Quick Reviews: Yor- The Hunter From the Future

According to Wikipedia, this Film came out (in Italy) just 5 days after I was born.  As such, we share a kinship.  So when Rifftrax got involved, it was time to watch this one again...

In a dangerous, prehistoric World, beauty and fear co-exist in a dangerous dance.  Who can tame it?

Yor!  Just listen to his Theme Song- it's his World and he's 'the man!'

He battles evil Cavemen, romances a Tabula Rasa Hottie and adventures with...the same old man from Strike Commando(?!?).  Who said that these Films were made cheaply again?

Slowly but surely, Yor learns some secrets about his past that will change everything!

It's not a SPOILER to show the sci-fi element.  After all, every Poster made for America does!

Will he save the day?  Will the Film end inconclusively due to this being more of a set-up to a Mini-Series that wasn't made than a Film?  Is this hilarious?

To find out, watch the Film- with or without Rifftrax (or both!).

I love this silly little gem.  I'm not the first person to tell you about Yor right?  It's not even new to me- I watched it years ago.  With Rifftrax putting the track/Film combo out recently (and me having a credit), I went back and re-watched it.  It still holds up.  It's still stupid as hell.  It's still pretty nonsensical.  The Poster is like 80% lie.  Hell, they don't even have Reb's proper hair on it!  He's not from the Future.  He's barely even a Hunter.  He is Yor and it is his World though- that's just set in stone!  Speaking of stone, they try to make this look like the Stone Age.  Stuck the landing!  Seriously, the Film spends 80% of the runtime acting like this is just straight Fantasy.  Granted- the Italian Title was Yor's World (translated).   We seem to be the Country behind the Subtitle and confusingly-SPOILER-but-not-really Poster I used over here in America.  This is based on a Book BTW.  How are so many Films that don't look like they should be based on Books- like Beaks, Slugs and Bug (by William Castle)- actually based on them?!?  Never mind The Meg!  While I know that it is sacrilege to say it, I'd liked to see a big-screen Remake of this with like $40-50 million behind it- provided you get a good Director.  That said, the original is almost an anti-classic.  It's so bad that it's good!  You can watch this for cheap- the older DVDs or VHS- or shiny and new- like the Blu-Ray Special Edition.  Speaking of which, nice to see you again, Reb!

Basically a ridiculous Film made by a talented Director with no inhibitions.  It is silly, stupid and just plain amazing!

Foreign Flicks: Mr. Hercules Against Karate

That's what killed Vaudeville!  If you hate comedy and hate good fight scenes, I have a movie for you!  This obscure, import comedy features bad jokes, bad dubbing, bad fight scenes and an amazing lack of logic.  In one regard, it is a sight to behold.  Of course, the sight of, say, a man having sex with a goat is something strange too, but I don't recommend looking at it!  What is this bizarre movie?  Brought to us by the usually-good Antonio Margheriti (aka the guy who's name is referenced in Inglorious Basterds), this Italian comedy starts out in Australia and eventually moves to China & claims that it's characters are American.  In other words, it finds a way to offend at least four nationalities in one fell swoop!  The plot is simple- an inexplicably-strong guy and his lanky friend get hired to rescue a kid in China.  'Comedy' and 'hijinx' ensue.  In a bizarre move, the film's comedy is terrible, but everything else is a riot.  Prepare to not laugh as we see the challenge of...

The film begins with a bearded man and his friend working at a Construction Site.  Well, one of them is working.  The other one- the never-called-that-Mr. Hercules- is defying the laws of Gravity by carrying the beam from one end and somehow keeping it straight.  For being stupid and illogical, the pair of fired by their boss, an even-fatter Blofeld.  We cut to the pair eating lunch at the Site...even though they were fired.  The boss even asks about this, but his second-in-command explains things.  Who's in charge again?  In the next scene, we see the two...at work again.  When a film manages to make the idea of 'whether or not the two main characters are fired or not' confusing as all hell, what hope is there for the actual plot?  Mr. Hercules pulls on a cord, managing to pull down an oil rig.  The firing actually sticks this time- thank God- and the two contemplate splitting up.  They don't and instead go to a Chinese Restaraunt...in Australia.  I don't know- just go with it.  Hercules does a 'wacky' gag where he makes a giant bologna sandwich.  Ugh.  A random group of athletes show up and a fight ensues.  Despite showing Superman-level strength earlier, he doesn't instantly kill these guys.  The pair end up being hired by the owner to bring back his son from his ex-wife.  Off to China!

