Rip-Off Cover Art: Zombies Have Fallen (2017)

 Do we need more Zombies Films?

Apparently 'yes,' at least if you ask everyone that makes Films.

As such, here is a 2017 Film about Zombies...

Are you getting Deja Vu?

I know I am.

Is there a Film that came out in 2016 that *might* have inspired this one?

To be fair, the Flag is the first thing you think of when you think of London (if you don't live in London or the UK).

That said, it's the same layout, Title Font Color and overall look.

Funny bonus: the Zombies Film was shot in Scotland!

Quick Review: The Loch Ness Horror (1982)

After a long break, I'm back to battle Buchanan- Larry, that is.  After covering two bad faux Documentaries back in 2014, I check out his more *normal* fare like...

In the infamous body of water, some men are sent to look for Nessie.

They actually find a sunken WWII Plane...and Nessie, who eats one of them.

What is the face of Nessie?

Will it fill you with terror?
Will it fill you with delight?

See for yourself...

Nah- just kidding.

That's from a 1990's Film.

It is actually this...

Yes, it is just an inflatable head on a stick.  Please...hold your laughs.

The Film's main Plot involves people looking for Nessie, looking for the plane, trying to take control of her egg & then people being killed by it.

Look back at the awesome Poster I featured a short time ago.  It was based on THIS Scene...

Can the Military stop it?  Can the bad guys steal the egg?  Will you be able to pretend that California looks anything like Scotland?

To find out, watch the Film (on YouTube) like I did.
I'd support a DVD...but it is out of print since 2012.

A silly and kind of stupid Film.  Where do you begin?  The Film is set in Scotland, but shot in California.  Close enough!  The Acting ranges from deadpan to freaking hilarious.  The Scottish accents almost make Fat Bastard sound subdued.  The premise has some merits, but then just gets super-silly.  To set up Nessie killing some people in a boat, the duo have to sneak away, take a boat to an Island, break onto a guy's property, get found, fight him off (killing him in the process) and THEN cross back in their Boat.  Sheesh!  Nessie is a thoughtful killer here, as she kills the teens as payback for the man's death (we get a shot of Nessie watching it go down) and kills the guys who stole her egg, but not the redheaded lass stuck in the middle.  Speaking of Nessie, let's address the elephant...er, dinosaur in the room.  Larry Buchanan didn't have a fully-functional or developed Nessie model/suit/creation.  He had a head on a stick.  That's it.  As such, Nessie leans down with her seemingly-only two foot long neck to kill people.  How big is the creature exactly?!?  To add to the drama (I guess), some of the shots are done in slow-motion.  It kind of works for earlier, better stuff like Gargoyles to give it a dream-like quality, but it just feels like padding here.  Even with that, the Film is just shy of 90 minutes (with Credits).  Don't track down and watch a Larry Buchanan Film looking for something good.  After all, he made Zontar: The Thing From Venus and The Naked Witch (not to be confused with this).  His Nessie creation did love on, strangely enough, as the prop was later re-used for a bit in Amazon Women on the Moon...

A pretty dumb, but enjoyable Film.  If you don't take it seriously, you can laugh at the terrible effects, poor location-swapping and hilarious accents.

New(er) Flix: The Wicker Tree (2011)

After over 30 years and two failed attempts at financing, this one got made.  

Was it worth all of the effort?

A Born-Again Christian Singer named Beth is sent on a mission trip to Scotland.

As long as this isn't just a retread of The Wicker Man, this should go well.

Oh right- that's exactly what this is.

Sadly, an on-set (not this one) injury forced Christopher Lee to only make a Cameo.  

Sorry, but Graham McTavish can only do so much here.

Instead of one victim, we have two.

Instead of restoring fruit harvest, we have restoring fertility.

Oh...I see what you did there.

Beth's man gives up his Purity Pledge and Ring after seeing this woman for only the second time.  

Granted- she's naked and inviting here (literally), but, wow, what conviction.

As the time comes, the Village prepares for the creepy work ahead.

Serious question- how far in do you have to be to take 'buttering up a naked woman for a human sacrifice' as common-place?

The 4th week?

Can Beth turn the tide?  Can the evil Villagers be stopped?  Does the Film have any new ideas other than lots of generic Country Music?

To find out, watch the Film.  You'd be in rare company if you did.

A pretty nothing retread.  

No offense to Director Robin Hardy (especially considering that he's dead), but what was the point of this?  

Quick History Lesson- Hardy had a Script which he pitched to Lee during the Production of Lord of the Rings.  Lee was on-board and got others (like Sean Astin) interested.  

