Tubi Thursday: Road Wars- Max Fury (2024)

 I can't be bothered to even give this my Max Fury, to be honest.

It's a Film by The Asylum.
You probably guessed that.

Is it any good though?

This is possibly a Sequel to 'Road Wars,' but don't worry about it.

A small group of survivors in a vaguely post-apocalyptic world kick out a bad guy (Vernon Wells) for what he did.

Of course, that just means making him go like 10 feet away...and he just shoots one of them.

5 years later, the children of that guy are living with a Stepmom and, well, the most useless survivor.

They bicker, since young people in a Film, and don't agree on what to do.

The bad guy is apparently still just kind of hanging around this small stretch of (I assume) California desert they live in.

He now has face paint like Mr. Fuji managing Demolition and a small crew of men still looking for the rest of those who 'wronged' him.

The Stepmom and guy (Egon?) are pretty useless, with the latter getting wounded and just kind of laying around for 90% of the Film.

The lady does kill a bad guy or two but then (softly) falls over after firing her gun.

I think she's supposed to be sick, but it just looks sad.

Now it is up to the young ladies to get medicine and save the day!

Can they survive the (tiny stretch of California) wasteland?
Will Wells get his revenge?

To find out, stream it now!

It's not the worst Film, but it is far less than advertised!

Are there Road Wars in Road Wars: Max Fury?  Yeah...no.
People drive cars slowly on desert roads until you get one car pushing another in the climax.

Wasteland action?  Well...a little.
Generic guys in generic Wasteland Attire mostly go down in one shot and have no characteristics.

The Wasteland is just the California Desert, save for (literally) a 10 second CGI shot of a knocked over car.

So is there nothing good here?

Honestly, the Acting is alright, it's nice to have Female Leads (the redeeming thing about their Jumanji rip-off) and they do clearly have a little bit of a story here.
Wells tries his best to be menacing at, well, nearly 80 years old.

This isn't a terrible Film, but it is also NOTHING like what it promises to be.

This guy would not be pleased...

A Film that could have been some ridiculous nonsense.  Unfortunately, they didn't try too hard and got, well, this.

Tubi Thursday: Tomb Invader (2018)

The Live-Action Tomb Raider Film from 2018 is on Tubi.

So is The Asylum's 'inspired' Film.

Let's check that one out first...

In a Cold Open, 2 ladies and a dead meat guy try to figure out which key will open a door.

They chose...poorly.

In the Present, we meet Alabama (or Ally) Channing is a Tomb Ra...er, Invader.

They basically give you the Temu Version of the Intro to the first Indiana Jones Film.

She goes back to her College Job and gets a mysterious package- her dead Mom's Journal!

A rich guy calls her and offers her a chance to get the treasure that her Mother tried to get.

She goes to the Tomb- the Title would be a lie otherwise- with her two friends, a Love Interest guy with Stubble and the rich guy.

Who will live?
Will they find the Treasure?

Our Heroine also doesn't quite dress like Lara Croft, despite what the Cover Art says.

I'm shocked.

To find out how her adventure begins (and also ends, because they decide to reboot Tomb Raider instead), stream it now...

A so-so adventure that doesn't do all that much.
I guess it does that stuff alright though.

Is this just a way to do 'Tomb Raider' without paying for the licensing?  Yes.
Not Lara Croft is good, but I never got much more out of her than 'I want to return treasures to their people' and 'I'm sad sometimes.'

She's definitely going for more...but it is missing.

The Film is set in China.
They clearly shot all of it in California.

Oh right- they used a few CGI shots of an Asian Temple they bought from a Stock Footage Website a couple of times.  I'm now convinced.

This is the kind of DTV Film that is just kind of so-so, inoffensive and you kind of forget about in a week or so.

Now let's change the Actress for the Foreign Cover...for some reason.

A Film that is halfway decent, fairly low budget and inoffensive.  Do I expect more from The Asylum at this point?

Tubi Thursday: The Final Level- Escaping Rancala

 As far as Reboots go, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle was fine.

Since it made lots of money, they made a Sequel in 2019.
The Asylum made a rip-off that same year...

In 2012, a kid goes missing inside of a video game.

Oh, so this is just Tron?

10 years later, his Sister reopens the Arcade he disappeared inside of.

They activate a game called Rancala and see that he's apparently trapped inside.

