Castle Crasher: Mr. Sardonicus

You should all know this name: William Castle. Even if you have not seen any of his films, you should at least know the name. The man got famous for his film gimmicks, even if his films are not as memorable. Another strange honor given to Mr. Castle is that he is a very popular subject of movie remakes. Of his works, there have been remakes of The House on Haunted Hill (plus a sequel to that) and 13 Ghosts. The only person who seems to be more popular in this department is Vincent Price (House of Wax, House on Haunted Hill, etc). I'm not here to talk about those films today though. I am here to talk about a Castle original. Of course, by a 'Castle original,' I mean that it is based on a book (i.e. 1975's Bug). It is an odd little film with an odd little gimmick. I will get into that part later. Let's begin...

Mr. Sardonicus

Our film begins in London- only in some exterior stock footage- at a hospital. A brave, smart and super unrealistic doctor is helping a young girl who can't feel her legs. In true General Hospital fashion, he manages to do it, all the while being the most gallant man ever created in the history of mankind. He gets a mysterious letter and tells his assistant that he has to go. One travel montage later and he is in a vague, made-up country in Europe. By the way, since this movie is set during the late 19th Century, the trip takes months. He runs into the ticket taker as he leaves who proceeds to give him the old 'don't go to that house' routine. Interesting idea in 1931's Dracula, but this film was made in 1961! He shows up and meets his old girlfriend from years past. She acts very strange about the whole situation and does the 'saying something without saying something' bit. If you want to avoid genre cliches, look elsewhere, is the gist of it. He runs into a maid who is being 'treated' with leeches & puts a stop to it. He also runs into Krull, the weird assistant to the titular house-owner. Something is weird is going on in this house and only one man can explain it: Mr. Sardonicus.

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The man finally makes his entrance and...wow, is he strange! He is wearing a plastic mask that covers his face. A pre-cursor to Jigsaw or just a crazy man- you decide! He does not eat around the others and just generally acts odd. He goes to his basement and meets up with a bunch of random women from town. What do he and Krull have in mind? The movie is sort of vague about the whole thing, but, whatever it is, it ends when the girl pulls off his mask (off-camera). She screams and it all goes to hell. More vagueness until our villain decides to explain the situation. It goes back to several years ago when he was once happy with his wife and father. His father bought a lottery ticket and left it in his coat. When he died that night, he was buried in it. Lo and behold, the ticket is a winner and our man begrudgingly decides to dig him up. When he opens the coffin, he is scared dramatically and runs away. When he gets home, his wife sees his face and screams. Why? This is why. Back in the present, he explains how he got rich, bought the title of Baron and how he wants his face to be fixed. Is there a doctor in the house? Oh right, there is!

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You ever wonder how a movie continues for another forty minutes after the big reveal? Find out here, of course. Our hero initially refuses to do anything for Mr. Sardonicus, but relents when his choice is either do it or watch the woman be tortured. We get a long series of scenes of him testing his formulas on animals, which proves to be tormenting to his potential patient. He pressures the doctor to finally test on him, which he does. Before this, however, we get a scene where he explains what a syringe is. The whole 'old-timey setting' thing was fine in The Abominable Dr. Phibes, but really arbitrary here. You don't have to stick to the story this tightly, Castle. His curing method proves to be odd. Basically, he injects Sardonicus with some fluid and locks him in a room that contains his father's dead body. Yeah, he kept it, by the way. After a bit of theatrics, the man comes out and is cured. He agrees to let the doctor leave with the woman (his wife, by the way) and stays behind to let the treatment stick. At the train station (way to re-use sets, William) they get stopped by Krull. He explains that the master cannot open his mouth. The doctor explains that he gave Sardonicus a placebo.

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This is where the ending gimmick comes in. Castle re-appears and explains that we, the viewer, get to vote on whether or not we Sardonicus gets the good ending or the bad ending. We 'vote' via cards given out at the theater. Since I only rented the movie, I didn't get one. The bad ending involves Krull coming back and lying about catching up to the doctor. He proceeds to eat all the food as Sardonicus suffers. The End.

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This movie is actually good, but definitely has some faults. To begin with, the stagy is a bit dated and does not hold up too well. Secondly, the whole 'voting' angle is a lie, as only one ending was ever shot. The confusion about this came when a second ending was 'discovered.' This was actually an alternate version made for drive-ins in which Castle told viewers to flash their lights to vote, as opposed to the cards. The acting is pretty understated, although the man playing Krull is quite good. Our hero is just so bland and only really shows any spine in the last twenty minutes. As the villain, Sardonicus does a good job, but does not stand out in comparison to Castle's most famous villain actor: Vincent Price. Mind you, that is a big performer to live up to! All that said, the movie was enjoyable and did get the desired effect. I can't ask for much more from a William Castle film. Even Price himself admitted in 1989 that Castle was much more flash than substance, albeit in a loving way.

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Next up, an early Ed Wood film. This one involves crime, police and surgery. Stay tuned...