  He runs afoul of a prostitute in one of a true 'red herring,' while the dog kills more people.  Our hero eventually gets back to the prison he was originally caught at and remembers the truth.  In a bit of rage, he inadvertently-killed the woman.  He has another battle with the dog and confronts Warden Naschy.  He's kind of a dick, so our hero causes his helicopter to crash and explode.  Unfortunately, the dog is still alive and emerges from the fire in a lawsuit-worthy rip-off of The Terminator (hence the alternate title in Korea).  He awkwardly battles the obviously-CG dog skeleton before he apparently dies at some point.  The movie just time-jumps and shows his skeleton, so I'm left guessing.  So yeah, everyone is dead and or maimed- save for that damn scorpion!  The End.

This movie is a giant waste of potential.  A good man-vs-beast tale is ruined with a bad lead, bad writing and confusing plot.  Seriously, what was the point of showing it in non-linear order?  There are times when that is actually important or helpful- not here.  The reason, unfortunately, is because our hero has to completely forget that he is a total douche-bag and let his lady be killed.  If they had said that from the beginning, there would be zero reason to care.  Speaking of care, there was not a lot of it put into explaining anything.  Why is there a robot dog?  Why did it bleed when it was shot?  How come it works fine as just a charred exoskeleton?  More importantly, the movie just made me feel disconnected due all of the aforementioned things, leaving me with plenty of time to ponder these sorts of questions.  When I have time during your film to question your plot-holes, you've done something wrong!  I wish that I could recommend this to you, but it's a badly-written film with a good premise.  Maybe some other Phillipino director will come along and do it better.  The bar is set nice and low, Man's Best Friend and Devil Dog.

Next up, my first David Decoteau film is reviewed.  This one involves women, witches...and heart in a box?  Stay tuned...

*Just for you, Carl*