They agree to enter the game, since he's listed as Player One and the game is seeking Players 2-4.

They appear on a Beach.

Despite two of them being Gamers, they somehow forget how Games work.

We also get an NPC like Rhys Darby, but worse.

Can they get a hang of things?

Could they have made her look more like Karen Gillan?

Asking for a Lawyer.

Many fights occur, complete with on-screen graphics.

If only they were really good.

They're...alright...I guess.

Remember how Bai Ling is Credited on the Cover?

She finally appears at 58 minutes in the Film.

They find her at the Final Level (oh, I get it!) and she helps them fight the Super Boss.

Can they win?
To find out, stream it now.

This sure...exists.

Positives- this is a bit more like Tron, at least with the Setup. 
How the Game works without it being semi-alive like in Jumanji though...is anyone's guess.

I can also appreciate focusing on an all-Female Cast in place of getting a guy who looks like The Rock or Kevin Hart.

With that said, the Action is pretty underwhelming, the Productions Values are minimal, the Acting is only so-so and they don't do much with the Setting.

We get a few teases of what Jumanji did, but that's it.

In exchange, we get a bunch of so-so Fights, melodrama and that's about it.  Maybe that's why they rebranded it for other releases...

She fights a tiny T-Rex once, so...

A pretty underwhelming Film that feels far more like Cosplay.  I'd love for someone to do something fun with this Theme...but this isn't it.

Tubi Thursday: Ape vs. Mecha-Ape- New World Order (2024)

 Nothing can unite Disney and Warner Bros like The Asylum!

This is the final part (please!) of the Ape Trilogy, which was marketed to piggyback off of the planned release of the most recent Captain America Film (which was then delayed into 2025).

It's...something.

The Film opens with a Flashback/Retcon to the Film called Ape vs. Monster.

While the ship with the Ape (which was a Chimpanzee in that Film) is coming back, it crashes into a monster...somehow.

In the last Film, the US Government made a Mecha-Ape, because reasons.

After that one was hijacked and destroyed, the Japanese Government- led by the Prime Minister- funded a new one...because reasons.

They say it is for Search and Rescue, which is definitely what a 30 foot Robot Ape is for!

Elsewhere, a Cruise Ship is attacked by the same strange creature from the Intro.

This is a Plot Point and it only gets sillier as the Film goes on.

The Ape is now on his own island- see the first Monsterverse Kong Film- and upset about something our 2 Scientist friends can't decipher.

As it turns out, he knows that the Monster is coming and they have a quick fight, ending in the Ape being wounded.

The B-Plot involves the Government people- like 3 of them- trying to handle the chaos.

The C-Plot involves this Reporter- whose parents were on the cruise- spending way too much time obsessing over Port Security.
No, really.

This eventually pays off...in a great case of Tell, Don't Show.

The Mecha-Ape flies over to fight the strange creature, in spite of the protests of the Japanese PM- and grabs it to fly it into the upper Atmosphere.

The Film really cheaps out, giving you one shot of them and then just showing the lady in the Control Room instead.

Lame.

The Film promises you a battle between a giant Ape, a giant Ape Robot and, well, Cthulhu.

If you come to the Film for it, just know how much you get...

The End.

A Film I wanted to like.  Honest!

I've said this before, but I will repeat it- I want to watch a Film and like it.
Does that need repeating?

The Film tries to be a big Budget Film without having said big Budget.  It was a mistake to do something that you couldn't do.

To the Film's credit, they try to make this into the final part of a Trilogy.  It is kind of silly how they do so, but kudos for the effort.

On the flip side, they use SO MUCH STOCK FOOTAGE.  It is embarrassing to see in 2024 by (technically) a real Film Studio.

We only get about 5 minutes of big Action across nearly 90 minutes.  It's just a poor decision, kind of like giving Sean Young this haircut...

I apologize if this turns out to be her idea, but I need a Stinger.

A Film that sounds like lots of silly fun.  Unfortunately, the Film is so cheap and full of talking that most of the fun is seriously absent!

Tubi Thursday: Triassic World (2018)

 The Asylum strikes again!  This time, let me check out their response to Jurassic World....Fallen Kingdom.

I was expecting Triassic World - Fall of the Kingdom, but alright.

A dinosaur is on the loose in a Scientific Facility.

It appears to be a mix of a Raptor and a T-Rex.
Is this a Plot Point?

