Thursday, March 19, 2015

Project Terrible: Dating A Zombie

At last, Maynard's official pick for me.  Will he manage to succeed this time?
Alright, this is alot closer to being Terrible.  Today's film is Dating A Zombie, a 2012 Horror-Comedy from...some guy I've never heard of.  All things considered, consider yourself lucky.  The Film is about a place called Zombie Town, which is apparently the Epicenter of the Zombie Apocalypse.  It apparently wasn't that serious, since nobody in Town seems all that threatened by it.  That's funny...apparently.  If you want more Plot than this...there really isn't one.  They try to act like there is for a minute...but no, there's not.  This one...this one is just bad.  There's no sugar-coating this one.  Sugar-coated shit is still shit, even if it may smell slightly-less, well, shitty.  This isn't good.  This isn't just bad.  Is it Terrible though?  To find out, read on...
The Film's Opening Credits run over some very terrible, not interesting Animation.  I guess it supposed to be quirky...but it just sucks.
This is our Hero.  He works as a Zombie Disposal Expert (a Trash Collector for Zombies).  He works with a lady named Doofus.

Laughing yet?
What little they act like is a Plot- really just a series of Moments- is intercut with lots of random, low-budget Zombie kills.  This Picture was not doctored at all.
Our 'hero' continues to act like an asshole and a pervert, but is shocked that he's alone.  Shocking!
He keeps dating Zombies (hence the title), but can't find happiness.  I'm...sad?  No, I'm not.
The high and low points are the Film's random Zombie kill Scenes.  If you like cheap make-up, bad CG blood and tedium, they are great!

As a bonus, we get offensive stereotyping.  So yeah...I'm done.  The End.
This sucks.  This really sucks.  This really, really sucks.  It isn't funny.  It isn't scary (although it barely tries to be).  It isn't exciting.  it isn't well-written.  It isn't fulfilling.  I didn't care about the Characters.  I didn't like the Zombie Make-up (save for maybe once).  I didn't like the awful use of CG blood.  I didn't want these people to succeed.  I didn't feel for these people one bit.  I didn't even want the Zombies to win either, since they had no character.  I didn't know or care what an Alpha Zombie was.  I didn't want to keep watching.  Finally, the Film ended and I was happy.  Is this Terrible?  Possibly.  I'm more used to this kind of crap, so I could stomach it.  If you are less used to shitty Films, it will probably be Terrible to you.  Even when you consider that this Film was made for less than 6 figures ($85,000 according to IMDB), this kind of shit is still bad.  Happy, Maynard?
Next up, I actually got some new Stuff to cover via solicitation.  When in doubt, add Trejo.  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. Yes, very happy! :-D Even though you're used to this kind of crap, I knew you would hate it too.