Birthday Review: The Condemned 2 (with Randy Orton)

 A special Review for one reader- even if it is a bit late.  Like an RKO, however, this came out of nowhere!

This is The Condemned 2, a 2015 DTV Sequel to a Film that definitely exists.
That one featured 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin in the 2nd proper WWE Films Production (after The Marine).

In the wake of that Film's mild success, we got a bunch of random Films that I've covered over the years.

We soon got Sequels to their Films- like The Marine 2, 12 Rounds 2 (also with Orton), 12 Rounds 3 and See No Evil 2- , original Films- Christmas Bounty, Vendetta and The Chaperone- and Sequels to other Films- Leprechaun- Origins, Jingle All the Way 2 and Surfs Up 2- that they licensed.

Back when they made The Marine 2, Randy Orton was Cast as the Lead (as Cena was busy winning LOL).
Catch- he was an actual Marine...and dishonorably discharged for trying to flee the ship.  No personal judgement, but it stopped him from being cast in place of Ted Dibiase Jr.
(Ted DiBiase Jr was Cast in his place and is now facing serious charges)

In 2015, Randy Orton was given a SECOND WWE Films Sequel to sink his teeth into- this one.

Is it good or did I waste $1?  To find out, read on...

A bad guy- Wes Studi- is doing all sorts of bad stuff, like having bad people bet on how fast 2 homeless folks will die when you poison them.

That's...definitely not kosher.

A Bail Enforcement Agent- Randy Orton- goes to bring him in, but a fight breaks out.

He accidentally kills Studi (who dies within the first 10 minutes, but gets a top credit) and is subsequently given bail for the accidental manslaughter.

He goes back home to work with his Dad, who is a Talking Cat?!?...I mean, Eric Roberts.

Randy becomes a Tow Truck Driver, which gets him an honest living and the attention of some ladies shot like they're in a Michael Bay Film.

However, the 2nd-in-Command for Studi takes over and sets a strange plan in motion.

He threatens to kill all of Orton's buddies from the Bail Bond Agency and sends them after him, betting whether or not each one will die.

His first pal attacks him in a Bar and Orton is forced to kill him...I mean, kind of.

He somehow breaks his neck by pressing it on the end of a pool table...

A second buddy tries to kill him, but first drives him out into the Desert.

His third buddy- a Sniper, as we established in the Intro- is now trying to kill him on a ridge.

We also get a random Scene where the Boss says that his version of Killers on PPV is better than in The Condemned.   Now we're a Sequel!

He keeps trying, but Orton is helped out by his 4th buddy.

They get away from one location, but must survive a second shootout.

Thankfully, his Dad arrives to help!
He's already got way more screen time than the last time I saw him.

As we reach the hour mark, Orton fends off his final buddy- an Explosives Expert- but is then shot by the Sniper.  He's persistent!

The gun has been blowing up trucks, RVs and the front half of a lady (see a future Poor Bastards of Cinema)!

Can he survive?

Oh yeah, of course.  Why would you think otherwise?

He has a big face-off with the bad guy- who put himself into the game to get the payout- for the Finale.

Good wins. 
The End.

A Film with a decent setup, but...it gets really repetitive really fast.  
Sorry, Randy.

The Plot has potential- setting up his team and then pitting them against them- but doesn't do as much as you'd like with it.

He has a bunch of generic fights with some guys, hides from a Sniper and, eventually, has a decent showdown with the explosives guy.

I was honestly expecting more interesting Fight Scenes with Orton involved and at least one wrestling move thrown in.
In the last Film of his I covered, he back suplexed a guy...as an EMT.
No such luck here.

As far as Action Films go, it is kind of bland.  It tries to add some flourishes- like drone shots-, some explosions and lots of CGI muzzle flashes.

Acting wise, it is honestly pretty good.  I just wish that they had more to work with here, honestly.

Quality wise, it is better than the first Condemned.  Fun wise, it is way more generic.  Oh well.

Lastly, how come Orton's picture here- shown in the Intro- has a headshot of him after the second Fight Scene...

Next time, let me jump way back to the 1950s.  With the Internet 'enjoying' the newest War of the Worlds, how is the Original?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Tuesday: The Legend of Black Annie (2015)

This Film was watched on Thursday.  I just was too damn tired to also Review it.
That said, this one has been in my Queue since I started this Segment!

Here's a treat for you- two Tubi Reviews in one week.

Here is...

