The film starts with a two minute long scene of a woman being tied to a bed and choked to death. We get it from about 400 different camera angles, proving that their Editor has a case of ADD! 'I'm tired of this angle- try a new one.' Incidentally, the whole thing is in black and white, meaning that they either want it to look old or be a promo for the NWO. Since this is a murder from the early 20th Century, I guess it's the former and not the latter- sadly. We cut to the present day and...the face of Joe Estevez. Abandon hope, all ye that enter here- this is a Joe Estevez film! The plot is pretty simple: a young couple is moving into a re-fitted factory room-turned-apartment. One of the movers is also the film's Assistant Director, by the way. The couple is a bit curious, as the man is a photographer (who occasionally does the 'nudie stuff') and the woman is an artist...with no actual contract. How can you guys afford anything on your low, intermittent salary? Without any segue, we go from Estevez talking to them to the couple having sex. Um, okay.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Moon Over Miami: Deathbed
Anyone familiar with the site knows that I have an interesting relationship with Full Moon. With their massive film library, it has been hard to avoid them. Of course, when they make Dr. Strange rip-offs (Doctor Mordrid), weird sci-fi series' (Trancers 1-5) and movies with a midget Dracula (The Creeps), it is even harder! In fact, they make so much weird shit that they deserve a whole week of reviews. To start it off right, we have this film from 2002 that shares nearly the same name as Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. I actually saw this a long time ago at a Blockbuster and wondered why this 1970s film was on a double-bill with Castle Freak. Now, it makes sense, huh? The biggest selling point of the film is Stuart Gordon's role as Executive Producer. That's pretty much it, so let's jump right into the review of...