So yeah, the middle part of this movie is all about these terrible characters interacting. My soul hurts, which may or may not be related. Stoner guy hits on the porn star girl, which goes nowhere. The two lesbians hit on each other, but don't really do anything. In fact, with this cast, you would expect copious nudity. You would be wrong, which makes the experience all the more painful. At least if there are boobs on screen, I can tune out the dialogue, but, no, I had to listen to every painful word! After a long period of nothing but awful writing, we get to see our villain: Pocahauntus. She is the spirit of the Indian girl who cannot rest since the slaughter of her people lingers over her. This synopsis is something that the movie takes over thirty minutes to actually get around to explaining. What could possibly be more important than actual character back-story? How about the lesbians making seven or eight jokes about 'eating out' in roughly two minutes? How about one of the male leads flashing his shiny, sparkle-covered speedo. Priceless...I mean, worthless. Tomato, tomato.
For the love of God, would someone get killed please! Either its me or you people! The movie is sort of vague about its kill scenes, which is never a good thing. One fat man is shown being stabbed, but shows up in the next scene. Huh? About three scenes later, he is stabbed in the stomach again and actually dies. Thank God, we did not go for a hat-trick! The 'socialite' is stabbed and left stuck to a tree. One of the men- who looks/dresses oddly like Bruce Campbell on Burn Notice is sort of ho-hum about the discovery. Another pair are killed in a car via some weird bit of Indian magic. I would explain it, but they don't, so screw it! Pocahauntus appears in front of another pair of people and sends a weird, magic symbol at them. What it does is anyone's guess. After over an hour of this crap, my brain has given up. It all ends with one woman being left alive and apparently framed for the killings. The real guilty party is the people on the other side of the cameras. The End.
Oh dear God, was this terrible. It was a bad comedy, a boring film and a non-gory horror film. We get one shot of gore, mind you, but I've seen worse things on CSI: Miami! The advantage of doing Independent Horror is that you don't have to play by the rules, but they don't even bother. The film wants you to laugh at annoying and ugly people. Maybe the idea is that we want them to die. In that regard, the movie is a major success! The premise could have worked with any one of the following things: real actors, an actual screenwriter and any direction. As someone who has tried and failed to make a movie, I know it is not an easy process. That said, I would rather be a failed director than the director of Pocahauntus!
Next up, a film that my friends are *adamant* about me doing. This live-action adaptation of an anime can't be as bad as everyone thinks, can it? Stay tuned...