No funding.  

Hardy turns his Script into a Book and then back to a Script.  Funding falls through again.  

Finally, the Film gets made.  

After all of that work, what did we gain?  

We got what is just about a Remake of a Film that just had a (famously bad) Remake.  What's changed?  The goal of the Villagers- kind of.  The Setting is now Scotland.  We have victims lured to the Island under far more traceable circumstances.  

Seriously, the group knows where they sent Beth- this can't end well!  

Without SPOILing all of this, could they even divert people away from their crimes?  So, if there is very little about the Plot that is changed, what else is there?  

There's a smattering of sort-of commentary- like showing Beth's recent past- and some decent Characters mixed in throughout.  

There's also some randomness like having bird's eye vision for a few Scenes.  

The Film also doesn't really present us with Leads that are as engaging or interesting as in the first Film, so, this is, again, an inferior copy.  

I wanted to be wrong.  

I wanted to be the one to tell you that 'No, this is a good Film.'  

It's not.  It's not badly made, but it is unnecessary and does nothing for nobody.  

Sadly, all we get to be that interesting is Christopher Lee in a (badly disguised) Green Screen Flashback...

It should be good.  It's not.  Watching this Movie will 'not bring back your damn honey,' so don't bother.

Bark at the Moon: Dog Soldiers

Let me say this again: how did I not ever Review this?!?  I watched this Film quite a while ago (and got a Deep Blue Sea Moment of Cinema out of it), but didn't do a formal Review.  Why?  Um....hey, look over there!  You back?  Alright then.  Dog Soldiers is a 2002 Werewolf Movie that is the Debut of Neil Marshall, a Director who got put in the famous 'Splat Pack' due to his work.  He's notable for doing Films set in Scotland and Starring Scottish Actors.  He had to do that, of course, until Game of Thrones became a thing.  One thing that makes the the DVD Era interesting is how re-releases give you a glimpse at how things.  My DVD- the original 2002 one- promotes it as 'From The Producer of Hellraiser,' since nobody here knew who Neil Marshall was.  Later ones would change it to 'From The Director of The Descent' once that became a hit, while others between were just kind of odd (like below).  Can a bunch of Soldiers survive a night with some big, bad Wolves?  To find out (mostly), read on...

After some early Drama (which will come up later), we see our heroes.  They are some Soldiers doing some Practice Exercises in the Woods of Scotland.

Unfortunately, they get attacked some mysterious people/animals after finding the lone survivor of another Platoon out in the Woods.

They make it to a nearby House (with a woman's help) and barricade themselves in.

The group takes some casualties and one of them is seriously-wounded.  Can they hold out?

Want to get a glimpse of the creatures (which are almost entirely Practical Effects)?  Okay.

You want more?

Alright- you twisted my arm.

I couldn't possibly tease you any more, could I?

Me?  Never.

This guy- our hero's Trainer from the Intro- has a secret and it is kind of important.  What is it?  I won't say.

As the Werewolves continue their strategic assault, our heroes seem to be getting worn down.

Who will live?  Who will die?

Despite the Film being made in 2002, I still don't want to SPOIL it.  Sorry.  The End.

It is not the most complex Film, but it works.  The movie works by taking a simple Setting, a simple group of Characters and a straight-forward Scenario.  It makes an easy Sales Pitch- that's for sure.  What the movie does right is give you something that you can easily-understand and then play around with it.  A simple Premise can draw you in easier and then allow you to go along for the ride.  In contrast, really high-concept ideas require you to pay close attention, follow every detail (lest you get lost) and sometimes struggle to keep up.  Soldiers is not a perfect movie by any stretch of the imagination.  Many of the Characters are standard and aren't given much room to expand.  The Budget limitations are there if you look for them (although not so blatant that you can't look past them).  When you get down to it, the Werewolves get only a little back-story and are really just there for the threat.  Having said that, I love the use of Practical Effects way more than I do the overuse of CG for them.  Yes, there are limitations involved if you go that route.  As cool as it may be, do we really need to see stuff like Werewolves super-jumping across a room (which would require CG)?  No.  If you still haven't seen Dog Soldiers and love Horror Films, you really need to correct that oversight.  It doesn't break the mold too much, but it makes good use of Tropes and Cliches.  It isn't perfect, but you really should see it.  Don't make me resort to more drastic measures now...

Up next, a special Review (of two) that is a re-do of one done by Bob.  First up, Uli Lommel makes something worse than an actual series of murders.  Stay tuned...