Monday, November 30, 2009

Eddy Woody: Jail Bait (1954)

Right off the bat, let me make one thing clear: this film is not about hot, under-age girls. If it were, I would have reviewed it a long time ago. Ba dum bum ching! But seriously, there is a film about that: Lolita. Mind you, there is also Child Bride, but that is a film for another day. Today's film is, of course, by Ed Wood. It is a fairly-forgotten movie of his, mostly due to the ironic notoriety given to Plan 9 From Outer Space and its ilk. Is it a good movie then? Well, it's a crime thriller made by Ed Wood, so, no. It is an interesting one, if for no other reason than to see Wood do a film that has no sci-fi or horror elements to it. Besides, The Sinister Urge is terrible and it was either that film or this one. Did I make the right choice? Find out in my review of...
The film begins with a woman (Dolores Fuller) showing up a police station to bail her brother out of lock-up. The guy is not exactly repentant and has a bit of an attitude. He was arrested for carrying a gun without a license (ah, the 1950s). In the movie's funniest part, he actually demands to be given his gun back! Naturally, the police say 'no.' Back at home, the sister tells him to stop with his criminal ways, but he will have none of it. It is at this point that she utters the film's title line in exclaiming that carrying a gun is 'jail bait.' Yeah, that's a real stretch, Ed! We learn that the duo are the children of Doctor Gregor (he is not given a first name), who is a world famous plastic surgeon. I don't know how you get 'world famous' as a surgeon, but whatever. A bit later, the young man meets up with his partner in crime, an older man who is pulling the strings. Fun fact: the actor that played the villain later went on to be a cop in real life- no lie! Meanwhile, the cops hang out and talk about the kid is going down the wrong path. Is there crime to be solved guys? Another fun fact: the young cop is Steve "Hercules" Reeves in his very first role. Mind you, it is hard to tell since he is not all that buff or has a beard.
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Later that night, the two men hang out at a bar when the cops show up. They act threatening, but do nothing. That was quite pointless, thank you. Later that night, the sister meets up with the father. Final Fun Fact: Herbert Rawlinson, who played the father, died the night after shooting wrapped. The role was meant for Bela Lugosi, who would end up dying before shooting started on Plan 9 from Outer Space. The next night, the pair of criminals decide to pull of a theater heist. But, before that, the movie gives us a five minute comedy routine with a man in black face! I appreciate you guys preserving the film in it is original form, but I could have done without this, DVD producers. After that randomness, they break in, shoot the guard and a secretary, although the latter survives. The event makes the papers and it becomes clear that the son is the one that committed a murder. He freaks out over this and talks about turning him in. This spurs the career criminal to kill him in order to cover his own ass, an act that his girlfriend has no problem with. This is going to get complicated soon, isn't it?
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When the heat does not die down, the criminal decides that he has one option: change his appearance. I wonder who has the skills to perform such an operation? If only there was a world famous surgeon in town...hey, wait a minute! Under threat of death and the 'reveal' of his son, the surgeon does the operation for the man. There is your usual stalling and bravado beforehand, of course. All the while, the police do...well, nothing. Thanks for being part of the plot, guys. Finally, they show up just in time for the big reveal. The bandage-wrapped criminal talks about how he is not who they think he is, which comes off a bit, um, odd. They pull off the bandages to reveal his face to be...that of the doctor's son. Faster than you can say 'oh crap, you had better run,' the man makes a break for it, but gets shot to death. The doctor explains that he never trusted the criminal and is pleased that he got his just deserts. The End.
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While it's not terrible, this film is very dry. You go into an Ed Wood film and expect certain things. You expect funny dialogue, silly special effects and some hilarious acting. What you get here, however, is not quite that. The dialogue has some moments, but it's not that funnier than your atypical 1950s crime film. There are no special effects, save for the scar make-up at the end. I could count that minstrel show make-up, but I'm 99% sure that Wood did not film it. Can you say 'studio filler,' boys and girls? The acting is...pretty bad across the board. Rawlinson is not terrible, but Fuller and the rest underwhelm, to say the least. Reeves appears to be barely-alive in his role. Give the man some Red Bull, guys! This is an interesting film to watch as part of history, but comes off as an easily-forgotten part of Wood's filmography. When you see the final two parts of my Ed Wood Quintology, that will not be the case.
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Up next, an 80s horror film returns to DVD print in time for my review. I hope you like claymation demons! Stay tuned...

4 comments:

  1. Ah, nothing like a classic Ed Wood picture. I seriously think Glen or Glenda is the worst movie I have ever seen.

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  2. If that is the worst movie that you have ever seen, then you have not watched nearly as much crap as I have. I've seen Greek zombies- 'nuff said!

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  3. So have I....
    You want hell? See an Ulli Lommel movie.

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  4. Been there, done that. Mind you, it was 'The Boogeyman.' I have made it a point to avoid his rash of serial killer films from the last 25 years. Don't expect that to change.

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