More terrible comedy and inconsistency ensue.  For example, Hercules tries to open the window on a plane.  Note the word 'tries' there, people!  He can pull down an oil rig, but that's too much for him?!?  They wander around the city, running across a random group of feuding martial artists on the ferry.  The guys get out of their vans, fight and just kind of leave when the thing stops- odd!  We get a romance sub-plot, which is just nauseating.  Hercules randomly-alternates between being an idiot (using chopsticks as toothpicks) and smart (referencing Shakespeare), all of which his new lady eats up.  We meet the villain of the movie, a generic Chinese businessman who has a Geisha wife with an ungodly amount of make-up on her face.  Seriously, she makes the lady from Vamp look toned down.  The guy finds out that the Restaurant owner sent our heroes over, so he sends his one-eyed henchman and some thugs.  Yeah, that doesn't work.  While we get more 'humor,' we see the villain sends in for a new guy- a Samurai.  You guys got the major Asian countries mixed up, guys!  He also doesn't use a sword, wear armor or put on shoes.  Good grief!

The good news: the film throws in some action.  The bad news: the film throws in stupid action.  We get a long sequence where the pair get split up, leading to the lanky guy doing all of the fighting.  Yes, let's see the guy without alternating levels of super-strength.  After that, they get picked up by the Police and asked to help find the villain.  Yeah, they were already doing that.  This plot thread goes pretty much nowhere, save for resolving the very end.  The romance sub-plot ends in the women being captured and the two guys going to save them.  They must face off with the villain's two henchman: the Samurai and...a Sumo Wrestler.  Wrong Asian country...again!  In a random moment, the lanky guy breaks a stool over Hercules' head, leading him to say this obtuse 'joke'" "That's what killed Vaudeville."  HUH?!?!?  Our heroes win, but the villain and his overly-made-up lady flee with the kid in tow.  They try to flee in a small plane, but Hercules holds it back with his bare hands!  Consistency for crying out loud!  The lanky guy has to land the plane in a five-minute filler scene as Hercules eats some cherries with the kid.  Uh-oh, there are jewels in there.  Insert bathroom joke here.  The quartet leave with some jewels- I hope you washed them!- as a Buddha statue randomly talks to them.  The End.

Is anyone really laughing?  The plot of this movie is a mess, mixing an overly-simple plot with bad execution that makes even that hard to follow.  A lot of this is not helped by the dubbing, but I doubt that this film was Rashomon in Italian!  The humor, as I mentioned, is either overly-broad or just plain terrible.  The best humor of the film is when it can't agree on how strong 'Hercules' is.  In the Lunchroom scene, he gently sets his hands down on a table, flipping it forward.  In a later scene, he does the same thing and nothing happens.  Oh, I forgot that most places keep springs under their tables!  There is a bizarre, train-wreck quality to this film that cannot be explained.  I'm not necessarily sorry that I watched this movie, as I have seen worse.  After all, it wasn't made by the Polonia Brothers!  If you want to see a bizarre culmination of non-sequitur ideas, this is your movie!  If you want to watch a clever comedy, this is not.  I will say this: it is on streaming (as of this writing), so at least you aren't wasting a rental on it.  Remember, 'that's what killed Vaudeville.'

Next up, I cover my first Russian film.  This one is a fantasy epic that is long, bizarre and a bit confusing.  Stay tuned...

Sounds Like: Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye

Ah Giallo, you are a strange genre.  You basically produced the same three or four different films with different titles over a ten year period.  

In spite of that, I still love you.  Sure, most your 'children' attempted to emulate Blood and Black Lace & Deep Red.  Hell, a couple of them even emulated the titles pretty blatantly. On the plus side, those were two damn good movies.  

This brings us to today's film- Seven Deaths in the Cats Eye.  You see, Giallo films are famous for their great titles.  In fact, some smart guy made a list of those at one point.  

This movie was made by Antonio Margheriti, a good director who has made good films.  

Was this one of them or does it just disappoint like Web of the Spider?  

Let's find out, shall we?  

Get out your cheeky monkey for my review of...

The film's premise is simple: a family of weirdos lives in a Scottish Castle and do weird things.  They have a monkey, they have a cat that never stays still and engage in some salacious activities on the side.  

