Holiday Death: Silent Night, Bloody Night

Andy Warhol can suck it!  The guy has been dead for about 23 years now, but I stand by my statement.  While I don't really hate 'his' horror movies per se, this film is not good.  Mind you, he didn't produce or write this film.  It is, however, full of his buddies and serves as a film that he 'endorsed.'  For all that he did in his long, impactful life, this is probably a feat that he wanted to forget.  The plot involves a woman, a mental asylum and...John Carradine.  I love you man, but you really needed to say 'no' sometimes!  I know that you did so much of that to pay for your theater troupe, but you should have just let them skip a season!  Let's get this over with.  Get out your non-talking star for my review of...

Okay, I couldn't make much sense of this movie.  Why?  For one thing, the movie relies on a lot of narration.  Now consider the fact that this movie has one of the worst VHS transfers I've ever seen.  The only one that's worse is The Dragon Lives Again.  With all that said, here's what I know (as shown in pictures)...

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A killer on the loose- okay.  John Carradine walking around and not talking.  Weird flashbacks.  There's got to be something more, right?  Anything?  How about a man on fire?  Some death.  Walking in the snow, maybe.  Okay, not so much that last part.  The End.

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This movie...sucks...sort of.  The plot is...well, I don't really know.  I honestly watched this movie from beginning to end and couldn't follow it.  It is due to a combination of overly-relying on narration (show, don't tell!) and a transfer that makes it hard to follow.  Even if you could burn in Subtitles, I don't know how much that.  By the way, Carradine's only 'dialog' is a grunt- not done by him!  I really want to see how they managed to scrounge up the exact amount of money to get him to appear, but not to talk.  What is that dollar amount exactly?  Maybe I'm too hard on this film.  Maybe I should stop being a Grinch.  Of course, I've never made a bad horror film.  Until I do, I consider myself to be free from hypocrisy.  If you want to watch a Christmas horror film, check out the more famous Silent Night movie.  This one is about as forgettable as...what was I just talking about?  Ha ha- obvious joke.

Next up, a low-budget film proves that someone other than Shymalan can make a film about scary wind.  As a bonus, this film credits an Oscar winner as it's producer...although I don't think he ever worked on it.  Stay tuned...