Compendium- The Exorcist Films (with Bonus Content)

 Since I did these in no particular order over the Years, let me put all of the Reviews in Order for ease of use.

1) The Exorcist (1973)- MONDO BIZARRO: Pre-Holiday Flix: The Exorcist (1973) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Exorcist II- The Heretic (1977)- MONDO BIZARRO: '70s Trash: Exorcist II- The Heretic (1977) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) The Exorcist III- Legion- MONDO BIZARRO: Forgotten Three-quels: The Exorcist 3 (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Exorcist- The Beginning (the cut released Theatrically)- MONDO BIZARRO: Renny Harlin Week: Exorcist- The Beginning (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Dominion- Prequel to The Exorcist (the one released on DVD)- MONDO BIZARRO: Forgotten Prequels: Dominion- Prequel to the Exorcist (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

6. The Exorcist- Believer (2023)- MONDO BIZARRO: 2023 Catch-Up: The Exorcist- Believer (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

Bonus

1) Repossessed (the Parody Film)- MONDO BIZARRO: Holiday Flix: Repossessed (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Legion (Book Comparison to Film)- MONDO BIZARRO: Fiction vs. Fiction: The Exorcist III (aka Legion) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) Return of the Exorcist (the knock-off also called Exorcist III) (1975)- MONDO BIZARRO: Rip-Off Flix: Return of the Exorcist (1975) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Beyond the Door (the less-blatant Italian copycat) (1974)- MONDO BIZARRO: Clone Wars (The Exorcist): Beyond the Door (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Exorcism (the blatant Spanish copycat) (1975)- MONDO BIZARRO: The Clone Wars (The Exorcist)- Exorcism (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

6) Abby (aka The Black Exorcist) (1974)- MONDO BIZARRO: The Clone Wars (The Exorcist)- Abby aka The Black Exorcist) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

Tubi Thursday: Petey Wheatstraw, The Devil's Son-In-Law

 It's Black History Month and I haven't done anything with Rudy Ray Moore in a long time.  Time to rip off that band-aid with...

Petey is a big, tough kid.  How tough?

He's born as a fully-functional, English-speaking 8-10 year old!

That's the right face, yep.

So, naturally, we jump to him as a pre-Teen (which is how long after his birth?) and he's being bullied...until he learns Martial-Arts.

In the Present (of 1977), he's a popular Stand-Up Comedian who uses an obvious Stunt Double to do Karate.

If you want some of Moore's stand-up, you can see him call a lady fat and tell another guy to shut up.  Hilarious.

A pair of Comedians/Promoters get money from Mr. White (the Token White Guy) to build a Club based on the idea that nobody is coming to Town.

Moore's coming to Town.

So, naturally, they go right to killing a child and then killing everyone at a Funeral.

Petey is brought to Hell by the Devil, who wants him to marry his Daughter (who's face is always covered).  He agrees...but plans to back out of it.

He gets revenge on the Promoters by ruining their Show Carrie-style.

Later, he uses Satan's Magic Cane to do stuff like save a child, make a woman lose weight and turn a guy into a Dog.

Eventually, he has to honor his part of the bargain...but he doesn't want to.

Shockingly, putting a life-like Moore mask on a Hobo doesn't work.
Shocking, I say!

It all comes to a head with a big battle between Moore with the magic Cane and the Devil, who has the same powers (but is now shorter and weird-looking).

This should be 100% even...so Moore wins and tosses the Devil off of the roof.

He breaks the cane and goes to his friends...only to learn that it was a trick and he's going to Hell.  Yep, even Moore can't escape the Downer '70s Ending.

A pretty minimal tweak to the usual formula.  So, it would be like if you ate normal Spaghetti and Meatballs once a week.  One week, someone puts peppers into it.  You're like 'Oh, that's kind of different...but it's still the food you normally have.'

Petey Wheatstraw gives you what you'd expect from a Rudy Ray Moore Film.  He's rude to people.  He complains about life in the Ghetto.  He does comedy, as well as 'comedy.'  He uses sped-up Film like Zack Snyder uses slow-down Film.  He does fake Karate in close-ups and then better Karate in far-away shots.

To be fair, the stuff with the Devil and his minions here can be fun.  It just doesn't really indulge in much of that until the 3rd Act.  In the 1st Act, you get the prolonged child killing (which FYI is not undone).  In the 2nd Act, you get him using his powers for revenge and later good.  It's a bit random in tone, Plot and Theme, as you can see.

For being a mix of '70s Conventions (like Films about the Devil and Blaxploitation), it's a bit of a fun oddity, but it's no more enjoyable than most Moore Films.  Is it based on a Book though?!?!?!?

It's not.

Basically, it is a Dolemite Movie with some Horror in it.  It's...as good as bad as that may sound to you.

