'00s Trash: The Stepford Wives (2004)

 A good Story meets a good Director...but turns out crap.  How did we get to this?

In 2004, Frank Oz Directed this Remake (which I guess we needed after multiple Sequels).  It cost over $70 million (more today if you adjust for inflation)!  2 years later, another '70s Film would be Remade with Nicole Kidman as the Lead.  Coincidence?  Probably yes.  What went wrong?

Well, to get there, we have to know the Story IN the Film.  So let's see what secrets are there to be found?  To find out, read on...

A TV Executive (Kidman) is presenting a bunch of Reality Show Premieres to some sort of Company Event.  It looks like an Awards Show though.

At the pitch, a man who's wife left him in one of the Shows arrives and tries to kill her!

Since he also killed his Wife, she's now 'excommunicated' from the TV Industry.  Funny- we've had MULTIPLE Suicides of Bachelor/Bachelorette Contestants, but nothing happened to them.

She's very out of it, so her Husband decides to move to Stepford.

She's thrilled, as you can see.

The women there act like they still live in the 1950s (as Male TV Executives saw it, at least) and are led by Glenn Close.

It's like you always dress for the Kentucky Derby!
And yes, I can reuse that joke, since this is a Remake.

She finds TWO outsider friends in the Community this time.

Bette Midler plays the same Character from the original, while we get what I think was SUPPOSED TO BE a progressive update.

There's a Gay Couple, which is a nice update in theory, but we'll see the issue later.

One of the Wives- Faith Hill- short circuits at a big Event and is taken away.  Remember this.

A bit later, the Men's Club finally trusts Kidman's Husband- Matthew Broderick- and reveals the secret.

They do so by having Hill appear again and act as a literal ATM!

So here's where the new addition falls apart.

This is a 2000's Gay Couple, so one of them has to be campy, catty and over-the-top.
His partner- since I guess they aren't married- replaces him with a Robot too!

So yeah, he's *literally* the Woman here in this Metaphor.  Yeah....

We don't get the 'talk to a guy and disprove the Water is the Source' Scene, but do get her basically Googling the other Wives.

Naturally, they didn't cover up their digital tracks.

The last straw is when, of course, her friend is replaced and turned into a cliché Housewife.

In a Deleted Scene, we see her full, robotic form in what must have taken CG Animators months to work on.  Why was it cut then?

Naturally, it all comes back to Kidman back in Town at the Men's Club and confronted by everyone.

In what feels like (and was) a Reshoot, the man behind it all- Christopher Walken- plays a video explaining how they put 'Nano Chips' into the Women's Heads to control them via a Controller.

How did that ATM thing work again?

We get the dark Ending...for about a minute.  This included them all having their minds transplanted/downloaded into Robot Bodies.

Basically, that didn't sit well with Test Audiences, so they did lots of Reshoots to give us this new Ending where...

1) Broderick sneaks into the Lab and turns off the Chips.
2) The Women all rebel (with a Deleted Bit of Hill using her Extendo-Arm to choke her Husband).

3) Walken freaks out and is attacked by Kidman, who knocks his head off to reveal...he's a Robot?!?

4) Close- who was absent for the middle portion of the Film- is revealed to be the Woman behind it all, since her Husband left her...so she killed him and replaced him with a Robot.

Yes, SHE was behind this.

Oh and our Heroes go on Larry King, where they reveal that the bad Husbands now live as (basically) Slaves in Stepford.  The (new) End.

A Film with lots of promise, lots of money behind it and...no ability to stick the landing.  It's a shame too.  Frank Oz is a really good Director.  The Story by Ira Levin is really good.  I don't hate the idea of Remaking this Film after so long and with new Technology.

Sadly, the benefits just do show themselves too well here.  The Story updates are awkward at best (see my mini-rant on the Gay Couple) and so much of the CGI bit were cut when a Reshoot/Rewrite said that they weren't Robots anymore.

Without those bits, you just have a glossy retread of a classic Tale that is about as subtle as a giant brick to head!  The Character Arcs are also awkward, as Kidman has to apologize for working too much and tries to become a Housewife before they even try to replace her.  I get that her Arc has ups and downs- duh.  She just suffers here by having the blame placed on her...as opposed to her Husband who's 99% sure he's up for replacing her with a Fembot!

