Moon Over Miami: Skull Heads

The folks over at Full Moon Entertainment refuse to give up on the idea of hitting it big with another killer doll franchise.  So the Blood Dolls thing did not pan out, but they could keep trying, right?  Today's review is actually one of the more recent films put out by the company, showing just how long this desperate game has been going on.  Seriously, guys- think of something new.  This film is a bit odd as it appears to be a mix of Castle Freak and Puppet Master, although it does not mesh as interestingly as you might think.  It involves a recluse family whose offspring yearns for the outside world.  Of course, when it finally arrives, she learns to regret her decision pretty damn fast!  Get out your marionettes for my review of...

The film begins with a young woman put on the rack by a creepy, old man that looks like Dario Argento.  By the way, that's not a compliment.  We learn that the man is actually her father!  To make matters worse, this is apparently a common occurrence.  I can't complain about my parents making me eat vegetables as a kid!  The family lives in a big castle (see Freak), shuns the outside world and hates technology (The Village).  However, the girl is rebelling against the family's ideals by *gasp* having an iPod.  You bitch!  I'm sorry- I'm half Mennonite.  Seriously though, there are some issues bubbling under the surface as the girl hates being 'locked up' and wants to be with some boy that lives in the nearby village.  Thanks for making nuanced characters, Mr. Band.  A girl wants to throw away everything that she was raised on because a boy batted his eyes at her.  The dad gets more and more upset and just generally acts like a dick.  Get used to this- it's pretty much his only character trait.

Finally, something interesting happens as a group of strangers shows up at the door.  They are turned away twice by the maid before the daughter lets them in.  They say that they are a group of filmmakers producing a movie in the nearby area and want to use their castle as a location.  Of course, the girl is obsessed with one thing: the cute guy.  The dad proves to be a buzz-kill and pushes aside any chance of them going into his house.  The woman appeals to him and offers to leave her card with him...which he promptly tears up in front of her.  So is that a 'no?'  This drives the girl upset and she petitions the mother for help.  She also talks to her unseen grandfather behind a curtain, although he is apparently part-doll.  A creature effects shot forty minutes into the film- why the rush?!?  We are also given a really odd scene in which the daughter flashes her breasts in front of a mirror to practice, um, seducing the guy, I guess.  Pointless T&A shot- more interesting than anything so far.  The dad throws a fit when the people are invited over for dinner and it's, let's just put it lightly, awkward.  They leave and reveal themselves to be...art thieves.  Dun dun...obvious.

 

The movie finally gets interesting at this point, so I hope you're still awake.  Incidentally, this film only came out last year, so feel free to skip this paragraph if you want to avoid SPOILERS.  The bad guys break in, only to find the girl placed back on the rack by her dad.  The cute guy has turned nice and sweet for her, which makes things awkward.  The parents interrupt their awkward sex scene (thank God!) and confront the two of them.  When asked about how weird they are, the man jokes and reveals that they are actually brother and sister!  This freaky reveal is broken up by both of them being shot by other robbers.  The pair of them force the goody two shoes and the girl to lock themselves up in the Dungeon.  Out in the estate, the titular dolls come out (via silhouettes) and wreak havoc.  They shoot two weird-looking, purple beams out at the corpses of the siblings, which causes them to come back as zombies.  One of them shoots a weird gas at another robber, which allows them to be killed by the zombie incestuous siblings.  The good pair escape and see the grandpa...which is not exactly a big reveal.  The man flees when he realizes that the girl won't leave and makes it out...only to be pulled back in by the girl.

I won't lie- this movie is pretty bad.  It's not the worst idea for a movie- by any means- but it is a very bad execution.  Do we need nearly half of the movie to set-up that these people are weird?  News flash: they live in a castle and have a dungeon!  The pacing is just all wrong here, but it is in a different way than with Blood Dolls.  I wish this movie had been obsessed with some quirky ideas.  Hell, I would have taken more nudity in the film, which is something that I usually don't request (out loud).  I get the idea: freaky family lives in a castle and shit goes down.  This is not a hard story to do, so why do you do it as badly as an '80s horror film?  This film was made in 2009- you have Editors!  This does not exactly raise my hopes for The Killer Eye now.

Next up, a dubiously-Full Moon film about tentacles, an invader from the 8th Dimension and lots of nudity.  Sound like Full Moon to me!  Stay tuned...