Monday, August 23, 2010

Living Dead and Deader: Dawn of the Living Dead

What can I say?  This movie is called Dawn of the Living Dead.  It's not related to Dawn of the Dead.  It's not related to Night of the Living Dead.  It's not related to any zombie film ever.  Some schmuck named David Heavener saw himself as the next Joe Dallesandro and made a film where's the 'big hunk of a man who sweeps the woman off of her feet.'  As such, he made himself the third lead and gave himself top-billing!  Second (and the only other one on the DVD box) billing goes to Todd Bridges, who plays a super-small role that is just embarrassing to himself, black people, the mentally-handicapped and the human race as a whole.  The film also stars some lady I don't feel like looking up (the actual lead) and Joe Estevez, the star of such films as Soultaker, (Arizona) Werewolf and Deathbed.  This is not going to be pretty, is it?  The story does involve zombies, but even that proves to be a giant disappointment as a whole.  Get out your shotgun for my painful review of...

The story involves a young woman with a past history of drug abuse moving into a house in the desert with her fiance (Estevez).  Yes, this 30-year old woman is clearly engaged to this pasty, middle-aged guy!  She begins to see visions of a family being murdered.  As a side note, I'm sure that they'd be allowed to sell this house where an entire family was killed very recently.  There's no such thing as a crime scene in this state, I guess.  Her visions appear randomly and without any clear rhyme or reason.  If you're looking for logic, look elsewhere.  Speaking of which, a glowing, purple moon appears in the sky.  Nobody ever really comments on it- it just happens.  This doesn't make the news anywhere, huh?  In fact, at one point, the woman notices it and points it out to Estevez, who looks at it and says nothing.  Really?

In a sub-plot that serves no purpose, a biker-looking guy, his lady and some illegal immigrants wander through the field.  What's the point?  To have the woman tease some nudity and for some zombies to appear and kill everyone.  Thanks for that movie- it explains a lot.  Our heroine goes wandering off into the fields and meets a pair of workers.  One of them is Heavener and the other is *sigh* Todd Bridges playing a mentally-handicapped man that makes Simple Jack look like Forrest Gump!  It's horrible, offensive and completely-pointless.  After this meeting, the couple has Heavener over for dinner and, after a fight with her fiance, our heroine engages in a heavily-edited sex scene with the man.  Gee, who wrote and directed this movie again?!?  Meanwhile, our heroine continues to met with bizarre visions of the family's death, the multiple moons (they end up with 3 or 4 by the end) and a cornfield appearing in the desert.  When she goes to show Estevez, nothing is there.  He goes off later that day in the mid-afternoon, only to be killed by a group of zombies that appear at dusk!  Man, that's a long walk to his car!

The final act of the movie makes even less sense than everything that led up to it!  The zombies show up and finally try to attack our heroine.  Thankfully, Heavener shows up with a shotgun to save the day.  Gee, his wielding of that weapon looks just like the way it was used when that family was killed.  Given that the cast consists of about seven people, he's obviously the guilty party- no matter how little it makes sense!  He aids our heroine in putting the bodies to rest, thus ending their cycle of rebirth, murder and death.  Afterward, he threatens to kill our heroine for no clear reason.  Unfortunately for him, the pregnant zombie mother gave birth *sort of* to her zombie baby, which he holds in front of his face for no good reason.  It turns him, causing another threat after everything seems safe.  Thankfully, Todd 'Stop Mentioning That I'm In This Movie' Bridges saves the day with, what else, a shotgun.  In the aftermath, the zombie baby is a zombie kid and kills off an adoption counselor that comes by.  The freaking End.

This movie sucks in all meanings of the word!  The writing sucks, the acting sucks and the production values suck.  There's almost no redeeming value here.  There are zombies, but they are utterly generic.  There are crazy effects, but they serve no purpose.  The whole thing is just weird and painful.  In fact, I'm done talking about this movie myself.  In lieu of anything else, I'll direct you to this video review of the film: 

Up next, Forgotten Sequels brings us the final tale of a killer doll.  Well, it's the final tale before everything got, well, weird.  Stay tuned...

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