Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Rare Flix: Slumber Party Massacre 2

Who's ready to par-tay?!?  After a long delay, I finally got my hands on the Slumber Party Massacre sequels, thanks to the SHOUT Factory release.  I tried to do it right away, but the 'totally not a download site' had dead links for those films.  Were they worth the wait?  In regards to Slumber Party Massacre 2, I'd say that the answer is 'no.'  To put it simply, the film is a confusing mess that I can't quite explain.  Of course, I'm going to review it anyways, so this should be interesting.  It stars future Wings actress Crystal Bernard as one of the two surviving sisters from the original film.  She wasn't actually in that movie, but one single shot of her hiding under the bed like the actress that was is all we need.  She goes off for a weekend of fun, but confusing terror follows.  Want to know more?  You'll wish you said 'no' when this is over with, but it's too late now.  Put on your pajamas for the...
Our heroine is in an all-girl band.  She invites the local football star over to see them and he goes out for the weekend.
They go to one of the girls' house while it's empty and proceed to do what all girls apparently do- eat cookies and do synchronized dancing.  Nice of you to work that out on the way, ladies.
In more logical moments, one girl sprays the others down with champagne.  Two of the group proceed to strip down to their bras and dance.  Note that Bernard does not, being a big enough star with an agent that made sure she didn't do this.
You want the titular 'Massacre?'  Good luck waiting for that as it doesn't really happen until about fifty-minutes in.  I hope these blatant rip-off scenes of the Nightmare on Elm Street will tide you over.
Finally, the villain shows up in a confusing scene.  Why is it confusing?  Because he appears to just show up in dreams for 75% of the movie and is suddenly real, killing the boyfriend.  How?  Why?
Proving how poorly-paced this film is, the unexplained killer starts chasing the characters around for the last 20 minutes.  He also talks to the camera...for no apparent reason.
Other than his desire to sing and his love of murder, the character has no depth.  Hell, I don't know who he is or what he is supposed to be!
To really drive the point home, let me summarize the Ending for you.  The rocker kills everyone but Bernard, who lights him on fire.  She wakes up in bed with the boyfriend...but it's really the Rocker.  However...
We suddenly cut to the sister (who's in the Sanitarium due to the trauma of the last film) who wakes up from her dream.  This is confusing and it couldn't get any more...
The Rocker's drill suddenly cuts through the floor of the sister's room (which is clearly a model).  The End (for real this time)!
You make Inception seem like The Power Rangers Movie!  The plot of this movie is stupid, confusing and makes no damn sense.  Is the whole thing a dream?  Who's dream is it?  Is the sister dreaming about Bernard, her band that she never met, the guys she never saw and a Rocker she just imagined?  Is it all real?  I don't want to be confused by a movie that, quite frankly, has nothing to say.  For all the apathy I direct towards movies like Inland Empire, that film at least had a point.  What is it?  I don't know, but I'm sure that one is there.  This movie is just a pretense to show women dancing, random kills and blood.  All I can figure is that the guy playing The Rocker is the son of some Studio Head or related to Corman somehow.  Other than that, there is no real reason for this movie to exist.  It's weird, random and nonsensical.  I'll leave you with a scene totally not stolen from another '80s film...
Up next, the third and final film in the series.  Will this one be better just by virtue of not being a giant lie?  Stay tuned...

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