Holiday Flix: Casablanca Express

On this day, we celebrate Troops around the World.  In my case, I do it with fictional ones.  Today's Film is Casablanca Express, a 1989 Thriller about WWII.  The Plot is simple- the Germans want to capture Winston Churchill while he's in Africa.  Can he be rescued from a train?  On the job are the Sons of 2 famous Actors- Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn.  Oftentimes when I'm talking about a Film, I'll describe the 'tone' or 'look' as being 'all over the map.'  In this case, it is literal.  Let's break this down by Country, shall we?  England brings us our fictional Protagonists like Churchill and Connery's Character- not to mention Connery himself.  Canada brings us legendary Character Actor  Glenn Ford in a key role.  Africa- specifically Alger- brings us the setting...even though they actually shot it in Morocco.  Our Female Lead is from Argentina (thankfully not Brazil).  Finally, Italy brings us Quinn and nearly everyone else behind the Scenes.  The Director- Sergio Martino- has a crazy Resume with over 60 Credits behind the Camera.  Of note, he's done Giallos like The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, All The Colors of the Dark and my personal favorite Title- but not Film- Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key.  He also did such Films as 2019: The Fall of New York, The Fishmen and their Queen and Slave of the Cannibal God.  If anyone was the right pick to tell a tale of British heroism in Africa, it was clearly the guy behind The Great Alligator!  Is this barely-remembered Film worth a second look?  To find out, read on...

In 1942, Churchill is in Africa, albeit in secret.  Obviously you can't let the Nazis know where he is right now!

Desperate to get him out, they turn to a 'fixer' of sorts- Connery- who knows how to do extractions.

For all the build-up he gets, however, he's attacked and subdued by Agents that same day.

He is spared, but he doesn't know why (until later).

He works with two other Agents, the latter of whom he's also in a relationship with.

They go on the train, which was the backup plan they went to after the earlier attack.

Did they make the right call?

Nope- it was all a trick!

The earlier attack was to get them to abandon the Plane plan and go to the Train.  An inside man- Ford- then would end up tipping off the Nazis.  Ruh roh.

Connery manages to get to the train- which was stopped by a bombing- and make an elaborate rescue attempt for his comrades and Churchill.

He manages to save many- but not all- of the hostages and Churchill, although his comrade- Quinn- doesn't make it.

In the aftermath, he finds out that this was actually the *double* of Churchill and he's upset.  All's fair in love and (World) War (II), right?

A strange mix of realism and bombastic adventure.  The Film, first and foremost, is pretty darn good.  It won't 'blow you away' or anything, but it is good.  It feels real- since they shot it in Casablanca-, it can feel gritty- lots of people get shot and killed- and it can feel relatively-epic.  The Film never seems to feel like the big-budget stuff that it is trying to ape.  This is 1989, so they are clearly going for Indiana Jones in many ways.  It doesn't *quite* succeed, but the almost-John Williams Score does its best.  I'm kind of amazed that they weren't sued over this.  The confusing part of this one for me is that it wants to be fun and bombastic throughout...until suddenly it gets somber.  A Priest gets shot, a little girl is wounded and many people die.  War is hell...but so are jarring transitions.  We first met Connery and then it went to a playful bit with him and his lady in the Shower.  An hour later, he's been beaten, their comrade has been shot and a dozen people are dead.  Wow.  I don't necessarily fault them for being somewhat-realistic here- as Nazis did kill many people- per se, just the manner in which they did it.  Tonal shifts aside, this has a fun, pulp feel to it and I enjoyed it.  If you're looking for Films about this time and with this kind of feel that you haven't seen, check it out.  I'm sure that you'll have a...Pleasence time...

Next time, we resume our regularly-scheduled program.  It's going to be a Horror Movie, but that won't exactly narrow things down for you.  Stay tuned...