Tubi Thursday: Black Shampoo (1976)

 Let's look back at a Film about a Hair Stylist who ends the Film wielding a Chainsaw.  Curious?
Read on...

In Los Angeles, a Hair Salon is bright (at least in the better, Blu-Ray print) and busy.

It's main Attraction?

The Lead Stylist- a big, black sex machine that's a hit with all the ladies.  No, you shut your mouth!  Rude.

He's here to keep setting up Scenes that are almost Porn...but nothing is visible on-camera.

I'm pretty sure that Machete was parodying this...

He falls head over heels for his Receptionist, which gives us the most romantic and forced montage until Julie & Jack.

What could go wrong?

Well, she used for a guy named- you guessed it- Mr. Big and he sends his goons to smash up the place to get her back.

Our Lead is always conveniently away when the bad things happen, since we have to save THAT for the Finale.

He gets all mopey when it seems like she really wants to be gone, but she's just protecting him.  Sadly, The Cure's first Album wouldn't come out until 1979, so he'd just have to settle for going to his Cabin.

She eventually takes some evidence from the bad guys and flees to him, getting the Salon (and random Customers) caught in the crossfire.

As teased by the Intro, we *finally* get something interesting as he fends off a trio of Gangsters with a small chainsaw!  He wins and the Film just cuts to a distorted frame.  The End.

Oh and did I mention that this was done by Greydon Clark?  Yes, the guy behind Stargames and Dark Future!  Same one!

This is...not as interesting as it might sound.  If you love that retro, '70s vibe and don't ask for much else, you get it here.  The Music, the Fashion- all of that.  Sadly, a great Story doesn't come with that.

Our Hero only has 3 Settings- Mildly-Bemused (when constantly asked for sex), Sad (when she's gone) and Pensively-Mad (see above).  He's not exactly the most emotive guy and you kind of need this when the Plot is thinner than a line of you-know-what at Studio 54.

Other than the funky (somewhat insistent) music and silly flourishes (like fading into a film distortion for every transition), there's little here to make the Film stand out amongst stuff like Black Samurai and the like.  Sadly, it got far less acclaim than, well, the 'white version'...

A fun concept kind of gets buried in all of the Montages and nothing.  A decent, random Ending saves it from being a complete loss.

Holiday Flix?: The Black Dragon (1974)

I love it when Movies are honest.  So often they lie, trick or mislead you into seeing their Film.  We see it now with Glass being marketed around what basically makes up solely the 3rd Act.  It's not 100% false, since the moments do happen.  Other Films lie to you in subtle ways- like showing Hulk in Wakanda last year- and others do it somewhat accidental ways.  When your Film was shot and then reshot to death, it is somewhat understandable to see Footage in the Trailers that doesn't make it in.  It happens all of the time- from Justice League to Rogue One.  Bigger stuff like blatantly adding nonsense to Films like the Villain in Highlander: Endgame using magic to fight our Heroes appears to be just outright lies.  This is The Black Dragon, the tale of Ronnie Van Clief trying to survive in The Philippines as a new arrival.  It's a good Film to do for MLK Jr Day, since it is about a famous Black Martial Artist.  There's actually a neat Documentary on this as well that you should check out.  The people themselves talk about learning Kung-Fu or Karate in self-defense, but also to empower themselves.  They managed to be marketable worldwide this way- see Jim Kelly.  Mr. Van Clief has a very impressive Resume, which you should definitely Google.  To see how his breakout role took place, read on...

Our Story begins...in China.  Weird place for Ron to live, but it worked for Jaden Smith.

He's...a Chinese Guy who moves to the Philippines to make money to help his family...

Say what?!?

Did a DVD Box (and 40+ years of Marketing) lie to me?  Does the Box describe Ron as the Hero (literally in this person's place with the exact same setup) to trick me?  Can I NOT trust a DVD Set called Bad Ass Mofos?!?

No, I can't.  Ron is in the Movie...at about 20 minutes in.  Back again at around 40 minutes.  He turns out to be a good guy who fights (for a little bit) alongside the real Film's Hero and doesn't add much (other than being a Bad Ass Mofo for a few minutes).  Damn you, everything about how the Film was sold!!!!

The End (for me).

Seriously though, he is NOT the Star!  The actual Film is mostly just Chinese Connection (and made a year after Bruce Lee's death).  It's alright.  The Print is terrible, being a Pan and Scan with notable hissing and fading.  Even in glorious 4K HD, the Film would still just be 'alright' though.  It's not what I was promised and it's not even *that* interesting if you can accept that.  Time to track down more Van Clief at a later date (probably in February).  In the meantime, let's see what this Serial with a similar Title is like...

Fooled again!!!