A guy goes out hunting.

He sees weird smoke.

Strange things happen.
It all ends badly for him.

It turns out he's the Mayor of a small Town.

This death relates to a young girl named- shock of shocks- Annie (aka Black Annie) who was chased by some kids.

After putting this new footage behind a terrible, strobing filter, she ends up falling to her death.

In the present, those related to it are killed.

Will our Professor here be the one to solve the case before everyone in town dies mysteriously?

Well, the Film is pretty much just a series of these Scenes, with flashbacks and filler.

You know this this a flashback because they added a Filter to it.

Sigh.

Will Black Annie get her revenge on, well, just about everyone over the age of 40 in this Town?

Will the sleaziness of the Film make up for all of its faults?

To find out, stream it now.

I clearly didn't miss out on much after all of this time skipping this one on Tubi.

Simply put, the Film isn't good.

It really is just Death, Setup to new Death (with three people reading about it in the Papers), a little Plot and then that Death.

Maybe if the Death Scenes are good or interesting, I might still like it, you say nervously.

They aren't.

The Film looks and feels very cheap, from the Sets to the lazy Plot to the Filters.
None of it is that good.
None of the Characters are good.

I don't like to be the angry Reviewer or anything, but...I mean, this one is a bit of dumpster fire...or a completely realistic-looking Church Fire...

A Film that doesn't aspire to be much and, well, it succeeds.  None of it is just that interesting or original- sorry.

Should You Bother?: X-Men- Days of Future Past- The Rogue Cut

Back in 2014, I remember seeing this one in a Theater.  It was great.
It was a big, ridiculous Movie in all of the best ways.

In 2015, Fox put out a second cut which added Rogue into it (besides just her ending Cameo).
I never saw that.

Cut to 10 years after that came out and I got the Blu-Ray (and Digital) at a Goodwill.

Let's get a quick recap in there, since this is not an official Review...

In the year 2023, things are bad.  Not our kind of bad, mind you, but the World is mostly devoid of life, Mutants are in Camps and the Sentinels run everything.

A group of mutants- Storm, Wolverine, Professor X and Magneto- team up with another group- Kitty Pryde, Blink, Sunspot, Bishop, Colossus and Iceman- for a risky gambit (no pun intended).

They can send someone back in time to stop the event that led to the Sentinels being made.

That means sending Wolverine- who can survive the experience- back into his younger body.  He must get a burnt-out Xavier, Beast and Magneto to stop Mystique for accidentally setting things in motion.

Can they do it?

In a nutshell, it's a convoluted way to get the current X-Men Cast- from First Class- and the OG X-Men together in a Film.

As for this Cut...

Should You Bother?

At first, things don't feel that different.

It is a few little things, like Wolverine doing more in his 1973 Intro, a second F-Bomb being dropped and slightly different versions of other Scenes.

We also meet Quicksilver's Sister...but also hear about another Sister?

Is that Polaris?  Who knows?!?

Eventually, we get to the meat of it.

In both Cuts, Kitty is slashed inadvertently by Wolverine and hurt.

In the Theatrical Cut, she gets iced up by Bobby and soldiers on.

In this Cut, Iceman leads a mission- with Xavier and Magneto- to rescue Rogue and bring her there.

Unfortunately, that ends in Iceman's death- in footage repurposed for later in the Theatrical Cut- and the X-Mansion being destroyed.

The Rescue is crosscut with 1973 Magneto breaking into a Government Building to get his helmet.
This Film loves crosscutting.

We also get more Mystique, as she goes from the Airport to the Mansion.
She gets a nice moment with Beast, but has ulterior motives.

She breaks into the basement and destroys Cerebro.

She's thorough.

I honestly wonder why they cut this at all.

As for Rogue- who this Cut is named after- she drains Kitty and takes over.
We get a line of dialogue from 1973 Wolverine (a great car!) where he knows this...somehow.

Other than that, her role is just to be there.
That's it.

It does lead to a change- Kitty pulls Magneto into the Base, as opposed to Blink doing it in the Theatrical Cut.

Yea?

Otherwise, it is still mostly the same Movie.

Verdict: Yes

While not as notable as other Director's Cuts I've covered, this one adds many good moments.

The main selling point- Rogue is in this- doesn't amount to too much in the grand scheme of things.
I enjoyed rewatching this one for the first time in years (I must have rented it at some point between 2014 and 2024!).