The Redone Ending is a giant, confusing mess too.  Close being behind this is a twist that doesn't really make sense and it is a bit insulting.  It's just dumb.  

On the plus side, I'm finally done with this 'Series' unless I can find a good copy of The Stepford Husbands.  Until then, I'll just look for a gift with my name on it.  Dang- not quite!

Next time, I try to actually- you know- do something for Black History Month.  How about a Film that pities no fools?  Stay tuned...

Rare Forgotten Sequels: The Stepford Children (1987)

 It brings a whole new meaning to the 'Think of the children!' line, doesn't it?  This is The Stepford Children, a 1987 TV Movie Sequel (maybe) in the Series.  TV Movies were the name of the game here as the previous one- Revenge- was made for TV and the next one- The Stepford Husbands- was as well.  If I can find a decent copy of the latter, I'll talk about it.  For now, let's focus on this Film.  The Plot involves a new family in Stepford- naturally- that sees how odd things are.  However, one of them is a life-long resident and is working against them.  What freaky goal do the Men in Town have?  They've already replaced their wives with Fembots, so what is next?  Of note, the Film proudly features Barbara Eden, which wasn't so much a big get by this point.  It also has another odd Star, but I'll cover that later.  For now, let's see what you don't remember/never saw of this mostly-forgotten 3rd entry in the Series...

A woman- Barbara Eden- is trying to be a Lawyer and also moving to Stepford with her Husband and 2 kids.  I guess she needs to set up her figurative Third Act in the Film's First Act.

Stepford- I guess we're ignoring the last Film where the men were overthrown- is up to some new shenanigans- turning their kids into robots now too!

This guy tricks his Son and terrible hair (see Stinger) out on the Lake to capture him.  I think he's trying to look conflicted here.

The Men are still in charge here and we get some curious continuity with this.  In the meantime, let's retread the original Film.

...in particular, our Wife- Eden- finds a new friend with another recent Town Member that doesn't fit in.

Guess what happens to her.

The Stepford High School is all about achieving- both your goals and conformity.

While our Leads stand out as cliche '80s kids, the rest are more like '50s kids.

On the plus side, they have Dick Butkus as their Football Coach!

As more kids start to change and our Leads question things, Eden begins to learn some secrets about her Husband.  

For instance, his last wife 'died' in 1968 (7 years before Wives), but nobody has the story straight.

The Son's girlfriend is scared of her Dad and flees with him, but nearly dies in a crash.  We jump to the original Ending early as her black-eyed Robot wakes up with him in the Room.

Nobody believes his story about her having 'wires in her,' but does believe that she miraculously was fine the next day?!? 

She's now a vacant Robot and he's really worried.

This is finally enough push for him to investigate things and Eden gets her push when her Daughter comes back as a Stepford kid after 'going shopping with Dad.'

The Film oddly excises a key scene- the son escaping from Dad- and seems to have one out of order- they mention Eden going to a Cemetery before she actually does.

Regardless, she finds out that they are all Robots, but her Daughter's wasn't done and she escapes with the Son and Mom when the Building blows up.

No, not Dick Butkus!!!   The End.

A weird, barely-creative Film.  The idea- expanding the Mythos to include them snotty Teenagers- is solid.  The problem is that so much of this is just so familiar.  We get retreads of all of the major beats.  New Family, opinionated Mom, Friend who doesn't fit in and gets converted, reveal of the Robots- all here.  They have anything new?  Well, yes.  There's a strange bit where they 'make' the Stepford Children try to dance to rock-and-roll and it causes a riot.  There's a recurring thing where they harass the Daughter to get all of the angles/info they need to copy her as a robot.  Hell, there's a brief Motorcycle Chase Scene.  The problem is that we've seen so much of the surrounding stuff that there's very little in the way of the surprises.  The building dread of knowing what is happening only accounts for so much.  Like the original, it seems to run short on time.  In that Film's case, that's just a '70s Film thing.  In this case, it was them trying to get the big pay-off solely in the last Segment- gotta milk those commercial breaks!  The Acting is alright, but so much of this is just meh.  It's a decent Sequel that could have been so much more.  The Culture Clash concept is barely-utilized here and that's a shame.  Speaking of shame, this hair cut that just reminds me of Lanny Luthor...