Naturally, there is a normal girl amongst the group that has to stay sane and some murders take place.  

She has her own dark side, of course, but they're nothing compared to everyone else.  Maybe this friendly priest can help them out.

Will the killings stop?  

Will they find the culprit?  

Will sanity be restored?  

Find out after this brief interlude...

So yeah, it's the Priest is the killer. 

 I mean, not really.  

Some convict took his place before the movie started.  

There you go.  

The End.

This movie was kind of disappointing.  I mean, it's not terrible, but the tepid pacing did nothing for me.  I originally watched this movie about two years ago and I was disappointed.  

Mind you, I wasn't running a site at this point, but I still probably wouldn't have reviewed it then.  I tried re-watching it recently...and nothing changed.  

The movie is a bunch of really great ideas thrown into a pile...but nothing is done with them.  It's a film that is weaker than the sum of its parts. 

 I love you, Antonio- I really do.  Unfortunately, you've got some problem with me that I have with the Pang Brothers.  

These two are apparently great directors, having made such films as Bangkok Dangerous and The Eye series.  

To me, though, they are the guys that made Bangkok Dangerous (the 2008 remake) and Forest of Death.  

Those movies were not good. 

If you love Antonio's works, enjoy his good films like Castle of Blood.  

Hell, watch his weirdest film/show: Yor, The Hunter from the Future.  That shit is great!   You can skip this one though.

Up next, Sounds Like Week continues with a very-obscure Stephen King horror anthology.  Meow.  Stay tuned...

Klaus Know Me?: Web of the Spider

Antonio Marghetti is a name that should be more famous than it is.  Known more in the States as Anthony Dawson, the director made over 50 films in his forty-plus year career.  Highlights include Yor- The Hunter From The Future, Cannibal Apocalypse, Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye and Castle of Blood.  The latter is important to speak for today's review.  Blood was made in 1964 and features a really, ingenious premise.  Famous author Edgar Allen Poe and a friend meet up with a man and make a bet with him: spend a night in this haunted house and you'll win some money.  Despite having it's only star be Barbara Steele (nothing to scoff at, mind you), the film is an amazing triumph in Gothic sensibilities.  Seriously, check it out- you'll love it.  For some reason, Antonio decided to remake his own movie a mere seven years later.  Why?  All we can figure is that Blood was made in lovely, monochromatic black & white and he wanted to make a color version.  Sure- why not?!?  There were some changes, however.  A new star was brought in- Tenebre's Anthony Franciosa- for the lead, Steele was out and an international star was brought in to play Poe.  Obviously, given the title of this segment, you can guess who- Klaus Kinski.  Yes, a German actor is playing an American writer in an Italian film.  Just wow.  Will his presence make this film a winner?  Get out your 1,000,000 candles for my review of...

Okay, truth time: this is almost the exact same movie.  They put in a new introductory sequence with Kinski wandering angrily around a room, but, otherwise, it's the same.  After ten minutes, Klaus and his non-mustache are gone from the film.  What follows is a dull exercise in repetition that even a good actor can't save- sorry Franciosa.  Klaus returns in the ending for the same, ironic finale to the film.  It has a low-resolution, pan-and-scan VHS print to boot.  Feh.

Man, this movie really sucks.  It's a shame too, since Castle of Blood is so great!  Everything about the movie is just lost in this pointless remake.  For example, a lot of the tone has to do with the great, moody atmosphere set in the dark, dreary castle.  In this movie, it's gaudy Technicolor that makes everything visible at all times.  This is especially noticeable in re-used dialogue referring to 'objects viewable by candlelight.'  News Flash: it's visible from space!  The acting is not all that bad, but, to be fair, this thing is dubbed.  Is Blue Underground too busy to get us a good quality, un-dubbed version?  Does Anchor Bay just have too many re-releases of The Evil Dead on its plate to get this movie released right?  Given the cast, the production quality and the director, this should be great.  Unfortunately, revisionist thinking, a bad transfer and poor pacing killed this experience for me.  I wanted to like you- I really did.  Much like free bread given to make up for late service, you're just too little too late.

Up next, Forgotten Sequels brings you a movie that comes all the way from Mars.  Can a movie involving sex, aliens and exploding heads be bad?  Stay tuned...