Happy Holiday and all that.  If you want your fix, just watch Dolemite (or 1,000 other better Films).

'70s Trash: Devil's Express

A Film who's greatest achievement is the name of its Star.  Today's Film is Devil's Express, a 1976 Blaxploitation Kung-Fu Monster Movie.  That sounds amazing!  It's...alright.  This one 'jumped the line' of Reviews for me since it sounded so ridiculous and I wanted to end Black History Month by watching it.  I don't regret my choice.  In any event this Film- also known as Gang Wars- is about a man, a monster and the magic amulet that connects them.  As I said, it is a strange mix of Blaxploitation- being about a mighty Black Hero who hates 'the man'-, Kung-Fu Film - featuring lots of Martial Arts and China - and a Monster Movie- because of said monster.  The Plot involves a mystical Amulet, a monster that seeks it and a City full of other problems.  the film has some clear pacing issues and an inability to pick what it wants to focus on.  A Story is going on- well, let's stop that for some romance.  The Plot moved forward- stop that for another Alley Kung-Fu fight.  It's a bit of a mess.  To find out how odd this whole thing is, read on...

Before talking about the Plot, let's highlight the Film's Star, or, rather, his name.  Embrace this glorious, glorious name...

Anyhow, the Film begins in...China...in the past.  The short version: evil amulet and everyone who knew where it is buried is dead.

In New York, Mr. Tanzania is learning the Martial Arts and has a Cop friend...even if he won't do what the guy wants- become a Cop himself.

He goes to China with another friend to train, which is important since it brings the amulet into the Story.

Other than that, it is slow, plodding filler.  That's the norm, sadly.

Back in the City, the tensions are rising between the two big gangs- the Blacks and the Chinese.

Somehow they do Drug Deals and hold-ups in public in broad daylight.  Look at all of these witnesses in the background!!!

When the Amulet was taken by our Hero's friend, a creature rose.  It attacks a guy and mutates him, leading to many, many minutes of him wandering around before he goes into the Subway and mutates.

Since it takes forever for the creature finally even exist and start killing random people, let me focus on the hilarious Kung-Fu Fights.  There are about four of these and feature really silly choreography.

It also features some hilarious stuff like this...

After the creature kills many people and tensions rise even more, the Chinese Gang makes a truce with Tanzania.  They tell him about the Amulet and...what is up with this guy's face?!?

I mean no offense if that is legitimately what he looked like due to some disease, but...damn!

The whole Film comes down to the battle between good and evil!  It is...mostly just a dull Martial Arts fight between Tanzania and random people (which the creature assumes the form of).

After not much excitement, he kills it and the whole thing is covered up.  The End.

It should be better.  It should be more interesting.  It should have a clear identity.  Devil's Express is a whole mess of a Film that never quite focuses.  At points, it can't decide whether it wants to be about Gangs or a Monster or our Hero.  This should be great.  Just to be clear- not actually great, but great by my silly standards.  I should get lots of shots of the Monster.  I should see him Kung-Fu fight with War Hawk Tanzania.  I should get something more than what I got.  It's not a complete waste, but it is a bit of a 'meh' affair when it should be laughably-great.  War Hawk Tanzania, by the way, has a very sparse IMDB Page.  It just has his name and his two official Credits- that's it.  Is he alive or dead?  What's he up to?  Why wasn't he in Black Panther?!?  Regardless, Devil's Express is alright...but should be hilarious.  Kind of like how this kick being off by about a foot is hilarious, you know.

Next time, I do the Film I actually meant to.  You do that voodoo that you do so well, sir.  Stay tuned...

Holiday Flix: Jive Turkey

I've avoided Thankskilling for another year.  The trend continues!  Today's Film is Jive Turkey, a 1974 Blaxploitation Film that I've apparently owned for years.  It is part of a 50 Film Drive-In Collection whose most notable Films include Invasion of the Bee Girls, The Werewolf vs The Vampire Woman and The Guy From Harlem.  It also has some random ones like the U.S. Cut of Tenebre (as Unsane), Night Train to Terror and Savage Journey- the tale of the Mormons traveling to Utah.  Yes, the same set with Voodoo Black Exorcist and Black Hooker has the tale of the Mormons.  You're oh so random, Movie Set!  So how festive is this Film?  It is a Pun- get over it!  The Film is oddly-presented as an Historical Tale- go figure.  It is all about Crime in the Ghetto and how a guy from F-Troop is an evil Mobster.  Let's just get this over with, alright?

Just to get this out of the way: the Film is set in 1956 for no apparent reason.  It is not a real Historical Tale as far as I can tell, plus they say this...

All good?  Okay.

So The Blues Brothers shoot some people as war wages between Numbers Men in the Black Community and the Mobsters in the same area.