Next up, I cover a strange Italian oddity courtesy of Amazon Prime.  If you can rip off one Film, why not two?  Stay tuned...

'70s Class: The Stepford Wives (1975)

 It has only been 4 years since I did the first Sequel, so I might as well get to this.  This is The Stepford Wives, the 1975 Classic.  The reason for me doing this Film is a weird one.  At a Thrift Store, I found a clearly-handmade DVD.  It was in a blank, white sleeve with a Title written in red marker: The Stepfard Wives.  No, really.  It was written on the spine AND the front- just for perpetuity.  I kind of regret not buying it, though I'm 99.9% sure that it is still where I left it.  As it happens, this was in Queue on Tubi anyhow, so it was the kick I needed to finally cover it. 

 If you aren't familiar with the original, you may remember the 2004 Remake.  If you don't, well, enjoy the mystery!  The Plot involves a family moving to a new Town- Stepford- and things getting a little weird.  The Wife notices that the women all act like Donna Reid and that's just not natural.  

Will she solve the mystery?  

Will anyone that reads the Tags be slightly-SPOILed (for a Film that is 45 years old)?  

To find out the answers and more, read on...

A woman- Joanna- moves to Stepford from NYC with her Husband and two kids.

It all seems nice and perfect.  Too perfect?

Bored with the banality of the area, she finds a friend who is another recent Homeowner and the pair become kindred spirits.

They can see how weird things are...and they are only beginning.

The pair try to organize a Women's Liberation Group in the Town, but find that most of the Women aren't naturally-expressive and talk like they are in The Truman Show.

Say what you will about them, but look how organized those Towels are!!!

Trouble comes as her Husband joins the Men's Club that seems to run the Town and it's just another example of him deciding things without asking her.

On the plus side, that one member sketched a very detailed drawing of her face and eyes...

At a Party, Ms. Van Sant starts to act strange, repeating two lines to anyone she walks up to.

This comes after a light rear end accident in her car gave her 'strange headaches' and she was driven to a Hospital...in the opposite direction of the Stepford one.

After a few failed attempts to decipher what is going on, Joanna watches her friend's kids while she goes on a mini-Vacation with her Husband.

When she comes back, she is dumber, does Chores, dressed like the 1950s and has bigger breasts.  I'm sure that there's someone who sees this Film not as a Horror one and this is probably why.

She's given a chance to flee, but chooses to go back for her kids.  Bad call.

She finds out that her friend has been replaced by a Robot and flees to find her kids.

She is eventually chased to a replica of her Bedroom and confronted by her double, only with bigger breasts and eyes freakier than Meg Foster's.

In the aftermath, she is shown shopping with the other Stepford Wives, complete with dress you'd wear to the Kentucky Derby and vacant (but now matching) eyes.  The End.

A classic of the 70's for all of the right and wrong reasons.  First, all of the good stuff.  The look of the Film is great.  It was made to be 'A Thriller in broad daylight' and it definitely works as such.  You see what looks like a nice, quiet community,  but there are clearly people working behind the scenes.  The men in Town are in on a secret that you don't find out until later.  Looking at it now, the twist is pretty famous, so I can only imagine what real surprise was like for 70's Viewers.  Were you one?  Let me know.  The effects for the Robots are very subtle and, well, mostly non-existent.  There's no interesting reveal, like pulling the face-plate off in Westworld.  The most you get is a very well-hidden shot of Bobbie (sorry, Bob) being stabbed and nothing coming out.  Shouldn't there be like oil or some sort of fluid?  No?  Alright, I'm no Robot Doctor.  

To be fair, this is supposed to be a big secret, so no obvious signs of 'hey, she's a robot' should be appearing if they do a good job.  I do also like the not-at-all subtle subtext of the Robots having bigger breasts.  Is this commentary?  Nah!  The only bad stuff here really comes down to the Pacing.  It's a 70's Film- they were never in any rush.  Parts in the middle seem to drag a bit as she looks into what is happening with the women.  There's also stuff with just no follow-up, like the Hydrologist who apparently dated our Lead before she got married and had kids.  I was waiting for him to show up and maybe get killed by a Fembot (to be an Almost Hero) to save our Lead.  Nope.  

I should also mention my biggest issue with the whole concept- the kids.  The kids don't recognize that their Moms are now Robots?  One of our Leads' kids was a young Mary Stuart Masterson- no joke- so she would pick things up.  It's got to be a Plot Hole, no? 

