The film begins with a man (Postal's Zack Ward) doing drugs in the Central Park bathroom, only to get interrupted by a bunch of armed people in coats. Man, who hasn't been there?!? These folks, it seems, are being chased by the 'Evil Dead' cam. Man, people love to rip that off, don't they? They know it's just a man holding a camera mounted to a board, right? This monster comes in the form of a bunch of CG wisps of smoke- apparently it's the love-child of Lost's Smog Monster. To combat this monster, our heroes are equipped with...automatic weapons. Is there a logic to this or did Uwe just say 'more guns! more guns!' They all get killed as the title card appears in it barely-visible form. A bit later, we see the lone survivor was the man in the bathroom stall and he is looking for some help. Dressed up in his best inFamous cos-play outfit, he hires a paranormal investigator (The Fifth Commandment's Rick Yune) to help him out. They return to the scene of the crime (good re-use of the set, Uwe) and retrieve a mysterious knife that is apparently the key to everything. Before much explanation is given, we see that the drug-user was infected with the black ooze from The X-Files and stabs our new hero with the knife. Another group of people show up and finish off the dying Ward, while deciding to take Yune with them. More heroes? Really?
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Blockbuster Trash: Alone in the Dark II
Indulge me for a moment as I state the obvious: Uwe Boll is a terrible director. His body of work speaks for itself, really. When one of your films can be summed up by an internet reviewer in these four words- Dave Foley- full frontal- you are not someone to be admired. Hell, I've sat through In the Name of the King- "Nearly three hours- really?!?"- and House of the Dead- "Clint Howard = best actor"- for this site. I mention all this to set-up the fact that Mr. Boll did not direct this movie. When even Uwe refuses to dignify this movie with his 'talent,' what does that say? Mind you, he is still the producer, although that could just stand for 'the guy who paid $50 for this license six years ago' for all I know. You want more proof that you should not expect much? How about the fact that this film was made in 2008 and only came out this year? Yeah, that should do it. This is...