No.

Our Heroes have been cloning dinosaurs and then giving them human DNA to make them into Organ Farms.

A rich guy wants to invest, but he shows up the day that everything goes wrong!

The Dinosaur attacks the potential Donor, but doesn't kill him.

As time goes on, him (and another guy who was also wounded) start to act strange.

Meanwhile, the others try to contain the creature, while coyly ripping off Jurassic Park.

The Director is clearly up to no good and knows more than they let on.

She *might* be inspired by a certain Jurassic World Character, though I can't Bryce it...I mean, place it.

*******

Can they figure out the cause of the strange behavior (that might be a bit inspired by The Last of Us)?

Can they stay alive with the Dinosaur on the loose?

Or will the release of more of the same CGI Models...I mean, Dinosaurs spell their end?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A Film that has none of the ambition of what it is ripping off.

Does that make it bad?

Positives first.

I like that they seemed to have a practical Dinosaur body for some shots.  Good.

The Acting is pretty good.

The one CGI Model looks fine.

The Film really leans into being bloody, so just be aware.
The Tone is very morose.  It is a Film where joy goes to die (at the bloody teeth of dinosaurs).

I'm all for making fun Dinosaur Films, whether you spent $1 million or $150 million.

I just wish that this was fun.

Sorry, Japanese Poster- you're too good for this one.

A Film that is a much lower scope and scale rip-off marketing-wise.  I just wish that it was really fun or interesting.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Ape vs. Mecha-Ape- New World Order (2024)

 The Asylum is a give that keeps on giving.

That gift is smelly socks, but it is a gift nonetheless.

In this case, let's look at a Japanese Poster for their most recent MonsterVerse rip-off Film.

As a bonus, its Title was designed to leech off of Marvel's most recent Film (that was meant to come out in 2024).

Hot damn!
Japan coming in hot!

I've not seen this Film, save for a few stills, but there's no way that it is this bombastic and cool.

One day soon I'll find out.

Tubi Thursday: Snow White and the 7 Samurai (2024)

 Let's stick with the 'Updated Fairy Tale' Theme here and go to an old enemy...I mean, friend (?)- The Asylum.

Will this 2024 Snow White Film work where- apparently- Disney's did not?

Let's find out...

In Present Day Los Angeles, a Drug Kingpin (Eric Roberts) has a Daughter who wants him to go legit.

This is rendered moot when he's killed in literally the first 5 minutes.

Whoops.

Why is she called 'Snow White,' you ask?
Because her Dad was a COCAINE Kingpin.

No, really.

In the wake of his death, she gets the empire, but the Wife sends a (hunts)man to kill her.

Is that...B.A. breaking bad?!?

She survives, of course, but now the Wife is working to take over the whole Empire!

You know- his Kingdom!

Our Heroine is saved by a woman who turns out to be part of a group of Lady Samurais (with about 2 Asians in the group of 7) who call themselves Omninusha.

The Close Captions don't agree, as it always comes out as Onee-Musha.

They are the remains of an elite group of fighters and defenders of peace.

They are shadows.
They are the night.

They are...kind of bad at this.

I'll spare you the Plot Twist this one time.  Sorry, not sorry.

The Wife is an expert fighter and fends off the other Omnimusha.

How?

She was one herself!

Where have I seen that exact Plot Twist with an elite group of female fighters before?

Can they stop her?

Can Snow White get her revenge?

To find out, stream this one now.

A pretty silly Movie that plays it 1,000% straight.

Consider the Plot- heretofore unknown Elite Samurai must stop an expert Fighter from taking over the Drug Cartels alongside a lady who has only trained with them for like a week.

Does that sound silly?  Yes.
Do they think so?  No.

Positives- there are some good fight Scenes, and they do mine some decent pathos out of this one.  It's not much, but the one-on-one fights are somewhere between a Direct-to-Streaming Film (like this) or stuff that tries to be John Wick.

The Pacing is the big issue as the middle is taken up by 'Let's Train Snow White' for ages.  It wasn't a great choice or execution.

Beyond just a silly pun Title, this one is alright, but not much more.  Speaking of that Title, it's one so old and obvious that even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon made it when I was a kid!

A pretty so-so Film with some decent fights and action.  It's just too bad that the same effort didn't go into the Script and Production Values that went into the sparring.