 Regardless, the Film is a true Classic and worthy of all the praise.  I guess it is yet another Fiction vs. Fiction that I need to cover now, isn't it?

Next up, we complete the Trilogy with the final Film made...7 years after the last one.  I guess the Town wasn't going anywhere.  Stay tuned...

Rare TV Flix: The Revenge of the Stepford Wives

I only did this for the Director.  Even though I never got to meet Robert Fuest before his death in 2012, I always felt for the guy.  He made 2 of my favorite Films ever- The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Dr. Phibes Rises Again-, but then got screwed over by the Hollywood System.  One big flop- The Devil's Rain- and his Career would never recover.  That leads into today's Film- 1980's The Revenge of the Stepford Wives, a TV Sequel to the iconic Film.  If you don't remember it (or the 2004 Remake), this is the basic Plot- a small town in Connecticut has started turning their Wives into robot slaves that only want to serve them in the House.  Nice, homely stuff.  

Five years later, we get a Sequel set...10 years later (for some reason).  If you think that this time jump matters, it doesn't.  Now a Reporter comes to Town and gets stuck in the midst of the continued craziness.  As noted, the Director is Fuest and the Cast has some notable names.  Sharon Gless is the Reporter, while Don Johnson plays a Cop who gets caught up in all of this.  

This one, like all of the Sequels, fudges the details a bit.  Is it worth trying to track down (despite the lack of quality copies)?  To find out, read on...

If you're wondering about that Title, my Version apparently has the German VHS Title and burned-in...Dutch Subtitles?

Anyhow, a guy in Stepford wants out, so they let him...get driven off of a cliff and die.

A Reporter- Gless- drives into Town right after (literally driving past the Cop who caused the wreck) and wants to know about the Town, due to its 0% turnover rate for Housing and nearly 0% crime rate.

The men in Town are wary of this, of course, as they are mind-controlling their wives.  How?

With Pills, of course!

No, they're not Robots anymore.  Did the time-jump between Films make this change?

Our Heroine meets up with a potential new Wife (the future voice of Marge Simpson) and her Husband (the future voice of Lt. Falcon).

He somewhat reluctantly agrees to have his wife- who is messy and opinionated- converted in exchange for a new life in Stepford and a Job.

She is now programmed to serve and not question, as the treatment is said to suppress all instincts but to serve the man.  If the Pills are taken too often or not enough, things go wrong.

Gless tries to help her new friend, but finds out that it is easier said then done.

She finally manages, thanks to information that the head of Stepford exposited conveniently earlier.

Gless' escape attempt is initially stopped, but she ultimately does so with the Cop/Wife pair (who work things out).

As for the Wives, they get their 'revenge' when they are tricked into taking too many pills, making them go violent and kill the Leader.  The End.

Pretty good stuff, but nothing mind-blowing.  Right off the bat, you have two issues to confront: familiarity and Plot Changes.  On one hand, this one feels very familiar to its more famous predecessor.  I'm not sure how many different ways you can approach this Plot, mind you, so I'm giving it a little bit of  pass.  As for the changes, well, there are no Robots.  This allows them to give Kavner a happy end, since she wasn't killed and replaced by a Robot.  To be fair, the mind-control without full replacement thing makes it feel less like Invasion of the Body Snatchers.   What the Film does right is make the whole Setting feel unnatural and too serene.  The performances by the Wives are quite fun here, ranging from silly to a little scary.  The Film doesn't shy away from the core issue to tackle: patriarchy run amok.  Does wanting your Wife to be subservient make you a bad person?  Probably, at least if you go too far with it.  Wanting to be happy and content- logical.  Making someone abandon their whole self to make yourself happy- insane.  Could people really go this far if the technology allowed them?  Regardless of how you feel about all that, this one is actually...kind of good.  It doesn't make any big changes or do anything super-remarkable.  There are some nice touches (like Gless' arrival), good shots (Gless backing up towards a potential attacker) and it pretty much works.  It would be nice to see this on something better than a VHS Rip from overseas...although a Blu-Ray wouldn't have this little bit at the end...

Next up, I go back to some older stuff as I continue to sort through my Moviestop purchases.  Something smells fishy.  Stay tuned...