During an intentionally-hilarious montage, we see the lead guy going around and pulling money out of all sorts of places.

What are the odds that nobody else finds this?  Oh and I'm still not entirely sure what he even does!

We get a Focal Point Character in the form of some guy who looks alot like Billy Dee Williams, but mostly just focus on random bits as the Film literally starts to melt.

Oh and this lady shows up.  Still less random than a Scene involving Della Reese arguing about Racism at a Deli that they added to Psychic Killer though.

Oh look- our Focal Point Character is dead.  How ever will I care?

Seriously, this Film gave us a Transvestite cutting a Mobster's throat in the first 20 minutes.  Where did it have to go from there?

The two Bosses finally meet up (as our Special Guest Star is back!) and F-Troop Guy is killed.

In the aftermath, this other guy is killed while someone nearby laughs.  The (Dead) End.

Was it worth the pun?  Well, I didn't watch Thankskilling or Free Birds, so yes.  Other than that, it is pretty forgettable.  The Acting is pretty amateurish, but never quite bad enough to be funny.  The production values are pretty low.  The whole thing looks and feels cheap.  The whole thing is very dated.  If you love this kind of 70s stuff, it has *some* moments to make you laugh, but is pretty forgettable.  It needed more Dolemite- clearly!  On the plus side, I get to point out how this kid has a Hat from the future.  After all, the Dodgers didn't come to Los Angeles until 1958.  It is either that or this Movie didn't give a crap.  Take your pick, I guess.

Seriously, give thanks for all the good Thanksgiving Films you can watch like...um...anything but Pocahauntus.

Rare Flix: Welcome Home, Brother Charles

I picked this for one reason, but was it worth it?  Today's Film is Welcome Home, Brother Charles, a 1975 Blaxploitation Film also known as Soul Vengeance.  The latter Title sounds more like the Subtitle for a Tekken Film!  This rare Film tells the tale of a man sent to Jail for, well, something he actually did.  However, worse punishment that he deserves happens to him and he goes through some troubles in Prison.  When he gets out a few years later, he just wants to make peace.  Things change and he eventually seeks his (alternate) titular revenge.  The Film has an odd hook to it, but why SPOIL things now.  To note, our Star only has *this* Film on his IMDB page, which is kind of interesting.  The rest worked here and there in things, the White Actors even appearing in quite a few Westerns.  Why should you care about Brother Charles?  To find out, read on...

In a pre-Abrams Flash Forward, we see Charles threatening to jump off of a roof.  How did it come to this?

We flash back to Charles in his Pimp days.  He's arrested...for actually trying to commit a crime, but then the Racist Cop (there's always one...in Films) stabs him in his junk.

On top of that, he gets sentenced to 3 years in Prison by a crooked Lawyer (there's always one...you know the joke), the Racist Cop and a Judge who was actually at the Scene as 'a John.'

Even Clarence Thomas would call you out on your conflict of interest there!

When he gets out, things have changed.  His lady is working for his former-friend, the latter of whom never once helped him during his time away.

While Charles finds it hard to get work (that's better now...right?), he also sees a Doctor about some strange health issues since his exit from Prison.  Where is this going?

Eventually, Charles decides that he needs to get his (soul) vengeance.  He goes after the Racist Cop first and shows off a strange ability to control his wife.  Huh?

When he goes after the Lawyer that sent him away next, they finally reveal the secret.  Charles' weapon is...

His dick.

Seriously, he now has a giant, mutant dick that chokes this guy like a constrictor snake!

With only 10 minutes to go in the Film, Charles' attempt to kill the Judge is blocked and we tie back to the Flash Forward.  His Lady shows up and...tells him to jump.  Does he?

Who knows- the Film ends right there!  The End.

Based on why I got it, this is kind of a disappointment.  I won't lie- I knew what the twist was.  That's why I picked it.  The Film takes FOREVER to give you the pay-off.  Is it just because the Budget was about enough to buy one Dinner at Outback Steakhouse?  They clearly went for the crazy gimmick, so why not highlight it more?  So with that said, the pay-off is pretty nice.  It doesn't make a lick of sense, but who cares?  This is pure gold.  It is just a shame that the rest of the Film is either bleak, awkward or just plain drawn-out.  I wanted to tell you 'Oh man- this is great!  I discovered a gem that will break the Internet!!!'  Alas, I didn't.  Welcome Home, Brother Charles is a Film with some goofy-ass nonsense at the end, but that's about it.  On the plus side, it Stars The Miz's Character from The Marine 3-4 and someone I'm just going to assume is Bam Bam Bigelow's Dad...

Next up, I celebrate the Season Finale of Lucha Underground.  To do so, a modern Film with a Mexican Wrestler and a Mummy!  Stay tuned...