Even so, I joked to myself about how long it was until Rogue was even mentioned (about 90 minutes).  The way her stuff is added was well done- it just wasn't like she suddenly got a Character Arc or anything.

The changes improve the Movie.
The changes don't drag the Pacing down.

Plus, if you get the standard release of this like I did, you have both Cuts anyhow.

Don't worry- they didn't cut the 'Time in a Bottle' Scene.

A Fun, adventurous Film that gets lots of minor, but also substantial changes.  The Film is still good though.

Tubi Thursday: Krampus- The Reckoning (2015)

 Let's wrap our yearly look at Krampus Films up with one that I probably should have done first.

When you look up Krampus Films, this one usually comes up first.

Is it the bad CGI?  The 2015 release date?

Yes.

In the Cold Open, a young girl talks to her Grandma about how unhappy she is.

She's told the story of Krampus (we're told).

Some vague amount of time later, a girl is annoyed with her Foster Parents and pulls out a strange doll.

A terrible CGI Model...I mean, Krampus shows up and kills both of them.

We are told that they were burned up as well.

This Cop- who looks like Claudio Castagnoli if you squint- is on the case.

It only gets harder when a Nurse that the girl doesn't like is killed by Krampus too.

At least they sprung for the make-up effects on him.

The Child Psychologist is on the case.

She's got her own stuff going on too, from her adopted Son to her strange scar and her lack of childhood memories.

I'm sure that won't pan out.

Krampus is continuing to punish those that are bad, seemingly at the girl's beck and call.

This...is really what they went with.

Can the truth get revealed?

Will it make any sense?

To find out, ho-ho-hop on over to Tubi to stream it now.

One of the OG Krampus Films- even if still only exists due to the Hollywood Film.

This one is weird.  Let me do the positives...

Krampus is a Monster.
The Plot is more complex than it seems.

Oh and there's lots of random Nudity that comes out of nowhere, if that does it for you.

The negatives- that Krampus Model is so blatantly CGI.  Couldn't you make a mask or something for close-ups?
Credit for not making him look like Ares like in that last Film, but...this CGI Model is a good start and nothing more.
Hell, even if you can't afford better, show it sparingly!

The Plot is so bizarre that it kind of warps around from making no sense to being clever.  It's still not good, but they also didn't take the easy way out.

They did, however, get me an early present- another fake Movie Search Engine...

There are worse Krampus Films and it aimed high.  Unfortunately, the Plot was still kind of silly when you really think about it for five seconds.

Tubi Thursday: Nemesis 5- The New Model (2015/2017)

 At long last, I've reached the end of this Series.

This time, Albert Pyun is not Directing and it is the Director of, oh no, the Black Tree Forest Films.

After TEN MINUTES of Opening Credits and a long, LONG text crawl, we see a young woman walk into a Park Bathroom during a fight between Alex and a Cyborg.

She proceeds to train the girl as said girl (as a woman) narrates.

She sends the girl back to the Present to stop the Cyborgs.

Say good-bye to Alex btw- she's gone.

The bad guys apparently won the PR War and present the Cops as villains.

Our Heroine recreates the Intro of the first Film (badly) and then is pursued by Great Value versions of the Cyborg Twins.

She's called an Enemy of the State.

She teams up with a bunch of random people, goes out to the Desert to seek out the man behind the Cyborgs.

Sadly they couldn't get Tim Thomerson back for this.

By the way, this looks like something out of a ThatGuyWithTheGlasses Film...

It all comes down to a battle between Not Alex and the bad guy (but mostly this older lady playing a Cyborg).

I won't SPOIL it, but I will say that it is barely an hour (less when you cut out the filler shots) and that the 1992 Film looks way better.

The End.

I thought that this Film Series couldn't get worse.  I really, really did.

The first one is fun, but bogged down by a complicated Plot and multiple time-jumps.
The second one is fun, but very unoriginal.
The third one was a big old mess, but had a few good moments.
The fourth one was...something.

This is not even a real Nemesis Film- it was basically sold on the cheap by Pyun to the Director.  This same guy either rips off Horror Films (see the Black Tree Forest Films) or makes his own, overt knockoffs (Sleepaway Camp 2(?!?), The Legacy of Boggy Creek) or makes barely disguised rip-offs (Faces of Dying, Return of the Living Dead- Part II- Extravaganza). 
He's also made stuff that is sure to be immediately dated like 5G Zombies, Ebola Rex vs Murder Hornets.