The Real White Meat: Slave of the Cannibal God

There were women beautiful women in the films during the 60s and 70s. However, there was only one Ursula Andress. Of course, to men who lived in this time (i.e. not me), she is affectionately-known as 'Ursula Undress.' You can't tell me that you don't immediately think of her exiting the water and approaching James Bond in Dr. No when you hear that name. In addition, today's movie is by a lesser-known Italian director known as Sergio Martino, the man who brought us All the Colors of the Dark, Big Alligator River (future review) and Island of the Fishmen (also a future review). He is also the man responsible for one of the longest titles in the history of cinema: Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have The Key. Is it good? Eh, not really. While the man never became a big name in America, he did make some interesting genre films that need to be explored. Today's film just so happens to be one of those. It is...

Slave of the Cannibal God

One quick note: This film has also been released as Mountain of the Cannibal God. It is the same film. There are also at least two cuts out there: theatrical (found in most movie bundles) and uncut (found on recent DVD re-release).

*

The story is a simple one: a woman (Andress) and her brother hire a rugged man (Stacy Keach) to take them out to find her explorer husband. He was last seen around the Ra Ra Me Mountain, which is an area inhabited by some dangerous cannibals. The government does not want people going there- cannibal murders do hurt tourism, after all- which makes the trip all the more complicated. Fortunately, the man is up for the job, even if our other visitors are not exactly naturalists. This is where the movie goes into full 'cliche' mode. We get the people riding in a raft, seeing snakes and all sorts of nature footage. Like most of these films, you get scenes of animals being killed on-screen, although it is tame by comparison to films like Cannibal Holocaust. Mind you, this is only in the uncut version though. The group also runs into another explorer named Manola, who is staying at a mission camp. Fortunately, the movie really picks up at this point and introduces some interesting ideas.

*

By way of dream flashbacks (Writing Cliche #638), we learn that the group's guide has an ulterior motive for going to the mountain. As we learn later, he is not alone in this though. A few years earlier, he had been captured by the villagers there, but managed to escape with his life. His goal now: find out if they are still alive and take them out! After all of the build-up, our heroes are captured by said cannibals and taken to their lair for dinner. It is there that our heroes discover the skeleton of Andress' husband, who is worshiped as a God for some strange reasons. You see, the Geiger counter he had on him is beeping, which makes the natives think that his heart is still beating somehow. Why does he have a Geiger counter, you ask? It is quite simple, really. The whole thing about looking for her husband was really just a cover story. The pair are actually after some uranium that is kept inside the mountain. That's slightly different than what you told him.

*

This part of the movie that you are most going to remember. The group is surrounded by natives who partake in much debauchery. One of them goes so far as to hump a nearby pig! You've got to admit- you don't see that in American cinema! Meanwhile, we get the most famous and worthwhile scene: Ursula Andress being rubbed down with gold paint by two female villagers. By the way, this scene is also only available in the Unrated cut. I bet I know which one you'll want to watch now. This whole thing gets one of the cannibals all hot and bothered & he dares to touch the woman. Bad idea, buddy! His comrades grab him and physically-emasculate him. Thanks, movie, I needed to see that special effect. Rather than being a human sacrifice, the villagers opt to turn Andress into their new goddess. Sucks to be everyone else, huh? In spite of this, Keach and Andress manage to escape by diving into the river and floating away. Of course, they lost their friends and achieved nothing. The End.

*

The movie is good, but definitely rife with cliches. What you have to understand is that this sub-genre was not thriving for decades like the Western or the Kung-Fu film. Most of these movies were made in the mid-1970s to early 1980s. So, in less than 10 years, most of these cliches came out you in machine gun like succession. This is not something that only happened with the Cannibal/Jungle Peril genre, but it is pretty shameless. That said, this movie does toss a few twists into the story to disguise this fact pretty well. Unfortunately, it also contains that graphic animal footage that makes people on the fence shy away and has made video distribution a little tricky. In his defense, Martino claims that this was added in later at the behest of his producers, but that is simply conjecture. As far as films go, this is pretty good, given the handicaps that it has. Of course, it is not the pinnacle of this genre. You have to wait for that one a little longer.

*

Up next, the Eighties brings us the pinnacle of Horror cinema. Oh wait- wrong movie. This is actually a Phantom of the Opera film with Pauly Shore. Stay tuned...