Blockbuster Trash: Recon 2020

Bad sci-fi movies are a dime a dozen these days in video stores. Ironically enough, that appears to be what the budget for most of them is as well. No, no, I kid...because I hate. If you recall my review of The Planet, I talked about how these films- especially that one- appear to be commercial for technical schools, as opposed to films. That holds true today, kiddo! This film has an extra quality to it though. It appears to be a mix of a technical school ad & someone's paint-balling video. What a combination, huh? Well, before I get too deep in the muck, let's just jump right into the world of...

Recon 2020: The Caprini Massacre

The movie starts out alright, with some space battling and pretty good green screen work. As to what the hell is happening, who is to say? The camera work is spastically-done to create a mood of chaos- I think- but just makes it hard to follow. All I can tell you is that some explosions are going off, people are shouting and some mildly-good CG ships are flying around. We get introduced to a ton of characters, most of whom are blown up shortly thereafter. Our heroes are the ones in the silly space armor who land their ship on a small planet in the Ma'hars system. By the way, Ma'hars- ha ha, so clever. Anyhow, they arrive on the place and it appears to be a big pile of rocks. Gee, that was worth the trip, huh? Oh, I was wrong- it's actually a big pile of rocks with burned out buildings all over it. So, you're in one of the Dakotas? To put it simply, they wander around, talk in macho slang and point their guns around. What kind of threat do they run into?

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+Zombies...for no real reason.
+Werewolves...also for no real reason.
+Zombies...that they just call 'vampires'
+Other evil soldiers.
+The prototype robot from Robocop.

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Yeah, that's pretty much the movie in a nutshell. Running, shooting and yelling. You won't miss much with me skipping so much plot. Let's be honest: there's not much of a plot. People show up, shoot people and leave. It is not the worst movie that I have ever seen, but it is so utterly forgettable. So much of it is just guys running around with very little direction. I would say that I could make a better movie, but I could not say that in all good conscience. Oh right...'I could make a better movie.' Just stick to any other thing but this movie and you will at least be left with a memory of something.

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Up next, a film by the makers of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Given that I'm pretty apathetic to that film, can you see how excited I will be about this one? Stay tuned...