So yeah, I shouldn't have expected much.

The Film looks cheap, feels cheap and only has a funky, but redundant techno/EDM soundtrack.  Enjoy the 'songs,' but don't expect good Action, Plot or Production Values.

Sorry, Albert Pyun.

A final insult of a Film.  If you learn whose Films to avoid, you can make your Tubi viewing much more enjoyable.

Tubi Thursday: Dracula Reborn (2015)

 I almost want to apologize to last week's Movie.  It could have been worse.

Let's see what this Film with the same name does worse.

A random, hooded man attacks a woman under a bridge.  He drains her blood.  Slowly.

What is going on?

Well, in classic Tell, Don't Show, we learn that Dracula (usually spelled as 'Drakula' in the Subtitles and Captions) is a) Real, b) a Cult Leader and c) behind a series of murders.

Despite how serious and grounded the Film tries to be, this is Dracula/Drakula.

The Film is basically these sections mixed up and drawn out...

Our Heroes sit around and discuss the secret codes/cyphers

A random Vampire lunges at, bites and drains someone for about 5 minutes.

Random shots of Paris.

People talking about nothing.

At least they use CG and real (fake) blood effects.

As a bonus, our Cast appears to speak English as their 2nd language- at best- so the Dialog sounds even less lifelike than it should.

Granted- I'd sound terrible acting in French...so I wouldn't do it (either thing)

Not David Duchovny agrees to take out Heroes to Transylvania for $10,000 to find Drac/Drak.

When they go to his home territory, will things go well?

I mean, he's been killing them in Paris, so...no.

Oy vey!  This one is slow.  This one is dull.

I think they wanted it to seem 'gritty and realistic.'  It is just plain dull.

Again- the Acting and Dialog aren't great.  I don't 100% blame the Actors.  The Writer is not helping here either.

I don't like to be the 'f**k this Movie' guy- honestly.
That said, this one is so boring, so drawn out and just plain pointless.

Plus, this is the Title...so yeah, 'f**k this Movie.'

A Film by a man with a very prolific Filmography.  That said, it was as an Assistant Cameraman and not a Director...which shows.

Fiction vs. Fiction (vs. Fiction)- Z for Zachariah (2015)

 A Review 2 Trips in the making.

On my last plane trip, I read about half of the Book (bought in 2021) and finished on my most recent plane trip.

Let's see what is so different between the Book and the Film of the same name...

***VS***

What's the Same?

The Story involves a young woman named Ann who lives in a pleasant Valley after some sort of viral plague seemingly wiped out most of humanity.

A Scientist in a HAZMAT style suit shows up and gets sick when he washes in the river.

When he recovers, the dynamic changes between the 2...

So here is where the big differences lie...

What's Different?

In the 2015 Film, the conflict comes to a head when a third person- Chris Pine- appears.
He's not in the Book.
At all.

They both seem to pine for Ann and begin to work on a project to get power to the Valley via a Water Wheel, but it would mean taking lumber from the Church.
In the Book, there's talk of this- and Ann spending time in Church praying- but that's it.

Most importantly, Ann in the Book IMMEDIATELY rebuffs the man's advances, since she is 16!
The Scientist then proceeds to hunt her and try to keep her around as his wounded, unwilling Bride!

In contrast, the Film has her seemingly in love with both men, but only one (who, again, is not in the Book) is willing and able to.  It is also SUPER vague about her age here!
What a weird change.

The Film has a more open and vague ending, while the Book sets up a Sequel that, to my knowledge, does not exist. 
To be fair, it's Author did die before he finished it.

Where did this love triangle (as well as a minor racial conflict) come from?
Well, that's from a 1959 Film (which predates even the 1974 Book) called The World, The Flesh and the Devil.

That Film has three Survivors- one Black and one Female.  The two men come into conflict, and she has to try and work things out.

Why didn't they just remake that?

Final Thoughts

The Film is good.  In spite of all of the changes and copying from another Film, it tells a good Story.  The combination does work pretty well, to be fair.

The Book would make a good straight adaptation that would play well in the YA Film Market, if that's still thriving in any way.  Is that still a thing?

It would also make a good Mini-Series or TV Movie...which it was in 1984.
I should review that too, huh?

I do recommend the Book for, as usual, more detail and the proper Story.
I can also recommend the Film, but just know that they change ALOT (including the core premise and conflict) for some reason.