DTV Sequels: Wrong Turn 2

What can you say about the film other than this- Eliza Dushku said 'No.'  The former star of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dollhouse said 'No.'  Despite being in the original film, she said 'No.'  Who did says 'Yes' to this film though?  Henry Rollins.  Okay, so maybe the film could be decent.  The film is about a group of people who go out to the woods to film a reality show.  It's going to be fun looking at these films in about twenty years, huh?  All of those crazy cannibals you loved from the first film...are not really here per se.  There are a bunch of freaky guys with bows and knives though.  The movie also makes sure to indulge in a little stunt-casting to sweeten the pot for us.  Ultimately though, the film has to be judged on its own merits.  Let's do that, shall we?  Let's all yell at the GPS for taking us on a...

The movie begins with former American Idol cast member Kimberly Caldwell driving around in her expensive car en route to the show.  She stops when she hits a person, only to be attacked by a hillbilly cannibal.  The guy she hit is alright-how?- and the pair cut her in half.  Yes, her film debut is about six minutes of her bitching on the phone and dying.  By the way, this is the part that they apparently offered Dushku.  I can't imagine why she said 'No' to you guys!  After this, we meet the rest of the group.  The cast members include a skater dork, a black guy, a slutty girl, a Marine woman and a generic girl.  The guy behind the project brings some credibility by virtue of wearing a Battle Royale t-shirt.  Don't worry- he loses it later.  With Caldwell's absence, the guy coerces his girlfriend to take part in the show, since she was their back-up.  In a movie that's barely started, we already get one major plot-hole.  The killers are out in the woods and ready to eat, but two fat guys wandered around setting up all the cameras for the show.  Nice continuity.  The real person to pay attention to is Henry Rollins as the Drill Instructor/Host of the show.  By the way, the premise of the show is that these people are the last survivors of a nuclear war.  Break out the Interceptors!

So the killers and crew are all out in the woods now, so the fun can begin.  We get a lot of forced characterization in first though, since the movie wants you to wait for your kills.  We are treated to a brief scene of Rollins being attacked by the cannibals, but not killed.  The non-important black guy is killed though, so I guess they were just too tired to kill Rollins at the moment.  What actual character traits do we need to know and/or remember.  The Marine lady is a lesbian and very strict.  The fill-in girl is engaged to the Producer and the black guy is very conservative.  The Producer and the slutty girl try to get him to do something salacious, but he says 'No' and leaves.  Once he's gone, the girl proceeds to give the Producer the old 'mouth hello' to his junk.  Guess who wanders by just in time to see this?  She tries to get past this as her and generic girl find the cabin occupied by the cannibals.  They rush away, but fill-in girl gets killed.  So much for her plot-line, huh?  Who needs resolution anyhow?!?  Speaking of which, the slutty girl is attacked by a pair of cannibals- a couple- but only after the guy manipulates himself to her image.  The rest of the group is safe from the killings for now and comes across a lunch.  I hope you like American Idol contestants!

The group finally figure out how bad things are and try to get away.  It goes about as well as you might think.  They run across a woman being attacked by a cannibal, only to find out that it's a horny pair of cannibal teens screwing- eww.  Marine girl and skater guy end up being caught in one of those cliched 'ropes in a tree' traps.  They act optimistic, but get shot through the eyes by an arrow coming from an impossible angle.  On the plus side, the kid cannibal and the adult one bonded there.  Eventually, the black guy and generic girl get lured into a trap via a video of the Producer being killed.  Yes, those cannibals set up a trap with a video feed- sure.  Thankfully, Rollins has escaped his 'lunch invitation' and took out the cannibal.  He meets up with an old man who's totally not part of the clan and they talk before...Rollins kills him with an arrow that has dynamite strapped to it.  Bonus points: the old man talks to him while he puts the dynamite arrows together!  Rollins goes in Commando-style and takes out the horny cannibal couple via another dynamite arrow.  When in doubt, use your one good idea twice!  He frees the pair, but gets killed.  The pair manage to take out the adults by knocking them into a giant meat grinder that they have.  Well, that's your fault for mounting that on your wall.  In the Epilogue, we find the two fat guys from earlier were killed by another cannibal.  Sequel-time!

You're in the jungle, baby.  You're going to be...disappointed.  The plot of this movie is as basic as can be.  People are in the woods and a killer goes after them.  They fill the movie with a ton of cliched characters and badly-written dialog to boot!  More importantly, they fail to follow the most simple rules of Screenwriting.  If you set up a plot, follow through with it.  Instead, stuff like the girl finding out about her boyfriend cheating on her is simply abandoned in favor of having her killed.  Why?  What's the point of that plot if you do nothing with it?  If you're not going to care about your own plot points, why should I?  In addition to that, the acting is just not that good.  Mind you, I pretty much expected that, so there are no big surprises here.  The bottom line is this: the movie just feels cheap.  I mean, it is, but it shouldn't feel like it.  Even 'okay' films like The Marine appear to be bigger-budget productions than they actually are.  You guys should look into that.  Of course, you already made this into a trilogy, so it's too late for that.  Oops.  On the plus side, boobs.

Next up, the other sequel that went Direct-to-DVD.  This one involves prisoners, cannibals and a Valve game title rip-off.  Stay tuned...